VOTE FOR ME - MBB for Fascist Dictator

[madbikeboy]

I'm going to overthrow the Government, and make a few small changes to the laws and processes in this country. I'm already growing a beard, and trying to choose some spiffy uniforms for my fascist militia (so far I've talked a street bum into a call to arms).

My policies are simple:

1. Motorcycles have right of way. We will ensure this by shooting any driver who runs over a motorcyclist. Even if the motorcyclist is blatently at fault.

2. All drunk drivers will be shot. And anyone texting while driving. And any woman found playing Abba in her car will be sent to a concentration camp for attitude readjustment.

3. All politicians will be beheaded. The money saved will go towards Winston Peters defense fund, his Fiji holiday fund, and education in the meaning of the word "no".

4. Due to the problem of our exchange rate dropping, we will build more printing presses, and distribute more money. This worked really well in Germany after the wall (aside from that little hyperinflation problem, but like any half assed political type, I'm making this up as I go along).

5. I will be acting head of Transportation. We will set fire to all buses, all SUV's (unless they are towing a race bike trailer), and we will make cagers drive in a single lane in each motorway system, thus freeing up more racetrack space for bikes. I'm also going to buy the rail system, and make road transport incredibly uncompetitive by raising RUC's - and since I run the country, I'll gag the Commerce Commission.

6. All speed limits will be erased. There will be awards to the fastest times between cities for my motorcades, and if someone should complain, I'll put the drivers who will be following my orders up for charges.

7. Shortland Street will be banned. All their actors (pah!) will be shot. Helen's beauty therapist will also be shot for failing her job so badly.

8. We will spare Winston Peters and re-introduce the public docks - at lunch-time each day, you can rid yourself of your rotten produce by throwing them at this clown. We need something to remind ourselves of how corrupt it was before my fascist overthow/coup d'etat.

9. I'm going to buy all the state owned assets, making the previous honest and hardworking merchant bankers rich and white. Oops, I mean I'll shoot the merchant bankers. No more America's Cup and their stupid rules.

10. I'm going to legalise P manufacturing, and make the people who make it go through the OSH process. That'll learn them. Then they will be shot!



Any other suggestions? Any volunteers?

MBB, Leader of the not so free World.

[snuffles]

Herr Dictator, where do i sign up to your party????

[CookMySock]

1-10 all good! :first:

Ditch the beard though, or my mrs won't let ya pash her.

DB

[vifferman]

You didn't say what your policy was WRT beer.
I'm very tempted to vote for you, but only if you get rid of NZ-made versions 'imported' beer (Stella, Heineken, Tuborg, etc.), and stop the Big Two NZ breweries buying up boutique breweries.
Proper beer shouldn't taste like just another Steinlager.

[Tank]

Ditch the beard though, or my mrs won't let ya pash her.



She likes to be the only one with a beard huh? :wari:

[jim.cox]

Any other suggestions?



Flags, you need flags, lots of them

With lots and lots of strapping young blonde MBB Jugend Maedchen waving them...

[madbikeboy]

You didn't say what your policy was WRT beer.
I'm very tempted to vote for you, but only if you get rid of NZ-made versions 'imported' beer (Stella, Heineken, Tuborg, etc.), and stop the Big Two NZ breweries buying up boutique breweries.
Proper beer shouldn't taste like just another Steinlager.

That's a tough one. I'd need a minister of Breweries. And some of the hot looking models off the Tui adverts.

1-10 all good!

Ditch the beard though, or my mrs won't let ya pash her.

DB

I'm under orders from Ms MadBikeBabe. She likes it at the moment. Thanks for the offer of your Mrs though.

Herr Dictator, where do i sign up to your party????

Thanks for your support, you just need to arm yourself with a pitchfork / baseball bat / burning torch, and meet me on the steps of Parliament next Thursday - I have an hour in my schedule then, and afterwards we can go drink all the newly acquired free beer, then pash DB's Mrs.

[slofox]

You didn't say what your policy was WRT beer.
I'm very tempted to vote for you, but only if you get rid of NZ-made versions 'imported' beer (Stella, Heineken, Tuborg, etc.), and stop the Big Two NZ breweries buying up boutique breweries.
Proper beer shouldn't taste like just another Steinlager.

Agreed!!!!!

[TOTO]

I'm with you MBB. Got me a burning baseball bat, will meet you at parlament.

Btw,

11. All job aplicants must apply for the given job by doing a wheelie down the street. Whoever does the biggest wheelie, gets the job.

12. whenever entering a tunnel Motorcyclists are required to revv their engines as loud as possible.

13. Reintroduce canibalism. First we eat all people in jail - jail problem solved, then we eat the unemployes - unemployment problem solved.

(No13. stolen from another dickator)

p.s. When it becomes a dicktatorship, are you changing your name to Dick ?

[vifferman]

You didn't say what your policy was WRT beer.
I'm very tempted to vote for you, but only if you get rid of NZ-made versions 'imported' beer (Stella, Heineken, Tuborg, etc.), and stop the Big Two NZ breweries buying up boutique breweries.
Proper beer shouldn't taste like just another Steinlager.

That's a tough one. I'd need a minister of Breweries. And some of the hot looking models off the Tui adverts.

A most excellent reply!
As long as the models work at all places selling beer. :yes:


Ditch the beard though, or my mrs won't let ya pash her.

I'm under orders from Ms MadBikeBabe. She likes it at the moment.
What's up with that?
And where's the :spudwhat: emoticodweebicon when you need it? [insert it here] Will you be bringing it back, when you're Supreme High Fascist Dictator of The World, The Universe, And Everything?

Getting back to bearrrrrrdz. What's up with that? [:spudwhat: etc etc]
While I know that the vifferbabe likes me to have a fungus-infested face (probably because it's been like that more than not, in the last 30 years, and because it tickles... um... sensitive-skinned parts.. :shifty:), it bothers me somewhat.
In fact, it's driving me NUTS since I grew it back after returning from Yurp.
She says "You look better with it".
Is that code for, "You're a fucking ugly prick, so the more of you that's covered up, the betterer!" [:spudwhat: and all that] Not that that's a problem, as I decided to grow it back after reviewing the photos of Yurp (all 4200-odd of them) and deciding I was a fucking ugly prick, so the more of me that's covered up, the betterer. In fact, I was thinking about growing all the hair on my head (the few bits left on top, the sprouty eyebrows/nose hair/ear hair/facial fungus) and weaving it into a sort of hairy beehive thing, to completely obscure my head. :confused:
As a Public Service, of course.

Anyway - back to the Fascism Campaign. Keeep up the Good Work. :niceone:

Oh - and if you have room in your Gummint, can I be one of those guys that patrols the roads of Noo Zilund in armoured gunships, blowing the fuck out of anyone driving erratically, too slowly, running red lights/stop signs, failing to indicate, talking/texting on cellphones, following too closely, failing to pull out of the way for bikes'n'scooters, or Otherwise Driving In A Fashion Designed To Piss Off Otherwise Normally Tolerant Motorists?
Can I, huh?

[Mikkel]

We don't want no pansy-arsed dictator who needs votes! WTF is up with that?

'tis democrazy that's the real problem.

However, shooting a lot of people is always a good start. I think you'll find mass hangings cheaper and more efficient though.

[chrisso]

Mein Gott im Himmel; If you get -I mean WHEN you get in power I shall return to NZ. I think your policies are still a bit too LEFT wing but we can work on that.
Can you ban Soccer, Homosexuals( Death Penalty) ,Income Tax as well?
:soon:

[paulmac]

Can I be Minister of justice ?? !! I have a shotty scabbard that fits on my front forks !! Please Please !!! ( and I can use a glock left handed !!)

[Swoop]

More info on the "chicks listening to Abba music" please!


Also, what is your policy on cyclist-people, who ride more than 2 abreast on the road? If it involves a short piece of rope and a steam-roller, count me in!

[Finn]

The unhappy truth is that MBB as dictator along with his "policies" would be better for NZ than our current Government.

[vifferman]

We don't want no pansy-arsed dictator who needs votes! WTF is up with that?
Excellent point.
He'll have to co-opt the KiwiBiker Stormtroopers to take over the Gummint by ...er... storm. :confused:
Perhaps lead by a gaggle of bikers on FahrtSturmz.

[fatzx10r]

i'll be happy to help out with number #10. i can supply my own round's, LOL

[Blossom]

Wot about yr policys on txt language via email or fone... will u 4ce evry1 2 u's norml words? Will thre b public stockades 2 thro rttn food @ offenders?

If so... you have another supporter.
(I can also hide any offenders cell phones till they learn their lesson):Police:

[vifferman]

.
(I can also hide any offenders cell phones till they learn their lesson):Police:
Hide? :confused:
HIDE?!?!
WTF!?!
Their cellphones will be crushed! (unless of course, they're really nice, in which case they'll be confiscated, to be used by the KiwiBiker Stormtrooper Elite.
There'll be no political correctness under the new regime.

[Mikkel]

Also, what is your policy on cyclist-people, who ride more than 2 abreast on the road? If it involves a short piece of rope and a steam-roller, count me in!

Sounds terribly technical - giving them a good whack over the head with an armoured glove as you zoom by should get the point across nicely.

If you should happen to be in your car you'd just run into and over them obviously. Bonus points for artistic impression...

[laserracer]

WOW:eek:my kind of dictator you got ma vote .. whats ya view on treaty of waitangi or the foreshore thing , not that im interested i just want to know who ya gonna shoot next:msn-wink:i say kill all chinese bike importers and crush the bikes , free booze for everyone,... and somebody please give aunty helen a head transplant... oooohhh i got one. how about only letting good looking women on your cabinet ..then i could really be interested in watching political broadcasts

[madbikeboy]

A most excellent reply!
As long as the models work at all places selling beer. :yes:

What's up with that?
And where's the :spudwhat: emoticodweebicon when you need it? [insert it here] Will you be bringing it back, when you're Supreme High Fascist Dictator of The World, The Universe, And Everything?

Getting back to bearrrrrrdz. What's up with that? [:spudwhat: etc etc]
While I know that the vifferbabe likes me to have a fungus-infested face (probably because it's been like that more than not, in the last 30 years, and because it tickles... um... sensitive-skinned parts.. :shifty:), it bothers me somewhat.
In fact, it's driving me NUTS since I grew it back after returning from Yurp.
She says "You look better with it".
Is that code for, "You're a fucking ugly prick, so the more of you that's covered up, the betterer!" [:spudwhat: and all that] Not that that's a problem, as I decided to grow it back after reviewing the photos of Yurp (all 4200-odd of them) and deciding I was a fucking ugly prick, so the more of me that's covered up, the betterer. In fact, I was thinking about growing all the hair on my head (the few bits left on top, the sprouty eyebrows/nose hair/ear hair/facial fungus) and weaving it into a sort of hairy beehive thing, to completely obscure my head. :confused:
As a Public Service, of course.

Anyway - back to the Fascism Campaign. Keeep up the Good Work. :niceone:

Oh - and if you have room in your Gummint, can I be one of those guys that patrols the roads of Noo Zilund in armoured gunships, blowing the fuck out of anyone driving erratically, too slowly, running red lights/stop signs, failing to indicate, talking/texting on cellphones, following too closely, failing to pull out of the way for bikes'n'scooters, or Otherwise Driving In A Fashion Designed To Piss Off Otherwise Normally Tolerant Motorists?
Can I, huh?

Okay, answering this in order of importance. Yes, I'll supply the gunships and the ammo, and can you ensure that you manage to shot the shit of any black Rav4's, that way sooner or later my evil ex will be be taken out as well. And, can you please strafe the queue of traffic that was in front of me all the way from the airport, honestly, it's not that hard, the gas pedal is on the right (dumb assed cagers).

Facial hair. Ms MBB likes it. Something about making my face less visible makes me more attractive. She also likes the lights off, and occasionally she gets my name right in the throws of passion. :shit:

And most important - positions of power will be filled by underwear models, and chicks from beer commercials. I hope I don't appear sexist, but if I get to be a dictator, I'll shot anyone who says so out loud. Problem solved.

[madbikeboy]

Wot about yr policys on txt language via email or fone... will u 4ce evry1 2 u's norml words? Will thre b public stockades 2 thro rttn food @ offenders?

If so... you have another supporter.
(I can also hide any offenders cell phones till they learn their lesson):Police:

A few weeks ago, I watched an attractive (but obviously dull) chick text while driving. Of course, the car in front of her that rapidly stopped her forward progress wasn't so amused. I reckon they'll all die out soon enough, but if we break the thumbs of txt language offenders, they'll get the fucking message aye.

[madbikeboy]

WOW:eek:my kind of dictator you got ma vote .. whats ya view on treaty of waitangi or the foreshore thing , not that im interested i just want to know who ya gonna shoot next:msn-wink:i say kill all chinese bike importers and crush the bikes , free booze for everyone,... and somebody please give aunty helen a head transplant... oooohhh i got one. how about only letting good looking women on your cabinet ..then i could really be interested in watching political broadcasts

Forshore? My position is that the foreshore is in the right place, I mean, what would be the point of having sand and shit not very near the beach. As for the treaty of Waitangi - how else would sub par Law graduates make a living if it wasn't for the claims process?

Big tick to killing and crushing shitty bike importers (and there's gonna be a couple of bike shop people against the wall when my revolution comes (as well as a snotty bitch receptionist at one of the companies I work with)). Helen will be beheaded. You're more than welcome to do whatever you want afterwards, but be warned, you might end up with a little head. (geddit??).

[madbikeboy]

Excellent point.
He'll have to co-opt the KiwiBiker Stormtroopers to take over the Gummint by ...er... storm. :confused:
Perhaps lead by a gaggle of bikers on FahrtSturmz.

I was trying to be a benevolent dictator - the sort that asks if anyone objects, and if they do, we agree a solution, normally delivered with some napalm.

[Pedrostt500]

Can we shoot people who drive small cars, it would also be good if we could shoot greenies as well, in fact can we shoot any one wearing an angora cardigan, and who wear soxs with their sandals.
It would also be good if we can shoot any one who eats alfalfa sprouts.

[Little Miss Trouble]

Wot about yr policys on txt language via email or fone... will u 4ce evry1 2 u's norml words? Will thre b public stockades 2 thro rttn food @ offenders?

If so... you have another supporter.
(I can also hide any offenders cell phones till they learn their lesson):Police:

Predictive text fixs that problem, just make it manditory. You can even teach it stuff, so now when ever I go to text the word 'test' 'tequila' also pops up:Punk:

[1 Free Man]

MY GOD!!!!!
At last policys that will actually do something constructive.
I"M in where do I sign??:clap:

[Street Gerbil]

Ban commercial fishing, make gas for bikes and fishing boats exempt from all taxes and I am with you.

[vifferman]

I"M in where do I sign??:clap:
That's the beauty of Fascist Dictatorships - you don't have to do any actual hard work like signing, voting, etc. Just leave it up to MBB to stage a coup. :niceone:
It'll save SHITLOADS in future not having to bother with election campaigns, advertising, and all that nonsense. More money to spend on Beer, Bikes and Babes.

Hmmmm... just had a worrying thought (yeah, just the one): I wonder if this thread contravenes that ridiculous Electoral Reform Advertising gubbins? :confused:

I guess not, as it's more a letter of intent, than anything else. :niceone:

[chrisso]

And ban all biker under 1000cc--if you want to ride a small bike, move to Vietnam.Legalize Marijuana-Make it compulsory:beer:
And BAN Speights

edit.......Ban allbikes under 998cc--R1 etc allowed

[madbikeboy]

Predictive text fixs that problem, just make it manditory. You can even teach it stuff, so now when ever I go to text the word 'test' 'tequila' also pops up:Punk:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-e7N1Hw2X4&feature=related

Tequila!

[madbikeboy]

And ban all biker under 1000cc--if you want to ride a small bike, move to Vietnam.Legalize Marijuana-Make it compulsory:beer:
And BAN Speights

edit.......Ban allbikes under 998cc--R1 etc allowed

I know guys on 250's that'd hand your ass back to you.

Since when is Speights, beer? Anyone drinking Speights deserves the 9mm injection to their frontal lobes...

[vifferman]

I know guys on 250's that'd hand your ass back to you.

Since when is Speights, beer? Anyone drinking Speights deserves the 9mm injection to their frontal lobes...
Too right! Agreed! hear hear! and all that... (even though #2 Son likes it. He also likes tequila, so that explains that...)
Speights is owned/made by NZB or Lion Nathan or whoever now anyway, isn't tit? But back when it wa smade by Wards it was pretty crappy anyway. So apart from a brief period of reasonableness, it doesn't have a good pedigree.

getting back to the "Fascist Dictator" stuff - it was you that tripped up Herr Clark at the mall, wasn't tit, MBB?

[madbikeboy]

Too right! Agreed! hear hear! and all that... (even though #2 Son likes it. He also likes tequila, so that explains that...)
Speights is owned/made by NZB or Lion Nathan or whoever now anyway, isn't tit? But back when it wa smade by Wards it was pretty crappy anyway. So apart from a brief period of reasonableness, it doesn't have a good pedigree.

getting back to the "Fascist Dictator" stuff - it was you that tripped up Herr Clark at the mall, wasn't tit, MBB?

She tripped herself, I was just praying for the moment though... :)

You going to the election night event?

[vifferman]

You going to the election night event?
What?

And here's another what (or perhaps "when"). Yeah, definitely when.
When (there it is) are you enacting your fascist dictator takeover? Or would that be spoiled by letting the weasel out of the sack?

[vifferman]

MBB - when you're fascist dictator, can you please do away with Mondays and (especially) Tuesdays? They're OK if they're holidays, but when you're working, they're just bad mojo. I FUCKING HATE THEM!
Let's face it - the average worker doesn't work solidly for more than about 20 - 30 hours a week (probably 10-12 for a cubicle drone), so productivity wouldn't really suffer.
And we'd have more time for riding, or for going on extended rides, instead of just a quick few hundred km or so. :niceone:

[Blossom]

And ban all biker under 1000cc--if you want to ride a small bike, move to Vietnam.Legalize Marijuana-Make it compulsory:beer:
And BAN Speights

edit.......Ban allbikes under 998cc--R1 etc allowed

hang on a freaken second :Oi:... some of us cant reach the damn ground on a 1000cc and even if I could I would most likely kill myself the first time I gave the throttle a gentle squeeze. <_<
So maybe just ban speights and leave us noobs alone.. :baby:

as you were...noob rant over

[madbikeboy]

hang on a freaken second :Oi:... some of us cant reach the damn ground on a 1000cc and even if I could I would most likely kill myself the first time I gave the throttle a gentle squeeze. <_<
So maybe just ban speights and leave us noobs alone.. :baby:

as you were...noob rant over

Reaching the ground on a 1000 is easy, all you do is kind of point your knee out, and when you lean far enough, your knee will be on the ground. Easy peasy.

This is kind of shocking, but larger capacity bikes are actually easier to ride (normally, not fast) than a 250. My gixer is a pussycat on small throttle settings.

[madbikeboy]

MBB - when you're fascist dictator, can you please do away with Mondays and (especially) Tuesdays? They're OK if they're holidays, but when you're working, they're just bad mojo. I FUCKING HATE THEM!
Let's face it - the average worker doesn't work solidly for more than about 20 - 30 hours a week (probably 10-12 for a cubicle drone), so productivity wouldn't really suffer.
And we'd have more time for riding, or for going on extended rides, instead of just a quick few hundred km or so. :niceone:

I've considered this one, and you make a valid point. I hate Mondays. I hate Tuesdays. Hump day is sort of okay. Thursdays suck. Lets cut it back to a one day week (but make everyone actually work, which is really tough at places like Telecom).

[Blossom]

well sure if your gonna be logical about it..
I suppose I could always get the bloke to hold the back of the bike whilst I get on and off aye.:chase:

[vifferman]

I've considered this one, and you make a valid point.
So is that a "yes"?
Fuck it - you're supposed to be a fascist dictator in the wings. That post sounded like you've got confused and become a politician. :Pokey:
You been watching campaign broadcasts or summat?