Outch

[Pillick]

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

However, on one recent occasion I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.

By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, which discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter... and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all.

A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

[nodrog]

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! poor bugga.

[onearmedbandit]

I'm sorry, but even though I'm a bloke I still found that fucking funny!! Did you copy this from somewhere or are you drawing from your own personal experience?!

[WickedOne]

10/10 for effort!!!!!:mellow:

[Switch]

bhahahahahahaha :rofl:

[Pillick]

Nah, just something that came in the usual monday round of emails. I'm just glad the guys dangly bits didnt end up in the insikerator. He's taking the "Never operate machinery with loose clothing" to dangerous extremes...

[NinjaNanna]

> Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!
>
> We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can
> top
this one:
> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
> legitimate
my excuse,
> I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
>
> On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
> the
truth
> was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
> sustained a
head injury,
> and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
reasoned, I could
> think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The
accident
> occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a
> cute
little kitty.
>
> Initially, the new acquisition was no problem
>
> Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
> my
wife,
> Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
>
> "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
>
> "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter
> and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
>
> "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There
> was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
> So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
> outraged

> nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly.
>
> Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
> find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
>
> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it
> wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
> It
was our
> new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied
hanging
> between my legs She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
> as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was
> most
vulnerable,
> she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like
> claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly
> rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my
> masculine region.
>
> Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
> Men,
in this
> predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.
I was
> fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully
> impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
>
> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
> not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen
> floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics.
> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
> all

> snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
> trying
to
> suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
>
> Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
> back in
to
> the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
> about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
> talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat
> got
your tongue?"
>
> If they only knew!
>
> Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

[Sniper]

Repost. Search is your friend

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=29333&highlight=Cat+got+your+tongue

[NinjaNanna]

Repost. Search is your friend

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=29333&highlight=Cat+got+your+tongue

Oh I see you are right, never the less I'd think that those not on the site 12months ago should still get a good laugh, I know I did

[T-Thunder13]

yes i thought it was halarious:yes:

[CM2005]

hahahahahaha!! fuck that must suck!!! :yes:

[Beemer]

Repost. Search is your friend

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=29333&highlight=Cat+got+your+tongue

And so is 'find and replace' for all the unwanted >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that you get in forwarded emails...

[Nasty]

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"


"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"


There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.


"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

[bomma]

was like :mellow: at first then went to :shit: but then ended up :rofl:

[BOGAR]

was like :mellow: at first then went to :shit: but then ended up :rofl: I agree with this.

You have easily said the funniest thing I have heard all year. 10+ to your for putting this here. :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[marty]

*TRUE STORY*

I had to call in sick with a head injury one day last year. I had been over at the Mount sitting a flying exam. I always took my surfboard and running gear, as I love running around the base track, followed by a swim/surf.

I was on my second lap of the base track, it was about 1pm, and there were yummy mummies everywhere! I was just climbing the last short climb on the ocean side of the hill, where there is a seat to sit and watch the surf. A couple of nice mums with joggers and walking kids came towards me - i stepped onto the edge of the track, where it is about 6" higher than the benched track, so the kids and mums could go past. I turned and watched them walking away (as you do...) but kept running. As I turned forward again, I ran straight into a low overhanging Pohutukawa branch - scalping a 1" peice off my head just above my fringe line, and dropping me onto my back in the middle of the path. Blood gushing from my head, all over my white Orca shirt, all over the white shell path. Fucking hilarious! Nearly knocked out, one of the mummies using a nappy to stem the blood flow, with me laughing at the huge FAIL that I had accomplished........

I've still got the scar, and I have a wee laugh every time i run past that branch now.

And yes, the look-back was worth it :)

[sinfull]

Cannot give Nasty rep at this time ! lol Nice

[MIXONE]

Wouldn't be the first time a pussy gave a man sore nuts.

[one fast tl1ooo]

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!


We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.


Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again.. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam.. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second..'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to
find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight ' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option... I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not man y things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew!


Why is it that only the women laugh at this?