Stupid Question No. 72,463

[Bob]

Call from an end user (as us IT bods call everyone else):

User: "Hello, is Mark in today?"
Me: "No, he is off sick"
User: "Do you know when he will be back?"

When he is better, obviously...

I never knew my skillset was supposed to extend to remote diagnosis of ailments - without any communication with that person whatsoever... sigh.

[Blakamin]

hahahahaha... some people.....

[Biff]

I once caught a bus and asked the driver for a return ticket. He asked, "Where to?". I replied, "Back here."

[Skunk]

"Here's your sign"

[James Deuce]

Or:

"I just swapped the SIM cards between my phone and my Blackberry. How come neither of them work now?"

Or:

"The power just went off and I can't print anything. I really need to print this document. Hang on... My PC's not working now either. I f__king hate computers.... (click) bzzzzzzzz"

Or:

3rd Level Tech Support: "It's (blah) from (blah) calling for (xxxx). (xxxx) just logged a P1 call. Is he/she available?"

Stunned Mullet User: "Ahhh, I dunno. I think (xxxx) went home. Hang on for a sec.....(aside to co-"worker"): Is (xxxx) still here?...No....Righto....are you there mate? Yeah (xxxx) went home about an hour ago. He/She wrote me this note to log a call with you useless computer f__kwits. I don't know what it means but. I hate computers. My job was much easier without the f__king things."

3rd Level Tech Support: "Oh. I see. And are you still experiencing the problem? A P1 call usually affects the ENTIRE organisation, so we've contacted your boss, the CEO , my boss, and the head of my organisation to make sure that we can get you the help you need."

Stunned Mullet User: "That's a bit over the top for a broken mouse or rat thing, or whatever the fu__k it is. (xxxx) really wanted it fixed by tomorrow though."

New 3rd Level Tech Support Person, because the "Old" One Just wet his/her Pants and is Banging their Head On The Desk in Frustration: "We'll pass that onto the desktop engineering section who look after those calls. Someone will be out in the next working day to replace you rat, errr, mouse."

Stunned Mullet User: "Whatever. Now f__k off, I've got work to do."

(True personal stories (tm).)

[Sparky Bills]

I hate it when people ring and ask...

"Are you open?"

Well if im here to answer the phone, what the hell do you think!!!!haha

or...
or the other day someone came in and asked..
"Do you sell motorbike stuff?"

Im not trying to be an asshole, but come on. haha

[onearmedbandit]

Lighten up I think, sometimes its common for someone to be off sick knowing full well they will be back tomorrow, or the next day. Relevant question that doesn't really need the piss taken out of it. Same as answering the phone at work and being asked if you're open, I would think that during hours when its not bleeding obvious a quite polite question. What say you're still at work, or arrive early and choose to answer the phone because it could be your partner ringing?

What may be obvious to you, may be completely obscured for the person ringing in, you know, the customer who pays your wage.

[gav]

Yesterday Customer rings " Is Phil there?"
"No, he's not on site, I'll transfer you to his mobile"
bring bring " Look only got Phils answer phone, is he there?"
"ummm, noooo, thats why I transferred to his mobile, did you leave a msg?"
"no, can you transfer me again?"
"sure, no worries, have a nice day"
:brick:

[bluninja]

I like the way Kiwis keep asking 'Are you there?' when you answer the phone :niceone:

My all time favourite stupid work question is 'Do you know who I am?' it's just inviting a silly response.

Second on the list is 'How fast were you going?' if you're on the track, or talking on KB you exagerate upwards, and if stopped by the roadside you tell the truth ...of course

[jrandom]

Call from an end user (as us IT bods call everyone else)...

Not aimed at you, Bob, but...

I am sick, so totally fecking SICK, of IT people and their bad attitude.

I am sick of their condescension to people who, quite frankly, know five times as much about technology as they do, with their elite Weetbix-packet qualifications in button-pushing and shell scripting.

I am sick of the way that normal human beings go to work in IT support and immediately assume that somehow the rest of their organisation owes *them* something. Do secretaries think this, when someone asks them to take a phone call or type up a contract? Do cleaners think this, when they have to scrub a used toilet block at the end of the day?

I really, really can't stand all these snooty up-themselves "the BOFH is my hero" idiots who seem incapable of realising that they're actually low-level support personnel who need to grow a work-ethic gland.

[bluninja]

Not aimed at you, Bob, but...

I am sick, so totally fecking SICK, of IT people and their bad attitude.

I am sick of their condescension to people who, quite frankly, know five times as much about technology as they do, with their elite Weetbix-packet qualifications in button-pushing and shell scripting.

I am sick of the way that normal human beings go to work in IT support and immediately assume that somehow the rest of their organisation owes *them* something. Do secretaries think this, when someone asks them to take a phone call or type up a contract? Do cleaners think this, when they have to scrub a used toilet block at the end of the day?

I really, really can't stand all these snooty up-themselves "the BOFH is my hero" idiots who seem incapable of realising that they're actually low-level support personnel who need to grow a work-ethic gland.

Ha Ha Ha.......I can identify with that. Used to take on lots of grads in the Global Ops Centre. They would come in armed with their degrees and the attitude that the world owed them a living, struggle to grasp the technology, then leave quickly as soon as their CV allowed them to get a better salary.

Life would be much simpler for IT staff without end users bothering their surfing time. :wari:

[pritch]

I am sick, so totally fecking SICK, of IT people and their bad attitude.

Don't hold back get it all off your chest :-)

BOFH is my hero too and I'm not in IT.

[Sniper]

Hehehe, sounds like fun.

Our 0800 number at work is the same 0800 number that the Warehouse gives out for their Dell computer supports. So quite often we get:
"Is that the Warehouse"
"No its not"
"Well who is it" (Regardless that I have just answered the phone with my name and buisiness)
"It is Apex Car Rentals"
"Oh, well where is the Warehouse?"
"I dont know, ring their local number, Im sure you can get them there"
"Oh Thanks"

Thats just standard way of dealing with it. But if I have time or Im bored, I tell them all sorts of things to do.

I have been able to talk people into believing that coffee in the back makes it run faster. The CD draw IS a coffee holder. If you face the monitor into the sunset, it will automatically give you free internet. And a couple more. Ahh, the joys of work

[Sparky Bills]

I see we have mixed opinions here! HAHA
Some people just need to take a breath i think.
Just think about the bananas :wari: :banana: :wari: :wari: :banana:

[Bob]

I've worked on both sides of the fence as it were. Been a user, before moving into IT myself... so I know the frustrations from both sides. With the result that I try to be far more patient than often the situation deserves!

Mind you, working in IT is useful when you call someone and they announce "Oh, the system is down"... then you tell them how you work in IT and how your company has only had one system failure in the last (pluck a figure out of the air) and then ponder whether you want to keep your business with a company that invests in such poor technology. You'd be amazed how quickly the system comes back on line!

I am always amused by "Piece of string" type questions though... such as the "When will he be back?" one to an announcement that someone is ill.

Though I get really stroppy when someone comes out with the immortal line "All you have to do is push a button"... :angry2:

OK, a true one to finish off with. Chap at Directory Enquiries got a call. The caller wanted to know the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Swansea. So the DI chap searched, but failed to come up with a number. When he told the caller, he asked if it might be known under a different name, to which the caller replied...

"Well it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off the sign"

I am not kidding...

[bluninja]

You not had people asking where the 'ANY' key is?? :spudwhat:

[Bob]

You not had people asking where the 'ANY' key is?? :spudwhat:

Amazingly, no. But I'm sure it'll happen one of these days.

One last thought: I happened to mention working in IT... and sat back and watched a series of diatribes about IT people.

Now what if I'd said I worked in a meat packing warehouse? I could still have answered the phone and been asked the same question. So would there have been rants against "Meat packers and their attitude"? I guess not.

Of course, I could work in the IT dept of a meat packers I suppose...

[bluninja]

Bob, chances of this happening recede every day, since most programs say to hit the spacebar, rather than the any key.

As for diatribes....imagine the response if you'd said you worked as a meat packer in a whorehouse? :2thumbsup

[riffer]

I had a bad IT day. Actually I've had a bad IT month. I'm an end-user in a company that has approximately 150 computers (Macs)

It started with an incompatibility between the Cisco Routers and OS 10.3.7. This manifested itself in a URL coming back as "location not found". Type it in again, press return and the page comes up.

It's irritating, but Apple's had a fix for it for yonks so I find the Technote on the Apple site and helpfully pass it on to the IT manager in an effort to fix the problem.

Get a message back condescendingly thanking me for my input but reminding me that as I'm not IT staff I really should leave it to the experts. To this day, the problem remains. Most irritating, as its a simple fix.

Then we get to the laptops we use for working from home. I place print work with a number of companies overseas, particularly in Hong Kong. Well with Chinese New Year coming up I have had some deadline pressure on me, and as I work 7.00am - 3.00pm I need to send an receive email.

ME: "Can I check my email from off-site?"
IT: "No, sorry email is only accessible through the intranet, as the mail server isn't exposed to the outside world."
ME:"Right - what about the VPN?"
IT: "We don't have a VPN"
ME: "What's this VPN connection on my laptop for?"
IT: "Oh, that's never been implemented."

Dammit, I'm not gonna put up with that. So I get home. Log on to the internet on my laptop using MY dialup so as to not waste company resources on this venture.

Activate the VPN - whaddaya know - a response from the VPN server. Okay, I'll log on using my work Kerberos ID. Hey - access to the network. Let's go find the hosts file for the DNS server - okay, here's the real name for the mail server - oooh - that's an external IP address. Let's enter that in the POP3 settings and use my ISP as the SMTP in my email programme and wow - it works!

So now I've got access to:

1. The Filemaker Pro server
2. Using a TN5250 javascript shell I have access to the AS/400
3. I can check and send emails

Get to work on the Monday and - you guessed it - IT have found out and my laptop privileges are revoked. :(

Then the printer (which has been stuffed for ages) finally dies. I've been going spare about this for ages and this is the last straw.

So I pick it up and place it on the IT manager's desk with a big sign on it saying "EXORCISE ME"

Boy does that attract a shitty email about removal of IT equipment without permission of the IT department. Which is promptly ignored by me of course.

The new printer turned up last Tuesday and was installed finally yesterday.

The first document printed on it was the company policy on IT, and there it was, placed on top of my desk, ready for me to read today as soon as I got in.

And to top it all off, for some strange reason, my username had been removed from the network.

It took me until 2.00pm to log on today.

:brick:

[Suney]

I hate it when people ring and ask...

"Are you open?"

Well if im here to answer the phone, what the hell do you think!!!!haha

or...
or the other day someone came in and asked..
"Do you sell motorbike stuff?"

Im not trying to be an asshole, but come on. haha

Calling into a place to see if they are open saves me a 10min drive and back for no reason!
Also I called into the place and someone answered and they werne't open, some random lady was doing paper work :P

[WilDun]

Oh, sorry, I must be in the wrong place,
I thought it was a bike forum! :confused:

[madboy]

My dear former team leader delegated me the task of writing her powerpoint presentation one day, which I duly did, e-mailed it back to her and told her to have a look at it while i went to lunch.

Oh, how do I look at it without all the bits showing on the side?
Run the slideshow
The what? I just want to see what it looks like without all the bits down the side.
Okay, hit F5 that brings it up. I'll see ya soon.

So I wander back, Burger King ready for the arteries...

This bloody thing doesn't work, I haven't got time to waste trying to figure out how to use this bloody program - just print it out for me.
Have you tried F5?
I've been doing that for the last 15 bloody minutes... see... F... 5

now imagine what she'd be like talking to a helpdesk with a real IT techie!!

[Bob]

Oh, sorry, I must be in the wrong place,
I thought it was a bike forum! :confused:

(Goes into full IT mode...)

Technically, posting in here means you are NOT in a bike forum! :wari:

As it says at the top... Off Topic > Rave On

The rest of the place is bikes though... which is nice :niceone:

[Wonko]

Got to love calling help desks. When I need to call someone about IT help, I never tell them that I'm trained or working etc. Can be frustrating as hell at times, but I alway's give as much information as I can at the begining. Amazing how many times you can be transfered to level 2 help when you tell the level 3 tech more information about the problem than he knows about that problem existing.

End users can be true idiot's due to lack of training/superiority complexies/not wanting to use new system. Spending an extra 10 mins training someone has saved my hours of work down the road fixing the same mistake again.

Last thing - Backup before changing anything major.

[Hitcher]

I hate it when people ring and ask...

"Are you open?"

Well if im here to answer the phone, what the hell do you think!!!!haha
They probably wanted to buy a Ducati, were tired of walking around the store and being ignored, and just wanted to check. Ha ha ha!

[Biff]

I had a bad IT day. Actually I've had a bad IT month.


Shit - that has got to be one of the worst IT departments I've ever heard of. Absolute dick heads. Or is it a corporate conspiracy to get rid of you? Have you been caught photo copying your arse again?

[WilDun]

(Goes into full IT mode...)

Technically, posting in here means you are NOT in a bike forum! :wari:

As it says at the top... Off Topic > Rave On

The rest of the place is bikes though... which is nice :niceone:


Only joking!- used to ride bikes a lot ( not anymore) and I just wanted to have a look at the bike scene today.

What is IT? - an IT Yamaha? - they wonder why us old guys get confused! ( mutter mutter):spudwhat:

So I'll go and have a look for the bike dept. (down the corridor 3rd on the right did you say?).

[Blakamin]

It took me until 2.00pm to log on today.

:brick:
which meant you were bored for about 6 hours?????


They probably wanted to buy a Ducati, were tired of walking around the store and being ignored, and just wanted to check. Ha ha ha!
they were probably in the shop when they rang... only way to find out if anyone actually does anything!!!

[riffer]

which meant you were bored for about 6 hours?????


Not quite.


I've been here for nearly two hours now and in all that time the AS400 is still down and the main server is still down.

At least I've got internet access.

Can't do any work but.

Oh well, a representative of IT should be in in an hour or so... :angry2:

[Blakamin]

Can't do any work but.

Oh well, a representative of IT should be in in an hour or so... :angry2:
hehehehehe... what a damn shame (actually, it IS if you still have a deadline)

[riffer]

hehehehehe... what a damn shame (actually, it IS if you still have a deadline)

Of course I have a bloody deadline :angry2:

AS400 will be back online in 30 minutes once its refreshed its databases.

As for the main server, we have to wait for the IT manager to arrive at work.

Some days it's just not worth getting out of bed.

Except for the half hour bike ride to work but. :niceone:

[PuppetMaster]

I hate it when people ring and ask...
"Are you open?"
Well if im here to answer the phone, what the hell do you think!!!!haha
Im not trying to be an asshole, but come on. haha

That one aint so bad actually. You might be closed, and still be on the premises, unless you are open 24hrs....

[PuppetMaster]

I had a bad IT day. Actually I've had a bad IT month. I'm an end-user in a company that has approximately 150 computers (Macs)
It started with an incompatibility between the Cisco Routers and OS 10.3.7. This manifested itself in a URL coming back as "location not found". Type it in again, press return and the page comes up.
It's irritating, but Apple's had a fix for it for yonks so I find the Technote on the Apple site and helpfully pass it on to the IT manager in an effort to fix the problem. Get a message back condescendingly thanking me for my input but reminding me that as I'm not IT staff I really should leave it to the experts. To this day, the problem remains. Most irritating, as its a simple fix.
Then we get to the laptops we use for working from home. I place print work with a number of companies overseas, particularly in Hong Kong. Well with Chinese New Year coming up I have had some deadline pressure on me, and as I work 7.00am - 3.00pm I need to send an receive email.
ME: "Can I check my email from off-site?"
IT: "No, sorry email is only accessible through the intranet, as the mail server isn't exposed to the outside world."
ME:"Right - what about the VPN?"
IT: "We don't have a VPN"
ME: "What's this VPN connection on my laptop for?"
IT: "Oh, that's never been implemented."
Dammit, I'm not gonna put up with that. So I get home. Log on to the internet on my laptop using MY dialup so as to not waste company resources on this venture.
Activate the VPN - whaddaya know - a response from the VPN server. Okay, I'll log on using my work Kerberos ID. Hey - access to the network. Let's go find the hosts file for the DNS server - okay, here's the real name for the mail server - oooh - that's an external IP address. Let's enter that in the POP3 settings and use my ISP as the SMTP in my email programme and wow - it works!
So now I've got access to:
1. The Filemaker Pro server
2. Using a TN5250 javascript shell I have access to the AS/400
3. I can check and send emails
Get to work on the Monday and - you guessed it - IT have found out and my laptop privileges are revoked. :(
Then the printer (which has been stuffed for ages) finally dies. I've been going spare about this for ages and this is the last straw.
So I pick it up and place it on the IT manager's desk with a big sign on it saying "EXORCISE ME"
Boy does that attract a shitty email about removal of IT equipment without permission of the IT department. Which is promptly ignored by me of course.
The new printer turned up last Tuesday and was installed finally yesterday.
The first document printed on it was the company policy on IT, and there it was, placed on top of my desk, ready for me to read today as soon as I got in.
And to top it all off, for some strange reason, my username had been removed from the network.
It took me until 2.00pm to log on today.
:brick:


Dude. I so need to work for your company. Id be perfect, I can be arrogant, condesending and a right bastard, plus Id lock out accounts willy nilly everyday.
If i was you m8, id be calling the helpdesk everyday, they'd probably fix the problems just to stop you calling.

[PuppetMaster]

Oh well, a representative of IT should be in in an hour or so... :angry2:


Where do I send my CV ?

[Yokai]

Celtic No.6 - Are you really Scott Adams?



Not aimed at you, Bob, but...
I am sick, so totally fecking SICK, of IT people and their bad attitude.


I snipped the rest (Far too funny) - sounds like you and I have both been on the receiving end of the "Have you tried rebooting" procedure (otherwise known as "I haven't got a clue" or in medical terms "It's a virus")

Scenario: Geek (me) trying to perform a Low Level Format on a SCSI drive for QA reasons. Nerd (him) thinking I had a hard drive crash (I didn't). Internal Company Support.

G: Hi - I'm hoping you've got an LLF util for the engineering Maxtor drives.
N: Ummmm - what's wrong with it
G: Bad data and some seriously corrupted sectors
N: Have you tried Scandisk and Checkdisk?
G: Uh no... I'm up in Qual.....
N: Well - sometimes these problems are cleared up by that. Can you do that and then call us back I'll log a ticket for you.....

This thing went on for nearly 15 minutes. With me alternately laughing hard and then banging my head against the wall in frustration. After about minute 3 I did a quick search on the 'net and got the utility off the Maxtor site!

[Drunken Monkey]

I snipped the rest (Far too funny) - sounds like you and I have both been on the receiving end of the "Have you tried rebooting" procedure (otherwise known as "I haven't got a clue" or in medical terms "It's a virus")

Scenario: Geek (me) trying to perform a Low Level Format on a SCSI drive for QA reasons. Nerd (him) thinking I had a hard drive crash (I didn't). Internal Company Support.

G: Hi - I'm hoping you've got an LLF util for the engineering Maxtor drives.
N: Ummmm - what's wrong with it
G: Bad data and some seriously corrupted sectors
N: Have you tried Scandisk and Checkdisk?
G: Uh no... I'm up in Qual.....
N: Well - sometimes these problems are cleared up by that. Can you do that and then call us back I'll log a ticket for you.....

This thing went on for nearly 15 minutes. With me alternately laughing hard and then banging my head against the wall in frustration. After about minute 3 I did a quick search on the 'net and got the utility off the Maxtor site!

Don't scoff at 'have you tried rebooting' - it's an honest question as most end users don't try anything at all before they pick up the "wave a wand and solve my problem" phone. As we all attest to, Windows, in all its flavours, is often a garbage operating system, and rebooting does fix and/or alleviate a whole range of problems. If the support guy doesn't know you well enough, ie you work in a large organisation, how can he second guess your ability to perform some basic trouble shooting things yourself.

OTOH...

As per your part II scenario, I have spent many, many phone arguments with ISP hell-desk staff teaching them how to fix their own network problems so my own customers can get back to work. It's especially frustrating trying to get warranty support these days, as you get routed through to India and they make you go through and hour and a half of red herrings tests only to come up with the same conclusion you told them about in the first 30 seconds of the phone call. No, I didn't want you to help me trouble shoot, I know what the problem is, just log a god dman number at my local support centre so I can drp the friggin thing off to get repaired...

PS - I've got MAXLLF.exe right here if you still need it :)

[Wonko]

I was out on a site installing Fax and Emailing portion of our software, and couldn't send any email. 30 mins trouble shooting our product later and I find out that noone had been able to send email for two day's. Call up the ISP and spend 45 mins being bounced around from place to place. Figured out that the ISP had placed a password on the SMTP sending for this one client. When I finally get to talk to a decent tech, he couldn't tell me why it had changed and he couldn't turn it off, but he would get back to me about it. 6 months later I'm still waiting for that call.

[PuppetMaster]

he would get back to me about it. 6 months later I'm still waiting for that call.

Shes a hard road finding the perfect ISP:)

[riffer]

Celtic No.6 - Are you really Scott Adams?

No - but I am a great Dilbert fan.

Oh - and the server's still not up.

I sent assistance a web ad which discussed erection problems
"Having trouble getting it up?" but so far have not received a job ticket reply.

I just don't think they understand me any more. :spudwhat:

At least everyone else has lost the server too...

[PuppetMaster]

Oh - and the server's still not up.
I sent assistance a web ad which discussed erection problems
"Having trouble getting it up?" but so far have not received a job ticket reply....


Buwhahahaha...
the server is up...its now being used by IT as a games server. :niceone:

[riffer]

Buwhahahaha...
the server is up...its now being used by IT as a games server. :niceone:


grrrrr. now the mail servers crashed.

I've entered the twilight zone.

Thank goodness there's no bloody proxy server ...

or I wouldn't even have internet.

I might as well go home.

135 users. No server. Not a good day today at work...

just caught the IT manager with his head under the tap in the loos making funny squeaking noises.

[Yokai]

Don't scoff at 'have you tried rebooting' {SNIP}
If the support guy doesn't know you well enough, ie you work in a large organisation, how can he second guess your ability to perform some basic trouble shooting things yourself.

It's called "Caller ID" - there shouldn't be anyone in that lab other than geeks. It's also called listening to the first part of the call - anyone who actually knows what LLF is is probably a geek.

But I do agree - reboot does work. The number of times I have to support family members and it's a case of "Please reboot" is huge. In fact my best one was a charge out rate to a friend's Mum. I was told "it's stopped responding completely" - I booked an afternoon said "Oh - should be able to get it working in an hour or so - call it 60bucks" and drove down there. 4 keypresses later the machine was running.

Win98 stuck in MS-DOS Mode... the 4 keypresses? w i n {enter}

[jrandom]

In fact my best one was a charge out rate to a friend's Mum. I was told "it's stopped responding completely" - I booked an afternoon said "Oh - should be able to get it working in an hour or so - call it 60bucks" and drove down there. 4 keypresses later the machine was running.

I've stopped accepting compensation for helping people out with their PCs.

(a) I hate faffing with the damn things, and (b) I always feel obligated to do more when something else happens down the track, because I KNOW they're thinking something along the lines of "Dan changed it around, and now it does THIS!".

Sigh.

So before I fix someone's computer, I always force them to repeat back to me, "This computer might, in fact, probably will, break horribly again at some point in the future, and I understand that Dan will have nothing to do with that, whether or not it may end up being his fault due to what he's about to do to it".

And then I refuse any offers of beer or cash. In fact, I usually bring my OWN beer and make THEM drink it after I fix their machine for them.

That way, I can still sleep at night, and people get their stupid Windows problems fixed.

[Yokai]

I've stopped accepting compensation for helping people out with their PCs.

I charge. At $40 an hour - minimum compensation $40. It's enough that people will think twice about asking me, and little enough that if they have to have it fixed it's Ok....

But on top of this I have one word and one word only for you:

Family.

AARRGGGHHH!!!!

[MrMelon]

I'm so over corporate IT.