A Pauper's Funeral - yes they still use that word

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Crikey what an education I'm having. Rang the funeral directors yesterday. They were all ready to meet me until I told them there wasn't any money. Everything was then done on the phone. No Sorry to hear you have lost your friend.

A basic cremation/funeral costs $7,500 - $8,000. Bugger me how it can be that fn expensive.

So we had to opt for the "Paupers Funeral" where by they collect the body from the hospital morgue, cremate it and give me the ashes. And they get $1,760 from WINZ. Well bugger me - I could have delivered his body in his work van - Ahu would have loved that = taken him the the crematorium, they nuke him and if necessary I could provide my own urn for the ashes. So tell me how can it cost that much just to nuke someone.

I am not allowed the body for the funeral service. So I can only have a memorial service. They literally said there was no money in it for them.

I have found them to be very cold, hard and clinical, I feel they have been quite disrespectful and if I was in a position to tell them to shove it up their arse I would have. I did cash in Ahu's lotto tickets but nothing so I said Sorry Babe ya have to have a paupers funeral.

I have to put the funeral notice in myself (that doesn't bother me cos I was going to put one in of my own).

I have done the Service Sheet.

This morning his sister (and only she could sign as I'm not blood relative) signed the forms and then told me she was going back to Te Teko. They wouldn't stay around for the service. Yeah I feel the love baby. They did thank me for looking after him.

Don't think there is going to be any food after the service - I have made a banana cake lol. Maybe I should ask people to bring a plate lol. I'm too tired to do any more.

I reckon I should start a new business - renting out coffins, people can then have a proper funeral service then take the body to a crematorium.

Anyway service is at 1pm tomorrow, Salvation Army, Constable St Newtown.

After this is over I shall resume my holiday, collect my bike from Hawkes Bay and go up the East Cape, camping.

2009 is going to be a far better year for me. Cos it just is lol

[Headbanger]

Here's to a better 2009.

Respect.

[fire eyes]

fks sakes ... sorry to hear about that BMW .. sounds like your the only family he has .. dont worry to much about the 'pauper' thing .. Im pretty sure he won't care how his body is milled over as long as you are there with him, nothing wrong with the Salvos or a banana cake either, mmm I love banana cake ... glad you are going back on holiday ... some recovery time needed gurl. :hug:

[trump-lady]

You are an amazing person and he was very lucky to have you.

[martybabe]

You are an amazing person and he was very lucky to have you.

Yup, I'd like you on my side when the shit hits the fan. Have some karma bling and my best wishes for your holiday, the world needs more of you. x

[sunhuntin]

damn, our thoughts are with you. the funeral home should be a little more "warm" than that... losing a friend is one of the hardest things to go through, never mind having jerks for funeral directors. same goes for the family as well.

thinking of you, and well done for being there for him. shows who his family really is... you.

[XxKiTtiExX]

Mum found herself in the same situation when my dad died about 4 years ago. She rung around and spoke to a few funeral directors, they were all rather cold and heartless, none were willing to respect mums wishes and were all just going to rush in and take dad away immediately. She didn't give up, rung around a few places and found an absolutely fantastic lot to deal with. I know its an extremely difficult thing to do but have you tried ringing around a few places?

I very recently lost my baby so I can also kind of understand a bit about funeral costs. (We stuck with the same lot that dealt with dad) I know I was quoted over $700.00 just for the cremation (and thats for a baby). That isn't inclusive of GST. There is also the costs of the casket etc etc on top of that (casket being a legal requirement). It all very quickly adds up (an adult even more so), and the thought can be quite stressful. I'm very lucky to have had my mum who was more than willing to help me out no questions asked. And I've definately needed that help.

Its a really difficult position to be in and I feel for you I really do. Goodluck tomorrow. Chin up. And I wish you all the best for 2009

[KiwiKat]

Crikey what an education I'm having. Rang the funeral directors yesterday...

After this is over I shall resume my holiday, collect my bike from Hawkes Bay and go up the East Cape, camping.

2009 is going to be a far better year for me. Cos it just is lol

I feel for you right now. We've been in the other position of having to sell all my dad's things off, to pay the bill. It's never nice.

Enjoy your memories of cool times with Ahu.

[Dooly]

Funeral costs are staggering, and ridiculous sometimes.

Just another stress factor to deal with on top of the death.
It must be a financial killer to some families on top of everyday living etc.

When my ma in law died last year in Welly she did'nt want a funeral or service.
The funeral blokes picked her up from the hospice, did the paperwork, took her to their place burnt her, and her cat, the wife picked up the ashes.........4k thank you very much!
No funeral, no service, nothing cept the basics.:2guns:

[ynot slow]

Shit that sucks,I worked for 2 companies which also had funeral services attached to the core business of retail furnishings,the manor which they dealt with death was amazing and brilliant,nothing was a problem even costs,i.e to the extent one family was paying off costs for 3 yrs,but still never missed a payment.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Thanks for the above - it sure is an education. Anyway I'm printing the service sheets - done 30 back to back - aim is for 100. I have a cheap $50 printer - the cartridges cost $60 lol hey it is working well.

Ahu wouldn't give a rats arse about a pauper's funeral = neither do I. In fact I called in the fellowship and everyone is bringing a plate lol. I love it. (I know my snobby father would have a fit lol). I think it's going to be the neatest memorial service.

I have yet to make notes for the Eulogy, type up some stuff, and get the music done. Oh well I can sleep tomorrow nite. I'm having a lovely time doing it all with our favourite music playing. It hasn't really hit me yet, at times I think crikey he's gone, I will miss him so much - I'm too busy at present to think lol. Anyway there are lots of lovely memories.

[Ocean1]

Legend, m'dear.

Luck for tomorrow, and take care up north eh?

[Pussy]

Ahu would be proud of you, BMW, like the rest of us are.

[Aslan]

Sorry for your loss Shirley - Ahu has a true friend in you - cheers Aslan

[Winston001]

My sympathies BMW and you show your strength of character. This must be very tough for you.

[ynot slow]

If you can get a cd of Bob Segars hits a couple of songs spring to mind-In your Time,and for you Like a Rock.

[slimjim]

yup ..know the love....cancer took mother ... dug our own grave site, supplied own car, said our words, then cover her over, all by ourselves..... why cause we didn't have that sort of cash up front...and mom was a down to earth lady...pity everyone needs to make 40% on daily cost's..sad state of affairs

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Well it wasn't a pauper's service - wow it was amazing. So many people spoke from the heart and you really didn't miss the casket at all. I had a lovely photo blown up big.

Alot of people turned up, I started getting real nervous having to speak in front of them all. A friend provided some water for me which obviously loosened the tongue (god I'm a cheap date lol).

One thing being in a fellowship provides - is experience in speaking in front of people - and from the heart - don't ask me what I said lol. I did have some notes to jot my memory. I didn't get any sleep last nite.

Went to download the songs this morning and it was not a happening thing - I was really beginning to stress especially about one song "Don't Forget to Remember Me" as for as long as I have known Ahu he always said that was his funeral song. Anyway eventually got them. I cracked in the service when I heard it cos it suddenly hit me oh my god this is reality, and we had sung it together so often. Geez I hate crying in front of people lol. I got over myself pretty quickly tho.

Started at 1pm and the service finished at 2.30pm we had to cut it by then. People brought a plate - lots of food.

It was lovely to see a few KBers there - thank you.

I picked up Ahu's ashes after the funeral. He can rest quietly until I return from my holiday lol. I'm calling ALL the shots now. He's around tho - some funny things have happened in my home.

I was so humbled to be surrounded by so much love and support. I am so exhausted I hope this all makes sense - it's helping me wind down - I know it will all hit me soon. But the happy memories and a good sense of humour will see me through - and of course friends and kbers.

Will wait a couple of days before I venture back to Hawkes Bay get my bike then ride around East Cape. Bliss.

Thank you all so much for being there for me. I hope I never have to write a thread like this again.

[Mom]

I hope I never have to write a thread like this again.

Amen to that! Power to you girl, very tiring and stressful time, your inner strength has served you very well. Please take the time to grieve. You need to look after you extra well for a while too!

I understand the core of iron too well, sometimes it can be a bad thing too. Deep breaths and rose smelling for you please. I am a beach girl. In times of stress to find balance for me there is nothing better than taking my shoes off and walking on the sand.

Love to you, sweet dreams, you have done well for your friend, I hope that when my time comes I have people like you around me. Take care now. If you want to smell roses up here the door is always open.

Kia kaha

Anne

[ynot slow]

Well said Anne.

We are still in the waiting zone,i.e don't want to go far from home for a ride incase the call comes,and certainly don't want the kids to be told first if they ring home and we're out.By ride I mean a 2 hour plus jaunt.Will go and see her tomorrow for a ride.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

How low people can sink to

Today I went to clear out Ahu's room - I walked in and knew it had been "gone thru" and alot of stuff stolen. Despite a request to the Manager at the hostel to not let anyone in - obviously some good lying went on.

I know who the she mongrel is - his fkn sister who wouldn't even attend his funeral - but during it - ransacked his place - robbing the dead. She knew he left everything to me (it wasn't alot and he had also told me who he wanted stuff to go to). I cannot get my head around how low people can go. I'm stunned. Though God knows why I should be - it's just I cannot envisage such shit happening yet my life has been full of it. I guess ever the optomist or just plain fkn stupid more like.

I have a few funeral bills which I could have sold some of his stuff to pay for - well that's gone down the gurgler - I doubt WINZ will help me out on that.

Fk no wonder Ahu had nothing to do with his family - jesus who needs enemies - fkn thieving mongrel bitch.

[ynot slow]

Bastards is too kind a word to describe her.

Wife was in Auckland working for a funeral home years ago,the thieving wankers (not family)would see a notice of a death in Manukau or Sth Dorkland which had send cards to xyz address,come service time the pricks would raid the house as all were away.

[Owl]

Fk no wonder Ahu had nothing to do with his family - jesus who needs enemies - fkn thieving mongrel bitch.

Really sorry to hear that BMW and I understand where you're coming from! Mongrel is an apt description!

I had to make a promise to my father before he passed away, that I'd stand guard and protect his possessions, even from family.
When his father passed away, dad caught his mother’s relatives going through his father’s clothing and trying on shoes etc, while his father lay in state. The poor bugger hadn’t even been buried and he was being robbed!:angry:
Dad never forgave nor forgot and completely cut himself off from that side of his family.

[Paul in NZ]

Very sorry to hear that Shirl... Some people just have no class... I'll bet a hat full of randy weasel bums that this darling could justify it a thousand times over (she was owed no doubt eh!). Still - this act dimishes her and not you, you karma must be in the positive fer sure.

[jtzzr]

Despicable...Unbelievable....You`re a good person BMW !!!!

The bitch will get her just deserves .

And you will get your kindness and love rewarded 3 fold.

Karma has a way of sorting these things.

[Conquiztador]

Now you know why she would not come to the funeral service. She was busy...

[Winston001]

Wife was in Auckland working for a funeral home years ago,the thieving wankers (not family) would see a notice of a death in Manukau or Sth Dorkland which had send cards to xyz address,come service time the pricks would raid the house as all were away.



Sadly this is a well-known consequence of death - low-lifes watching the newspaper and spotting houses to burgle while the funeral is on.

High risk is any funeral notice which mentions cancer or long illness - clear targets for pharmaceutical drugs on the premises.

What families do usually is have someone stay in the house during the funeral and make sure the house isn't empty at other times. Something to know if you haven't heard of this sort of thing.

[sunhuntin]

it makes you sick! is there anything the police can do? did ahu have it written in a will, and was it up to date?