Fat bloke strikes back

[Fatt Max]

On my way home through Remuera tonight about 5.30pm, stopped at the lights outside Corran School.

Some yuppie prick and his bottle blond girlfriend pull up alongside me and I can see they are having a good laugh and looking over at me.

I pop the visor up and hear the words "...just like that fat guy over there on the bike..."

I look over and nod hello and the ensuing convesation goes something like this:

Yuppie: Nice bike (giggle)

FM: Cheers mate

Yuppie: Did you have to pay extra for the loser plate?

FM: No but the rocket launcher and machine guns were extra

Yuppies Girlfriend: Can you stopr talking to that fat loser and keep your eyes on the road

FM (To the yuppie): Oi you wanker, if your tart has something to say, why dont you fucking say it for her before I come over there and ram that fucking mobile phone up your arse sideways you c**t!

Then, for some reason, this idiot starts revving the arse out of the car, I mean really giving it heaps. He's ookin over at me and shouting som kind of insult but I couldnt hear him over the noise, so I just tossed him the wanker sign.

The next thing I know the car has gone shooting forward like a bullet out of gun and.....SMACK......right up the arse of the flat bed ute in front of him!

His $5,000 moulded bumper is shattered and the tow bar on the ute ends up in his engine bay.

I am laughing so much I stall the bike and nearly drop it. The yuppies tart has smacked her head on something cos there is a bit of blood and she is freaking out big time.

But now the yuppie is shitting himself because out of the ute jumps two of the biggest islander boys I have seen in my life and they do not look happy. Tme to get outta here, i think to myself as this is going to get messy...

I compose myself, start the bike and toodle off home still wetting my undies laughing. I'm going through Remmers on the way to work tomorrow and may stop and collect some bumper debris, missus reckons I should sell it back to the twat piece by piece on Trademe.

By the way, the car was a green convertible Audi (well its almost an Audi now)

Had to tell the tale, hope you enjoy......:laugh:

[jrandom]

My nipples explode with delight!

[dwnundabkr]

now that is furkin funny, well said and all good things come to those who wait
hhahhahahaha fuckn poser

[Hadley]

Bloody brilliant!!

[fire eyes]

geezus Max .. you always seem to find yourself in some interesting situations dont you lol :jerry:

[howdamnhard]

HA,HA,HA you have such a wonderful way with words,thanks for cheering me up.:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[wbks]

Bahahahahahaha...You should have stopped ahead and watched. Seriously that is funny. I can just imagine it now. That guy sounded like such a tosser man.
"Oi you wanker, if your tart has something to say, why dont you fucking say it for her before I come over there and ram that fucking mobile phone up your arse sideways you c**t!" lmao are all brits as witty as you?

[ElCoyote]

Poetic justice, seldom happens but ain't it good when it does :innocent:

[Pussy]

Love your work, Max!! :niceone:

[Pogo2]

You see there is a biker god!!!

[jtzzr]

I`m almost crying , that`s fuckin funny, Good work fat man , blingalingaling

[Al]

Hehehehehehehehe

Fantastic - friggin arsehole yuppie!

[Swoop]

What you see when you don't have a camera or a gun...:Punk:

[nudemetalz]

AWESOME !!!!!!!!! :lol: :rofl: :2thumbsup: :killingme

[MIXONE]

Instant karma.Don't you wish it happened all the time!
I like pies too!!!

[Mom]

My nipples explode with delight!

You lactated spontaneously? Call me, we can make a bit of dosh out of this :yes:

[Biggles41]

Well that was the funiest shit I heard in a while, a nice laugh to end the day I must admit.

[pzkpfw]

Oh my God!

There is justice in this country!

[vifferman]

LOLzah! Just desserts, huh? :laugh:

[naphazoline]

:woohoo:

that'll serve them right.

[Lilly2w]

Aww, His mummy is gunna be rooly mad at him! Its so wrong to laugh at the poor buggers misfortune, but what the fuck ! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Hope the missus whipped you up some pie and mash to celebrate FM.

[nosebleed]

Classic. I'm beginning to think you're Trolling Remmers just for the shits and giggles.

Love your work

[Fatt Max]

Classic. I'm beginning to think you're Tolling Remmers just for the shits and giggles.

Love your work

I know mate, I always seem to attract the shite in Remmers. There was another thread earlier today about some dude getting spanked when a cager pulled into the bus lane.

I have no intention of altering my route because I see great shit down Remmer Road most days but today has been a classic.

Cheers

[Pedrostt500]

yep not much I can say.

[FJRider]

I love a happy ending...

[BASS-TREBLE]

Awesome!

Wheres a helmet cam when you need it?

[dpex]

My nipples explode with delight!

Mine too.:Punk:

[retro asian]

ROR :laugh:

[mdnzz]

:lol: classic :2thumbsup

[DarkLord]

Dude! That is the single greatest thing ever in the history of everything!

Bling given! :Punk:

[Harvd]

My nipples explode with delight!

wow how disturbing is the mental image that accompanies this

[Fatjim]

Well fuckin done.

Who says us fat cunts don't have class.

[shafty]

Good Shyte Max, you deserve a SKOL and a pastie!! Can I have the movie rights? lol Cheers:Punk:

[Buddha#81]

Well fuckin done.

Who says us fat cunts don't have class.

Im farken fat and have no class........Nice yarn FM, go back and get some bumper for the times when ya need a lift! :wari:

[MaxB]

Arf Arf, just deserts and all that! Made me laugh.

I go up to Parnell for lunch a lot and it has got to the state where I'll walk if I can. Bikes are fair game. It can be fun watching the trophy wives nibbling their $20 lettuce leaves then getting in their cars and driving off all whilst talking on their cellphones. Its like they are describing their lives to someone else instead of actually living them.

I watched today as a woman in a Merc pulled out of the cafe car park across the path of a cyclist. He put a hand on the car to steady himsalf and called her a 'fucken dozy bitch'. She carried on talking on her mobile and said something like 'some people are so rude' and floored it with him still attached. He let go quick smart.

It must be nice to waft through life like that(?)

[portokiwi]

That was soo good FM, That poor girl:crybaby: she wanted to be a bottle blond now she is a strawberry blond:lol: good to here things like that happen to those tossers

[Blossom]

Awesome karma there FM. Blinging ya
Hmm I wonder what they will tell their friends and family when they ask what happened?

Imagine....
We were just sitting at the lights and this Fat guy on a harley with a L plate just started abusing us for no reason at all. I think he was jealous of the audi or something... He was so menacing and revving his bike so I decided the best idea was to get my lovely girl away from him before he started swearing and cursing in front of her again, or worse.
So off I go, worried sick about the biker and this asshole in a ute pulls out in front of me and I was so focused on avoiding the biker I hit him.
dont ya hate bikers.. I would not have had the accident if it wasn't for him.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Fatt Max]

Awesome karma there FM. Blinging ya
Hmm I wonder what they will tell their friends and family when they ask what happened?

Imagine....
We were just sitting at the lights and this Fat guy on a harley with a L plate just started abusing us for no reason at all. I think he was jealous of the audi or something... He was so menacing and revving his bike so I decided the best idea was to get my lovely girl away from him before he started swearing and cursing in front of her again, or worse.
So off I go, worried sick about the biker and this asshole in a ute pulls out in front of me and I was so focused on avoiding the biker I hit him.
dont ya hate bikers.. I would not have had the accident if it wasn't for him.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


That is f*****g classic mate, I'm fair pissing myself laughing at this cos I can hear bnoth their squeaky irritiating upperclass voices saying those exact words.

You are a legend, brilliant stuff...!!!:clap:

[Fatt Max]

I suppose one sobering thought from this story is that last night I came up against a person who has serious issues with regards to driving. He revved the crap out of that car but it was evident that he had no control over it.

Smacking it up the arse of the ute was hilarious and deserved, the yuppie prat, but as my fantastic missus pointed out, it would have been a different story if a child happened to be there. Remember, this idiot did all this crap at the lights outside a school.

Still, noone got hurt (apart from little miss blond blonde) so I suppose all's well.

As the missus siad,that woman is what you call an aeroplane blond.

Why I asked

Cos she has the blond hair but I bet your bollocks to a barn dance she still has a black box...!!!

Funny, eh

[unrealone]

Hilarious! Thanks for the story!

[madbikeboy]

Still, noone got hurt (apart from little miss blond blonde) so I suppose all's well.

As the missus siad,that woman is what you call an aeroplane blond.

Why I asked

Cos she has the blond hair but I bet your bollocks to a barn dance she still has a black box...!!!

Funny, eh

I'm still laughing, 3 pages later. You are gifted, I am wetting myself.

Okay, WRT blondie. I work in Parnell and have lived in Parnell over many years, and I've seen all the Parnell Girls. Basically the rule of thumb is that they will fuck any guy who has money, and if he's a complete tool, they'll still hang since he has money. Therefore, if she's stupid enough to hang with a rich plonker in an audi, and they think it's cool to poke fun at people, they she got her just desserts. Like an Aessops fable, only funny.

[Luckylegs]

You lactated spontaneously? Call me, we can make a bit of dosh out of this :yes:

OMG "Stigmilker"...

Quick before the Church get hold of him

[xgnr]

Bling for you making my day

We love Remmers.... especially outside the Schools (Kings is my fav.)

L.O.M.B.A.R.D's* are everywhere, lots of entertainment guaranteed watching them maneuver the Remmers taxis and banging into each other like dodgem cars.

All those fukin huge DG sunnies crack me up... and they swear like fishwives as well which is even funnier :2guns:

Cheers for that Max


* Lots of Money but a Real Dick(ess)

[ital916]

Hahahaha classic!

I live in remmers and wished I more of the yuppies here got their comeupence. Wish I saw funny shit like that too.

[noobi]

We love Remmers.... especially outside the Schools (Kings is my fav.)

L.O.M.B.A.R.D's* are everywhere, lots of entertainment guaranteed watching them maneuver the Remmers taxis and banging into each other like dodgem cars.

I]

i spose it a good thing that money and intelligence arnt related in these poeples case then, and the only thing that they can say to a real person, not on a phone, is lawyer blah blah blah my car blah blah blah and its your fault im an idiot because your riding a bike:stupid:

:jerry::jerry:

[Trumpess]

PMSL :lol: Toooo funny!
Its called karma! :clap:

[ManDownUnder]

wow how disturbing is the mental image that accompanies this

:tugger:Distrubing (TM)? :tugger:Sorry?:tugger:

:tugger:Should I put my pants back on:tugger:

[ManDownUnder]

Then, for some reason, this idiot starts revving the arse out of the car, I mean really giving it heaps. He's ookin over at me and shouting som kind of insult but I couldnt hear him over the noise, so I just tossed him the wanker sign.

The next thing I know the car has gone shooting forward like a bullet out of gun and.....SMACK......right up the arse of the flat bed ute in front of him!

... now THAT's the part that gets me every time. I've read it at least 4 times.... brilliant - JUST BRILLIANT!

[Gizzit]

I always enjoy a giggle Max, and that was another classic!

It's always good to hear a story that has a happy ending !!!! :niceone:

[Number One]

:lol: go fatty! EXCELLENT :yes:

[Beemer]

Oh, don't you just LOVE karma! Especially when it happens in front of your eyes within seconds of someone being a twat!

I had a boy racer in a left-turning lane decide to drag me off and go straight ahead when the lights changed. Unfortunately for him I was a bit quicker off the mark than him and he ended up almost on the footpath as the traffic behind me wouldn't let him in. Just wish a cop had seen it, but it was still good to see him stuck next to a row of parked cars waiting to get back into the lane!

[Fatt Max]

Oh, don't you just LOVE karma! Especially when it happens in front of your eyes within seconds of someone being a twat!

I had a boy racer in a left-turning lane decide to drag me off and go straight ahead when the lights changed. Unfortunately for him I was a bit quicker off the mark than him and he ended up almost on the footpath as the traffic behind me wouldn't let him in. Just wish a cop had seen it, but it was still good to see him stuck next to a row of parked cars waiting to get back into the lane!

Mate, brilliant when you see this kind of stuff on the road, eh :clap:

[slimjim]

awesome..aren't karma a bitch.....