Dumb things bikers do without bikes.

[martybabe]

I responded to the (dumb things bikers do thread) and I wondered what is the dumbest/stupidest thing I've ever done. It's a big list but here's my winner.
Please share yours.

When I was a Fireman I asked around to see if anyone had a wetsuit for sale cause I'm a tight bastard, no,cause money was a little scarce. Turns out my little mate from the next station had one and although shorter in stature than me we were about the same build.

Next night shift he dropped it round and said" try it on mart,if it's any good gis 20 quid". Well he buggered off and it was one of them quiet nights when Joe public was behaving them selves, so I popped down to the bog to try it on.

Well I pushed and pulled,stretched and twanged jumped off the toilet bowl,sweat pouring outta me and turning to super glue,shoved me fat in determined to get myself a bargain and finally after about fifteen minutes, got the zip done up on this midget special.:girlfight:. I turned sideways to look in the mirror to see my spine had adopted a permanent s shape, I aint kidding I was physically unable to stand up straight. :lol: At this very moment whilst in a rubberised fetal position, the tannoy system crackles into life. "PUMP 2 RESPOND TO PERSONS REPORTED NUMBER 15 yada yada yada" OH my fooking god. :gob:

Well I ran,tripped bounced and hopped me way to the fire engine, where a bunch o big ugly basts were already in fire kit ,sirens blaring waiting for the human condom. Do you think I could get in the bugger! I couldn't bend me bloody knees at all.I'm fookin bouncing up and down like tigger,trying to get just one leg on the back o the truck to the sound of histerical laughter and nee naas. I was hauled in by me mates and we took off at a million miles an hour .

Bwahaha, what the feck are ya doin Mart? "shut the fack up and GET ME OUT THIS BASTARD!!!":mad: By the time we got to the job,I had one arm free and the other was torn clean off, no spiggin chance with the rest of it.

Smoke was billowing out the upper floor as me buds dismounted and I was left half naked rolling on the floor in the back of the truck.Bystanders were left bemused as five fireman rushed towards a serious fire, laughing their stupid heads of cannabis stylie. I managed to get me legings on and stuffed the upper half of the wetsuit under me jacket looking for all the world like the first ever pregnant firefighter, then ran around for an hour doing hero things with the blood supply to my legs completely cut off and me family jewels retracting under the intense rubber onslaught.

Back at the fire station, It took three blokes to get me out of the fecking thing in a most undignified manner, laughter and derision filled the night air.

The remnants of the rubber straight jacket were burned on the BBQ and I gave the little bastard his 20 quid. I have never ever lived this incident down,never! :lol: Beat that for stoopid, i dare ya.

[TOTO]

hahahaha fantastic story. bling awarded !

[Swampdonkey]

Beautiful....good yarn onyah Marty..Bet the boys still bring that one up after a couple of coldys

[TOTO]

Ok Here is my frinds story and ...mine :)


One day I'm at work and I get a call on my cell. Its my friend and he calls me to to tell me he needs help, NOW.

My friend is a very keen on Jetski-ing but suffering from "money saving disability" he is always short on cash so he does most things the cheapest way possible.

My friend has gone jetski-ing whole day in St.Helliers and had fun but when it was time to pull the jetski out of the water by himself, he was very tired and could not do it. So his smart brain desided that his 2WD stationwagon would do just fine. Boy was he wrong. Turns out the car dug into the wet St.Helliers sand and got stuck with the High tide just starting...


I bust into laughing, and start telling him how dumb he is to take his 2WD car onto wet sand and get stuck with the tide coming. I used colourful language to emphasise my point. :)

Anyway, what are friends for so I leave work and go in St.Helliers (which is 10minutes away) and without even thinking I DRIVE MY 2WD STATIONWAGON onto the sand. I get the rope. I tie the rope, get in the car and....took exactly 5 seconds to get my car stuck in the sand with the tide coming.

Slight detail - his stationwagon was worth $1000 max , mine was about $10 000 :D

I felt like the the dummer guy from the movie "Dumb and Dummer".

Thank god that one very nice guy on a big 4WD pulled me out, but my friends 1000dollar car and all his stuff was not so lucky. Half of his car (the bottom half) was left in the salty water for about 4-5 hours untill the low tide and then we dug and pulled it out.

His car has never started since, mine got sold in perfect condition LOL :)

:)

[BiK3RChiK]

That's a real good one Marty! You just killed me with laughter!:rofl:

Here's my one...

Hubby & I are up at the aero club (in Kaitaia) one evening when the club president and a number of other members rush in saying there is an emergency ambulance flight coming in and we have to put out the runway lights, which are kerosene lanterns that put out fuck-all light for just such occasions.

Awesome! Some REAL action!! Yep! We'll be in on that.. Woohoo! So out come all the lanterns and off we go in the presidents 4wd and put them all down each side of the runway.

Then some bright spark decides that the thing to do is park the van at the end of the runway from the end the plane will be coming in and light up the runway with the headlights of the van. The only problem is that the red tail lights need to be covered because the pilot will think he is landing at the wrong end of the runway... So I volunteer to stand in front one side of the tail-lights, someone else on the other... Everyone is standing around jabbering in eager anticipation waiting... Then we hear the plane.. Yep, there it is, lights blinking away in the distance, getting closer & closer. Fuck, it's getting close! Bloody hell, I'm gonna die tonight!!!! Nose-dive into the dirt as the plane whooshes over the top of us about 6 foot away!!!! Everyone going 'Fuck that was close' and LOTS of nervous laughter, then, "Where's Mavis?" Mate, I was GONE! Scrambled into the 4wd as fast as my legs could take me, vowing and declaring "I will NEVER do that again!!!!"

Damage: dislocated my neck and scared the living shit out of myself. Nearly gave myself a coronary.

Pilot didn't realise we were there until the last minute and said "There's no way I'd have been standing there!"

M

[Trudes]

hahhaaha, you guys are all fucked in the head.:laugh:

[martybabe]

:gob: :thud::killingme

Oh lord,it's taken longer to reply than write the thread, I keep cocking it up,I've been crying me self stupid.

Absolutely brilliant. Yeah I'm not the only nutter on the planet ! :banana::banana:

Thanx guys, I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone out there. It's not easy admitting to the world your an idiot. :lol:

[FJRider]

There was a time, many years ago,I did a parachute demonstration jump at an airshow at Whenuapai airport. At the last moment I decided to jump NUDE. It was a low level jump onto a deserted part of the airfield. A sudden wind change brought me a little closer to the crowd than I desired. And my hands were busy controlling the dam chute. Nowhere to hide

[steveb64]

:gob: :thud::killingme

Oh lord,it's taken longer to reply than write the thread, I keep cocking it up,I've been crying me self stupid.

Absolutely brilliant. Yeah I'm not the only nutter on the planet ! :banana::banana:

Thanx guys, I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone out there. It's not easy admitting to the world your an idiot. :lol:

LOL! Yeah Marty - but damn funny! :2thumbsup
+1

[Animal]

...When I was a Fireman I asked around to see if anyone had a wetsuit for sale cause I'm a tight bastard...

Hilarious! Bling awarded. :laugh:

[martybabe]

Beautiful....good yarn onyah Marty..Bet the boys still bring that one up after a couple of coldys


Never ever meet up without the subject commin up. Hey Mart do you remember.......YES, now feck off and get me a beer. :lol:

It aint like I can't see the humour in it, I wouldn't have posted this otherwise, infact it was feckin hillarious. I just wish sometimes I could have watched it rather than been it. :lol:

[BiK3RChiK]

Never ever meet up without the subject commin up. Hey Mart do you remember.......YES, now feck off and get me a beer. :lol:

It aint like I can't see the humour in it, I wouldn't have posted this otherwise, infact it was feckin hillarious. I just wish sometimes I could have watched it rather than been it. :lol:

Hahaha.. That had me laughing so hard I was crying! We just gotta meet this weekend coming up... +1 to you.

M

[martybabe]

Hahaha.. That had me laughing so hard I was crying! We just gotta meet this weekend coming up... +1 to you.

M

You'd be very welcome but don't expect any repeat performances. I couldn't do it again,I have flashbacks as it is. :rolleyes:

[Mikkel]

I've done a lot of stupid shit - usually while being so drunk I couldn't remember it until my mates reminded me... How I have managed to avoid significant bodily injury to this day is beyond me (I've been close though).

Once in Cairns, I had just arrived by plane from Sydney and was set to go on a 3 day diving trip early the next morning. Anyway, I met an english fella and we hit the piss big time at Jono's blues bar. Long story short - several long island iceteas, a short visit at the casino and a few more drinks at the woolshed later - I was back at the backpackers and fooling around with some girl. We tried our best at breaking into the pool area for a late night swim - but without luck. At some stage I more or less passed out - luckily my homing instinct is pretty good at getting me back to my own bed.
Very early next morning my alarm clock went off. I was of course still comatose and didn't really wake up until the cleaning lady came in around 10 am.
I spent most of the day wandering around town in a haze of hangovers trying to figure out how much it would cost to get a helicopter/waterplane/speedboat take me out to the dive boat.
In the end I went out the next morning and just missed one day of the dive trip...

One for the firemen:
In my hometown some 30 years ago they had just built a brand sparking new fire station.
Not long after the completion the fire chief held his 25th anniversiary and all of the guys were of course invited.
At some point during the night the phone rings and the chief answers. The guy at the other end informs him that the new fire station is burning. Real funny prank call - the firemen all had a big laugh about it and got back into drinking... except it wasn't a prank call. It burned. To the ground. Needless to say the fire engines burned with it. Talk about a bad hangover?

[martybabe]

Thank you all so much for the generous blinging . More stories please, I need a laff after being stuck in all day. Bloody rain. :niceone:

[martybabe]

Real funny prank call - the firemen all had a big laugh about it and got back into drinking... except it wasn't a prank call. It burned. To the ground. Needless to say the fire engines burned with it. Talk about a bad hangover?

:laugh: Hey mikkel, we had a similar shout. Respond to fire station well alight,persons reported. Yeah right ! so we took off sunday driver stylie, smoking, eating toast etc, eventualy got there after stopping off for news papers,lollys n stuff and the place is going like the bollocks.

Turns out, thier truck had gone to a crash somewhere and left one bloke in charge of the barbie on the back lawn, He'd thrown petrol on the bloody thing, set fire to himself and the whole of the back of the fire station.

Oh how we laughed, :rofl: Hey I guess that makes him captain stoopid.I feel much better now. :laugh:

[Headbanger]

When I was a Fireman I asked around to see if anyone had a wetsuit for sale cause I'm a tight bastard,.

Just about the funniest story I have ever read, Tried to give ya some bling but it says I have to share some around first.:spanking:

[Blue Velvet]

:lol: PIXPLS :shifty:

[martybabe]

:lol: PIXPLS :shifty:


Ha, you wish, fortunately nobody was expecting the human condom, a bit like the Spanish inquisition, So no actual photographic record, thank god. :D

I had you in mind when I wrote this. Now come on BV, tell Daddy how silly you've been, come on fess up,your an angel in my eyes but I know you've done Bad things. :rolleyes:

[Mikkel]

Oh how we laughed, :rofl: Hey I guess that makes him captain stoopid.I feel much better now. :laugh:

Fuck that is hilarious. A fire fighter who can't manage to pour petrol on a BBQ without setting himself and the surroundings on fire is worthless!!!

DUN DUN DAAAA - Captain Stoopid!

[007XX]

I had you in mind when I wrote this. Now come on BV, tell Daddy how silly you've been, come on fess up,your an angel in my eyes but I know you've done Bad things. :rolleyes:

:shifty: Of course she's an angel...*and I'm sister twice removed of the current pope*

:rofl:

Bling awarded Mr MB...that was a very good story! :clap:

[martybabe]

:shifty: Of course she's an angel...*and I'm sister twice removed of the current pope*

:ROFL:

Bling awarded Mr MB...that was a very good story! :clap:


:mad: she is too an angel. Now then 007xx, of all the stories in all the world.I'm guessing you've got a mthrfckr to tell.

Peeps have been very kind on this thread but the stoooopid confessions are a bit noticeable by there absence.

If I could only read one more, it would be yours, come on babe,I gotta know.

Yours in anticipation. MB :corn::corn::corn::ROFL:

[007XX]

:mad: she is too an angel. Now then 007xx, of all the stories in all the world.I'm guessing you've got a mthrfckr to tell.

Peeps have been very kind on this thread but the stoooopid confessions are a bit noticeable by there absence.

If I could only read one more, it would be yours, come on babe,I gotta know.

Yours in anticipation. MB :corn::corn::corn::ROFL:

:laugh:cheeky bugger! I did think that posting on this thread was going to land me in hot water...:Oops:

I think the worst one would be when I participated in a cheerleading event for a soccer team in France.

I was about 16 and living in paris for a few months as my OE.

I had the pleasure and fortune of flatting with a girlfriend, whose Sugar Daddy was kind enough to look the other way at our mad antics and indulge us when we decided that we would make awesome cheerleaders.
Nothing wrong with the idea, since he was the owner of the team, and basically bullied the cheerleader coach into letting us have a go.

Being both dancers in those days, we pulled it off and were as happy as Larry when the big day of the game came about, and we were able to go backstage to get ready.

Now, my girlfriend was a mischievous one indeed, and while I was no angel, she always seemed to come up with the best ideas first.

Her latest one that day: sneak into the team's shower and have a bit of a perv at them yummy young athletes.

I took a bit of convincing (yes, I know...amazing, but true!), but finally got up the courage to slide into the males' cahnging rooms...just as the friggin' coach opens the door and sees me there, standing like a moron, babbling for an excuse of sort that would make some kind of sense...:o

My girlfriend had by some miracle decided to disappear faster than the wind, leaving me to deal with my crimson face and the shame of being a perv...

:rofl:

[zooter]

Thanks for the laugh Marty.

My storytelling doesn't compare but I'll lay it out:
There was this possum that liked to sit up a tree outside my bedroom and do his whole "come here you sexy beast" possum grunt thing, night after night. One day I come home in my $1000 car and there he is right in my headlights as I'm turning into the drive. He starts to go up a wooden power pole but stops at bumper height and stares into the headlights. Ha ha, "gotcha" methinks and I "charge" the fucker only have him shimmy up another foot, thereby removing the furry meat cushion between my bumper and said power pole. Thankfully no significant damage.

[martybabe]

:laugh:cheeky bugger! I did think that posting on this thread was going to land me in hot water...:Oops:

leaving me to deal with my crimson face and the shame of being a perv...

:rofl:

:killingme: I knew it, your sooo naughty. Oh ground swallow me up. :laugh:


Thanks for the laugh Marty.

My storytelling doesn't compare but I'll lay it out:
There was this possum that liked to sit up a tree outside my bedroom and do his whole "come here you sexy beast" possum grunt thing, night after night. One day I come home in my $1000 car and there he is right in my headlights as I'm turning into the drive. He starts to go up a wooden power pole but stops at bumper height and stares into the headlights. Ha ha, "gotcha" methinks and I "charge" the fucker only have him shimmy up another foot, thereby removing the furry meat cushion between my bumper and said power pole. Thankfully no significant damage.

:laugh: li'll blighter, I hope he never got any sminky pinky.

[steveb64]

Hmmm - been scratching my head, trying to think of which of the great selection to choose from... :o ...and out of the mists came this one...

Was living in Russia (Moscow), missus and I were doing contract work for USAID - and she was out of the country (over Stateside, with some trainees) - so I was doing the batchelor thing... sitting playing Civilisation, working my way through a rather nice bottle of Sauterne (I liked sweet sticky wines back then), when the hunger pangs began to set in. Had a bit of a rat around in the cupboards, and came up with this tinned pie. Yep, a pie in a tin (NOT a Russian idea - American, from an American food/grocery store - in Moscow). Read the instructions, a couple of times - "Heat in oven for 60 minutes."
So, into oven, which was a crappy gas thing, with an unregulated supply, so cooking times/temperatures tended to vary dependant on how many people in our part of the building were using their stoves.
Go back to game, and wine.
About an hour later, hunger pangs were getting quite sharp, so looked at watch - "Hmmm, dinner should be just about ready by now!" - at which point, there was a LARGE (actually, more like HUGE explosion! FUCK! The whole building (all 5 stories) bounced up and down! SHIT! The fucking stoves blown up!
Leap into the kitchen - and WHAT A BLOODY MESS! :shit: :buggerd: :D: :lol: :rofl: The oven door was blown open - out flat - and the contents of the tinned pie were distributed all over the opposite wall, and the ceiling, and the floor, and over anywhere/thing else that was in the direct firing line. :Oops: All I could do was laugh. Just about pissed meself in fact - as I was scraping bits of pie off the walls and ceiling...
Once I'd finished that lovely little task - extracted the remains of the pie from the oven. Read top of tin - again. "Warning: REMOVE PIE FROM TIN BEFORE COOKING!" :doh:

[McDuck]

Hmmm - been scratching my head, trying to think of which of the great selection to choose from... :o ...and out of the mists came this one...

Was living in Russia (Moscow), missus and I were doing contract work for USAID - and she was out of the country (over Stateside, with some trainees) - so I was doing the batchelor thing... sitting playing Civilisation, working my way through a rather nice bottle of Sauterne (I liked sweet sticky wines back then), when the hunger pangs began to set in. Had a bit of a rat around in the cupboards, and came up with this tinned pie. Yep, a pie in a tin (NOT a Russian idea - American, from an American food/grocery store - in Moscow). Read the instructions, a couple of times - "Heat in oven for 60 minutes."
So, into oven, which was a crappy gas thing, with an unregulated supply, so cooking times/temperatures tended to vary dependant on how many people in our part of the building were using their stoves.
Go back to game, and wine.
About an hour later, hunger pangs were getting quite sharp, so looked at watch - "Hmmm, dinner should be just about ready by now!" - at which point, there was a LARGE (actually, more like HUGE explosion! FUCK! The whole building (all 5 stories) bounced up and down! SHIT! The fucking stoves blown up!
Leap into the kitchen - and WHAT A BLOODY MESS! :shit: :buggerd: :D: :lol: :rofl: The oven door was blown open - out flat - and the contents of the tinned pie were distributed all over the opposite wall, and the ceiling, and the floor, and over anywhere/thing else that was in the direct firing line. :Oops: All I could do was laugh. Just about pissed meself in fact - as I was scraping bits of pie off the walls and ceiling...
Once I'd finished that lovely little task - extracted the remains of the pie from the oven. Read top of tin - again. "Warning: REMOVE PIE FROM TIN BEFORE COOKING!" :doh:



I would bling you if i were not so infractered. (quote RM)

[Livvy]

Well Steve, look at it like this, if you'd gone into the kitchen two minutes earlier and tried to open it then it probably would have been you smeared all over the walls... Or some of you, anyway!

[martybabe]

Hmmm - been scratching my head, trying to think of which of the great selection to choose from... :o ...and out of the mists came this one...

Was living in Russia (Moscow), missus and I were doing contract work for USAID - and she was out of the country (over Stateside, with some trainees) - so I was doing the batchelor thing... sitting playing Civilisation, working my way through a rather nice bottle of Sauterne (I liked sweet sticky wines back then), when the hunger pangs began to set in. Had a bit of a rat around in the cupboards, and came up with this tinned pie. Yep, a pie in a tin (NOT a Russian idea - American, from an American food/grocery store - in Moscow). Read the instructions, a couple of times - "Heat in oven for 60 minutes."
So, into oven, which was a crappy gas thing, with an unregulated supply, so cooking times/temperatures tended to vary dependant on how many people in our part of the building were using their stoves.
Go back to game, and wine.
About an hour later, hunger pangs were getting quite sharp, so looked at watch - "Hmmm, dinner should be just about ready by now!" - at which point, there was a LARGE (actually, more like HUGE explosion! FUCK! The whole building (all 5 stories) bounced up and down! SHIT! The fucking stoves blown up!
Leap into the kitchen - and WHAT A BLOODY MESS! :shit: :buggerd: :D: The oven door was blown open - out flat - and the contents of the tinned pie were distributed all over the opposite wall, and the ceiling, and the floor, and over anywhere/thing else that was in the direct firing line. :Oops: All I could do was laugh. Just about pissed meself in fact - as I was scraping bits of pie off the walls and ceiling...
Once I'd finished that lovely little task - extracted the remains of the pie from the oven. Read top of tin - again. "Warning: REMOVE PIE FROM TIN BEFORE COOKING!" :doh:


Thats what I'm talking about. :thud::killingme Steve,your my hero.

Your not alone though, our new highly skilled cook/ ex cleaner did the same with a can of baked beans. whacked em in the oven and in the fulness of time blew the cooker to kingdom come. Why? "it said baked on the tin so I baked em" $3000 of new cattering size oven ! I think she's gone back to cleaning now. :lol:

[steveb64]

Just found a picture of a tinned pie - from the Jokes area...?

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=86896&d=1203655189

The one my tale relates to was a different brand AFAIK, but same (or very similar) size... Don't half make a mess... :laugh:

[007XX]

:killingme: I knew it, your sooo naughty. Oh ground swallow me up. :laugh:


Not so much naughty as loathing boredom and having plenty of imagination to avoid it :innocent:

Oh in regards to cooking: Do Not, under any circumstances, try to cook an egg (still in its shell) or a spring roll, in a microwave...:killingme

Trust me, it ain't pretty and is really hard to clean up...

For my defence, I have now improved considerably my cooking skills :cool:

[oldrider]

Not so much naughty as loathing boredom and having plenty of imagination to avoid it :innocent:

Oh in regards to cooking: Do Not, under any circumstances, try to cook an egg (still in its shell) or a spring roll, in a microwave...:killingme

Trust me, it ain't pretty and is really hard to clean up...

For my defence, I have now improved considerably my cooking skills :cool:

A woman with your obvious assets, attitude and intelect doesn't need anything else! :shifty: Cheers, John. :lol:

[007XX]

A woman with your obvious assets, attitude and intelect doesn't need anything else! :shifty: Cheers, John. :lol:

Why sir, I believe you'll make me blush.

However, I have to admit that not being able to cook would have been close to a sacrilege given my ancestry, and therefor I am happy to report it was remedied to over the last few years. :D I am not as good as much of a Cordon Bleu as my Grandma is, but then again, Is till have afew years to practice.

[yungatart]

I was returning to new Plymouth from a party in Oakura, many years ago.I had decided since it was only about a 10 mile trip to my house I could wait for the loo.
It appears that our driver was somewhat stoned and pootling along quite happily at about 20 mph, but my bladder was protesting hugely, until I just had to go. Nothing for it but to climb over some cow cocky's fence and go in a paddock.
I was wearing jeans and as any lady can tell you, there is a real art form in squatting and peeing without wetting your feet or your clothes. Jeans and kniickers down below knees and carefully held out in front of me. Aaah, there is almost nothing so orgasmic as a pee long waited for......WTF, something has tickled my girly bits...midstream, with a force that would not be denied and something is tickling my girly bits!!
I tell you, I near shit myself (lucky my pants were down, I reckon). It seems that the little piece of paddock I had chosen to do my business in was actually occupied by a sleeping pheasant, which was so rudely awoken by a golden shower raining from above. The bloody thing took off, over the top of my jeans and knickers, tickling me with his tail feathers on the way through!!
Oh how my mates laughed and laughed.
I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.
Yes, I managed to wet my jeans and my feet too...nice!!!!

[martybabe]

I was returning to new Plymouth from a party in Oakura, many years ago.I had decided since it was only about a 10 mile trip to my house I could wait for the loo.
It appears that our driver was somewhat stoned and pootling along quite happily at about 20 mph, but my bladder was protesting hugely, until I just had to go. Nothing for it but to climb over some cow cocky's fence and go in a paddock.
I was wearing jeans and as any lady can tell you, there is a real art form in squatting and peeing without wetting your feet or your clothes. Jeans and kniickers down below knees and carefully held out in front of me. Aaah, there is almost nothing so orgasmic as a pee long waited for......WTF, something has tickled my girly bits...midstream, with a force that would not be denied and something is tickling my girly bits!!
I tell you, I near shit myself (lucky my pants were down, I reckon). It seems that the little piece of paddock I had chosen to do my business in was actually occupied by a sleeping pheasant, which was so rudely awoken by a golden shower raining from above. The bloody thing took off, over the top of my jeans and knickers, tickling me with his tail feathers on the way through!!
Oh how my mates laughed and laughed.
I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.
Yes, I managed to wet my jeans and my feet too...nice!!!!


Oh yes! :lol: Good girl, I do hope the farmer shot it soon after and took it home for tea. Just had a mental image of the faces.:lol: ere maw this pheasant tastes o piss. makes a noice change from they sheep wot taste of shit.

You go girl !.............. anywhere you want to. :banana::lol:

[007XX]

I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.


:shifty: these are available in NZ, and very useful:

http://shewee.com/

Oh, and bling sent...good story! :laugh:

[thehovel]

Back in the late sixties Whenuapai was home to NZs Sky Hawks and just for a lark when we saw a couple ready to take-off we would jump the fence and sit on the end of the runway. The planes would pass about 50-100ft over our heads.No danger and quite a head rush the first time you did it.(a bit like sex really).:innocent::innocent: 1969 I went to Australia and while mucking about I found a air force base just down the road. One day as me and several mates were driving past I noticed a couple of F1-11s at the end of the runway,it was just too good to miss.:rockon::rockon:Only one of my mates would come with me (not enough time to convince the rest). :whocares:Over the fence 200mts to the end of the concrete,park the bum down and then the jets start pre-flight rev-up and then it got a bit quiet. Sat there waiting. If you check out the strip at Whenuapai it is on a hill with the end over the crest. In Ossy there is a lot of flat land to build air-strips on. :Oops::Oops: Then the F1-11s light up every thing,did a short strip take-off ,rotated vertical, and lit the after burners. Sky Hawks are scooters by comparison, we nearly got toasted and our ears rang for days and the blast blew us into the tarmac. Do you think the pilots saw us?????Didn't do that again!!!!!

[martybabe]

Back in the late sixties Whenuapai was home to NZs Sky Hawks and just for a lark when we saw a couple ready to take-off we would jump the fence and sit on the end of the runway. The planes would pass about 50-100ft over our heads.No danger and quite a head rush the first time you did it.(a bit like sex really).:innocent::innocent: 1969 I went to Australia and while mucking about I found a air force base just down the road. One day as me and several mates were driving past I noticed a couple of F1-11s at the end of the runway,it was just too good to miss.:rockonrockon:Only one of my mates would come with me (not enough time to convince the rest). :whocares:Over the fence 200mts to the end of the concrete,park the bum down and then the jets start pre-flight rev-up and then it got a bit quiet. Sat there waiting. If you check out the strip at Whenuapai it is on a hill with the end over the crest. In Ossy there is a lot of flat land to build air-strips on. :Oops::Oops: Then the F1-11s light up every thing,did a short strip take-off ,rotated vertical, and lit the after burners. Sky Hawks are scooters by comparison, we nearly got toasted and our ears rang for days and the blast blew us into the tarmac. Do you think the pilots saw us?????Didn't do that again!!!!!

:yes: Been buzzed by a few low flyers over the years.:gob: sweet mother of baby jesus, the noise alone is enough to make me surrender, can you imagine if the bastards were shootin at ya. It.s a good sphincter test eh.

[Mom]

I dont like admitting to anything foolish things I have done, but here is one thing that I will admit to. Get a few wines in me though and who knows what laughs you could have at my expense!

Just before the shop closed I rushed down the road to buy heaven only knows what was so important. Our local 4square closed for winter at 7pm, I guess this was 10 to. I get out of the car and make a beeline for the back of the shop, through the side door from the carpark. Intent on my purchase I am looking deep into the store and fail to notice the door was closed! Yes, I smacked fair into the glass door, it felled me!

I sat outside the door, head in hands certain that my nose was now flat! Shit it hurt! The staff come up and open the closed door, I pick myself up and go in and buy what the hell it was I needed. The young fella at the checkout said, your nose is bleeding! No shit!!! Sherlock, it fucken hurts as well.....LOL

Get home, get laughed at, get on with it. The next day I had been out somewhere and came back to the office. On my desk was an obvious bottle of wine with a small parcel attached and a lovely card from the owner of the store apologising for the door being closed. Nice thinks me.

Get home and unwrap the present, only to discover that this cheeky prick has gone to the joke shop and bought me a pair of those Magoo black rimmed, milk bottle bottom looking fake glasses!

We stilll laugh about it now.

[martybabe]

I dont like admitting to anything foolish things I have done, but here is one thing that I will admit to. Get a few wines in me though and who knows what laughs you could have at my expense!

Just before the shop closed I rushed down the road to buy heaven only knows what was so important. Our local 4square closed for winter at 7pm, I guess this was 10 to. I get out of the car and make a beeline for the back of the shop, through the side door from the carpark. Intent on my purchase I am looking deep into the store and fail to notice the door was closed! Yes, I smacked fair into the glass door, it felled me!

I sat outside the door, head in hands certain that my nose was now flat! Shit it hurt! The staff come up and open the closed door, I pick myself up and go in and buy what the hell it was I needed. The young fella at the checkout said, your nose is bleeding! No shit!!! Sherlock, it fucken hurts as well.....LOL

Get home, get laughed at, get on with it. The next day I had been out somewhere and came back to the office. On my desk was an obvious bottle of wine with a small parcel attached and a lovely card from the owner of the store apologising for the door being closed. Nice thinks me.

Get home and unwrap the present, only to discover that this cheeky prick has gone to the joke shop and bought me a pair of those Magoo black rimmed, milk bottle bottom looking fake glasses!

We stilll laugh about it now.

Oh, fuggin ace. Thats a double blinger if I had the technology.:killingme:rofl::drinkup:

[Maha]

It was 1984 (i think) i was living in Tga at the time. We had finished work early and ended up at the Star Hotel in downtown Tga drinking with some painters. Sometime during the wee hours my boss thought it a good idea to head to Rotorua for a burger, so off we went, with a crate of piss. Taking the long home, we went through Fitzgerald Glade, and there were three Sheep walking in the middle of the road, two big ones and one little one. Boss tells me to get the little one, and we will take it home to his Wife. Didn't see the hassle in that, so he went passed them and i got out of the car, his idea was to herd them back to me and i grab the smallest one. He turns and drives back passed them and starts to herd them back towards me. Im standing in the middle of the Glade with a bottle of piss ready to snag a wooley feast. They were getting closer and my thoughts turned to OMG! how am i going to do this? The three sheep get passed me so i turn and run (who wouldn't?) but the little fuckers went into the trees alongside the road. My boss flys passed my in the 351 and stops about 200mts up the road. Then i hear a rather unholy noise and see huge bright lights, no, not a UFO but a Kenworth Logging truck, he aint stoppin'... i run like fuck towards the car but my Boss is yelling ''Go Bush ya crazy bastard''... so i dived to the left just as the Truck screams by Airhorns and all, couldn't find my beer or the feckin' sheep. Boss is laughing so hard by the time get to the car and tells me '' thats the funniest thing i have ever seen, you silhouetted by the lights of a Kenworth...looking back on it, not the brightest thing to do but i live to tell the story....

[martybabe]

It was 1984 (i think) i was living in Tga at the time. We had finished work early and ended up at the Star Hotel in downtown Tga drinking with some painters. Sometime during the wee hours my boss thought it a good idea to head to Rotorua for a burger, so off we went, with a crate of piss. Taking the long home, we went through Fitzgerald Glade, and there were three Sheep walking in the middle of the road, two big ones and one little one. Boss tells me to get the little one, and we will take it home to his Wife. Didn't see the hassle in that, so he went passed them and i got out of the car, his idea was to herd them back to me and i grab the smallest one. He turns and drives back passed them and starts to herd them back towards me. Im standing in the middle of the Glade with a bottle of piss ready to snag a wooley feast. They were getting closer and my thoughts turned to OMG! how am i going to do this? The three sheep get passed me so i turn and run (who wouldn't?) but the little fuckers went into the trees alongside the road. My boss flys passed my in the 351 and stops about 200mts up the road. Then i hear a rather unholy noise and see huge bright lights, no, not a UFO but a Kenworth Logging truck, he aint stoppin'... i run like fuck towards the car but my Boss is yelling ''Go Bush ya crazy bastard''... so i dived to the left just as the Truck screams by Airhorns and all, couldn't find my beer or the feckin' sheep. Boss is laughing so hard by the time get to the car and tells me '' thats the funniest thing i have ever seen, you silhouetted by the lights of a Kenworth...looking back on it, not the brightest thing to do but i live to tell the story....


And what a story, well done mate, (ewe) were lucky. sheep and piss dont mix .

[Mikkel]

Hmmm, just got to think about this:

I was a fairly curious, energetic and enthustiastic child - these days I'm sure there'd been a syndrome or label for it.
Around the tender age of 8 I was certain I had understood all the aspects of how to operate a motor vehicle and thus challenged my father to let me drive the car.
My father being a reasonable man expressed his doubts on the subject. But, what would a boring grown-up like him know about that - so I of course insisted until he finally budged and let me have a go at it.
So we get in the car, besides having trouble reaching the pedals everything seemed ok - until I turned the key without depressing the clutch, putting it in neutral or letting go of the hand brake... Epic fail!
It took about two years before my father relented and let me have another go at a remote beach. That however was a more succesful venture.

Oh, picking up shaving before you need to is not a good idea - especially not the aftershave bit.

Small tricycles do not operate well on stairs.

...and the list could go on.

[martybabe]

Small tricycles do not operate well on stairs.

:D yes mate and my list is embarisingly long too, At the time they all seemed like good ideas.We do infact learn by our mistakes,I doubt you'll be trycycling down the stairs any time soon eh. :D


Thank you all, it's been a right larf, see ya soon. Martybabe. :done:

[NighthawkNZ]

I responded to the (dumb things bikers do thread) and I wondered what is the dumbest/stupidest thing I've ever done. It's a big list but here's my winner.


Ummm not actually having a bike for a year for me was pretty dumb :pinch:

[Street Gerbil]

Woodturning, especially penturning, could be a really rewarding hobby. At some stage I grew bored out of working with plain looking pieces of solid wood and decided to go composite. As I discovered empirically, when you are supergluing small pieces of exotic wood and the whole assembly starts falling apart, you should let it fall on the carpet and under no condition try to hold it together with your hands. A person with hands superglued one to another is sooo helpless!.. The resulting pen looked nice though.

[martybabe]

Woodturning, especially penturning, could be a really rewarding hobby. At some stage I grew bored out of working with plain looking pieces of solid wood and decided to go composite. As I discovered empirically, when you are supergluing small pieces of exotic wood and the whole assembly starts falling apart, you should let it fall on the carpet and under no condition try to hold it together with your hands. A person with hands superglued one to another is sooo helpless!.. The resulting pen looked nice though.

That is a nice piece of work mate, worth a few sticky fingers. :niceone:

[Mikkel]

:D yes mate and my list is embarisingly long too, At the time they all seemed like good ideas.We do infact learn by our mistakes,I doubt you'll be trycycling down the stairs any time soon eh. :D


Well, I haven't learned NOT to drink alcohol yet - so the age of miracles is not yet completely over! ;)

[martybabe]

And finally..........Never fart in a wet suit that's too small, people will know it was you!

:nono: Bye now MB

[BiK3RChiK]

And finally..........Never fart in a wet suit that's too small, people will know it was you!

:nono: Bye now MB

:lol: Priceless!! Thanks for that Marty...:clap: