What's the problem Officer?

[dasser]

These 16 Police comments were purportedly taken off actual police car videos from around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those, 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.

:yes:

[Mr. Peanut]

:killingme #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

[paturoa]

I liked #9 the best.

[deanohit]

Liked #11 best:laugh:, thought that was brilliant. Be a shock for the cop to say that to you.:Police:

[Beemer]

Very good, it would be almost worth being a cop just to use some of those lines!

[007XX]

:clap::laugh::Police:
very nice! Personal favourite #15:devil2:

[scumdog]

Have actaully used 15, 8, 4, 3, (and more than once) but would LOVE the excuse to use No.1!!

[Patrick]

Have used 16, 10, 9, 6, 5, 4 and 3...

With variations...

10 - added "the supervisor is a real prick... I'll get him for you... Hello... I'm the supervisor, what the fuck do you want?"

5 - "In god I trust, everyone else pays cash.."

Looks like I need new material...

[007XX]

Have actaully used 15, 8, 4, 3, (and more than once) but would LOVE the excuse to use No.1!!

That can be arranged...:innocent::laugh:

[rideNroot]

hahah, #1 was awesome, such an insult

[Cr1MiNaL]

Have used 16, 10, 9, 6, 5, 4 and 3...

With variations...

10 - added "the supervisor is a real prick... I'll get him for you... Hello... I'm the supervisor, what the fuck do you want?"

5 - "In god I trust, everyone else pays cash.."

Looks like I need new material...

....................................


Have actaully used 15, 8, 4, 3, (and more than once) but would LOVE the excuse to use No.1!!

....................................

[dasser]

Have you guys in blue done anything like in the joke below( reposted )
Boy would I like to be sitting in on the jury and hear that ... LOL :yes:

******************

A motorcycle officer stops a vehicle that has ran a red light. The driver is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer and asks why he is being harassed by the Gestapo and the officer calmly tells the driver of the red light violation.

The driver goes into a tirade, and questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation etc. The officer takes it all in professional stride, writes the ticket and places an "AH" in the bottom right hand corner - Narration.

The officer hands the driver the ticket and requests a signature. The driver angrily signs the ticket and notices the "AH" and demands to know what that is for.

The officer removes his mirror like sunglasses and gets in the driver's face and in a low voice says "So that when we get in court in three months time, I can remember that you are an arsehole!"

Three months later, in court, the driver has hired a lawyer, as his driving record is not what you would call perfect, and he expects to lose his licence.
The officer gives his evidence on the driver running a red light. Then
under cross examination, the driver's lawyer asks if this is the ticket the officer had issued.

"Yes, this is the defendant's copy of the ticket I issued" states the
officer.

Lawyer then asks " Is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket that you don't normally make?"

The officer says "Yes in the bottom right hand corner, in the Narrative box, is the AH underlined."

Lawyer "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer " Aggressive and Hostile."

Lawyer " Are you sure?"

Officer " Yes sir."

Lawyer " Are you sure that it doesn't stand for arsehole?"

Officer " Well sir, I am sure you know your client better than I do."

[Edbear]

Have actaully used 15, 8, 4, 3, (and more than once) but would LOVE the excuse to use No.1!!



There must be a pretty woman down your way somewhere, surely...?:whistle:

[scumdog]

There must be a pretty woman down your way somewhere, surely...?:whistle:

True, true - but the kind of female who would try me with that one would be an overweight, facially hirsute, mumble-pant wearing snaggle-toothed crone.:yes:

[ZeroIndex]

+1 Nice find

[Toaster]

Used a version of #1 once...

She said to me, you wouldn't give a pretty lady a ticket would you? I said "no", then handed her the ticket.

Pine valley road.... She got "Toasted".
(never did get that PCA!)