The joys of being British

[Biff]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

Alledgedly official govt statistics!

[Riff Raff]

Hmmm.... hasn't this already been posted on here recently, but with Australian's instead of Brits???? :Pokey:

[ching_ching]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

Alledgedly official govt statistics!


Fucking Hell!! :spudwhat:

[Biff]

Hmmm.... hasn't this already been posted on here recently, but with Australian's instead of Brits???? :Pokey:

Really? I dunno - I just cut n paste. :bleh:

[Hitcher]

I thought the "joy" of being British was never being at a loss for something to moan about...

[Biff]

I thought the "joy" of being British was never being at a loss for something to moan about...

As opposed to never being at a loss for somebodies punctuation to moan about I guess :Pokey:

Are you sure you're not a pom?

[Blakamin]

I thought the "joy" of being British was never being at a loss for something to moan about...
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Hitcher]

As opposed to never being at a loss for somebodies punctuation to moan about I guess

Are you sure you're not a pom?
That should be "somebody's punctuation"...

And no, a Pom I am not.

[betti]

awww you guys are always pickin on us... :msn-wink:

[Biff]

That should be "somebody's punctuation"...

And no, a Pom I am not.

hook

line

sucker

[MSTRS]

Hmmm.... hasn't this already been posted on here recently, but with Australian's instead of Brits???? :Pokey:
Yep - anyway 78% of stastics are made up :killingme

[MSTRS]

SOMEONE is losing their touch *statistics*

[Biff]

oooooo - you were lucky, Hitcher almost had you then!

[avgas]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
Alledgedly official govt statistics!
And i though the fork in the power socket was a bad idea :eek:

[Hitcher]

oooooo - you were lucky, Hitcher almost had you then!
I sense retrospective arse covering.

[MSTRS]

oooooo - you were lucky, Hitcher almost had you then!
yea I suspect he was busy with the Do you have a problem thread at the time.:sweatdrop I feel very lucky to have wriggled out of that one - I'm off to organise a Lotto ticket

[Indiana_Jones]

I love being British :niceone:

-Indy

[Oscar]

I thought the "joy" of being British was never being at a loss for something to moan about...


Like having the Rugby World Cup?

Is you moaning about other people moaning conscious irony, or just a life style?

[Mongoose]

Ahhhhh, the joy of knowing that Scotland is NORTH of the border :)

[moko]

Ahhhhh, the joy of knowing that Scotland is NORTH of the border :)


Friggin long way north of the border from South Otago mate

[bluninja]

Ahhhhh, the joy of knowing that Scotland is NORTH of the border :)

...and that most scots don't live there :Pokey:

[Yokai]

...and that most scots don't live there :Pokey:
Waddaya mean - Corby is most def'nit'ly north of the Watford Gap! :bleh:

[Biff]

Ahhhhh, the joy of knowing that Scotland is NORTH of the border :)

It's my understanding that it's only the English that are referred to as poms, cos the're the ones that moan a lot. The Celts, namely the Scots, Welsh and Irish are all a really content breed and never moan.................. :innocent:

[Hitcher]

Pom is a contracted acronym that originated in Australia. It is a shortened version of "Pommie" which stands for Prisoner of Mother England.

[Oscar]

It's my understanding that it's only the English that are referred to as poms, cos their the ones that moan a lot. The Celts, namely the Scots, Welsh and Irish are all a really content breed and never moan.................. :innocent:

Really? A somewhat oversimplified view...
The Celts were a people prevelant throughout Britain and France, including what later became England, where lots still reside. What's more you've obviosly never been to Sweaty Sock Land as the Jocks can be some of the biggest whingers you've ever meet - how would you feel if you had to wear a skirt and had only crap football teams to support?

[Biff]

Pom is a contracted acronym that originated in Australia. It is a shortened version of "Pommie" which stands for Prisoner of Mother England.

That's one explanation I've heard since being here - another I've read in what I believe was the Modern English Dictionary ( Collins or Oxford maybe, it's got rude words an all ya know) is that it originates from the French word Pomme, meaning apple. This is because the Brits that originally travelled to Oz all those centuries ago suffered terrible hardship from amongst other things, scurvy. As such the ships we're always stocked up with apples in order to provide a source of vitamin C.

[Biff]

Really? A somewhat oversimplified view...
The Celts were a people prevelant throughout Britain and France, including what later became England, where lots still reside. What's more you've obviosly never been to Sweaty Sock Land as the Jocks can be some of the biggest whingers you've ever meet - how would you feel if you had to wear a skirt and had only crap football teams to support?

Hmm - even more oversimplified that my oversimplification. I can't be arsed to get into it again now, but another fellow Englishman and I covered this one off recently here. We were even joined by a Welshman who made up his own swear words.

I've just finished reading a history of British ancestory book ya see just after a similar book about Celts and was dying to pretend I was a fountain of knowledge about all things relating to the history of being British (being that I am, British that is).

[Oscar]

That's one explanation I've heard since being here - another I've read in what I believe was the Modern English Dictionary ( Collins of Oford maybe, it's got rude words an all ya know) is that it originates from the French word Pomme, meaning apple. This is because the Brits that originally travelled to Oz all those centuries ago suffered terrible hardship from amongst other things, scurvy. As such the ships we're always stocked up with apples in order to provide a source of vitamin C.


It's almost certainly a legend:

http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/pommy.htm


This amusing anecdote is doubtful as anything more than a fanciful invention, as acronymic origins antedating the mid-twentieth century are automatically suspect, and the use of "pommy" has been recorded at least as far back as 1915. Moreover, nobody has yet turned up corroborating evidence that "Prisoner of His Majesty" or "Prisoners of Mother England" were actually common designations for criminals transported to Australia. The best guess at this time is that "pommy" was based on the word "pomegranate" -- either because the redness of the fruit supposedly matched the typically florid British complexion, or because (like "Johnny Grant") it was used as rhyming slang for "immigrant."

[Oscar]

Hmm - even more oversimplified that my oversimplification. I can't be arsed to get into it again now, but another fellow Englishman and I covered this one off recently here. We were even joined by a Welshman who made up his own swear words.

I've just finished reading a history of British ancestory book ya see just after a similar book about Celts and was dying to pretend I was a fountain of knowledge about all things relating to the history of being British (being that I am, British that is).


By "British" you must mean English (like me), as no self respecting Scots, Irish or Welshman would ever call himself British.

My understanding is that the Celts chased off the then inhabitants of England (Picts and suchlike) and then were themselves chased off by later arrivals like Vikings, Angles and Saxons (and eventually Norman French). As well as the obvious poeples of Scotland and Ireland, pockets of Celtic Language and culture exist today in Cornwall, Wales and France.

[Oscar]

One of the joys of being British (or more correctly in my case Anglo-Kiwi), is the fact that I have a ticket to the All Blacks - Lions Test in Wellington this year... :headbang:

[Biff]

One of the joys of being British (or more correctly in my case Anglo-Kiwi), is the fact that I have a ticket to the All Blacks - Lions Test in Wellington this year... :headbang:

You BITCH!!!! Need any friends?

[Oscar]

You BITCH!!!! Need any friends?

A friend?
Phucke, never had one of them before...

[moko]

Celts dont whinge? Well I`ve lived in both Cornwall and Scotland for a few years each and believe me they`re world champions.You name it,they`ll whine about it and it`s never,ever their fault.
One point,the Bretons are Celts who legged it across the Channel when the Saxons e.t.c. were doing the early lebensraum bit ,a bit more successfully than Adolf managed because they`re still there.SO the Bretons in France are arguably more British than the English and they`re French.......or something.

[Biff]

Celts dont whinge? Well I`ve lived in both Cornwall and Scotland for a few years each and believe me they`re world champions.You name it,they`ll whine about it and it`s never,ever their fault.
One point,the Bretons are Celts who legged it across the Channel when the Saxons e.t.c. were doing the early lebensraum bit ,a bit more successfully than Adolf managed because they`re still there.SO the Bretons in France are arguably more British than the English and they`re French.......or something.



Hitler had it all wrong you see. The secret is to sneak into Britain with a Smillie face, impregnate as many of the local damsels as possible and slowly take over the country. A bit like we poms are doing to New Zealand at the moment. But don't tell the locals.

[Oscar]

Hitler had it all wrong you see. The secret is to sneak into Britain with a Smillie face, impregnate as many of the local damsels as possible and slowly take over the country. A bit like we poms are doing to New Zealand at the moment. But don't tell the locals.

What makes me laugh is that some NZers are more English than the English. They wander about the place looking to find things to be morally outraged about and then bleat to the press and politicians about it.

Some of the shit that hits the headlines in Godzone would be laughed out of town in Blighty...

[Daisy Duke]

What makes me laugh is that some NZers are more English than the English. They wander about the place looking to find things to be morally outraged about and then bleat to the press and politicians about it.

Some of the shit that hits the headlines in Godzone would be laughed out of town in Blighty...


.:eyepoke: Drawing a comparison between a Kiwi and a Pom is paramount to treason. Apparently we Kiwi's never winge, only pom's. Oh and apparently Pom’s smell. According to some.

I agree that some Kiwi's must have Pom envy. I spent four years in the UK in addition to another 12 years living in various other countries around the world and I can honestly say that we Kiwi's moan far more about ridiculous things than any other nation I've visited.
:laugh:

[Oscar]

.:eyepoke: Drawing a comparison between a Kiwi and a Pom is paramount to reason. Apparently we Kiwi's never winge, only about pom's.

Fixed.











And BTW....if Britian is SO horrible, why is it full of Kiwi's?

[moko]

What makes me laugh is that some NZers are more English than the English.

I remember seeing years ago that a favourite Australian comment about NZ`ers was indeed,"They`re Pommier than the Poms".Nothing wrong with NZers,great people,only people acting even slightly out of order that I came across in 3 weeks was a group of Scousers.Worth it though as my Kiwi mate couldn`t understand a word they were saying and asked me what country they came from :confused2 Dont know what she`d make of the Geordie accent because I`m sure they cant even understand each other.

[Mongoose]

I remember seeing years ago that a favourite Australian comment about NZ`ers was indeed,"They`re Pommier than the Poms".Nothing wrong with NZers,great people,only people acting even slightly out of order that I came across in 3 weeks was a group of Scousers.Worth it though as my Kiwi mate couldn`t understand a word they were saying and asked me what country they came from :confused2 Dont know what she`d make of the Geordie accent because I`m sure they cant even understand each other.


Go north young man, and try the Aberdonians, even the Scots don't understand them :doobey: :banana:

[Indiana_Jones]

Another cool thing is not being Welsh, God I hate them :laugh:

-Indy

[Milky]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
I used to do that all the time when doing sound for productions etc.. It was the easiest way of checking whether the batteries for radio mikes were still useful or not. Once you have done about 20-30, you get a little buzz out of it, kinda like caffine :banana: ;)

[moko]

I used to do that all the time when doing sound for productions etc.. It was the easiest way of checking whether the batteries for radio mikes were still useful or not. Once you have done about 20-30, you get a little buzz out of it, kinda like caffine :banana: ;)


Yeah but you used to un-plug the charger first.

[Gasman]

Celts dont whinge? Well I`ve lived in both Cornwall and Scotland for a few years each and believe me they`re world champions.You name it,they`ll whine about it and it`s never,ever their fault.
One point,the Bretons are Celts who legged it across the Channel when the Saxons e.t.c. were doing the early lebensraum bit ,a bit more successfully than Adolf managed because they`re still there.SO the Bretons in France are arguably more British than the English and they`re French.......or something.

The simple fact is that the English don't know who the fuck they are, and have been that way since the time of Hadrian, and that's a LONG time! Are they Angles, Celts, French, Saxons, Vikings,.... West Indian,????

In the meantime they've had plenty of opportunity to mix up the rest of the world, both politically and by marriage (or not) with the general populace of any country they fancy. I guess if you don't know who you are, or where you're from, anyone and anywhere will do!

[moko]

Are they Angles, Celts, French, Saxons, Vikings,.... West Indian,????


Yes,all of those things and more.To the more intelligent of us it isnt an issue any more than it is to my Maori mates with Yugoslavian,Celtic,Anglo-Saxon e.t.c.in their family trees or the Pakehas whose New Zealand roots go back all of 200 years at most,mainly a lot less,with a few pesky migrants having diluted the blood along the way.

[Biff]

Another cool thing is not being Welsh, God I hate them :laugh:

-Indy


rearrange the following phrase - my helmet purple suck :shake:

[Yokai]

rearrange the following phrase - my helmet purple suck :shake:

Think you missed an "s" there, taff - your phrase should have read "My purple helmet sucks" right?...

/me giggles maniacally - I hate my job - Hey Wari?! Got anything going where you are - I need the stabilising influence!!!

[Biff]

Think you missed an "s" there, taff - your phrase should have read "My purple helmet sucks" right?...

/me giggles maniacally - I hate my job - Hey Wari?! Got anything going where you are - I need the stabilising influence!!!

yokai again try san

[toads]

I sense retrospective arse covering.

hehehe, probably not a good idea for avgas looking at his avatar, some younger minds in this house found it hysterically funny.

[Angel Dust]

By "British" you must mean English (like me), as no self respecting Scots, Irish or Welshman would ever call himself British.

:Oi: I'm Welsh, British and proud of fit.


My understanding is that the Celts chased off the then inhabitants of England (Picts and suchlike) and then were themselves chased off by later arrivals like Vikings, Angles and Saxons (and eventually Norman French).

Almost - upon arrival in Britain the Celts primary strongholds were always Wales and Scotland. When the Angles, Saxons and to a lesser extent the Vikings arrived they took control over the relative vacume that was England (minus Cornwall and the north west of England (Cambria ne Cumbria)


As well as the obvious poeples of Scotland ..
WALES
and Ireland, pockets of Celtic Language and culture exist today in Cornwall, Wales and France.

Yep - Mr Biff, am I correct?

[Biff]

Yeah.

More interestingly - welcome Angel Dust. So you're Welsh and about to move to Christchurch. We should hook up for a coffee and put the world to rights.
Me being another recently arrived to these fair shores Taff.

[Skunk]

:Oi: I'm Welsh, British and proud of fit. :killingme

[Oscar]

:north west of England (Cambria ne Cumbria)




Where I was born...

[marty]

[QUOTE=Biff Baff]As opposed to never being at a loss for somebodies punctuation to moan about I guess :Pokey:

QUOTE]


that'll be an exclamation mark on a dead guy then....

[Marmoot]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



Dammit....I asked a question about this but hasn't been answered yet so far....
DOES IT REALLY WORK ON YOUR TONGUE?
(no I do not wish to test, hence my question)
:angry:

[Sniper]

awww you guys are always pickin on us... :msn-wink:

Its not that we are rude, its just that you are insignificant :shit:
Kidding :2thumbsup

[Biff]

:killingme

Watch it skunk - we're shortly going to outnumber you...... :yeah:

[Sniper]

Dammit....I asked a question about this but hasn't been answered yet so far....
DOES IT REALLY WORK ON YOUR TONGUE?
(no I do not wish to test, hence my question)
:angry:

Yes and it hurts like buggery if its brand new. :o

[Biff]

Dammit....I asked a question about this but hasn't been answered yet so far....
DOES IT REALLY WORK ON YOUR TONGUE?
(no I do not wish to test, hence my question)
:angry:

Apparently yeah - I guess you'd have to have a really dickie heart for it to kill you though. I've put 9V (PP3) battery on my tongue loads of times. It just dingled.

Disclaimer: I do not endorse doing it, although I'd imagine 99.9999999 (etc) % of people would try it wouldn't suffer any adverse effects. So if you do it and die, don't come running to me complaining.

As an aside, it's not the voltage that would ever kill you, it's the current behind it. I've has a 33000 volt shock on more than one occassion (TV's), and yes I lived, because the actual power behind the shock was very low. (Oh - and I probably wouldnt have if it was an AC shock as opposed to a DC). Although I did have some impressive entry and exit wounds though. (insert smutty remark here)

[Marmoot]

damn.....9V batteries are cool.....
thank's guys.

[Skunk]

Watch it skunk - we're shortly going to outnumber you...... :yeah:There goes the English language in this country then... :laugh:

[MSTRS]

Dammit....I asked a question about this but hasn't been answered yet so far....
DOES IT REALLY WORK ON YOUR TONGUE?
(no I do not wish to test, hence my question)
:angry:
*Craggy Isle accent* "Gwan, gwan, gwan, u no u want 2"

[Biff]

There goes the English language in this country then... :laugh:

Mate - you guys only just qualify as English speakers as it is. It takes a Welshman to tell you this?

Sorry couldnt help myself - you set me up you bstard :whistle:

[MSTRS]

So if you do it and die, don't come running to me complaining.
:killingme :killingme

As an aside, it's not the voltage that would ever kill you, it's the current behind it. I've has a 33000 volt shock on more than one occassion
I think the average coil on a car etc puts out around 33000v, but little or no amps. Makes your arms tingle if you are stupid enough to pull the HT lead off a plug when engine is going. Yes...I know...I did it...stupid. It was on an old Villiers with hotwired ign & a jammed throttle whilst 'bench' testing.

[pete376403]

Its the amps that kills ya - the electric chair is only 2000v but 8 amps http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_chair. Your HT lead current is milliamps.

[Mongoose]

Its the amps that kills ya - the electric chair is only 2000v but 8 amps http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_chair. Your HT lead current is milliamps.

Gosh, I will keep that little gem just in case i really really need to know :Pokey:

[Biff]

Its the amps that kills ya.

Yes that's correct - current is indeed measured in amps.

[bluninja]

Its the amps that kills ya

Wow, I've heard of killer salesmen before :2thumbsup oh? you mean amperes. :doh:

[scumdog]

...and that most scots don't live there :Pokey:

Ahh the Scots, bless us, without us you sorry-arses wouldn't even have tyres for you scoots, - plus a quadzillion other everyday items, very inventive are the Scots!!! :first:

[Oscar]

Ahh the Scots, bless us, without us you sorry-arses wouldn't even have tyres for you scoots, - plus a quadzillion other everyday items, very inventive are the Scots!!! :first:

Yeah, and us English wouldn't of had anyone to practice our bayonet charges on, before kicking shit outa the French....

[Biff]

Yeah we Welsh are pretty inventive tool - we gave the world - erm - hmmm - mmmmm - oh yeah - Catherine Zeta Jones :buggerd: and of course who could ever forget - erm - mm - nope I've forgotten.

[Yokai]

Yeah we Welsh are pretty inventive tool - we gave the world - erm - hmmm - mmmmm - oh yeah - Catherine Zeta Jones :buggerd: and of course who could ever forget - erm - mm - nope I've forgotten.

COAL!!! Oh - and Max Boyce, but you're forgiven that.

[Oscar]

Yeah we Welsh are pretty inventive tool - we gave the world - erm - hmmm - mmmmm - oh yeah - Catherine Zeta Jones :buggerd: and of course who could ever forget - erm - mm - nope I've forgotten.


Shirley Bassey
Tom Jones
The Stereophonics
Dylan Thomas
Griff Reese-Jones

[Sniper]

Shirley Bassey
Tom Jones
The Stereophonics
Dylan Thomas
Griff Reese-Jones

Who are they? Or am I too young to remember. :innocent:
I expect a good slap from the older members of KB

[Oscar]

Who are they? Or am I too young to remember. :innocent:
I expect a good slap from the older members of KB

You don't know who Dylan Thomas is?
Where did you go to school?
Did you get past Form 3?

[Yokai]

Who are they? Or am I too young to remember. :innocent:
I expect a good slap from the older members of KB

SLAP

Tom Jones - he of "What's New Pussycat" and the splitting trousers:
http://www.tomjones.com/photos/1.jpg

Stereophonics - of "Local Boy In The Photograph" ???

Griff Rhys Jones (sp) - of Alas Smith and Jones, not the Nine O'Clock News and Morons from Outer Space...

Dylan Thomas was the rabbit on Magic Roundabout.

[Biff]

Shirley Bassey
Tom Jones
The Stereophonics
Dylan Thomas
Griff Reese-Jones

yeah, yeah I know, and don't forget

Richard Burton
Anthony Hopkins
The Manic Street Preachers
Super Furry Animals
George Washington's parents (AKA 1st President of the US so the bloke down the pub reckons?)
Charles Rolls (1 half of the Rolls Royce dynasty)
William Morgan (Inventor of the vacume tube - enter smutty remark here)
Charlie Brooks (Janine from Eastender, despite the accent)
Tom Cruise (well his great grandparents)
Timothy Dalton (James Bond)
Geraint Wyn Davies (The star of Airwolf - am I scraping the barrel?)
Lee Evans (the comedian)
Michael Aspel (with his big red book - does NZ get this is your life?)
Laura Ashley (the lady, the textile firm)
Linus Yale (Yale locks and founder of Yale University)

etc etc

[Biff]

Who are they? Or am I too young to remember. :innocent:
I expect a good slap from the older members of KB

:eyepoke: as expected you, you ,you, you young bugger

[Yokai]

Geraint Wyn Davies (The star of Airwolf - am I scraping the barrel?)

I agree and concur and acknowledge Geraint Wyn Davies (STAR of Airwolf?? - Ernest Borgnine and Jan Michael Vincent's show?!? Hmmm...)

But you missed out and omitted and overlooked another thrice named and called and announced: John Rhys Davies (GIMLI!!!)

{/DTtribute}

[Blakamin]

Ahh the Scots, bless us, without us you sorry-arses wouldn't even have tyres for you scoots, - plus a quadzillion other everyday items, very inventive are the Scots!!! :first:
yeah... and golf..... :mad: costs me a fortune in balls these days :mad:
now I can blame SD!!!!

[Biff]

I agree and concur and acknowledge Geraint Wyn Davies (STAR of Airwolf?? - Ernest Borgnine and Jan Michael Vincent's show?!? Hmmm...)

But you missed out and omitted and overlooked another thrice named and called and announced: John Rhys Davies (GIMLI!!!)

{/DTtribute}

Sorry, Geraint Wyn Davies was Major Mike Vickers in Airwolf. The dazzling hights of stardom eh!