A twat in a hat

[martybabe]

:confused:Hey guys,there is no point to this thread really just thoughts from my daft heed.I come from a beautiful little channel island just off france called Jersey(you may know of the cows)if not the island, anyway this island used to be french but because the french guys kicked the pommie asses way back it became part of britain/france, then the pomms twated our galic nieghbours back and jersey chose to remain british-ish.Its a battle re-enacted every rugby world cup and we won again:laugh: .So,on this little rock is a harley shop that supplies bikes to the many millionares that live there,oh and me.but the problem is this gorgeous lill place is only five miles by nine,in kilometres that works out to,small.and a forty mile an hour speed limit,in kilometres thats,slow.Now because its small and slow the prefered attire for ones bonce(head)is an open faced lid.If you wana go and conquer europe(we've done that before)you wack on a screen,its good and it works but with a beard like mine,a strange negative airspace thing happens so facial hair sticks out horizontal stylie,forward dude!looks like ya got a persian slipper stuck to your chin.
I appear to be rambling,ah feck it.Fast forward to NZ,got new bike,piss pot hat of course and some nice new ridding chums.First rideout they all got full facers and I'm thinkin bollocks I may have missjudged the idealy helmet situation.Off we go and quick as you like they've pissed orf over the horison,no probs i'll wind her up thinks I, catch up with them kiwis soon as
OK, I hits a certain speed and me hat starts to lift off me head taking with it half me sun glasses,my right eye fills with tears cuz of the wind and dust its enduring,my left arm flings up automatic like to hammer me hat back on but the sunnies dont come down with the lid,no! theys feckin stuck half in me lid and half out,the chin straps chokin the life outa me and I can just make out with the half an eye thats still workin a fookin bends commin up:doh:.PANICK?I should say so mother,hit them anchors boy I quietly screamed,scrubbed off loadsa k's, hat falls back down over me bleedin eyes rammin d sunnies into me nose.By now the bike knows it's got a twat on board so it rides itself round the bend sweet as and where are me new mates?pissed orf over the bloody horison again:laugh::laugh:I wonder if they'll invite me back,might buy a full facer eh?
yous probably think I'm some kinda nutter but I aint honest,I just have moments of blind stupidity occasionaly interupted by sleepy times.I was trying to see how much you can write before this thing chucks you off but it's beaten me, b'stard technology,and I'm bored now.told you there was no point to this.bye:msn-wink:

[skelstar]

Bergerac!!!

<img src="http://www.televisionheaven.co.uk/bergerac.jpg">

Germans liked your little island in WW2 too huh?

[MSTRS]

:killingme:killingme
I did enjoy reading that. If you are averse to proper helmets, can I suggest you use a 6" nail or 2....

[martybabe]

cripes youv'e heard of it,you've made my day dude.

[Finn]

Nice little tax haven that Island.

[martybabe]

:killingme:killingme
I did enjoy reading that. If you are averse to proper helmets, can I suggest you use a 6" nail or 2....good idea mate ,would it effect my intelli,interigence,brain thing,though?:lol:

[martybabe]

Nice little tax haven that Island.ok so you,ve all heard of it,I shall never disrespect your global knowledge ever again,clever kiwis:whistle:

[ninjac]

good idea mate ,would it effect my intelli,interigence,brain thing,though?:lol:
Don't think so. You already got a harley and are from New Plymouth.

[Finn]

ok so you,ve all heard of it,I shall never disrespect your global knowledge ever again,clever kiwis:whistle:

I'm not a Kiwi. I can fly.

[yungatart]

good idea mate ,would it effect my intelli,interigence,brain thing,though?:lol:

You could always leave your brain at home, for safe keeping, like, until you return...... there's lots on here do that!


Or, if you want to be a proper kiwi, keep it in yur pants, like our boys do!

[hospitalfood]

full face for sure, there is a nasty pic somewhere of a chap with half his face ground off by the road due to his old school lid.
I would like a half lid but would only use it for a ride to the dunny or to the fridge.

[fliplid]

Get some rather expensive "new" potatoes from Jersey, Jersey Royals... well, not here, but in other places.

Saw the pic of some guy after road/face incident, ages ago-on rotten .com?

[Mikkel]

Funniest ramble I've read today :niceone:
But yeah, as the other guys said, get a nice fullface helmet ;)

Ah Jersey - I heard somewhere that you have to be a two-digit millionaire (in pounds mind you) to even be allowed to move there. Surely that can't be true or are all servants cross-border workers?


full face for sure, there is a nasty pic somewhere of a chap with half his face ground off by the road due to his old school lid.
I would like a half lid but would only use it for a ride to the dunny or to the fridge.

Yeah, but somehow the link on rotten.com doesn't work anymore. "Nothing gets between me and my harley!"

[martybabe]

full face for sure, there is a nasty pic somewhere of a chap with half his face ground off by the road due to his old school lid.
I would like a half lid but would only use it for a ride to the dunny or to the fridge.:(:(ok full face it shall be.ooh I forgot to mention me mom won't let me out now,because I was sat riddin in the down under sun all day,I've got a bright red face with big white eyes where me sunnies sat occasionaly,and abig shiney white shaven head,I look like an exotic icecream and mom thinks the big boys will pick on me,as I said full face for me.
I just got a mental image of you sat on the dunny in a crash hat:lol::lol:.
thanx for the humerous replies guys,post some stories,Iz gettin a bit tired of the"if you don't ride exactly what I ride you must sme kinda mental knobber or somat"threads!:Playnice:

[janno]

I see you ride a Hardly Plump Robert.

I'll keep an eye out for you when I'm gallivanting on the unkillable Hoonda.

Been cracking riding weather up here in NP this past fortnight, doncha reckon? Absolute bliss. Been out to Whanga yet? Loadsa fun . . .

[Goblin]

I just got a mental image of you sat on the dunny in a crash hat:lol::lol:.
You know it's the weirdest feeling sitting on the loo with a helmet on! You know, when stop for gas and a quick pee but you're in too much of a hurry to take the lid off.....s'pose you dont.:rolleyes:

[martybabe]

Funniest ramble I've read today :niceone:
But yeah, as the other guys said, get a nice fullface helmet ;)

Ah Jersey - I heard somewhere that you have to be a two-digit millionaire (in pounds mind you) to even be allowed to move there. Surely that can't be true or are all servants cross-border workers?



Yeah, but somehow the link on rotten.com doesn't work anymore. "Nothing gets between me and my harley!"Yes your bang on,they employ qualified people for the "jobs", saves the expense of training the locals.but you can't really settle there without housing quallies and a shed load of money BUT if you've got big money you don't need any quallies at all.:sick:.Still gorgeous place.An ordinary 3 bed semi house costs circa $1,200,000.sorry rambling again.:yawn::Punk:

[James Deuce]

Gerald Durrell. Jersey Wildlife Trust. Marvelous Place.

[martybabe]

I see you ride a Hardly Plump Robert.

I'll keep an eye out for you when I'm gallivanting on the unkillable Hoonda.

Been cracking riding weather up here in NP this past fortnight, doncha reckon? Absolute bliss. Been out to Whanga yet? Loadsa fun . . .I was out today and I'm gona keep this short,mountain,sun,blossom,pukecakehole birds,quite roads,good tunes on my mp3.bloody wonderful.boy it's good when it's good.mate your talkin to a pommy don dommy,I can't pronounce most places let alone locate em.Why have nz place names only got five letters in em repeated over and over.I moved to new plym cause I can pronounce it.Live in kakaphakaflapjack?I think not:laugh:

[martybabe]

Gerald Durrell. Jersey Wildlife Trust. Marvelous Place.I was talking to some ozie ball scratcher once,about the kiwis,and he said you lot don't know nuffin,I beg to differ,your obviously well traveled,erudite,intelligent and funny.fair play mate you know your stuff,most people call it the zoo.:yes:

[klingon]

Gerald Durrell. Jersey Wildlife Trust. Marvelous Place.

Yeah I read all his books when I was a kid! He turned me into the hippy I am today! I even joined the "Dodo Club" (junior membership of the JWPT). Ah, those were the good old days when I was going to marry Gerald and change the world.:love: As a result of that I've sent a lot of letters to Jersey. Mostly love letters addressed to Gerald Durrell from an 8-year-old. :shit:

[James Deuce]

Err, thanks martybabe (I felt a little uncomfortable typing that). You're obviously endowed with a great deal of taste to not only move to NZ, but also to buy one of the best handling (by all accounts I have read - I've yet to steal a ride on one yet) HD big blocks of recent years.

Klingon - I was a Dodo as well! Started reading the books at 12 thanks to a very kindly Form 2 teacher who lent me this collection. Of books. Written by Gerald Durrell. I'm not sure an 8 year old girl should be reading things like, "The only ball game I enjoy, my good sir, is sex."

Which is a very good lesson on how to shut up taxi drivers who rave on about Cricket.

[MaxB]

Waddabout some goggles to go with your piss pot? They are pretty high tech these days. Heaps better than sunnies. My similarly afflicted hog ridin colleague uses Spy and Wiley X brands. And he's got an HD windscreen. Hope this helps.

[martybabe]

Yeah I read all his books when I was a kid! He turned me into the hippy I am today! I even joined the "Dodo Club" (junior membership of the JWPT). Ah, those were the good old days when I was going to marry Gerald and change the world.:love: As a result of that I've sent a lot of letters to Jersey. Mostly love letters addressed to Gerald Durrell from an 8-year-old. :shit:blimey babe sounds like you had it bad.I'm afraid gerald is now a bronze statue feedin a bronze otter just outside the foyer.I saw him most days(the bronze one)cause theres a cashpoint where I could park me softail n keep me eye on it right by him.Tell ya what them ringtail lima things hated my harley,ooh they did bark when I started her up.yeah good bloke I guess sorry you never wed,another childhood dream dashed.this is a bike thread init,oh yeah snuck me harley in there didn't I:not:

[martybabe]

Waddabout some goggles to go with your piss pot? They are pretty high tech these days. Heaps better than sunnies. My similarly afflicted hog ridin colleague uses Spy and Wiley X brands. And he's got an HD windscreen. Hope this helps.yees I might try that,thanx

[motorbyclist]

after seeing an uncle's full face helmet with the face/jaw guard worn right through, i don't think i'll ever ride open face again....

[martybabe]

Hey,I've just thought we haven't discussed them flip up jobbies,I could cruise the pretty back roads open face and sexy like,then when I wana get all hardcore or take the harley on a track day I've got the full face option nes pas.you think I'm jokin about the trackday?yeah your right but picture this,pit lane with a fxghafdx super mega ultra glide with fold out tent and picnic table about to sort out them gixer,R1,ninja boys.Whats that you say,this circuits got corners!feck that I'm off camping,come on bride they aint man enuf to race us.:killingme

[MSTRS]

I was out today and I'm gona keep this short,mountain,sun,blossom,pukecakehole birds,quite roads,good tunes on my mp3.bloody wonderful.boy it's good when it's good.mate your talkin to a pommy don dommy,I can't pronounce most places let alone locate em.Why have nz place names only got five letters in em repeated over and over.I moved to new plym cause I can pronounce it.Live in kakaphakaflapjack?I think not:laugh:

Wanna be the first to live here...Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipuk akapimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu.?
:woohoo:

[martybabe]

Wanna be the first to live here...Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipuk akapimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu.?
:woohoo:haha, no thanks,I'm lookin to relocate to somewhere called town with one street called high street in town,oh and it must have a harley shop and be next to another town called town two,phakapapapoooniondip my arse.:lol:

[martybabe]

[QUOTE=Jim2;1304693]Err, thanks martybabe (I felt a little uncomfortable typing that). You're obviously endowed with a great deal of taste to not only move to NZ, but also to buy one of the best handling (by all accounts I have read - I've yet to steal a ride on one yet) HD big blocks of recent years.

:confused:oh oh I got it now,I've just been privated by a nice lady who called me martychick.:msn-wink:noooo! babe in my bit of pommy land is a term of endearment, as in I was speakin to terry babe yesterday or suziebabe,It means your fond of whoever,hold them in high regard.it aint nuffin to do with gennnder or nuffin as in shes 'A' babe.:laugh:you thought I was a ladyman:rofl::rofl::rofl:you thought I'd got a beard and a bush a trans somat:gob::nono:seperated by a common language,I can see why you were uncomfortable:rofl:thats made my day,I'm off to tell the wife/husband.

[Lucy]

cause theres a cashpoint where I could park me softail n keep me eye on it right by him.:

Oy! How come you had to keep your eye on your bike on an island that's so small? Where would a thief go? Not doubting you, but feel a bit bummed that people need to be so careful. What's the world coming to....etc etc.

Glad you are enjoying New Zild and New Plymouth!

[Clivoris]

Pretty good surf over that Jersey place too I've been told. Glad you're enjoying yourself here mate.

[martybabe]

Oy! How come you had to keep your eye on your bike on an island that's so small? Where would a thief go? Not doubting you, but feel a bit bummed that people need to be so careful. What's the world coming to....etc etc.

Glad you are enjoying New Zild and New Plymouth!


Your dead right, its got one of the lowest crime rates in europe but girl you gota watch that hog all the time,seaguls poo on em,kids touch em with sticky lolly fingers, people sit on em without askin fer christ sakes:yes:

They did have a bike stolen once,only once,some french guy came over, had a test ride and timed it perfic for jumpin on the ferry.By the time the trustin Jersey beans decided he'd been a long time he'd made mainland France and gone baby. Naughty but clever I guess.:yes:

[martybabe]

Pretty good surf over that Jersey place too I've been told. Glad you're enjoying yourself here mate.

Not a surfy but yes very popular there and some very envious souls when they heard I was commin here. Them rip tides scare the shite outa me.:gob:

[Cruisin' Craig]

cripes youv'e heard of it,you've made my day dude.

I thought Jersey was somewhere in America?? :bleh:

[martybabe]

I thought Jersey was somewhere in America?? :bleh:


Hey cc how the heck did ya find this old thread.gonna read it meself now I'd long since forgoten it.

That be New Jersey mate, a land gift to some bigwig from Jersey about 2 besquillion years ago and a total pain in the arse when your trying to find somat on the interweb,if you live in old Jersey that is. :rolleyes:

[Cruisin' Craig]

Hey cc how the heck did ya find this old thread.gonna read it meself now I'd long since forgoten it.

That be New Jersey mate, a land gift to some bigwig from Jersey about 2 besquillion years ago and a total pain in the arse when your trying to find somat on the interweb,if you live in old Jersey that is. :rolleyes:

It was funny. It deserved to make a little comeback. :niceone: