Bugger

[Toaster]

To my mates on bikes,

I haven't been around biker circles for a while and have not had time to surf or email due to ever more pressured life circumstances.

Very sadly Diane and I have separated after an extremely difficult and complicated 2008. That year brought much misery and pressure to us both beyond that which we could bear. It would be our 12th wedding anniversary this 18th January.

Shit happened big time and we reached breaking point after I made some huge errors in judgement during a rather spectacular breakdown and my health has failed me. I will move out of our beloved rural home and move into an apartment in the city this week, if not tonight.

Hopefully the bike will make it there too - I am sure I can squeeze it into the carpark along with the car, although I have a horrible feeling it will have to be sold.

Failing as a Husband and a Dad has been the greatest humiliation of my life. Its my little family that deserve sympathy and love, not me.

Cam.

[Maha]

Very very sorry to read this Cam...you seemed happy as the other day mate, anything anytime mate, I am not overly good at this but, we are here for ya buddy. PM sent.

PS: You have not failed....Mitch will always love you, that counts for everything Cam.

[martybabe]

So sorry to hear that Toaster, life sucks big sometimes, you'll always be 'The Mitch's Dad' whatever route your life takes.

Take care mate.

[98tls]

To my mates on bikes,

I haven't been around biker circles for a while and have not had time to surf or email due to ever more pressured life circumstances.

Very sadly Diane and I have separated after an extremely difficult and complicated 2008. That year brought much misery and pressure to us both beyond that which we could bear. It would be our 12th wedding anniversary this 18th January.

Shit happened big time and we reached breaking point after I made some huge errors in judgement during a rather spectacular breakdown and my health has failed me. I will move out of our beloved rural home and move into an apartment in the city this week, if not tonight.

Hopefully the bike will make it there too - I am sure I can squeeze it into the carpark along with the car, although I have a horrible feeling it will have to be sold.

Failing as a Husband and a Dad has been the greatest humiliation of my life. Its my little family that deserve sympathy and love, not me.

Cam. All the best eh,may seem like it but lifes not over mate and though hard to see now the sun will shine again.We all make mistakes,every last one of us and by no means does that mean you have failed.No matter whats gone on between you and your partner dont forget that to your children your still the most important thing in there lives.

[portokiwi]

We all feel for you... We dont want to know what happend but as time goes on it will get easer. Your kids will allways love you no matter what happend.

[ttnz]

Chin up mate been there to
truth is you dont have to be a great husband to be a great dad and most of the time removing yourself from a Marriage thats causing both parties stress the kids are better off.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

I'm so sorry to hear that Cam and as has been said it will get easyer.

Don't blame yourself for the break up because it takes 2 to make a marriage and it takes 2 to break it.

It's life some times thing beyond our control happen but don't forget you have a wonderfull little boy in Mitch and you will always be his dad.
Take Care mate:hug:

[Usarka]

Bugger mate haven't met you but you sound like one of the good dudes.

the fact you are feeling like you've let people down means that you're the sort of person who cares about that sort of thing, so i'd bet sums off money you did all you reasonably could.

2008 was a right shitter for a number of people. Lets hope 09's a better one eh.

[Mom]

Sorry to read this Toaster, from one that has been there, it is a horrible time in your life. Lean on support from your friends mate, they can make all the difference.

As far as your babies go, you are their Daddy, and nothing can change that for certain. Your children will love you more than you can perceive.

Love to you all at the moment mate.

[MyGSXF]

Tis life Cam.. (have been there), things change.. people change.. but no matter what, you will always be the world to your little man!!

Please be gentle on yourself hun.. as the BP's said.. it takes two!! to make it.. or break it.. this isn't all 'your' doing! We all make errors of judgment, but we learn & grow because of them. It makes us stronger. Lean on your friends.. & please, keep talking!!

Thinking of you Cam :hug:

[yungatart]

Very very sorry to read this Cam..

PS: You have not failed....Mitch will always love you, that counts for everything Cam.

What Maha says is true...Dads are so important in a little guy's life. You are the hero he needs.
I don't know what else to say, except that I am very sad to hear this.
If you ever need anything, you know where we are...
Much love, Cam...

[Trudes]

What everyone has said + :hug: from me. Sorry to hear.

[Curious_AJ]

all the best Cam. I wish you good luck for the future and we all love you. Take care of yourself and keep on trucking.

[chanceyy]

Sorry to hear this toaster .. seems to be a common scene at the moment

echo what everyone else has said & no matter wot kids love both parents unconditionally, keep the communication flowing & let them know that you still love them, no one can or will replace you as their dad

:hug:

[Nasty]

Cam its tough right now .. but realise what the Busas said .. "two to make and two to break" .. is so true ... the marridge did not break because of you or what you did . .but because of both of you - its unforunate ...

For the kids .. no one has the right to call you a bad father ... you are THEIR father and no one can take that away from you ...make time for them .. and love them unconditionally ... as you always have ...

You will come through this ...

[Howsie]

Toaster, i feel for you matey. Having never met you, you seem like a really good bloke. Hopefully you can find the silver lining in all of this and get to where you want to be :hug:

Hearing that you have a son I would implore you to try and keep the bike. A few reasons:

1. I would imagine that he would have an interest in bikes
2. Its a bloody nice bike (Want one myself one day)
3. If I was your son, I would be over the moon if my Dad, when he visited, turned up on the big mean Hyabusa. I believe its an inspirational thing to behold as you are his hero (no matter what, and i still remember the feeling) and he will always want to be like you. So perhaps giving up on the bike he could perceive as giving up on what you love?

Dont want to give you any more stuff to think about so ill stop there.


BTW was it you i saw out at Maraetai Wharf Store on Boxing Day or that weekend on a black busa with a pillion?

[tommygun]

Chin up Toaster. Things change and sometimes it hurts big time.
Remember you can always change your future never your past.
And like a few on here have said you are always the father/dad. Blood is blood and that never changes.
Took me a while to get use to not being around my boy, that was 12 odd years ago and now my 15 year old thinks I'm the cool dad (because, he doesn't live with me :lol:)
Bit like binning the bike, hurt like hell but forced myself to go on and ended up meeting someone else a year or two later. Got married, couple of kids etc etc.
No matter how dark it seems now you can and will get through it.

[BarBender]

We've never met - but Im sorry to hear.

Being broken and having physically said goodbye to my children at one point in my life, Im thankful that they never for one moment believed I went anywhere.

All the best with the next few months.

[Storm]

Sad to hear that mate.Keep your chin up, take each day one at a time and work at sorting out the new way of life. Thinking of you

[Robbo]

Very Sorry to hear your news Toaster. You have always come across as a very nice guy and i am sure everything will work them selves out no matter what direction this may take.
All the very best mate.
Cheers

[Ixion]

I will not presume to comment on the emotional pain you must be feeling. But noone has mentioned the point you made about your health failing. That must, I suggest , be your first priority. If you have your health, all other things can be sorted. Without health , everything else will be a struggle.

Do whatever is required (I do not mean to lecture, it is but a suggestion), to rebuild your health and constitution.

Often such a physical collapse is a manifestation of the emotional strain the body is under. Do not hesitate , or be too proud, to seek support from those able and willing to offer it (and there are many here). Pride is a very good thing, but false pride that prevents healing is very bad.

[NinjaNanna]

To my mates on bikes,

I haven't been around biker circles for a while and have not had time to surf or email due to ever more pressured life circumstances.

Very sadly Diane and I have separated after an extremely difficult and complicated 2008. That year brought much misery and pressure to us both beyond that which we could bear. It would be our 12th wedding anniversary this 18th January.

Shit happened big time and we reached breaking point after I made some huge errors in judgement during a rather spectacular breakdown and my health has failed me. I will move out of our beloved rural home and move into an apartment in the city this week, if not tonight.

Hopefully the bike will make it there too - I am sure I can squeeze it into the carpark along with the car, although I have a horrible feeling it will have to be sold.

Failing as a Husband and a Dad has been the greatest humiliation of my life. Its my little family that deserve sympathy and love, not me.

Cam.


Not knowing you or your circumstances I can only comment on the contents of your post - but from what I read there is definate remorse for your part in the problem - so with some honesty and hard work perhaps this may only be a temporary seperation?

[Toaster]

Hi all,

This is my first time back on KB in a long time. Thankyou for the encouraging PM's, rep comments and posts in the threads. I have just read them all and thank each of you for your support.

As an update I have just moved back home last night. This will be no walk in the park after all that has happened..... and believe me if you knew the facts.... most of you would freak. Even I struggle with all that has happened over the past 5 or so months.

I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!

There is about an inch of dust on the Hayabusa..... will need a good clean and ride I think! (although sadly it will likely be sold.....)

Cam.

[Nasty]

Heya Cam

Good to see you are still around ... and giving things as best a shot as possible.

Sending positive thoughts to ya ...

Kia kaha.

[Mom]

One day at a time Cam, that is all you have to do. Really pleased to hear you have moved back home. Before you sell the busa, come up for a coffee eh?

[ManDownUnder]

One day at a time Cam, that is all you have to do. Really pleased to hear you have moved back home.

What she said man... also - it's not going to mean much right now - but it really does take two to tango. I don't know what's happened - and to be honest I really don't want to but no matter what the problem there will a contribution to it from both sides and that's a view you'll need to work towards - together.

One day at a time. Stand strong and be the best you that you can.

I'll absolutely guarantee your posts here have touched a lot of people who read and relate.

[Blossom]

Good on you for not giving up.
You have support on here, I know lots of us have never met but I am sure there are many who can relate and offer encouragement when the going gets hard.
Many positive thoughts going your and your wifes way.

[sinfull]

Hi all,

This is my first time back on KB in a long time. Thankyou for the encouraging PM's, rep comments and posts in the threads. I have just read them all and thank each of you for your support.

As an update I have just moved back home last night. This will be no walk in the park after all that has happened..... and believe me if you knew the facts.... most of you would freak. Even I struggle with all that has happened over the past 5 or so months.

I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!

There is about an inch of dust on the Hayabusa..... will need a good clean and ride I think! (although sadly it will likely be sold.....)

Cam.

Good luck to ya dude, don't know you or your familly (but do heart felt hope things work out for ya)
You may have made some fuckups but as we all are, your human !
I have made my share of fuckups and it has cost me a relationship (where a child was involved) in the past !
BUT i have read twice now, where you have mentioned the busa and that it may have to "sadly" be sold !
Are you financially in the shit and it's the toys that have to go ? As finances are 9 times out of ten the reason relationships get strained !
If so ignore the rest of my post !
Or am i correct in reading between the lines here ?
I think (sometimes i speak before i think, which may be the case here, but it will hurt no'one for me to spend a few minutes writing this, or you, OR your wife for that matter to read it) that if someone were to give up something they love, purely because the other partner in the relationship wants it gone (for whatever reason, be it that they are just not into it, or cannot enjoy it because of being in child etc), then where is the love ? That aint a loving relationship, it's a controlling one !

Been there and done that ! Lady loved the outlaw, outlaw fell for the lady, changed his ways as the lady wanted, then the lady fucked off with another outlaw !

If you need to sell your bike (you clearly dont want to) for financial reasons, shit happens !
If you sell your bike purely because she wants it gone, then that is the mother of all (suckup) fuckups !
If your wife wants it gone purely for selfish reasons, then that is the fuckup of all mothers !

Do what you must to feed your family !
You may have had a moment (breakdown etc) Stand up, put ya shoulders back and move on !
Don't become a broken breadwinner ! You may regret that later and i don't know many women who really like that in a man (the odd dominetrix perhaps) Some do try, but hey, thats SOME woman for ya !
Your relationship sounds like it became strained during a period that many do.
Some make it through and come out the other end as a team that are hard to fault !
Some spend years hating it AND each other for the sake of the kids, where it's the kids that only end up full of hate !



My 2 c worth !

[vifferman]

I have just moved back home last night. ...
I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!
That's all good stuff, Cam, and a big step forward.
I hope it all works out for you. :niceone:

[Mully]

Good to hear.

Best of luck to you and the bride.


There is about an inch of dust on the Hayabusa..... will need a good clean and ride I think! (although sadly it will likely be sold.....)


Don't sell it. Lend it to me for, umm, safekeeping until you need it again.

G'won. You know you want to.

[Tank]

As someone who has been there and 'fucked up' I can tell you - its not easy and it takes a long time.

BUT - the light at the end of the tunnel is that things can get better - wounds heal - and you can end up better off in the end than when you started.

Best wishes dude.

[ynot slow]

Pretty much my opinion matchs' up with Sinfulls'.Tough decision to make,if you must downsize the bike do it,maybe a cheaper bike perhaps,if she insists you sell it,sorry but that means she will control the life you live.Sure that maybe fine at the moment,but if the relationship hits the skids later on,you will probably regret the sale,compromise and try and get/keep the bike.All the best,tough call to make.

[Daffyd]

My best wishes are with you. Keep your chin up! And lots of hugs.

[icekiwi]

Im Just coming out the other side of the same thing 2nd time round (can't help some guys)....
Takes awhile to sort the shit out in your head forsure and whatever happens between you an the ex your still the kids dad no matter what..
Good luck with getting things sorted...

[Toaster]

One day at a time Cam, that is all you have to do. Really pleased to hear you have moved back home. Before you sell the busa, come up for a coffee eh?

Now that sounds like a great idea. Want a dirty nappy as a pressie??! :love:

[Toaster]

Thanks for the support everyone, boy have I needed it!

[Mom]

Now that sounds like a great idea. Want a dirty nappy as a pressie??! :love:

Absolutely, as long as it comes on the bum of the baby of course :innocent: Guess that rules out the busa eh? Oh well, bring the car then :D

[Toaster]

Absolutely, as long as it comes on the bum of the baby of course :innocent: Guess that rules out the busa eh? Oh well, bring the car then :D

You are always welcome here too..... I am sure Mitch would love visitors too!