Stupid call centre enquiries

[Deviant Esq]

This got forwarded to me today - classic stuff. Did a search, came up blank, so hopefully it's not a repost. I apologise unreservedly if it is. :yawn:

Travel Centre
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France)
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".


On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".


Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".


Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it.
If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".


There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story (sure, they all are, aren't they?) from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:


Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power........... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

[sels1]

Ha...good one....the truth is usually funnier than fiction

[Kittyhawk]

Ha nice...I used to work in a call centre...and I had a customer ring one day and this is what happend...(worked in a finance call centre)

Customer - Hi how are you
Staff - Im very well thank you how is your day going?
Customer - Aww not very good
Staff - Why is that?
Customer - I dont know how to use Phone Banking.
Staff - Oh ok I can certinaly help you with that.
Custmer - Great
Staff - What is your customer number?
Customer - where is that located?
Staff - On your eftpos card there is a number located not the card number

Customer reads out card number(duh!)
Managed to find the customer user number after that.

Staff - Im going to transfer you through to verify your security pin number
Customer - ok

After doing this for 3 attempts I offer to reset the security pin. Customer did this successfully and when I went to verify them again, it still didnt work.
By this point I was getting frustrated (how hard is it to operate a phone?!)

Customer comes back after the failed attempts...

Customer - Im sorry its still not working.
Staff - Are you using your phone or are you in front of the computer?
Customer - the security lady says enter your pin number using your keypad well I have been doing this on the computer keyboard...

Staff - @%&@^*@^@#$ under my breath....no you are supposed to enter your pin using your phone not computer keyboard.
^&*&^ under my breath once again...Have a nice day.

[Beemer]

I'd heard the last one but not the others - very good!

I worked for Youthline years ago and would get some interesting calls there. The best ones were ones where people raved on at you for ages and then said "I know you are located on floor XXX of XXX building and I'll be waiting for you when you get out!" Lovely - you know that advice I gave you about turning your life around? Forget it, go ahead and top yourself then, loser!

Working for a power company was a lot of fun too. The week I left I had this guy ring and ask to speak to a superviser NOW. I said we could not transfer callers directly to a superviser, we had to try and help them first, but he said "look in my notes and you'll see that I am to be put through to a superviser and I don't have to talk to you". I did, and there was a note to that effect, so I asked him to hold for a minute while I checked to see if one was available. He started on about how he felt sorry for me, that I had no authority and I ended up losing it. I was leaving because I'd come into some money, so I told him: "thank you sir, but please don't feel sorry for me" - he replied "oh, but I do, you're just a messenger in a dead-end job". I then hit him with "the reason you shouldn't feel sorry for me is because a relative of mine died recently and left me shit-loads of money and I finish here on Friday!" There was silence and then he said "oh. Right." He was a lot more polite after that!

[Gremlin]

I'm so glad I'm not in a support centre. At least when a client rings up with a problem, you already know if its their incompetence that has caused it. And besides... if they really are that dumb, I'm going to have to head over anyway.

Getting called out for "no connection" at 7pm, to find the router unplugged... well... I did have visions of slamming their heads into their desks. I did learn however... and picked up a very similar error (different connection on the same power cord) at 7.30am one morning, without having to go there :yes:

Its funny a few times, or reading a couple of jokes...but having at least one a day usually... I do feel sorry for help desks. At least I don't ring them... they cause me problems than I started with :innocent:

[Karma]

all true, and many many worse...

[Wasp]

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
Thats not a bad idea, only other thing i can think of is write it using your own blood =/

I would tell some stories about our call centre but all the parents would get worried about the stupidity of the people teaching they're children........ oooooopps :devil2:

[KLOWN]

Thats not a bad idea, only other thing i can think of is write it using your own blood =/

I would tell some stories about our call centre but all the parents would get worried about the stupidity of the people teaching they're children........ oooooopps :devil2:


I want to hear about this!!

My flat mate just finished her teaching degree and she is RETARDED! She is 25 and will be teaching young children (around 5 - 8yrs old). She had a maths test, the same test that a 5 - 8yr old would have to take, she failed, and so did half of her class !! :gob:

[Grub]

There we were stranded on the Welly side of the Takas with a puncture. Nasty is on the phone to the AA call centre.

Nasty: We have a puncture on our motorbike
Blonde: Has it gone flat?
Nasty: Yes, we have a punture and will need a truck or trailer to transport it
Blonde: Is your spare flat too?
Nasty: It's a bike, it doesn't have one of those! {turns purple and hands over the phone to the "AA Member"}
Blonde: Can I please get some details from you
Grub: {Duly supplies Name, DoB, Address, rego, colour of bike etc...}
Blonde: Is it Auto or Manual?
Grub: {makes a strangled sound representing primeaval speech}
Blonde: Oh no that's right, it's auto isn't it. So where are you?
Grub: We are 1 km below the Rimutaka Hill Rd summit on the Wellington side
Blonde: Where is that?
Grub: Where is what?
Blonde: The Rimutaka Summit
Grub: The Rimutaka Hill Road
Blonde: Where in the Rimutaka Forest Park is that?
Grub: It's not, it's on SH2.
Blonde: Oh so you're at Brown Owl?
Grub: No, we're 1 km below the Rimutaka Hill Rd summit on the Wellington side.
Blonde: Are you near Riverside?
Grub: No, we're 1 km below the Rimutaka Hill Rd summit on the Wellington side.
Blonde: Is that at Maruia?
Grub: {visualising this going on for every map item on her map) Are you using a GIS map?
Blonde: Yes :)
Grub: Well just have a nice little tour along that road, look at all the pretty places and when you get to the summit, let me know.
{The world stops rotating, Nasty and I share another Ginger Beer}
Blonde: I found it!

Personally, I think she never had it! The "spare" was the classic, the "auto" wasn't bad but the inch by inch tour along SH2 on her map was excruciating. I think it took less time for the flatbed to get from Caterton to us than it took us on the phone

[bluninja]

Hmmmm, never actually worked in a call centre but operations was the last resort for all calls that now go to helpdesks in the 'old' days.

2 calls I remember from my first weeks in IBM....

Caller: Hi it's Julie from Feltham (pronounced Felt em...she called on behalf of her office ;so she called a lot). I've been a silly little girl and leaned over my desk brushing my female appendages over the keyboard and now my screens gone blank.

At this point I wasn't sure how to respond...but decided to try and 'fix' her problem...Julie had managed to hit Alt + SysReq which is the equivalent of Esc (top left) and Ctrl (bottom right).

My response: Well you're certainly not a little girl!

2nd Call 9:30 am Wednesday morning.

Caller: When are you going to get the computers fixed?
Me: All the systems are working fine, can I just get some detai...
Caller: Bollocks! The computers have been down since Monday, and I want to know when they're going to be fixed.
Me: I'm sure you have a problem and I want to get it fixed...
(interrupts me again)
Caller: I'm a Customer Engineer manager (IBMs hardware engineers) and I know what I'm talking about. Just tell me when you're going to fix it, or pass me on to someone who knows what they're talking about.
Me: Well you'll know I have to document your call then before I can pass it on. Your engineers won't take on a call until the call centre have got some basic details will they? So just help me get through the checklist quick so we can get this sorted.
Caller: For Fox sake!....oh all right then if it's going to get it fixed.
Me: I'll assume that your screen is switched on and you have the brightness turned up (remember we're talking dumb terminals here). So what do you have on your screen?
Caller: Nothing
Me: There will be a line going across the bottom of your screen.....
Caller: Of course there is !and below it there is a cross and a key that tells me that the system is down..so now can you pass me to someone who knows what they're doing and can get this fixed?
ME: The cross and key means that you're a lazy bastard who can't be bothered to turn the key on the right of your terminal to unlock the screen...or you don't know what you're talking about.

The phone went dead....no complaint came in about my conduct...surprise surprise.

[Kittyhawk]

Haha - what is it with people and technology? we all complain it never works yet does..

Maybe if we went back to stone blocks and chisels like on the Flintstones we'd still need to have helpdesks today.

[Deviant Esq]

LOL Bluninja, that's a shocker. Customer Engineer manager getting something like that wrong, and then trying to abuse you for it? Stupid munter. I think he comes under "you don't know what you're talking about."

[unhingedlizard]

Working for a Electric company i was constantly amazed at the amount of people who would threaten you personnally when the should have realised that you are an underpaid, mistreated possibly slightly unhinged person, sat at a small desk in a crappy office being shat apon by your boss for 40 hours a week, with all of thier personal details on a computer screen right in front of you.........

[j_redley]

Had a training call put through for a new girl at the head office for Gough Gough and Hamer,

Caller: Hi, I need to get my Cat Serviced
Woman: For that you'l need a Vet Sir, have a good day.

[XP@]

Customer: My headlight is pointing the wrong way.
Dealer: I changed the bulb, hope that works. $60 please.
Customer: Ta will pay next week.

Customer: My headlight is pointing the wrong way.
Importer Tech dept: No it isn't.
Customer: You haven't seen the bike, and yes it is pointing the wrong way, I have ridden it at night and the beam is pointing the wrong way.
Importer: No, sorry you are wrong the headlights are all the same.
Customer: Ok

Customer: Anything unusual about this (points to headlight).
Wof Man: How did this get a wof?

Customer: My headlight is pointing the wrong way.
Importer Tech dept: No it isn't.
Customer: But the wof man said...

Importer (Calls back): The new headlight unit is on its way to your local dealer.