Limericks

[Brian d marge]

Just listening to the bbc ( well thats it for the day and the accounts are going blurry .....)
Anyway just listening to Kennith Williams on Whose line is it anyway

anyway the topic was Limerics

Derrick Nimmo came out with this one ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

There was an ole poof from Cartoom
Who once took a Lesbian up to his room

As they lay lay on the bed

He suddenly said

Who does , what , with Whom ?



Stephen

[ukbandit]

there was an old man called bill
who swallowed a dynamite pill
the pill went bang
his arse went clang
and his balls shot over the hill

[XTC]

There was a young girl from peru
who filled her vagina with glue
she said with a grin
if they pay to get in
they'll pay to get out of it too!

[Edbear]

Shed a tear for little Willie
Little Willie is no more
for what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4

[XTC]

Ouch... :o

[WRT]

There was a young lady from Nantucket,
With a cunt as loose as a bucket,
She'd lay on her back,
And open her crack,
For any that wanted to fuck it!

[Hitcher]

There was a young lady from Nantucket
For the purposes of a proper stanza she should be a "lass". She also has a spectacularly well-endowed brother...

[Mental Trousers]

There once was a man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble, he'd stick it in double
Instead of cumming he went!!

[Hitcher]

There once was a miser named Clarence
Who simonized both of his parents
"The initial expense"
he remarked, "is immense
But it saves on the wearance and tearance.

[Hitcher]

A mathematician named Bath
Let x equal half that he hath.
He gave away y
Then sat down to pi
And choked. What a sad aftermath.

[Hitcher]

Prope mare erat tubulator
Qui virginem ingrediebatur
"Desine ingressus,
Audivi progressus!"
"Est mihi," inquit tubulator.

[Sniper]

Prope mare erat tubulator
Qui virginem ingrediebatur
"Desine ingressus,
Audivi progressus!"
"Est mihi," inquit tubulator.
Thats cheating.....:nya:

[Edbear]

Little Willie, in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly
But no-one wanted to stoke up Willie

[Edbear]

Thats cheating.....:nya:




And about your sig! I am not an idiot! I'm not!:confused:

[Hitcher]

Little Willie, in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly
But no-one wanted to stoke up Willie
Not a limerick, sorry. Neither was your first.

[Edbear]

Not a limerick, sorry. Neither was your first.



I stand corrected and I reverse my previous post...!:bye:

[MSTRS]

There was a young man from Bombay
Who molded a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And wore all his foreskin away

[ZeroIndex]

[5]Haiku's are better
[7]They are more interesting
[5]Limericks are dumb

:D :D :D

[Karlyg]

There once was a man from Peru
Who got stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked "did it hurt"
He said "no, not much
"It can do it again if it likes"

The above is my favourite "limerick" of all time. :laugh:

[Hitcher]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake
A man in a punt
Stuck an oar in her ear
And said "Oi! You can't bathe here, it's private".

[WRT]

There once was a site named KB,
For blokes who sit down to pee,
They pretend they own bikes,
and ride how they like,
But really they just type on PCs. :shake:

[Brian d marge]

oh dear now look what I have done ..........

[ZeroIndex]

There once was a site named KB,
For blokes who sit down to pee,
They pretend they own bikes,
and ride how they like,
But really they just type on PCs. :shake:
damn.. that was good.. that deserves green rep

[WRT]

Why thank you, thank you very much. Ah-huh huh.

Elvis mode off.

[Maha]

There once was a man from Peru
Who got stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked "did it hurt"
He said "no, not much
"It can do it again if it likes"

The above is my favourite "limerick" of all time. :laugh:
By far the best effort for a limerick, made me laugh the loudest.
Limerick's are more often than not... sexual and predictable....:zzzz:
But this one is farken funny....:killingme

[hXc]

Old Rob Cheer was a cheeky fat man
Who owned a green dog and a green frying pan
He awoke one night
To his own worst fright
And discovered his wife was a man!

Yay go me! Good old 3rd form. Good times:nya:

[SkOrM]

there once was a girl form Yale
who, on her chest was the price of ale
and for the sake of the blind
for on her behind
was the same but imprinted in Brail

There once was a man from Rangoon
whos farts you could hear on the moon
noone would exepect them
from out his rectum
was the force of a raging Typhoon

[Macktheknife]

There was a young man from Dubleen
Who fashioned a wanking machine
On the 99th stroke the bloody thing broke
And mashed his balls to cream.

There was a young man from Kildare
Who made love to his wife on the stair
on the 99th stroke the bannister broke
so he finished her off in mid air.

There was a young man from Bovril
Who swallowed an atomic pill
His genital organ was found in glamorgan
And his balls up a tree in brazil.

[Macktheknife]

There was a young man from Nantucket
Who's cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it!

[hXc]

Macktheknife. You should give up before you humiliate yourself even more. Sorry dude, none of those are limericks.

[ZeroIndex]

I still can't believe i didn't get any green rep or comments about my supercool haiku

[ukbandit]

there was a young lady from ealing (place in uk)
who had a perculiar feeling
she laid on her back
opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

[Macktheknife]

Macktheknife. You should give up before you humiliate yourself even more. Sorry dude, none of those are limericks.
I should bow to your superior knowledge? Bite my arse.

[petesmeats]

This one is my favourite


There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake
A man in a punt
Stuck an oar in her ear
And said "Oi! You can't bathe here, it's private".

And some new ones:

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

(This is not a limerick i know... but funny none the less)

There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she's never benzene

(one for the science buffs!!)

There once was a pirate (the story relates)
who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
which rendered him nutless
and virtually useless on dates

(Pirates are funny!!!:yes:)