Wasted lives ?

[rfc85]

Young fella at work told me yesterday that his girlfriend is up the duff,he's stoked and looking forward to being a father---at 19yrs old--his girlfriend is 18.
He is unskilled and only has the job he has due to his girl being the boss's daughter.
He's a real nice bloke,but to commit to raiseing a child at that age to me seems fucken dumb,neither of them have"lived" to see what the big wide world has to offer and now they are tied down for 16 odd years.
I realise with the current system of handouts etc,they should survive,but what a way to waste your only crack at youth.
I never married till I was 27 and I had lived life to the max and was ready to settle down,in fact I changed my whole lifestyle to reflect that.
Your views ?

[Lou Girardin]

Marriage and kids when young was the norm not too long ago.
I can't understand the old farts starting families in their 50's.

[snuffles]

problem is, theyre in the I want generation, they dont know how to get it, but they think they desrve it.

Bullet proof to the extreme.........sad to see.

[ManDownUnder]

So kid will be grown and gone by the time he's 40 (ish) so he'll have a good life after that though...

and who says kids ruin your lives... although I'm personally inclined to agreed with what you're saying. It does seem very young to have that level of committment etc. Good luck to him though...

[Dooly]

Seems too young but I guess thats what they want.
No doubt they'll split in the future as they mature.

I got hitched at 33 finally, after doing everything I wanted to and enjoying life to the max, thats when I finally wanted to settle down.

Now I'm a boring old bastard.:yes:

[RantyDave]

My mum (of all people) had two takes on this. She reckoned you either had to have your kids really young, get 'em out the door and then get on with your life; or leave it as late as possible and do the living first.

Sounds to me like the young fella has it sorted, actually. If he's unskilled then it makes sense to be nailed down to a job while he gets his shit together, does the whole popping sprogs thing, then hopefully goes and lives a bit in his mid thirties. Even better that he's got bugger all chance of losing his job.

Dave

[Macktheknife]

On the other hand at least he is standing by his actions and prepared to do whatever it takes to make things work.
Too many people in his situation would have hit the ground running and kept going. Then you guys would have been bitching about his lack of responsibility, no thought of consequences, selfish etc...
It may be your opinion that this kid is doing the 'wrong thing' or is just young and stupid, but it might be exactly what his life's amibition is, it might be that together they decided to go for this and take the knocks together.
Don't be so quick to judge them.
Your way worked for you, it might be the worst thing in the world for them.

[The_Dover]

It's hardly the end of the world or his life is it?

Are you ever ready?

[James Deuce]

So kid will be grown and gone by the time he's 40 (ish) so he'll have a good life after that though...



Lol. I was going to say the same thing.

[Sniper]

Why is this in General biker raveings? And on topic, Im 21 and my fiance' is 20. When we plan to marry, I will be 25 and she 24, is that too young?

[ManDownUnder]

Why is this in General biker raveings? And on topic, Im 21 and my fiance' is 20. When we plan to marry, I will be 25 and she 24, is that too young?

Chronilogical, and emotional age are two very different things my friend.

Some are ready at 17... other are never ready. If you ask yourselves "why should we not get married", and you struggle to answer ... you're probably ok...

[snuffles]

Why is this in General biker raveings? And on topic, Im 21 and my fiance' is 20. When we plan to marry, I will be 25 and she 24, is that too young?


its not the age of marrige that matters, do you have kids? are you planning to have kids?

Its more about supporting offspring, it doesnt matter what age you start as long as you can support the poor bloody kids, and no the DPB is not supporting the kids.

[skelstar]

Hes happy and will arguably be developing emotionally at a faster rate than most of his peers I would say. With the right guidance he'll be sweet, as will his g/f and baby.

[Sniper]

its not the age of marrige that matters, do you have kids? are you planning to have kids?


Im bad with pets, so proberbly not

[Zukin]

Well it wasn't that long ago that we were in the same situation! :gob:

I was 18 and the girl was 16:gob:
Yep accidents happen, and yes she was pregnant.

It was hard to adjust but we stuck at it,
At the time I was an unemployed bum, smoked pot and then this, what on earth was I going to do!!
She was still at school and to make things worse she was kicked out of home.

For the first time in my life I had a reason to work, and to live!
So I applied for a job, and I guess my body language reflected that and I got that job :yes:
Then I gave up pot (within a few days of finding out she was pregnant), and we found a house to live in, but we had no money and very little in the way of furniture but we made do by getting a house in the country and working there to pay for the rent on the weekends and before work.
My income was $135 a week, and we didn't even know about Family Support for the first 4 years!!
We did that for about 2 years until we could afford to move to town.

That was 16 years ago, and that girl is now my wife and best friend and I would have it no other way.
We both have good careers (even though she had to leave school) and we still enjoy each other.
That baby is now a 16 year old girl and she gets on like a sister with her mum, they share clothes and makeup.
What makes me feel good about this and I dont mind sharing is that we are still together, we have never relied on others for handouts, and everything we have is our own, and best still we were not able to have anymore children (but boy do we have fun trying), so the one we have is blessed I guess!

So for me, it was a blessing in disguise.
Never judge a book by its cover, sometimes it does work.

Cheers

[yungatart]

I am one of those! Yep - ruined my life by having my first baby too young (so some would say). She is 30 and I am now 48. I wouldn't reccommend it to all and sundry but it worked fine for me. I fitted education and my career around my kids while they were young, now the youngest is 15, going on 25, we have a lot of fun, riding, going to concerts, pub gigs and parties together. He fills the house up with his friends and various rock bands that he is in and I am not so old that I can't cope, and not so young that I want to join in with them. I have a great relationship with my kids - we have been through some shit and come out the other side still smiling and smellling sweet!
It is not necessarily a bad thing, IMHO.
Good luck to the young couple.

[Zed]

My view is that to say their lives are wasted is just presumptuous. They could become 'better' people because of it! To me, a wasted life is someone who commits suicide, or someone who is imprisoned for life, or someone who spends 24/7 on KB lol, etc, etc.

Who owns the perfect mould to a wasted or successful life? We all have a different story to tell, and what is considered to be a waste to some folk may not be to others. Plenty of people have been married young and had children and they turned out fine.

[ManDownUnder]

My view is that to say their lives are wasted is just presumptuous. They could become 'better' people because of it! To me, a wasted life is someone who commits suicide, or someone who is imprisoned for life, or someone who spends 24/7 on KB lol, etc, etc.

Who owns the perfect mould to a wasted or successful life? We all have a different story to tell, and what is considered to be a waste to some folk may not be to others. Plenty of people have been married young and had children and they turned out fine.

Bling for all except the 24/7 on KB line... to which I say

"SHUDDUP"!

[Macktheknife]

Well it wasn't that long ago that we were in the same situation! :gob:

I was 18 and the girl was 16:gob:
Yep accidents happen, and yes she was pregnant.

It was hard to adjust but we stuck at it,
At the time I was an unemployed bum, smoked pot and then this, what on earth was I going to do!!
She was still at school and to make things worse she was kicked out of home.

For the first time in my life I had a reason to work, and to live!
So I applied for a job, and I guess my body language reflected that and I got that job :yes:
Then I gave up pot (within a few days of finding out she was pregnant), and we found a house to live in, but we had no money and very little in the way of furniture but we made do by getting a house in the country and working there to pay for the rent on the weekends and before work.
My income was $135 a week, and we didn't even know about Family Support for the first 4 years!!
We did that for about 2 years until we could afford to move to town.

That was 16 years ago, and that girl is now my wife and best friend and I would have it no other way.
We both have good careers (even though she had to leave school) and we still enjoy each other.
That baby is now a 16 year old girl and she gets on like a sister with her mum, they share clothes and makeup.
What makes me feel good about this and I dont mind sharing is that we are still together, we have never relied on others for handouts, and everything we have is our own, and best still we were not able to have anymore children (but boy do we have fun trying), so the one we have is blessed I guess!

So for me, it was a blessing in disguise.
Never judge a book by its cover, sometimes it does work.

Cheers

Zukin, you are a star! bling to you.

[kickingzebra]

23 and having a baby... Been married a year and a half.
The problem is, if one is waiting for a good time to have Kids, it will never come.
Theory goes, there are no insurmountable problems, and hell, if to a person, Kids are an inconveniance to simply be deferred, then I would much rather that person never had children. Saves them the heartache, and the rest of us.

A wise man once said "Children had in the youth of a man, are like Arrows in a quiver in his Old age...."

I want to be able to run and muck around, and be a kid with my kids.
Can't do that when the arthritis sets in. I also want to train my kids to have fun in every day life, and that fun does not (motorcycles excluded) mean social irresponsibility and excess.

The whole of life is for living as an experience you only get once. I refuse to segregate my life into exciting youth, and boring old age.

[dnos]

I think there are some real good points above.
I think that it really does come down to the individuals involved.
It will work for some and not others. I don't think its too young, especially if they planned it and thought it through. (probably not)
My GF has a kid shes only 21 and even tho she never had the time to "live" we still manage to do heaps of cool stuff through the support we have from family and the kids father. I wasn't too keen on getting into it but have adjusted and i love them both.
And yep, when the kid (or kids) have moved out of home i'm planning to be in a situation to go and enjoy myself at that time. Hopefully even retire early.

Good on them and i hope it all works out well for them. It's especially important that they get support from those around them.

[Skyryder]

18 year old mother 19 year old father...........in todays climate. Not a chance.

Just too easy for mum to go solo.




Skyryder

[Hitcher]

Zukin and Yungatart have said it all.

[Zed]

A wise man once said "Children had in the youth of a man, are like Arrows in a quiver in his Old age...."And happy is the man who has his quiver full of them!

[Steam]

Well I'm wasting my life and I would see it as a major plus if I had married, had kids, etc, when younger. I'm 29 now, and going nowhere in a hurry. Motivation ain't one of my strong suits.
At least he will have beautiful kids, I got a beautiful computer and a whole lot of ex-girlfriends, but not much else. Oh my bitter bitter soul!

[The_Dover]

Well I'm wasting my life and I would see it as a major plus if I had married, had kids, etc, when younger. I'm 29 now, and going nowhere in a hurry. Motivation ain't one of my strong suits.
At least he will have beautiful kids, I got a beautiful computer and a whole lot of ex-girlfriends, but not much else. Oh my bitter bitter soul!

I bet you're a fuckin mean arm-wrestler though.

[magicfairy]

So kid will be grown and gone by the time he's 40 (ish) so he'll have a good life after that though...

I had a baby at 18 - single mom, not much help. Best thing that ever happened to me, sorted my shit out real quick.
She has turned out to be a fantastic person.
In the 26 years since I have trained for 2 professions (Nursing and IT) been married / had a son, been divorced.
Now in my mid 40's kids are grown, job is good, and me and my (in his 30's toyboy)get to spend our weekends out on bikes. We can go to rallies, touring holidays and generally please ourselves.
While others around us his age are selling their bikes cos the kids have come along, getting mortgages and not pleasing themselves.

Life is what you make it.

[SwanTiger]

I'm 18 now and at 17 chose to have a baby with my partner, one of the best decisions I ever made and I have learnt a lot from it and will no doubt have many more lessons coming my way.

In my opinion, having a partner is more emotionally and finacially draining than a child.

[Oakie]

Different strokes. We married young. Me 22, she 19. Wanted kids early so popped out the first one 18 months into our married life and the second one two years later. This very day our youngest turns 20 and will probably be moving out with her husband in the next few weeks. I'm 46 and with the kiddies all raised we have the rest of our lives to enjoy unencumbered by kids.... unlike my poor mate Dave who was a real player in his youth and now at 45 has a 3 and 6 year old to keep him tied down until he's damned near 60. Yet Dave is happy with the way he did it. We're happy with the way we did it.
Gotta say though that having kids young makes it soooo much easier to relate to them as they go through 'the difficult years'.

[Brett]

I am 22 next Tuesday, and was married back in February. My parents had me when my mum was 20 and my dad 25. It was hard work for them, but they made it ok. Growing up I cant really ever say that I went without, i went to private schooling and am now set up as a productive individual. Today, 20 is very very young.
It all depends on where the person is at in their development as an adult. I know some of my friends who are late 20's who are not nearly ready for kids, yet I also have friends who at 18~ have had children and are doing an excellent job in raising their kids in a loving family environment.
Kids are hardwork no matter what, when you have kids you need to realise that they become your primary day to day concern, and raise them accordingly.
I say good on them for actually keeping the kid when so many are aborting knowdays. They are actually stepping up to the mark. if they have a good support structure and their heads right, they will make perfect parents and enjoy many unique experiences that only a parent can have. I can't wait till the wide is in a position for us to have a child.

[Waylander]

I wonder what Antallica and Jess are up to these days? The older crew will remember them.

[chanceyy]

guess it depends on weather the kids are planned or unplanned .. if both parties decide to have kids then good on them .. its a conscious choice to have them. Its the ones who deliberately get preggers to try and trap someone that pisses me off

I have freinds who got pregger @ 16 & 17 .. got married .. 3 kids .. worked hard and now late 30's and the kids are just about off their hands .. was it easy? no they both said they could have walked many a time but they made a committment & with kids that was not an option. Never seen a more together couple (good on them)

then others who have lived and now late 30's getting into the kids scene, they have done all the things they wanted to do .. now quite happy to settle down.

no way is right way or wrong way .. as long as the kids always remain important in their parents lives .. no matter if they stay together or split

[Colapop]

At 20 had my first and then another 4 years later. I spent time doing various things (work) getting fired, quitting until I got to about 30ish I think. It started to get a bit more serious then. I've been in my current J.O.B. (Just Over Broke - Amway term (not for me)) for 5 years I can actually say it's a career now. We're starting to get to break even. My kids are great - I couldn't ask for better, which is ironic coz I remember what I was like (for a long time into adulthood). My son is in the 1st 15 (in the 5th form @15). My daughter is a good netball player and they achieve very good results at school. My son went out on Saturday night and stayed out til 5:30am with his mates. Nope didn't approve of that but I trust him - he told me all about the whole night too.

Point is that it's no easy road, but there are good things that happen too. I'd never give my kids and missus up not for anything you could give me (not even a bike).

[mstriumph]

i do wish people-in-general would stop waving AGE around as though it was some kind of qualification or measure of a man/woman

........................... age ain't nothing but a number :rockon:

[The_Dover]

........................... age ain't nothing but a number :rockon:

lots of old people say that...

[Street Gerbil]

Young fella at work told me yesterday that his girlfriend is up the duff,he's stoked and looking forward to being a father---at 19yrs old--his girlfriend is 18.
He is unskilled and only has the job he has due to his girl being the boss's daughter.
Either they will separate within 6 months after she gives birth (IMO most likely) or they will be one big happy family for many years (unlikely but not impossible). Only time will tell. IN other words, they have the same choice as the rest of us: heaven or hell. Only their's will start awfully soon.

[Skyryder]

lots of old people say that...

There are no old people. Some are just younger than others.


Skyryder

[NinjaBoy]

Are you ever ready?

For once Dover finally says something sensible :sunny:

[Motu]

I feel sorry for people who plan their lives - when to get married,plan their house,career paths....when to have children.The childrens lives planned,retirement planned.What a boring existance....no little surprises...no - ''hey,remember the time we.....''

I have 4 children,the oldest 25,the youngest 10,and I'm 52.All unplanned...and total commitment to their lives,all homebirthed and homeschooled.There will be no ''when the kids have grown up and left home'' for me,and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My 20 year old daughter is pregnant,she works 7 days a week in two jobs,does a night course and also works from home for a little extra money.Her fella has had some sort of nervous breakdown and been unable to work or claim assistance,but he is slowly coming right and started a new job.He is a great guy,multi talented and very capable of being employed - he just picked a bad time to crack up.We need to get them down here with us soon,even if they have to live with us,we are a strong Whanau,and her sister lives close by.They are not in a good position,it's going to be trying times and hard work for us all - but it's going to be great too,I'm looking forward to having her back close to us.She also has strong friends,lots of support there too.

But I'm happy it's her and not her older sister who is settled in a nice new house with her partner in a good job.My younger daughter is stronger mentaly and emotionaly,she's looking forward to being a mother,and I know she can do it.It's life,you give it your best shot....the more challenges,the richer the acomplishments.

[Shadows]

I reckon that's cool. In fact sometimes I feel like I left it a little late starting at 30. Good luck to them.

[Gremlin]

She reckoned you either had to have your kids really young, get 'em out the door and then get on with your life; or leave it as late as possible and do the living first.
ok, so I just turned 23... but those aren't the only options ya know... I might change my mind in a few years, but currently, I would hate having an ankle biter all together... cute as buttons... but someone else can have them thanks.

Unless I change my mind, or have a girl that wants a couple... I don't see them as necessary to life.

[mstriumph]

lots of old people say that...

lots of WISE people say that ...

[DingDong]

...He is unskilled...boss's daughter...

He cant be that unskilled, certainly got the job done:yes: and with the right girl:rockon:
I say go hard young fulla... practice makes perfect

[placidfemme]

Young fella at work told me yesterday that his girlfriend is up the duff,he's stoked and looking forward to being a father---at 19yrs old--his girlfriend is 18.
He is unskilled and only has the job he has due to his girl being the boss's daughter.
He's a real nice bloke,but to commit to raiseing a child at that age to me seems fucken dumb,neither of them have"lived" to see what the big wide world has to offer and now they are tied down for 16 odd years.
I realise with the current system of handouts etc,they should survive,but what a way to waste your only crack at youth.
I never married till I was 27 and I had lived life to the max and was ready to settle down,in fact I changed my whole lifestyle to reflect that.
Your views ?

Just my opinion: It is a waste of thier youth. But it is their choice, and being so young, I don't believe they are fully aware of what they are getting into.

Someone commented that having kids young was normal once upon a time... and I was raised with everyone around me being married and having kids by about 22-ish

And for some people thats fine... but others it just ruins lives...

My sister got knocked up at 20, and its ruined her life. She loves her kids, but she also knows it was the stupidest thing shes ever done.