For the culturally insensitive South Africans on KB

[Sniper]

For those whose Kids will be attending school soon

The Department of Education has decided to make a few changes to the
Primary School curriculum in the interests of being politically
correct.
From 18 January 2006, the following changes will be put into place:

1. SNOW WHITE changes to COAL BLACK

2. GOLDIELOCKS changes to DREADLOCKS

3. HANSEL & GRETEL changes to SIPHO & THANDI

4. JACK & THE BEANSTALK changes to ZUMA & THE DAGGA PLANT

5. LIEWE HEKSIE changes to LOVELY FELICITY

6. RED RIDING HOOD changes to BLACK RIDING HOOD

7. THE WOLF changes to THOKELOSHI

8. THE THREE LITTLE PIGS changes to GOODNESS, GIFT & PRECIOUS

9. BARBIE changes to MODJADJI

10. LITTLE MERMAID changes to LITTLE MAID

11. THE SMURFS changes to THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS

12. ALICE IN WONDERLAND changes to BUSI IN LITTLE SOWETO

13. CINDERELLA changes to CINDERFIKILE

[ZeroIndex]

oh damn... that is good... hooray for south african humor... screw Political Correctness, this is damn good :)

[Big Chim]

Hahahaha South African humour, Calling a spade a spade

[StoneChucker]

Keep your eyes peeled, I will be posting an excellently written story/joke by a S.A. driver dealing with "those" taxis... Just need dad to mail it to me.
Totsiens

[ZeroIndex]

Keep your eyes peeled, I will be posting an excellently written story/joke by a S.A. driver dealing with "those" taxis... Just need dad to mail it to me.
Totsiens

Please post that on this Thread, as I won't have to go searching for it :)
Thanks

[Al]

LOVE POEM - KAAPSE STYLE !!!

Valentine, oh Valentine,
I smaak you stukkend, say you'll be mine.
You're my morning, my sunshine, my moon and my stars,
You're my airfreshener from O.K. Bazaars;
You're my beaded love-letter, my breeze in the night,
You're my coffee, my Cremora, my Blitz firelight.
You're my Crime-Stop, my Tracker, you're my AZT,
My pap, Mrs Ball's chutney, my Nando's for free;
You're my lambchop, my dewdrop, my partner in crime,
My chillie, my pepper, my vetkoek sublime.

The list is endless and this isn't all,
You're my Lotto jackpot, my dop and my zol.
You're my 4X4 when the road is so hilly,
You're my Floro margarine that butters my mielie.
I smaak you, my poppie, so please be my life, '
cause, Baby, you're the Tomato Sauce on the slap chips of life

[Al]

A taxi driver runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop.. He thinks he's smarter than the cop, and (knowing there's a non-existent conviction rate for taxi drivers), decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the same time.

Cop: "License please!"

Taxi driver: "WHAT for!?"

Cop: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign!"

Taxi driver: "Heish! I slowed down, and nobody was coming!"

Cop: "You still didn't come to a complete stop! License please!"

Taxi driver: "What's the DIFFERENCE!?"

Cop: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop! That's the LAW! License please!"

Taxi driver: "Heish! If you can show me the DIFFERENCE between SLOW DOWN and STOP, me I can give you my license, and you give me the ticket! If not, you let me go and NO ticket!"

Cop: "Exit your vehicle, Boetie.."

The taxi driver gets out of his taxi and, at this point, the cop takes out his truncheon and starts beating the ever-loving CRAP out of the taxi driver, and says: "Do you want me to STOP or just SLOW DOWN, Boet?"

[Al]

What do you call:

1. A doctor that does circumcisions............Dr P.P. Snyman

2. An Afrikaner Gynaecologist...............Dr Koekemoer

3. An Afrikaner who doesn't go to church............Van NieKerk

4. An Afrikaner who failed June exams..............Viljoen

5. An Afrikaner that trips and falls in the mountains.............Van der Berg

6. The Afrikaner that votes in EVERY election ..............WOUTER

7. The Afrikaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza.............BASSon

8. The Afrikaner that is very well endowed ..............De LANGE

9. A Male Afrikaner that prefers other male species..................De KOCK
.
10. The Afrikaner thats always high..............POTgieter

11. An Afrikaner moffie..........Sakkie De Kock

[Darkman]

Dumela Ntate

check this one out...hot water..Sowetan style..ha ha


Sala Kahle

[Sniper]

Hahaha, who knew this thread could bring out such gems. :laugh:

[Wolf]

Dumela Ntate

check this one out...hot water..Sowetan style..ha ha


Sala Kahle
They have electricity in Soweto these days? :eek5:

[Darkman]

They have electricity in Soweto these days? :eek5:

yeah man..got there own power plant...some dodgy wiring around there though!!

[Darkman]

Don't you just miss the sight of these........NOT!!!!!!!

[Sniper]

Ahh, good old locations.

[outlawtorn]

for some bizarre fucking reason I'm thinking about going back there in Oct to visit some friends and family..........:wacko:

[ZeroIndex]

Nothing beats this for squatter ingenuity:

[Darkman]

Some more good old Saffer pics!

[Darkman]

and some more...home sweet home!

[placidfemme]

lmao!!! very very good

[Al]

here are a few more:yeah:

Al

[Darkman]

here are a few more:yeah:

Al

bwawawahaha..ek like die een van die "draad"...kwaai bliksimse boer daai..ek tjune jou brew!!

[Darkman]

Our lovely accents..hope it works!!:drinknsin

[Darkman]

Heres a nother one for the Saffers....

[Sniper]

Brilliant!!!!

[Sniper]

:killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme :killingme

[Darkman]

for some bizarre fucking reason I'm thinking about going back there in Oct to visit some friends and family..........:wacko:

It should be fun going for a visit..my wife is going in September. October is Rhino Rally time!!!

[Darkman]

just got this one of Koos Kombuis....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf_PURfI73U

[Nutter34]

just got this one of Koos Kombuis....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf_PURfI73U

My bliksem, dit was nogal snaaks...

Ten minste is ons nie meer skaam.... Se moer!

Lyk my die land het sy gat gesien...

[V4ME]

Lekka! Enjoyed them all - Manne we could start a deluge of Sefrica snaakse jokes here. - Someone mentiones the Rhino - ahh that can make one homesick even if it is only for a fleeting moment.

:2guns: :clap: :bash:

[mstriumph]

......... :sunny: great [how could i have forgotten sooooooooo much?!]

[Nutter34]

......... :sunny: great [how could i have forgotten sooooooooo much?!]


You?

Would never have guessed....

Okay, I'm a Primrose boy, JHB area.... Though I claim to be a Capie, since I spent about seven years in Cape Town...

How about the rest of you?

[mstriumph]

You?

...........

lived in and around Benoni in the Transvaal for 12 years .... never got around to getting ritually-dipped 'though [same same with living here in West Aus .............. somehow it seems a bit greedy to have more than the current Brit/NZ citizenships - gotta leave something for everyone else :innocent: ]

[Darkman]

How about the rest of you?

Vrystaat!!!!! kom van n klein dorpie naamlik Virginia en my vrou van Hennenman..regte plaasies...o sorrie..in inglish..i comes from a smol toun in thu freestate cold Virginia...

[tide]

How about the rest of you?

20years in JHB - Auckland Park... 18months in East London then NZ...

A small part of me misses the place.. :shutup:

[Nutter34]

Actually, I went to school in Benoni (MsT) for three years, spent about two years in Bloemfontein, two years in Pretoria and the seven years in Cape Town...

Lol Darkman, love the spelling dude... I can actually hear it in my head...

[V4ME]

Jo'burg North , South, East but not West - was in Lambton Germiston before coming over.
- could not wait to leave and eventually got it right - why oh why did I wait so long. been here 10 years now.:Punk:

[Sniper]

Bloody Jaarpies :whistle:

Me from Joburg, Eastlondon, Queenstown, Capetown, Pretoria, Uitenhage, Port Elizabeth, Kenton on sea. Plus others I cant remember cause I was too young

[Al]

Ha, all valies, kapies and a vrystaater!
Me from natal North Coast, Richards Bay and Hluhluwe area!

Al

[placidfemme]

*sits back and laughs at all the rocks*












p/t

[Darkman]

Ha, all valies, kapies and a vrystaater!
Me from natal North Coast, Richards Bay and Hluhluwe area!

Al

heyta..richards bay is n lekka place..my father in law lives there.Always had new years there in the small craft harbour

[McJim]

I'm confused by post #13 in this thread. What relevance is there to a South African thread of including pictures of Easterhouse in Glasgow after the clean up of '92?

[Darkman]

I'm confused by post #13 in this thread. What relevance is there to a South African thread of including pictures of Easterhouse in Glasgow after the clean up of '92?


post no.13...Sowheto,South Africa...2002/2003, cant remember.

[Nutter34]

I'm confused by post #13 in this thread. What relevance is there to a South African thread of including pictures of Easterhouse in Glasgow after the clean up of '92?


Methinks you are taking the piss, lol...

[Nutter34]

*sits back and laughs at all the rocks*

p/t

Oi, who you calling a rock?

Haven't heard that in ages....

[mstriumph]

....................
A small part of me misses the place.. :shutup:

me too ........ miss the way the sky usta come over all navy blue mid-afternoons in summer in the Transvaal and all the green foliage usta sorta glow in contrast ........... then the heavens would open and it would TIP down with rain for about half an hour

rain pelting on the tin roof over the back stoep ........ *sigh* was good

was much harder for me to leave africa than it was for me to leave europe ...

[placidfemme]

Oi, who you calling a rock?

Haven't heard that in ages....

Thats what all South Africans were called in Zimbabwe... :yes: I havn't heard it much here in NZ either...

[V4ME]

Can you remember what South Africans called the Zimbabweans (or actually at that time Rhodesians)? ----- When-we's

[Nutter34]

me too ........ miss the way the sky usta come over all navy blue mid-afternoons in summer in the Transvaal and all the green foliage usta sorta glow in contrast ........... then the heavens would open and it would TIP down with rain for about half an hour

rain pelting on the tin roof over the back stoep ........ *sigh* was good

was much harder for me to leave africa than it was for me to leave europe ...


Aah yes, the big thunder storms in summer...

I remember watching a few planes heading into Jan Smuts (Jhb International)(or whatever it is now) with the real dark clouds brewing... Awesome sights...

Another place and time... Bloemfontein, with a howling wind, the sky is brown from the dust. This goes on for a few hours, then suddenly it's pouring cats and dogs... Was always interesting when it did that... The thing was, it was that dusty, that you never noticed the cloud build-up...

[Nutter34]

What I don't miss however, are the dry, brown, dusty winters.

[Ixion]

Good Lord. Next it'll be biplanes and flamingoes

[mstriumph]

nahhhhhhh - OUR farm's in west aus ...... nothing flamingo-ish about that :sunny:

equally photogenic though - pestering SPman to post the bushfire pics he did ..... awesome!

[V4ME]

A South African Boertjie is drinking in a London bar when his cellphone
rings .

He hangs up grinning from ear to ear and orders a round for the whole
bar announcing that his wife just gave birth to a 12kg baby boy.

Nobody can believe the weight but the South African just shrugs and
says, "We make 'em big back home folks. My boy's typically South
African".

Congrats are showered on him and many exclamations of "WOW" are heard.
One woman even faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the South African Boertjie returns to the same bar.

Barman says "We were going to call you, everyone's been making bets as
to how much your 12kg son weighs now, so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers that he now weighs 9kg's. The barman is puzzled
and concerned and asks "What happened, he already weighed 12kg on the
day he was born".

The South African father takes a slow swig from his long neck Castle
beer, wipes his lips on his khaki shirt, leans proudly over to the
bartender and

says: "Had him circumcised boet"

[WickedOne]

Very funny!!!

[WickedOne]

South African Nokia 6.750

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