Why men cheat.

[Trudes]

There was a similar thread about adultery (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=76044&highlight=cheating) a while back, but this is about why men specifically, cheat.
So I was watching Oprah the other day (yeah, ok, I had half an hour to kill so watched the first half of it, anyway) and she was talking to this guy who's done some research on men and why they cheat on their wives. The top reasons were because they felt under-appreciated, lonely and like they 'aren't winning' etc. Anyway, I thought it was quite interesting and thought I'd share it with the bitches social group, but then thought, hmmm, wonder what other KBers think about it. I can completely understand and have been making more of an effort to make my husband's sandwiches and tell him he's a winner. So have a read (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080827_tows_cheating), there are several pages. I thought it was quite interesting to find out that the majority of men who cheat don't do it just because they are horn bags!:mellow:

[Sully60]

It's because he's just not that into you.:shifty:

[jrandom]

I thought it was quite interesting to find out that the majority of men who cheat don't do it just because they are horn bags!:mellow:

Mmmyes. It's interesting how many women labour under that misconception.

[Finn]

Men cheat because they are here for one reason. Procreation. Women cheat because they're sluts.

Can't be more simple than this.

[Trudes]

Mmmyes. It's interesting how many women labour under that misconception.

Did you read the article?
Anybody?

[jrandom]

Did you read the article?
Anybody?

Yes, I read the article.

Here's a counterpoint, of sorts, from my favourite sex advice columnist (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1097450)'s column today. Enjoy!

Isn't human nature wonderful?

[MSTRS]

...I can completely understand and have been making more of an effort to make my husband's sandwiches ...

The perfect wife! After all, you wouldn't want him to waste energy on making sandwiches, when he has all that extra-marital nooky to take care of...
;):whistle:

[imdying]

Men cheat because they are here for one reason. Procreation. Women cheat because they're sluts.

Can't be more simple than this.It would be hard to improve on this theory :stupid:

[Trudes]

Yes, I read the article.

Here's a counterpoint, of sorts, from my favourite sex advice columnist (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1097450)'s column today. Enjoy!

Isn't human nature wonderful?

Was it the first article I was meant to read or the second one? :laugh:
Anyway, I agree with the reply. Was there a point? That you shouldn't expect someone to change AFTER you marry them? I agree, you shouldn't, but that isn't what the initial article was about, it was about WHY men cheat, and how people in a commited relationship can identify the triggers and possibly counter them. Apparantly why women cheat is a whole different book..... but he hasn't written it yet!;)

[jrandom]

Anyway, I agree with the reply. Was there a point? That you shouldn't expect someone to change AFTER you marry them?

You mean like men shouldn't expect their wives to stop being interested in sex after they marry them?

[Trudes]

You mean like men shouldn't expect their wives to stop being interested in sex after they marry them?

Nice generalisation there I have to say.:yawn:

[Sully60]

Was it the first article I was meant to read or the second one? :laugh:



It was the second one Trudes:


"jrandom was pleasantly surprised to find out the CB-6000 wasn't the knocked down Honda parts bin special"

[MisterD]

Men marry women hoping they'll never change.
Women marry men, hoping to change them.

[Trudes]

It was the second one Trudes:


"jrandom was pleasantly surpised to find out the CB-6000 wasn't the knocked down Honda parts bin special"

:rofl: I did have to wonder!!!;)

[jrandom]

Nice generalisation there I have to say.:yawn:

Oooh, touched a nerve, eh?

:laugh:

That wasn't a generalisation; just an allusion to the possibility. I know of more than one case in which it's happened.


"jrandom was pleasently surpised to find out the CB-6000 wasn't the knocked down Honda parts bin special"

Male orgasm denial is a fucked up kink, in my humble opinion. Keep the pipes clean, that's my motto!

[imdying]

Nice generalisation there I have to say.:yawn:Woah there, you started it!

[imdying]

You mean like men shouldn't expect their wives to stop being interested in sex after they marry them?What difference does it matter if she's interested or not? Doesn't stop you from having it anyway...It's your right. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=7&version=46)

[Skyryder]

I have not had time to read the link but in my view woman take their marrage vows more seriously than men. The horny cock and procreation thing is nothing more than an excuse to cheat and blame bilogical reasons for it.

At the end of the day it comes down to the values that you place on your word and integrity not to mention your own self discipline.

Mind you having said that if the wife has turned herself off for whatever reason..............hubby is going to look somewhere else. The hand might suffice but it is not as good the real thing.

Skyryder

[jrandom]

What difference does it matter if she's interested or not? Doesn't stop you from having it anyway...

Marital rape, the breakfast of champions!

[MsKABC]

What difference does it matter if she's interested or not? Doesn't stop you from having it anyway...It's your right. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=7&version=46)

I don't know whether to say:

:puke:

Or:

:killingme

[davebullet]

Do you mean "cheat" as in (a) have sex without emotional connection behind your partner's, or (b) being in a relationship with someone else behind your partner's back?

I would have thought the physical act would be less betraying to a woman than having another intimate emotional relationship that may include sex.

We all have physical needs and some stronger than others. If sex is offered frequently, then I would see little reason for a man to cheat as per (a) above.

Making sandwhiches doesn't do it. Two things you need to do.
1. Letting your man know how much you appreciate him and give him physical praise / compliments
2. Tell him you "need" him (yes - we know you girls don't in this modern age need men, but men need to be "needed" - so just fake it, we can't tell - we too dumb)....
... the above 2 cater for the relationship side for men. (apart from common interests which apply to both partners).

Add to that frequent sex and you won't end up with a cheater.

[Trudes]

Woah there, you started it!

I merely posted a link to an article that alluded to why the majority of cheating husbands cheat. I don't see the generalisation in that. Now if I'd said "men cheat on their wives because they are scum bag, ego maniacs and sex fiends" that would be a generalisation.

[jrandom]

I merely... I don't see the generalisation...

Yes dear.


Now if I'd said "men cheat on their wives because they are scum bag, ego maniacs and sex fiends"...

Sounds about right to me.

[imdying]

Marital rape, the breakfast of champions!Rape? Your wife? Errr what? That's like your bike refusing you a ride... 'does not compute' :confused:

[Jantar]

You mean like men shouldn't expect their wives to stop being interested in sex after they marry them?


Nice generalisation there I have to say.:yawn:

My opinion is that jrandom hit it in one. I don't know met many men who haven't made the same observation. There are a few, but not many.
Once a woman is married her sex drive seems to diminish, and to some guys that is reason enough to start looking elsewhere. So is it cheating to go elsewhere for something that a wife has stopped providing?

[imdying]

Making sandwhiches doesn't do it. Two things you need to do.
1. Letting your man know how much you appreciate him and give him physical praise / compliments
2. Tell him you "need" him (yes - we know you girls don't in this modern age need men, but men need to be "needed" - so just fake it, we can't tell - we too dumb)....
... the above 2 cater for the relationship side for men. (apart from common interests which apply to both partners).

Add to that frequent sex and you won't end up with a cheater.That sounds like a soundly effective strategy, especially if it's a two way street :yes:

[MsKABC]

Do you mean "cheat" as in (a) have sex without emotional connection behind your partner's, or (b) being in a relationship with someone else behind your partner's back?

I would have thought the physical act would be less betraying to a woman than having another intimate emotional relationship that may include sex.


Nope, sorry - for me they would be pretty much on a par.


We all have physical needs and some stronger than others. If sex is offered frequently, then I would see little reason for a man to cheat as per (a) above.

Making sandwhiches doesn't do it. Two things you need to do.
1. Letting your man know how much you appreciate him and give him physical praise / compliments
2. Tell him you "need" him (yes - we know you girls don't in this modern age need men, but men need to be "needed" - so just fake it, we can't tell - we too dumb)....
... the above 2 cater for the relationship side for men. (apart from common interests which apply to both partners).

Add to that frequent sex and you won't end up with a cheater.

I agree with the middle part, but the first/last sentiment expressed there I would have to refute - some men (and women too of course, but we are talking about men here, as per the thread title) are just assholes who want it from as many places as they can get it because it massages their ego. I have met, and indeed been propositioned by, a few of these :sick:

[Okey Dokey]

Well, I read the stuff and found it a bit sickly. Sure you are partners and should care for one another, blah blah, etc. But it started to sound so *fake* to me. Maybe I just can't quite imagine how little some couples must communicate. Why don't they get on their bikes and go for a ride!

All this do something, make him feel appreciated- are you his wife or his mother, for goodness sake? Would his Mum give him a blow job every morning to make him feel like a winner? If things are that bad for a guy, why do they never try and make a clean break and start again? No, the usual response is an affair. That way they can have their cake and eat it, too.

BTW, same thing goes for women who cheat.

[Trudes]

My opinion is that jrandom hit it in one. I don't know met many men who haven't made the same observation. There are a few, but not many.
Once a woman is married her sex drive seems to diminish, and to some guys that is reason enough to start looking elsewhere. So is it cheating to go elsewhere for something that a wife has stopped providing?

Is it the physical act of sex they are looking for or the feeling of being wanted and appreciated?

[jrandom]

Rape? Your wife? Errr what? That's like your bike refusing you a ride... 'does not compute' :confused:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spousal_rape

http://www.nzfvc.org.nz/PublicationDetails.aspx?publication=13439

[jrandom]

Is it the physical act of sex they are looking for or the feeling of being wanted and appreciated?

In the male mind (barring grave illness that prevents the former) the two concepts are inseparable.

[Okey Dokey]

Yet the article Trudes referred to specifically said men DON"T have affairs for sex??? They just need reassurance that they are great?

[Jantar]

Is it the physical act of sex they are looking for or the feeling of being wanted and appreciated?

It is both. How do you seperate them? Sex without love is meaningless, as is love without sex.

[jrandom]

Yet the article Trudes referred to specifically said men DON"T have affairs for sex??? They just need reassurance that they are great?

Not strictly correct. What I saw the article as trying to say was that, as I posted just above, for men, the concepts are inseparable.

Edit: Snap! Jantar's got the idea.

[ManDownUnder]

Rape? Your wife? Errr what? That's like your bike refusing you a ride... 'does not compute' :confused:

I sincerely hope you are joking... or trolling...

[Trudes]

Well, I read the stuff and found it a bit sickly. Sure you are partners and should care for one another, blah blah, etc. But it started to sound so *fake* to me. Maybe I just can't quite imagine how little some couples must communicate. Why don't they get on their bikes and go for a ride!

All this do something, make him feel appreciated- are you his wife or his mother, for goodness sake? Would his Mum give him a blow job every morning to make him feel like a winner? If things are that bad for a guy, why do they never try and make a clean break and start again? No, the usual response is an affair. That way they can have their cake and eat it, too.

BTW, same thing goes for women who cheat.

You may be surprised. It's very easy to slip into a routine and be so busy with your own things such as work that you can be living with someone (your spouse or significant other) and go days even weeks without really talking to them (pass the salt doesn't count).
If you work different hours or have stuff going on that makes it hard to spend quality time together, it's easy to end up living in a lonely relationship where you don't communicate. Often you don't even realise how little you talk until something happens to 'wake' you up and make you realise it's happened.
Everyone likes to feel appreciated and loved. I don't believe in "mothering" my husband or being his slave, but it's nice to let him know that he's loved and that I care for him, it makes him more attentive in the long run and then we both win... apparently men like to win.:shit:

[MSTRS]

Is it the physical act of sex they are looking for or the feeling of being wanted and appreciated?

Definitely for the ego stroke. No man has ever forgotten what to do with their dominant hand, if it was just the need for 'release'.

[imdying]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spousal_rape

http://www.nzfvc.org.nz/PublicationDetails.aspx?publication=13439
Oooooh, whilst we're looking up imaginary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_bird) stuff (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_mouse) on wiki....

[MsKABC]

Once a woman is married her sex drive seems to diminish, and to some guys that is reason enough to start looking elsewhere. So is it cheating to go elsewhere for something that a wife has stopped providing?

And of course we shall make no allowances for any of the following:

* Having children, and all the mental, physical, hormonal changes that take place there, not to mention the demands placed on the woman with regard to child-rearing, breastfeeding, getting up in the middle of the night etc etc. I could fill a page here, but you get the idea.
* Stresses of work.
* Financial stresses, worry about not being able to pay the mortgage or put food on the table.
* Husband allowing himself to become fat and unattractive.

My point is (and I do have one), is that women don't just decide they don't want sex anymore. Sex drive isn't just a switch you can turn on and off at will - it is up to both parties to find a way to make it work.

Jantar, I think you are being too simplistic and one-eyed in your assertions.

[Okey Dokey]

jrandom, I think we agree. There is a lot of "advice" to women in that article about making men feel loved. But it is only at the end that the topic of frequency of sex is mentioned as a reason for men to feel unappreciated. That is why I felt that all the make him feel valued stuff was so fake.

I guess while I felt that the article wasn't very clear, I haven't been too clear in expressing my thoughts either!

[jrandom]

Oooooh, whilst we're looking up imaginary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_bird) stuff (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_mouse) on wiki....

Nah bro, it really happens. Probably never happens in your social class, though, so I'm not surprised you've never heard of it as an actual crime. But you've seen Once Were Warriors, surely?

I doubt you'd ever be charged with such a crime unless there was evidence of physical abuse, of course. But if your wife is bruised and battered and a medical examination shows signs of forced entry... you're a rapist, sunshine, and you goin-a jail.

:sunny:

[oldrider]

There was a similar thread about adultery (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=76044&highlight=cheating) a while back, but this is about why men specifically, cheat.
So I was watching Oprah the other day (yeah, ok, I had half an hour to kill so watched the first half of it, anyway) and she was talking to this guy who's done some research on men and why they cheat on their wives. The top reasons were because they felt under-appreciated, lonely and like they 'aren't winning' etc. Anyway, I thought it was quite interesting and thought I'd share it with the bitches social group, but then thought, hmmm, wonder what other KBers think about it. I can completely understand and have been making more of an effort to make my husband's sandwiches and tell him he's a winner. So have a read (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080827_tows_cheating), there are several pages. I thought it was quite interesting to find out that the majority of men who cheat don't do it just because they are horn bags!:mellow:

Trudes,

Men cheat because there is "some one" to cheat with, "why does everyone blame the MAN" :spanking:

Just watch the monkeys at the zoo, we are primates, it's what we do! :whistle:

Keep your eye's on the ball (no pun intended) and head him off at the pass! (Ooh, another one) :shifty: Cheers, John.

[Trudes]

Definitely for the ego stroke. No man has ever forgotten what to do with their dominant hand, if it was just the need for 'release'.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Okey Dokey]

You may be surprised. It's very easy to slip into a routine and be so busy with your own things such as work that you can be living with someone (your spouse or significant other) and go days even weeks without really talking to them (pass the salt doesn't count).
If you work different hours or have stuff going on that makes it hard to spend quality time together, it's easy to end up living in a lonely relationship where you don't communicate. Often you don't even realise how little you talk until something happens to 'wake' you up and make you realise it's happened.
Everyone likes to feel appreciated and loved. I don't believe in "mothering" my husband or being his slave, but it's nice to let him know that he's loved and that I care for him, it makes him more attentive in the long run and then we both win... apparently men like to win.:shit:

Hey, Trudes, I wasn't getting at you. It's the article that I think is misleading. I admit in my post I find it hard to imagine that a routine develops that allows you to neglect your spouse to the degree described.

[Winston001]

Men cheat because they are here for one reason. Procreation. Women cheat because they're sluts.

Can't be more simple than this.


A tad blunt but essentially correct. :chase:



I have not had time to read the link but in my view woman take their marrage vows more seriously than men. The horny cock and procreation thing is nothing more than an excuse to cheat and blame biological reasons for it.

At the end of the day it comes down to the values that you place on your word and integrity not to mention your own self discipline.


Don't underrate the biological drive - it is fundamental and powerful. Men have the ability to spread their genes among a group of women over a lifetime. The more children you can father the better the chance of your genetic heiritage surviving. Plus you block out other men.

Women have a different imperative. Bearing a child requires an investment of energy and emotion plus about 10 years of commitment to protecting that child. A pregnant woman/woman with a young child is vulnerable so she instinctively seeks the security of one man to protect and provide.

If a woman freely gave her favours to all men, her mate wouldn't know who's child he was protecting......and he'd leave. The main reason for him to stay is to protect his child and if he can't be sure of that........gone.

To understand this - Evolutionary Psychology - you have to remember that for most of our 1.5 million years, we lived in tribes and our animal instincts were primary.

[imdying]

you've seen Once Were Warriors, surely?That's the one with the lippy brown bitch who got what was coming to her, right?

I doubt you'd ever be charged with such a crime unless there was evidence of physical abuse, of course. But if your wife is bruised and battered and a medical examination shows signs of forced entry... you're a rapist, sunshine, and you goin-a jail.Shocking... should have been no need to force entry if she'd fulfilled her marriage contract as she promised :oi-grr:

[Jantar]

...Jantar, I think you are being too simplistic and one-eyed in your assertions.
Of course I am. That is the major difference between men and women. Most men focus on a single task at any one time, and exclude any extreneous data. Women are better at multi tasking and tend to link things together that men consider irrellevent.

Maybe this is why women can seperate sex from love, but men usually don't. So an act that a woman may call "cheating" to a man is just "supplementing".

I'd love to see a similar discussion on "Why women cheat"

[Trudes]

Trudes,

Men cheat because there is "some one" to cheat with, "why does everyone blame the MAN" :spanking:

Just watch the monkeys at the zoo, we are primates, it's what we do! :whistle:

Keep your eye's on the ball (no pun intended) and head him off at the pass! (Ooh, another one) :shifty: Cheers, John.

Thanks John. Essentially what I got from the article was that it's not entirely the man's fault that he cheats, he's looking for something he's not getting at home, so if you want your man to be faithful, then be nice to him. That's why I made Kendog's sandwiches for him last night and told him he was a stud muffin this morning. :)

[jrandom]

Husband allowing himself to become fat and unattractive.

Unattractive to the wife, yes... and if some other woman with different tastes happens to find him sexy, I guess that's just bad luck for the missus, innit?


My point is (and I do have one), is that women don't just decide they don't want sex anymore. Sex drive isn't just a switch you can turn on and off at will - it is up to both parties to find a way to make it work.

Looking after oneself goes both ways. I think it's rather rare to find an active woman who takes care of herself who lacks libido. The women who aren't interested in sex tend to be the pale, flabby, kitchen-and-couch-dwelling sorts.

Exactly the same applies to men, of course. Sex drive and physical health are inextricably linked.

[firefighter]

jesus fuck me! Men cheat, because they like to fuck, and they want variety, not the same old crackers........simple as that, make up any bullshit you want, that's the truth.

And hell, who would'nt want to have a go at someone half their age who's going to let them have a go?! Us males take what we can get....and what's more flattering than knowing you can still get some?

You see, for women, open your legs and you will get laid, men however, different story, so if the opportunity comes along, well you just gotta take it!

[Trudes]

Hey, Trudes, I wasn't getting at you. It's the article that I think is misleading. I admit in my post I find it hard to imagine that a routine develops that allows you to neglect your spouse to the degree described.

Hey no worries luv, didn't think you were. :)

[imdying]

That's why I made Kendog's sandwiches for him last night and told him he was a stud muffin this morning. :)High five! :sunny:

[MsKABC]

Of course I am. That is the major difference between men and women. Most men focus on a single task at any one time, and exclude any extreneous data. Women are better at multi tasking and tend to link things together that men consider irrellevent.


OK, fair point. *tilts head to one side and purses lips thoughtfully*


Thanks John. Essentially what I got from the article was that it's not entirely the man's fault that he cheats, he's looking for something he's not getting at home, so if you want your man to be faithful, then be nice to him. That's why I made Kendog's sandwiches for him last night and told him he was a stud muffin this morning. :)


Or looking at it another way: we should go out there and give a thoroughly good kicking to those skanky women who would have our men, given half an opportunity. :lol:

[Okey Dokey]

I almost get the feeling that men and women in this thread are talking past one another and illustrating "why men cheat"!!!:whistle:

[Trudes]

And hell, who would'nt want to have a go at someone half their age who's going to let them have a go?! Us males take what we can get....and what's more flattering than knowing you can still get some?


Exactly, ego driven. "I've still got it, she wants me, doesn't matter that she's as ugly as a sack of arseholes, I'm so hot" :dodge:

[jrandom]

it's not entirely the man's fault that he cheats, he's looking for something he's not getting at home

I would just like to take this moment, folks, to thank all the sluts out there who are happy to fuck other women's partners.

Ladies (and I use that term extremely loosely), our prostates are eternally grateful. Keep up the good work.

:2thumbsup


we should go out there and give a thoroughly good kicking to those skanky women who would have our men, given half an opportunity.

Yes, that's another valid perspective.

:lol:

[firefighter]

Men cheat because they are here for one reason. Procreation. Women cheat because they're sluts.

Can't be more simple than this.

Hahahaha, it reminds me of how women say "how come a man can sleep around with a lot of women and be a legend yet a women doing the same thing is a slut?"

My answer.....because a women if she wants to can get it whenever she wants, if a women goes out to get laid, she damn well can, whereas a man is lucky if he gets laid, in fact he's got to work at it (for the most part)......hence a loose woman being a slut and a man that can get a lot is a legend lol....... :banana:

It's good being a guy......we can pee standing up too! :niceone:

[skidMark]

It's because he's just not that into you.:shifty:


As much joking as u intend it with...

Women are bitchy, unappreciative, and many manyyy other things.

We get sick of them quickly, so get a fresh one.

Its kind of like owning a harley...

[MsKABC]

Unattractive to the wife, yes... and if some other woman with different tastes happens to find him sexy, I guess that's just bad luck for the missus, innit?


Well I guess there's no accounting for taste then huh?


Looking after oneself goes both ways. I think it's rather rare to find an active woman who takes care of herself who lacks libido. The women who aren't interested in sex tend to be the pale, flabby, kitchen-and-couch-dwelling sorts.


It sounds like you have done some fairly extensive research there....

[Okey Dokey]

And of course, men never hide the fact that they are married from hot young things!:innocent:

[Trudes]

Of course I am. That is the major difference between men and women. Most men focus on a single task at any one time, and exclude any extreneous data. Women are better at multi tasking and tend to link things together that men consider irrellevent.

Maybe this is why women can seperate sex from love, but men usually don't. So an act that a woman may call "cheating" to a man is just "supplementing".

I'd love to see a similar discussion on "Why women cheat"

I find it bloody hard to concentrating on being a slut in the bedroom for Kendog when the dishes are all piled up, dinner is burning in the oven and I know I have no clean undies to put on afterwards, yes, even women sometimes have trouble multi-tasking!

[jrandom]

It sounds like you have done some fairly extensive research there....

A little bit, aye.

:pinch:

[firefighter]

Exactly, ego driven. "I've still got it, she wants me, doesn't matter that she's as ugly as a sack of arseholes, I'm so hot" :dodge:

hahahahaha, well, to some extent, some of us guys will be choosy(ish), some of my mates however....well we won't go there.....:gob:

[MsKABC]

As much joking as u intend it with...

Women are bitchy, unappreciative, and many manyyy other things.

We get sick of them quickly, so get a fresh one.

Its kind of like owning a harley...

Takes one to know one skiddy :niceone:

[jrandom]

And of course, men never hide the fact that they are married from hot young things!

In my experience, hiding it isn't really necessary.

[Trudes]

Hahahaha, it reminds me of how women say "how come a man can sleep around with a lot of women and be a legend yet a women doing the same thing is a slut?"

My answer.....because a women if she wants to can get it whenever she wants, if a women goes out to get laid, she damn well can, whereas a man is lucky if he gets laid, in fact he's got to work at it (for the most part)......hence a loose woman being a slut and a man that can get a lot is a legend lol....... :banana:

It's good being a guy......we can pee standing up too! :niceone:

And that's why god created prostitutes.

[MsKABC]

I find it bloody hard to concentrating on being a slut in the bedroom for Kendog when the dishes are all piled up, dinner is burning in the oven and I know I have no clean undies to put on afterwards, yes, even women sometimes have trouble multi-tasking!

Exactly the point I was trying to make earlier, only you did it so much more....er...."eloquently"! :lol:

[jrandom]

Takes one to know one skiddy :niceone:

Mark has had neither a Harley nor a 'woman'. His theories about life will undoubtedly change over time.

[MsKABC]

In my experience, hiding it isn't really necessary.


Yes, there are some women to whom a married man is a challenge and/or exciting.

[Badjelly]

65 replies in 75 minutes. Popular thread! I wonder why.:rolleyes:

[Okey Dokey]

In my experience, hiding it isn't really necessary.

I hope your experience refers to friends, or are you telling us you have cheated? No- don't answer that!

[davebullet]

I find it bloody hard to concentrating on being a slut in the bedroom for Kendog when the dishes are all piled up, dinner is burning in the oven and I know I have no clean undies to put on afterwards, yes, even women sometimes have trouble multi-tasking!

And that's one of the things that men get frustrated about. We are single minded, so in the bedroom we don't let all those things play on our minds.. and when our partner keeps going on talking about all this other stuff :argh:

[MSTRS]

65 replies in 75 minutes. Popular thread! I wonder why.:rolleyes:

They're all waiting for that phone number to be posted. Just in case...

[Okey Dokey]

Yes, there are some women to whom a married man is a challenge and/or exciting.

Those women are cheats, too.

[MsKABC]

Those women are cheats, too.

Absolutely :yes:

[Sully60]

They're all waiting for that phone number to be posted. Just in case...

All you had to do was ask:

3624360.

Edit: and if anyone doesn't get that, look it up the origin is very applicable to this topic.

[Trudes]

And that's one of the things that men get frustrated about. We are single minded, so in the bedroom we don't let all those things play on our minds.. and when our partner keeps going on talking about all this other stuff :argh:

You mean you don't like it when we start yelling "go, go, faster, now, do it now, yes, yes, yes!! Woohoo!!!!" when we're having sex with you?... only to realise we're watching the rugby over your shoulder?

[jrandom]

I hope your experience refers to friends, or are you telling us you have cheated? No- don't answer that!

Hmm? I'm not shy on the subject; a couple of years back I levered myself out of a marriage I didn't want to be in with the help of a lovely young thing I met via this forum who had a fetish for that sort of carry-on. (Edit: not my current partner!)

Wouldn't do it again though. Bad karma.

[MsKABC]

You mean you don't like it when we start yelling "go, go, faster, now, do it now, yes, yes, yes!! Woohoo!!!!" when we're having sex with you?... only to realise we're watching the rugby over your shoulder?

You must spread some reputation around... :rofl:

[Pussy]

You mean you don't like it when we start yelling "go, go, faster, now, do it now, yes, yes, yes!! Woohoo!!!!" when we're having sex with you?... only to realise we're watching the rugby over your shoulder?

Just like if your bloke is making a few grunting noises... he's agreeing with something in the motorcycle magazine he's reading while "on the job" :niceone:

[Winston001]

Studies show that more men cheat than women - which confirms the evolutionary psychology explanation for men being unfaithful. It also means that a few women are helping out a lot of guys.....:shifty: but I guess that is why we have prostitutes. Arguably they serve a social need and maybe save marriages. :sunny:

[Big Dave]

Just watch the monkeys at the zoo, we are primates, it's what we do! :whistle:


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FWIW I have no trouble with fidelity. 30 years on I still like my wife.

[Trudes]

Just like if your bloke is making a few grunting noises... he's agreeing with something in the motorcycle magazine he's reading while "on the job" :niceone:

Nah, not possible, he can't multitask, you should see him try to drive AND turn the stereo down!!

[Okey Dokey]

jrandom, hey, I said not to answer that! It does give your responses a lot of credence, however. "Been there, done that", if you know what I mean.

* off subject* One of the things I have trouble with on the internet is that you can upset people because while you may be thinking about a topic in a general theoretical hypothetical intellectual way, someone else may be deeply emotionally feeling about it. I hesitate to post a lot of stuff for fear of upsetting others. Oh well, never mind. *back on subject*

[Pussy]

Nah, not possible, he can't multitask, you should see him try to drive AND turn the stereo down!!


Sorry, Trudes.. I didn't mean YOUR bloke as such... you know what I mean? :)

[Trudes]

* off subject* One of the things I have trouble with on the internet is that you can upset people because while you may be thinking about a topic in a general theoretical hypothetical intellectual way, someone else may be deeply emotionally feeling about it. I hesitate to post a lot of stuff for fear of upsetting others. Oh well, never mind. *back on subject*

I know what you mean, but hey why bother, this is KB, a lot of other people don't worry about how they may upset someone else with what they say/type, but hey, maybe you're a nice person who has a conscience, so don't go changing on us!:)

[vifferman]

Nah, not possible, he can't multitask, you should see him try to drive AND turn the stereo down!!
Oh puh-leeease. :laugh::killingme:lol::rofl:
All males in our household can multitask, with #1 Son able to listen to music, read a book (or even two!), carry on a conversation and watch TV, simultaneously. And the three troglodytes / mutant spawn almost always "duplex" as they call it (all three simultaneously taking to save time).
However, ALL the females I know (I have three sisters, three sisters-in-law, 5 nieces) have difficulty coping with more'n one thing at a time. Holding a baby on your hip while stirring a pot on the stove is NOT multi-tasking, nor is being able to prepare meat AND 3 veges, nor is being able to change gears AND steer the car.

But if you think it will give the "multi-tasking woman" myth some creedence by endlessly repeating it, and making fun of your man, feel free.

[Trudes]

Sorry, Trudes.. I didn't mean YOUR bloke as such... you know what I mean? :)

I do. It's all hypothetical!!:done:

[Trudes]

Oh puh-leeease. :laugh::killingme:lol::rofl:
All males in our household can multitask, with #1 Son able to listen to music, read a book (or even two!), carry on a conversation and watch TV, simultaneously. And the three troglodytes / mutant spawn almost always "duplex" as they call it (all three simultaneously taking to save time).
However, ALL the females I know (I have three sisters, three sisters-in-law, 5 nieces) have difficulty coping with more'n one thing at a time. Holding a baby on your hip while stirring a pot on the stove is NOT multi-tasking, nor is being able to prepare meat AND 3 veges, nor is being able to change gears AND steer the car.

But if you think it will give the "multi-tasking woman" myth some creedence by endlessly repeating it, feel free.

I keep being told that the reason he can only do one thing at a time is because he's putting all his effort into doing it properly, maybe the women folk in your household are perfectionists?

[Finn]

And that's why god created prostitutes.

No he didn't, men did. We got fed up with wining, dining, gifting, cuddles and whispering stuff we don't mean and came up with the novel idea of... "why don't I just pay you the money I would of wasted on this shit and root you. Women, being the sluts they are, seized the opportunity.

Also, I'd like to point out that you're not actually paying a prostitute for sex. You're paying them to leave afterwards.

[Finn]

You mean you don't like it when we start yelling "go, go, faster, now, do it now, yes, yes, yes!! Woohoo!!!!" when we're having sex with you?... only to realise we're watching the rugby over your shoulder?

Just like when we take a moment... it's not because we're trying to prolong the pleasure, it's because where trying to think of someone else.

[The Stranger]

they felt under-appreciated, lonely and like they 'aren't winning' etc.



What a crock of shit!
If they aren't winning then bloody do something about it FFS. Are they waiting for someone else to make them a winner? Wake up, it isn't going to happen.
Under appreciated? Do something worthy of appreciation you useless bastards.

[Trudes]

No he didn't, men did. We got fed up with wining, dining, gifting, cuddles and whispering stuff we don't mean and came up with the novel idea of... "why don't I just pay you the money I would of wasted on on this shit and root you. Women, being the sluts they are, seized the opportunity.

Also, I'd like to point out that you're not actually paying a prostitute for sex. You're paying them to leave afterwards.

I can agree with that and you are paying for discretion. However not ALL prostitutes have the choice to do it, some are sold into it by their loving family or are abducted and forced into prositution.

[Trudes]

What a crock of shit!
If they aren't winning then bloody do something about it FFS. Are they waiting for someone else to make them a winner? Wake up, it isn't going to happen.
Under appreciated? Do something worthy of appreciation you useless bastards.

:laugh: A very fair call. So maybe weak men cheat? They need their affirmation of being 'winners' from someone else because they are actually losers?

[Finn]

However not ALL prostitutes have the choice to do it, some are sold into it by their loving family or are abducted and forced into prositution.

But the other 99.99% of them do it for cold hard cash.

[jrandom]

However not ALL prostitutes have the choice to do it, some are sold into it by their loving family or are abducted and forced into prositution.

And some do it because any woman in good health has all the qualifications necessary, and you can make a very decent living that way, in much the same way that farm workers here in NZ bear little resemblance to the slaves on cotton plantations in the eighteenth century.

Legalising prostitution was one of the very few things that our previous Labour administration got right.


But the other 99.99% of them do it for cold hard cash.

Yeah, what he said.

[Trudes]

Hey why not? As long as there is a need for it. Supply and demand.

[Finn]

If KB was men only, this thread wouldn't exist and even if it was started by some homo, it would only have about 2 replies.

See, women are always yapping and causing problems. That's why we sleep around.

Edit: Is anyone else getting aroused by this thread?

[MIXONE]

And that's why god created prostitutes.

If a man isn't get fed at home he goes to a takeaway shop!

[The Stranger]

So maybe weak men cheat? They need their affirmation of being 'winners' from someone else because they are actually losers?

Perhaps, or perhaps it is easier to pull a tired old excuse out your arse and give that. For example, were it a primal instinct to procreate with as many as possible would that make a man weak? in the animal world it would likely be the opposite.

How would one articulate that in an interview? I just got the urge so I fucked around?

[Korumba]

Do the Math...


The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT have happened!) it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!

Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, ability to put BOTH legs around you (!!!), no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.

Sometimes renting makes far more sense.

[nodrog]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyInZF4xsUY

[Trudes]

Edit: Is anyone else getting aroused by this thread?

Yes. Got any good porn sites?

[Goblin]

I sincerely hope you are joking... or trolling...No, he's serious. He has this morbid fascination with rape and abuse. Sicko!

[imdying]

No, he's serious. He has this morbid fascination with rape and abuse. Sicko!That's right... I bang one out every night thinking of you :rofl:

[Gremlin]

Edit: Is anyone else getting aroused by this thread?
not until someone tried to put the thread down the path of pictures of hotties...

Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!
Perhaps renting does make sense at that level... damn!

More serious note... I truly believe its a two way street. Sure, there are crap men and women out there, ignore them for this purpose. Neither partner should be sitting back and saying, oh, he/she doesn't appreciate me etc, if they aren't doing the same back. It gets very easy for the 2nd person to stop doing the little things after the first stops. Everyone likes to feel needed and appreciated.

Relationships are two way streets, as the saying goes, you need to put in 100% to make it work.

[Cheshire Cat]

That's right... I bang one out every night thinking of you :rofl:

:oi-grr:


you truely are filth.

[imdying]

Oh noes, someone on the internet doesn't like me :crybaby:

[jrandom]

you truely are filth.

C'mon, Kel scrubs up pretty well, you can hardly blame him.

[Skyryder]

Don't underrate the biological drive - it is fundamental and powerful. Men have the ability to spread their genes among a group of women over a lifetime. The more children you can father the better the chance of your genetic heiritage surviving. Plus you block out other men.

Women have a different imperative. Bearing a child requires an investment of energy and emotion plus about 10 years of commitment to protecting that child. A pregnant woman/woman with a young child is vulnerable so she instinctively seeks the security of one man to protect and provide.

If a woman freely gave her favours to all men, her mate wouldn't know who's child he was protecting......and he'd leave. The main reason for him to stay is to protect his child and if he can't be sure of that........gone.

To understand this - Evolutionary Psychology - you have to remember that for most of our 1.5 million years, we lived in tribes and our animal instincts were primary.

If we were to use the biological drive as an excuse for cheating why not use it for rape??

As for evolutionary psychology and the tribe thing even tribes have taboo’s on sex. One of these is the clan or totem systems where rules within the system when broken can result if severe punishment for the offender.

All other comments are just an excuse for not having the will power, integrity and discipline to honour the marriage vows.

Skyryder

[Winston001]

.........in much the same way that farm workers here in NZ bear little resemblance to the slaves on cotton plantations in the eighteenth century.


There are cotton plantations in NZ???!! :Pokey: Dang gotta get me some of that poon...... :devil2:

[jrandom]

There are cotton plantations in NZ???!! :Pokey: Dang gotta get me some of that poon...... :devil2:

Can't beat a little nigra action, once you've gone black you'll never go back, etc.

Or so they say. It's the initial 'going black' part that's always put me off. I don't dig the untermensch.

[Trudes]

This is thread is starting to meander into the reasons why women cheat perhaps.:shutup:

[jrandom]

This is thread is starting to meander into the reasons why women cheat perhaps.

And those reasons would be...?

:sherlock:

[Finn]

There are cotton plantations in NZ???!!

Yes, but sadly they are overgrown.

[Trudes]

And those reasons would be...?

:sherlock:

Well, I would hate to generalise :rolleyes: but geeze men can be pigs when they let their guards down and get comfortable. And like you say, once you've gone black, you never go back.

[Finn]

If we were to use the biological drive as an excuse for cheating why not use it for rape??

We're talking about consenting adults here.

[Cheshire Cat]

C'mon, Kel scrubs up pretty well, you can hardly blame him.


ahahahaha.yea but hes still filth.

[MotoGirl]

But it is only at the end that the topic of frequency of sex is mentioned as a reason for men to feel unappreciated.

I don't understand how a man could interpret a lack of sex to mean he is unappreciated. If his woman acknowledges what he does for her and expresses her appreciation in other ways (such as giving him a snog and saying the kitchen looks great after he's finished the dishes), he must be a real jerk-off if he then whinges about not getting a blowjob that day.

[jrandom]

geeze men can be pigs when they let their guards down and get comfortable. And like you say, once you've gone black, you never go back.

In my experience (once again) women cheat for exactly the same reasons that men (according to the article you linked to) do.

They want their egos stroked. The sex just sort of goes along with that.

[Skyryder]

We're talking about consenting adults here.

No we are talking about why men cheat.

Skyryder

[Finn]

No we are talking about why men cheat.

Skyryder

A banana how long?

[jrandom]

I don't understand how a man could interpret a lack of sex to mean he is unappreciated.

And that, sugarlips, is why we cheat on you.

:done:

[Winston001]

If we were to use the biological drive as an excuse for cheating why not use it for rape.

As for evolutionary psychology and the tribe thing even tribes have taboo’s on sex. One of these is the clan or totem systems where rules within the system when broken can result if severe punishment for the offender.

All other comments are just an excuse for not having the will power, integrity and discipline to honour the marriage vows.

Skyryder

Yeeessss.........NO. :sleep:

The distant human ancestors (australiopithicus afarensis) branched off about 3.5 million years ago. From our perspective they were animals and driven by primal instincts. The only rules were the few required to co-operate as a small social group.

It isn't until speech developed a mere 40,000 years ago that humans gained the ability to communicate complex ideas. Such as stay with me and stop looking at that slut! :devil2:

Groups grew into tribes, which evolved rules = laws. Speech also allowed abstract ideas such as morals to develop. Morals are disparaged in today's me-first society but they are important. They put the brakes on purely instinctive behaviour. We don't steal stuff even though it's easier than working. And rape isn't acceptable - unless the babysitter is really begging for it.....:rolleyes:

The point is - each of us has primal genetic instincts which have existed for 3.5 million years and a mere 10,000 years of civilisation doesn't wipe those instincts out.

[Goblin]

C'mon, Kel scrubs up pretty well, you can hardly blame him.
I cant believe you saved that pic. Please dont make me complain to mods and take it off this thread. Mmmkay?


This is thread is starting to meander into the reasons why women cheat perhaps.:shutup:


And those reasons would be...?

:sherlock:Refer to imdyings post. Poor woman married to him.


That's right... I bang one out every night thinking of you :rofl:How does your wife feel about that?

[jrandom]

I cant believe you saved that pic. Please dont make me complain to mods and take it off this thread. Mmmkay?

:o


Refer to imdyings post. Poor woman married to him.

I suspect they're actually quite well suited to each other. Takes all sorts, etc.

[Gwinch]

C'mon, Kel scrubs up pretty well, you can hardly blame him.


ahahahaha.yea but hes still filth.

Yeah, she's a fox. :msn-wink:

[Cheshire Cat]

:o



I suspect they're actually quite well suited to each other. Takes all sorts, etc.
thats what i thought.best they stay together.

[jrandom]

thats what i thought.best they stay together.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

imdying is a man of God, y'know. He knows he'd burn in hell if he did anything naughty.

[Trudes]

In my experience (once again) women cheat for exactly the same reasons that men (according to the article you linked to) do.

They want their egos stroked. The sex just sort of goes along with that.

Exactly. If my hubby started talking shit about me and made derogitory remarks about women in general, then yeah, I guess I would eventually look to someone else to make me feel valued, as he obviously doesn't have much respect for me, as a woman.

[Sully60]

Exactly. If my hubby started talking shit about me and made derogitory remarks about women in general, then yeah, I guess I would eventually look to someone else to make me feel valued, as he obviously doesn't have much respect for me, as a woman.

At least you have another caring hubby if that ever eventuates.;)

[jrandom]

Exactly. If my hubby started talking shit about me...

Indeed.


and made derogitory remarks about women in general...

Dunno about that, though. Maybe that just indicates that he values you as a pearl beyond price, a precious and beautiful example of what the rest of femininity strives and often fails to be?

[Trudes]

At least you have another caring hubby if that ever eventuates.;)

:love:And I know he doesn't talk shit about women! Gotta love those mormons!:msn-wink:

[Finn]

Of course I am. That is the major difference between men and women.

I'd love to see a similar discussion on "Why women cheat"

Actually, women aren't that different to men. If you ever want to try and understand women, just think of a man and take away reason, logic and accountability and there you have it.

[Trudes]

Indeed.



Dunno about that, though. Maybe that just indicates that he values you as a pearl beyond price, a precious and beautiful example of what the rest of femininity strives and often fails to be?

Please remove your tongue from my arse. :laugh: See, now I KNOW you're just trying to humor me.
Actually, I think he's afraid of me. :love: Fear and respect. :lol:

[Finn]

Please remove your tongue from my arse. :laugh: See, now I KNOW you're just trying to humor me.

Stop flirting with Jrandom. An innocent exchange of subtleties can often lead to rampant sex.


Actually, I think he's afraid of me. :love: Fear and respect. :lol:

I just hope for your sake that he doesn't find a women that he's not afraid of.

[jrandom]

An innocent exchange of subtleties can often lead to rampant sex.

Oh my. Rampant is my favourite.


I just hope for your sake that he doesn't find a women that he's not afraid of.

Finn makes a very good point.

[MSTRS]

Fear and respect. :lol:

No, the two chief weapons and "fear and surprise". Don't you know your Spanish Inquisition?r

[Trudes]

I just hope for your sake that he doesn't find a women that he's not afraid of.

It was a joke, but he has balls enough that if he's ever not happy with things as they are, he can either try to fix it or find the door. Goes both ways, and we know it.

[Trudes]

No, the two chief weapons and "fear and surprise". Don't you know your Spanish Inquisition?r

No I don't, but I think I like it!!

[ManDownUnder]

I don't understand how a man could interpret a lack of sex to mean he is unappreciated.

Each to their own. People feel valued in different ways, and it's only when the expressions of value are in the form the recipient appreciates they are really seen for what they are.

If you personally valued your dog being groomed really highly but hated the workload... someone could that for you as a genuine expression of love. THEY wouldn't necessarily understand it or relate to as such... but if it makes you feel loved then it's 'right'.

As a generalisation, frequency of sex for a man is an indication of being loved. Try it. I you're a once a week couple and the female bumps it up to twice a week, and initiates it... watch the difference it makes (generally...). He'll have a spring in his step, do the dishes, be happier and full of energy.

And lurching from one tangent to another... looking at why men cheat is one thing - looking at who they cheat with... is another...

[Skyryder]

Yeeessss.........NO. :sleep:

The distant human ancestors (australiopithicus afarensis) branched off about 3.5 million years ago. From our perspective they were animals and driven by primal instincts. The only rules were the few required to co-operate as a small social group.

It isn't until speech developed a mere 40,000 years ago that humans gained the ability to communicate complex ideas. Such as stay with me and stop looking at that slut! :devil2:

Groups grew into tribes, which evolved rules = laws. Speech also allowed abstract ideas such as morals to develop. Morals are disparaged in today's me-first society but they are important. They put the brakes on purely instinctive behaviour. We don't steal stuff even though it's easier than working. And rape isn't acceptable - unless the babysitter is really begging for it.....:rolleyes:

The point is - each of us has primal genetic instincts which have existed for 3.5 million years and a mere 10,000 years of civilisation doesn't wipe those instincts out.

No matter what kind of biological excuses that can be used for why men cheat, as Finn says when woman do it they are a slut. This either makes a mockery of the biological reasoning behind the male excuses or simply that those that use these excuses (biological) do so in order to convince themselves that they still have honour integrity and self discilpine. It's the macho way of blaming something else for their actions, and in this case it's still the female 'mother' nature who is at fault.

Skyryder

[Clockwork]

So.... you find your love, you exchange your vows, and then, if the physical side of the relationship fails the only honourable thing left to do is cross your legs and become celibate or execute an honourable divorce and trash pretty much everything else of meaning in your life? Bit of a hobson's choice.

And should you find that celibacy is not for you maybe you could be open and honest about your exploits, that may ease your conscience but its hardly going to make your partner feel better is it?

[MSTRS]

And should you find that celibacy is not for you maybe you could be open and honest about your exploits, that may ease your conscience but its hardly going to make your partner feel better is it?

There's honesty. And then there's foolishness. Better to not stray in the first place.

[Maha]

Yada Yada.....

How you doin'???......:blip:

[Sully60]

How you doin'???......:blip:

:Oi:

Are you a mormon? Has the UEB sanctioned this advance?

[Finn]

Finn makes a very good point.

It gets me into a bit of trouble from time to time.

[Curious_AJ]

I heard something similar to this topic on the radio again... very good points that the people make actually.

[Dave Lobster]

To understand this - Evolutionary Psychology - you have to remember that for most of our 1.5 million years, we lived in tribes and our animal instincts were primary.

WTF?? Isn't the world only 4000 years old?? :(

[ManDownUnder]

WTF?? Isn't the world only 4000 years old?? :(

Australian Aboriginal Culture alone is over 4000 years old...

[Dave Lobster]

Australian Aboriginal Culture alone is over 4000 years old...

Nah.. impossible. The man from the church says so. :eek5:

[Maha]

:Oi:

Are you a mormon? Has the UEB sanctioned this advance?

UEB?? United Emo Bitches??...na I wouldn't have thought so Craggy....:cool:

[Indiana_Jones]

More cushin' for the pushin'!

-Indy

[Sully60]

UEB?? United Emo Bitches??...na I wouldn't have thought so Craggy....:cool:

:rofl:
You crack me up

United Effort Brotherhood (http://meandpolygamy.wordpress.com/2007/08/22/15-questions-about-polygamy-answered/)

[scumdog]

Men cheat because they are here for one reason. Procreation. Women cheat because they're sluts.

Can't be more simple than this.

NOOoooo...surely all the women that cheated with me did it just because they're sluts??

[MIXONE]

NOOoooo...surely all the women that cheated with me did it just because they're sluts??

It definately wasn't because of your photo spread.:laugh:

[scumdog]

No matter what kind of biological excuses that can be used for why men cheat, as Finn says when woman do it they are a slut.
Skyryder

Yup, that anomally has me stumped too.

Guy roots lots of women: He's a stud.

Woman roots lots of guys: She's a slut.

Go figure.......

[Finn]

NOOoooo...surely all the women that cheated with me did it just because they're sluts??

No silly. Women can't resist the lure of a Harley, that's all. We don't call them sluts. Just human.

[ManDownUnder]

Yup, that anomally has me stumped too.

Guy roots lots of women: He's a stud.

Woman roots lots of guys: She's a slut.

Go figure.......

exactly - it's not like there's any pleasure on offer...

[NUTBAR]

Do you mean "cheat" as in (a) have sex without emotional connection behind your partner's, or (b) being in a relationship with someone else behind your partner's back?

I would have thought the physical act would be less betraying to a woman than having another intimate emotional relationship that may include sex.

We all have physical needs and some stronger than others. If sex is offered frequently, then I would see little reason for a man to cheat as per (a) above.

Making sandwhiches doesn't do it. Two things you need to do.
1. Letting your man know how much you appreciate him and give him physical praise / compliments
2. Tell him you "need" him (yes - we know you girls don't in this modern age need men, but men need to be "needed" - so just fake it, we can't tell - we too dumb)....
... the above 2 cater for the relationship side for men. (apart from common interests which apply to both partners).

Add to that frequent sex and you won't end up with a cheater.


exactly what he said, couldnt put it anymore simpiler than that!, unfortunitly kiwi women dont apreciate what men have to offer, it always amazes me that when women get into a comitted relasionship they let them selves go, & get fat & then wonder why their man doesnt find them attractive anymore & cheat. ( i can hear the drums rolling now).:done:

[jrandom]

always amazes me that when women get into a comitted relasionship they let them selves go, & get fat & then wonder why their man doesnt find them attractive anymore & cheat.

I wonder the same thing.

Any man worth his salt who has a missus who's let herself go should be able to negotiate the issue before shagging other women, rather than having to sneak around and do it in secret. And, yes, that includes leaving the relationship if no solution can be found.

Sex is important. That doesn't mean it should be an excuse for lies and deception.

[vifferman]

Australian Aboriginal Culture alone is over 4000 years old...
You've lost a zero - try 40,000.

[Skyryder]

Yup, that anomally has me stumped too.

Guy roots lots of women: He's a stud.

Woman roots lots of guys: She's a slut.

Go figure.......


Much the same applies to the older guy and the 'trophy wife' as against the older woman (couger)and her toyboy or candy man. One it is a compliment while for the other (female) it's a putdown


Skyryder

[DMNTD]

I wonder how shallow this puddle is?


http://www.uk-home-information.co.uk/images/puddle.jpg

[Skyryder]

I wonder the same thing.

Any man worth his salt who has a missus who's let herself go should be able to negotiate the issue before shagging other women, rather than having to sneak around and do it in secret. And, yes, that includes leaving the relationship if no solution can be found.

Sex is important. That doesn't mean it should be an excuse for lies and deception.

Jeez just look at the beer bellys at your next rally. Can you imagine these guys agreeing with you on this?? It's for better or worse, for both parties not just the guys.


Skyryder

[marty]

not until someone tried to put the thread down the path of pictures of hotties...

Perhaps renting does make sense at that level... damn!

.

they do say, 'if it flys fucks or floats, you should hire it.'

[jrandom]

Jeez just look at the beer bellys at your next rally. Can you imagine these guys agreeing with you on this??

Are you saying they wouldn't have the balls to tell their missuses that it was time to sharpen up or be shown the door?

Fair call, the average missus of those guys is a pretty fearsome creature.

:laugh:

[Jantar]

I don't understand how a man could interpret a lack of sex to mean he is unappreciated. If his woman acknowledges what he does for her and expresses her appreciation in other ways (such as giving him a snog and saying the kitchen looks great after he's finished the dishes), he must be a real jerk-off if he then whinges about not getting a blowjob that day.
In that case, if sex means so little, and isn't a major sign of love, then why would women call it "cheating" when a man goes elsewher for it?

[Owl]

Fuck, I have enough trouble remembering my partner's name, let alone taking on a mistress as well!:eek5: Bad enough forgetting a name, but getting them crossed is just asking for a bobbiting!:shit:

Seriously though, I've never been that way inclined and don't even perve at women, except when I've been single. With luck and good management, I plan to stay happy and content for quite some time!:yes:

[peasea]

Seriously though, I've never been that way inclined and don't even perve at women, except when I've been single. :

Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

[Owl]

Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

Boring perhaps, but not bullshit!:bleh:

[Finn]

You've lost a zero - try 40,000.

4,000 or 40,000... it doesn't matter. Us white fullas bet them to it and we didn't let methylated spirits get in the way.

Lets be honest here. You're not sitting outside on your patch of grass playing a didgeridoo tonight are you? No, you're watching sky eating dinner made from magic.

[Finn]

exactly what he said, couldnt put it anymore simpiler than that!, unfortunitly kiwi women dont apreciate what men have to offer, it always amazes me that when women get into a comitted relasionship they let them selves go, & get fat & then wonder why their man doesnt find them attractive anymore & cheat. ( i can hear the drums rolling now).:done:

In defense of kiwi women, kiwi blokes ain't much to get excited about.

[Finn]

Two things have been made abundantly clear to me in this thread.

1) There are a lot a KB members whose partners are regulars here (read between the lines here folks) and:

2) I really need to learn how to multi quote.

[Virago]

...So I was watching Oprah the other day (yeah, ok, I had half an hour to kill so watched the first half of it, anyway) and she was talking to this guy who's done some research on men and why they cheat on their wives...:mellow:

If you've been watching the women's chat shows, you'll know exactly why both men and women cheat.

Men cheat - because they are complete and utter bastards.

Women cheat - because their husbands are complete and utter bastards.

:done:

[MadDuck]

2) I really need to learn how to multi quote.

Yes ... you do

[gammaguy]

There was a similar thread about adultery (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=76044&highlight=cheating) a while back, but this is about why men specifically, cheat.
So I was watching Oprah the other day (yeah, ok, I had half an hour to kill so watched the first half of it, anyway) and she was talking to this guy who's done some research on men and why they cheat on their wives. The top reasons were because they felt under-appreciated, lonely and like they 'aren't winning' etc. Anyway, I thought it was quite interesting and thought I'd share it with the bitches social group, but then thought, hmmm, wonder what other KBers think about it. I can completely understand and have been making more of an effort to make my husband's sandwiches and tell him he's a winner. So have a read (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080827_tows_cheating), there are several pages. I thought it was quite interesting to find out that the majority of men who cheat don't do it just because they are horn bags!:mellow:

in my personal experience,men cheat when it doesnt feellike cheating.either they reason"she wont care"or,"she wouldnt mind"or even"i hope she notices,because nothing else gets her atttention"

beleive it or not girls,men also like to be noticed,listened to and complimented,at least occasionally.

sex with someone else kills two birds with one stone:its a perfect way to get the undivided attention of the one your doing it with,while often getting the same reaction from the one you are doing it in spite of.

and no,it has nothing to do with hornyness in my experience.:gob:

thats my ten cents worth anyway:yes:

[nz_rider]

men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat. they can. most of the time it is all in the thrill of whether you will get caught. it raises adrenalin. in my opinion they should just get out there on a track and ride farking fast instead. it is a lot safer than having your missus find out that you have cheated on her.:gob:

[Finn]

men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat. they can. most of the time it is all in the thrill of whether you will get caught. it raises adrenalin. in my opinion they should just get out there on a track and ride farking fast instead. it is a lot safer than having your missus find out that you have cheated on her.:gob:

Nice one Sigman.

[davebullet]

Any man worth his salt who has a missus who's let herself go should be able to negotiate the issue .....

My lady is hot... I just wish she'd "let herself go" more often! :drool:

[scumdog]

Since I've been with CB (a.k.a. normajeane) I have never really thought about 'straying', I guess if you get the right partner and treat each other right there's no 'need' as such??

Cheating/straying is a symptom of something wrong with a relationship in most cases imho....

[Number One]

Cool thread - always interesting to hear others thoughts and rationalisations for things of this nature. Bloody loved some of the posts too :rofl: Finn and imdying you are just naughty shit stirring boys...now go to your PARTNERS ROOMS!


So is it cheating to go elsewhere for something that a wife has stopped providing?

Providing? That's some romantic shit right there


All this do something, make him feel appreciated- are you his wife or his mother, for goodness sake? Would his Mum give him a blow job every morning to make him feel like a winner? If things are that bad for a guy, why do they never try and make a clean break and start again? No, the usual response is an affair. That way they can have their cake and eat it, too.

BTW, same thing goes for women who cheat.

Cheating to 'lever yourself out of relationships' is just spineless and in my opinion shows a complete lack of moral fibre.


My point is (and I do have one), is that women don't just decide they don't want sex anymore. Sex drive isn't just a switch you can turn on and off at will - it is up to both parties to find a way to make it work.

Any person who reckons they aren't getting enough sex from their partner needs to have an honest think about what he/she is doing to contribute to that lack of sex OR perhaps recognise, appreciate, accept and be patient because there are other things impacting on the others sex drive...funnily enough it isn't always about YOU..sometimes life is just too full and sex (even desired and enjoyable sex) is a drain on precious energy resources. Think instead....how do I get my man/woman to want to feel all affectionate and rip my clothes off? Just having the equipment and being married to someone doesn't automatically qualify you for sex on tap and certainly not just because it makes you feel better about yourself.


I find it bloody hard to concentrating on being a slut in the bedroom for Kendog when the dishes are all piled up, dinner is burning in the oven and I know I have no clean undies to put on afterwards, yes, even women sometimes have trouble multi-tasking!

:lol: :laugh: We really should co-ordinate things better you and I...I'll do your washing and dishes while you and Kendog get down and dirty and you can do mine while we get down and dirty :Punk:


65 replies in 75 minutes. Popular thread! I wonder why.:rolleyes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg1PEoQ_cq8


What a crock of shit!
If they aren't winning then bloody do something about it FFS. Are they waiting for someone else to make them a winner? Wake up, it isn't going to happen.
Under appreciated? Do something worthy of appreciation you useless bastards.

Exactly HTFU and take some responsibility for self.


:laugh: A very fair call. So maybe weak men cheat? They need their affirmation of being 'winners' from someone else because they are actually losers?

Weak people cheat....and yes needing affirmation from someone else to make you not feel like a loser is fairly sad and pathetic....it's also a bit childish. Grow up peeps.


If KB was men only, this thread wouldn't exist and even if it was started by some homo, it would only have about 2 replies.

See, women are always yapping and causing problems. That's why we sleep around.

:sherlock: You've posted more than 2 replies to this...so you a yappy bitch too then? :lol:


More serious note... I truly believe its a two way street. Sure, there are crap men and women out there, ignore them for this purpose. Neither partner should be sitting back and saying, oh, he/she doesn't appreciate me etc, if they aren't doing the same back. It gets very easy for the 2nd person to stop doing the little things after the first stops. Everyone likes to feel needed and appreciated.

Relationships are two way streets, as the saying goes, you need to put in 100% to make it work.

Well said


All other comments are just an excuse for not having the will power, integrity and discipline to honour the marriage vows.

I concur good sir.

[sidecar bob]

men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat. they can. most of the time it is all in the thrill of whether you will get caught. it raises adrenalin. in my opinion they should just get out there on a track and ride farking fast instead. it is a lot safer than having your missus find out that you have cheated on her.:gob:

I disagree with that.
I have known plenty of sidecar racers that have engaged in extra marital sex because their partner, male or female treats them like shit.
These paticular folk get more adrenaline on a Sunday afternoon than most people get in ten years.

[scumdog]

I disagree with that.
I have known plenty of sidecar racers that have engaged in extra marital sex because their partner, male or female treats them like shit.
These paticular folk get more adrenaline on a Sunday afternoon than most people get in ten years.


Some would say there was racing adrenaline and 'the other kind'

[Goblin]

Any person who reckons they aren't getting enough sex from their partner needs to have an honest think about what he/she is doing to contribute to that lack of sex OR perhaps recognise, appreciate, accept and be patient because there are other things impacting on the others sex drive...funnily enough it isn't always about YOU..sometimes life is just too full and sex (even desired and enjoyable sex) is a drain on precious energy resources. Think instead....how do I get my man/woman to want to feel all affectionate and rip my clothes off? Just having the equipment and being married to someone doesn't automatically qualify you for sex on tap and certainly not just because it makes you feel better about yourself.
Well said!

All very well with couples who are emotionally divorced already then go looking elsewhere but I caught a part of the program the OP was refering to. Now this dude was getting everything at home from his wife...every night! He was then having a sexual affair during his lunch break!
WTF is up with that???:confused:

[MadDuck]

Some would say there was racing adrenaline and 'the other kind'

Yes but the racing adrenaline usually subsides after a couple of beers and shite talk about how good one was on the track. If anyone takes it further then there has to be underlying problems.

[nodrog]

http://www.scotsindependent.org/features/food/porridge.jpg

[Winston001]

No matter what kind of biological excuses that can be used for why men cheat, as Finn says when woman do it they are a slut.

This either makes a mockery of the biological reasoning behind the male excuses or simply that those that use these excuses (biological) do so in order to convince themselves that they still have honour integrity and self discilpine.

It's the macho way of blaming something else for their actions, and in this case it's still the female 'mother' nature.


Interesting, and a feminist argument (in case you didn't know) made against primal drives and evolutionary psychology. I don't buy it.

Women who are sluts are disrespected by both men and other women. However men who conquer women are secretly admired by men and desired by women. There is a complete discontinuity here.

Why? A desirable woman has the potential to bear your child = keep your genetics alive. However if she plays around, then you can't know that she will care for your child, and you certainly don't want to keep her and risk raising someone else's child. Accordingly such a woman is not respected.

By contrast, a male who seduces a number of women enhances the odds of his genes continuing long into the future = survival of the fittest. Dominance. Other men admire and envy that. Women want to capture this man because part of his attractiveness is they sense he can protect and provide.


And one more thing - women will climb over the backs of decent guys to get to the bad boy.

[McJim]

Women who are sluts are disrespected by both men and other women. However men who conquer women are secretly admired by men and desired by women. There is a complete discontinuity here.
.

Hmmm...when I was in my teens I loved the easy girls - I could not be arsed with conversation or other niceties...in fact I quite liked easy women until my mid twenties.....

[Winston001]

Hmmm...when I was in my teens I loved the easy girls - I could not be arsed with conversation or other niceties...in fact I quite liked easy women until my mid twenties.....

Ah yes young Mcgrasshopper, like is normal, but did you take the easy lasses home tae mum..? Respect, love, commitment, that's a whole nother thing. ;)

The easy gals provide an opportunity to be a genetic stud, but the reliable trustworthy gal, she's the one you stay with. Her children wil also be your children and you'll raise them together.

[Virago]

...I have known plenty of sidecar racers that have engaged in extra marital sex because their partner, male or female treats them like shit...

Is that why you're called "swingers"?

[Gareth51]

There was a similar thread about adultery (http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/showthread.php?t=76044&highlight=cheating) a while back, but this is about why men specifically, cheat.
So I was watching Oprah the other day (yeah, ok, I had half an hour to kill so watched the first half of it, anyway) and she was talking to this guy who's done some research on men and why they cheat on their wives. The top reasons were because they felt under-appreciated, lonely and like they 'aren't winning' etc. Anyway, I thought it was quite interesting and thought I'd share it with the bitches social group, but then thought, hmmm, wonder what other KBers think about it. I can completely understand and have been making more of an effort to make my husband's sandwiches and tell him he's a winner. So have a read (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080827_tows_cheating), there are several pages. I thought it was quite interesting to find out that the majority of men who cheat don't do it just because they are horn bags!:mellow:


13 pages in one day,you certainly know how to stir up this site don't you Trudes :clap:

[MotoGirl]

Providing? That's some romantic shit right there


...Now this dude was getting everything at home from his wife...every night! He was then having a sexual affair during his lunch break!

Getting sex doesn't necessarily mean you're getting good sex and I wonder whether this was the case with the man on Oprah? Did they specify whether the wife was into it or whether she did it as another one of her daily chores?

Someone referred to a couple being "emotionally divorced" and I've seen this first-hand with my parents. From what I understand, it is difficult to enjoy the experience when your partner isn't fully engaged or lies there like a corpse. How much of a turn-on would it be knowing that your woman schedules sex and lies there until it's over? Sex for the sake of sex isn't going to fix the underlying problems in the relationship.

Although there can be other things at play (stress, fatigue, etc), having sex for the sake of it can still lead to feelings of rejection, especially if one person doesn't appear to be enjoying it.

In my opinion, if you don't feel like giving it 100 percent, don't even go there but make sure your partner understands why.

[portokiwi]

I have never agreed with Cheating..... There is no need for it.
I love to look and yes Gabby has said I can look:niceone: but if I touch it will be cut off in my sleep. :spanking:
It human nature to look and to want somthing you dont have, but restraint is what matters. If you are unhappy nothing a good mag or vidio cant fix...... Mate take maters into hand:clap: daves the prospect of catching something that would be very hard to explain later:buggerd:

[Maha]

I have never agreed with Cheating..... There is no need for it.
I love to look and yes Gabby has said I can look:niceone: but if I touch it will be cut off in my sleep. :spanking:
It human nature to look and to want somthing you dont have, but restraint is what matters. If you are unhappy nothing a good mag or vidio cant fix...... Mate take maters into hand:clap: daves the prospect of catching something that would be very hard to explain later:buggerd:

No harm in looking at the menu Bruce, just dont order anything eh?....:whistle:

[portokiwi]

:niceone: Mate I only have one snake and I dont want it chopped off.
Its hard enough keeping up with the lady I have...... Why dip into something else:rolleyes:
:clap: I must be getting old:clap:

[Goblin]

Getting sex doesn't necessarily mean you're getting good sex and I wonder whether this was the case with the man on Oprah? Did they specify whether the wife was into it or whether she did it as another one of her daily chores?I didn't see the whole thing but she was sitting next to him gazing lovingly at him so she was obviously still in love with him even after being cheated on. I just dont understand how some men(women too) are such horndogs with no self control, never miss an opportunity to get their end away.

[FROSTY]

Sometimes a guy gets number one prime high quality beef at home .
Yet occasionally he hankers for a tunafish sandwich.

[Finn]

Cheating/straying is a symptom of something wrong with a relationship in most cases imho....

Exactly. There are a lot of unhappy relationships out there. Jokes aside, I've never cheated on any of my partners. When I feel the relationship is not going anywhere, I end it. On a couple of occasions the cross over period was a bit gray but heck...

[The Stranger]

And one more thing - women will climb over the backs of decent guys to get to the bad boy.

Pretty much sums it up don't it?
They want bad, they encourage bad, yet when shit happens they wonder why.

[The Stranger]

Well said!
All very well with couples who are emotionally divorced already then go looking elsewhere


What would induce a couple to remain in such a relationship?

[jrandom]

What would induce a couple to remain in such a relationship?

Cha-ching, cha-ching...

[MsKABC]

It human nature to look and to want somthing you dont have, but restraint is what matters.

It's the same old story of "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", but as we all know, it very rarely is.


No harm in looking at the menu Bruce, just dont order anything eh?....:whistle:

Well as my husband says: "Why go out for sausages when you can have steak at home?" :lol:

[MsKABC]

What would induce a couple to remain in such a relationship?

...or children.

[vifferman]

13 pages in one day...
Don't you have your KB set up right? :confused:
I've got only 5 pages. Saves the baby lesbian fur seal whale penguins, y'know.

[MotoGirl]

What would induce a couple to remain in such a relationship?


Cha-ching, cha-ching...

Dan's right. It's often cheaper to stay in the relationship than it is to fork out on solicitor's fees and to split stuff down the middle (especially in this economy).

A few months after my father left my mother, he told me that he would've stayed with her if he had of known how much trouble he was going to cause by leaving. When I say "trouble", I'm referring to fucking over everyone he "loves" in the quest for money.

I guess one would need to weigh up the cost of being old and bitter versus that of halving their empire.

[The Stranger]

Cha-ching, cha-ching...


...or children.


Dan's right. It's often cheaper to stay in the relationship than it is to fork out on solicitor's fees and to split stuff down the middle (especially in this economy).

A few months after my father left my mother, he told me that he would've stayed with her if he had of known how much trouble he was going to cause by leaving. When I say "trouble", I'm referring to fucking over everyone he "loves" in the quest for money.

I guess one would need to weigh up the cost of being old and bitter versus that of halving their empire.

Interesting.
Personally I would have gone with children first then a promise/vow - what are you if not a man of your word? A liar.

But would include as well as the above-
Belief - in yourself.
Optimism.
History.
Faith - religious.

[The Stranger]

Dan's right. It's often cheaper to stay in the relationship than it is to fork out on solicitor's fees and to split stuff down the middle (especially in this economy).

A few months after my father left my mother, he told me that he would've stayed with her if he had of known how much trouble he was going to cause by leaving. When I say "trouble", I'm referring to fucking over everyone he "loves" in the quest for money.

I guess one would need to weigh up the cost of being old and bitter versus that of halving their empire.

Perhaps this would be a case where all would have been better off had he simply cheated?

I do know of instances where women have admitted after the fact that they wish they never knew and would have been better off and would have preferred not knowing.

But of course this being KB and everyone here being of such high moral value these possibilities can not even be entertained.

[jrandom]

Perhaps this would be a case where all would have been better off had he simply cheated?

I don't think human nature allows the majority of people to do that without having their primary relationship substantially affected. Always better to be up-front about things, even though it takes a lot of balls to do so.


But of course this being KB and everyone here being of such high moral value...

I don't think anyone in this thread is claiming to be a saint. But a lot of people have learned from experience that trying to run multiple relationships at once in secret tends to end in tears.

[vtec]

Great thread. Read every post.

Me personally. If I was in a relationship with someone, I would never cheat, I would never make threats to break it off, if it gets to the point where I'd do either I'd just break it off. Nice clean cut, no messing around, and do all the emotional damage at once to keep the fighting to a minimum. But then my last serious relationship burnt out all my vast stores of tolerance.

But I do understand why many would cheat. Out of desperation to make themselves feel better when they've been controlled and emasculated by a manipulative power hungry woman, in the hope that they could make themselves happy/confident/satisfied enough to overcome the difficulties in their relationship perhaps.

I'd say I'm going to be single for a lot longer yet. Freedom and adventure is my new course. Next destination, San Francisco.

P.S. Please note, that I'm aware in many situations, the guy's just a knob. But I'm trying to come up with what would push an otherwise, nice/loyal guy to cheating.

[RC1]

Sometimes a guy gets number one prime high quality beef at home .
Yet occasionally he hankers for a tunafish sandwich.

and at the mo for me the tuna sandwich is much better then the beef :Punk:

[MisterD]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_V5jYS8eezmU/SZR3jQIodxI/AAAAAAAAAiQ/OWRSJ_B61bE/s400/12022009280.JPG

[The Stranger]

I don't think human nature allows the majority of people to do that without having their primary relationship substantially affected. Always better to be up-front about things, even though it takes a lot of balls to do so.


Takes a lot of balls? Are you sure?
That's the soft option. That's the easy way out.
That's going hey, that promise I made - it doesn't matter. Those vows, what the hell.
How many times do you hear dad's pissed off at being unable to affect their children's upbringing due to their mother not working with them - a lot. So you are copping out on your kids too, like it or not.

Now to be sure this is NO reference to you or your specific circumstances some of which you know I know as do you mine - it is a general comment that I see it frequently.




I don't think anyone in this thread is claiming to be a saint. But a lot of people have learned from experience that trying to run multiple relationships at once in secret tends to end in tears.

Sure it does, often.
Though there was going to be tears anyway.

[The Stranger]

Great thread. Read every post.

Me personally. If I was in a relationship with someone, I would never cheat, I would never make threats to break it off, if it gets to the point where I'd do either I'd just break it off. Nice clean cut, no messing around, and do all the emotional damage at once to keep the fighting to a minimum. But then my last serious relationship burnt out all my vast stores of tolerance.



With regard to Carver's thread - I take it you are younger than 40 and have no kids yet?

[jrandom]

Takes a lot of balls? Are you sure?
That's the soft option. That's the easy way out.

Easier than zombie-ing along in a dead marriage? Yeah, probably, in some ways.

But, then again, you only get one life to live, and sometimes you just gotta admit that a previous commitment was a mistake. Nobody's perfect.

So, yes, given the choice between giving up on a commitment that didn't work out, and living in misery and/or living a lie... which is the lesser evil? I say the former.

Shades of grey. Everyone's gotta make their choices. But I do think that lies and deception are never justifiable. I know that some people disagree with me on that, probably due to different experiences. Hey, their karma is theirs, mine is mine.


That's going hey, that promise I made - it doesn't matter. Those vows, what the hell.

You put it pretty glibly... the attitude you describe there is reprehensible, yes, but I do think that admitting failure, so long as it's done openly and honestly (and not over-hastily) can sometimes be the more courageous and (in the long term) more productive option.

[MotoGirl]

Easier than zombie-ing along in a dead marriage? Yeah, probably, in some ways.

But, then again, you only get one life to live, and sometimes you just gotta admit that a previous commitment was a mistake. Nobody's perfect.

So, yes, given the choice between giving up on a commitment that didn't work out, and living in misery and/or living a lie... which is the lesser evil? I say the former.

I couldn't agree more! I give far more respect to the people with the guts to leave the relationship and acknowledge that it isn't right. :niceone:

Okay, ideally we all want our marriages to last forever and we want to live to a ripe old age and be that cute old couple still holding hands, etc. Hell, if we're really lucky we might even be bonking in our retirement :devil2:

Realistically though, people change and grow apart. Sometimes, they should never have got married to start with (my parents, for example). No one should be condemned to life in a loveless relationship so it can be a real blessing when the relationship finally ends.

Some couples are bloody stubborn and think that living as friends (or effectively flatmates) is making their marriage successful because they haven't separated.

[The Stranger]

Shades of grey. Everyone's gotta make their choices. But I do think that lies and deception are never justifiable. I know that some people disagree with me on that, probably due to different experiences. Hey, their karma is theirs, mine is mine.


I thank you for your input. As is usually the case you do make good argument. However, I must agree to disagree.

I feel lies and deception are reasonable and justifiable in some circumstances if they are for the benefit and or protection of those you love and are charged with caring for in short, ignorance is bliss. The big difference here is I am prepared to tell the truth.

I could show you many (3 that I know well) instances of people who have raised successful well rounded children and are still married to their original partners (for between 22 and 50 yrs) despite actively - in one case EXTREEMLY actively, engaging in "cheating".
In all cases the guys credit at least part of their successful marriage to thier extramarital affairs.
Ironically, their marriages are rock solid and their kids secure. Can we all say that?

I suspect it's that old over 40 open mindedness coming into play here, anyway - that's it from me.

[ManDownUnder]

I suspect it's that old over 40 open mindedness coming into play here, anyway - that's it from me.

I concur - judge less, learn more. It's always easy to criticise what you see, but it's interesting how often an opinion changes once all the facts are known. Walk a mile in a man's shoes... THEN see what you think of him.

What about killing someone which would carry a charge of Murder. Is that ever justifiable? Under any circumstance? What about theft of a bike - a really hot topic in here. What do you do a bike theif? And same goes for sleeping with the hubby or wife of someone else.

Quite often it's not simple black and white...

[nadroj]

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home

[FROSTY]

Ya know the problem with generalisations is they are just that.
Sometimes of course an affair can be the shock that a relationship thats drifted into indifference actually needs. Sometimes its the rod that breaks the camels back.
Ya know what gets me (outsider looking in ) is the number of people who buy new clothes, start going to the gym.etc Basicly in general flash themselves up AFTER their relationship falls apart.

[Cynos]

tbh, if you're unhappy in a relationship, leave. Waiting until you find someone better is lazy and dishonest.

[ManDownUnder]

tbh, if you're unhappy in a relationship, leave.

True - tell that to the guy married to a woman with Alzheimers... leaving her is the right thing to do ... right? I mean sure during her lucid moment she'll be dumbstruck with greif for her illness and lack of support, and he'll be torn between the love and dedication he feels for her, and the slow agonising existance he faces also... but Cynos said to just blow it away for the sake of unhappiness.

... problem solved!

Thank God for clarity - I didn't realise it was so simple...

[Number One]

True - tell that to the guy married to a woman with Alzheimers... leaving her is the right thing to do ... right? I mean sure during her lucid moment she'll be dumbstruck with greif for her illness and lack of support, and he'll be torn between the love and dedication he feels for her, and the slow agonising existance he faces also... but Cynos said to just blow it away for the sake of unhappiness.

... problem solved!

Thank God for clarity - I didn't realise it was so simple...
You've been watching Shortland Street haven't you :lol:

[ManDownUnder]

You've been watching Shortland Street haven't you :lol:

Don't take this as an affront - but sadly no - I wish it was that simple. My mother lived that exact story about 5 years ago.

[Number One]

Don't take this as an affront - but sadly no - I wish it was that simple. My mother lived that exact story about 5 years ago.
Oh gosh - removing foot from mouth NOW!

[ManDownUnder]

Oh gosh...

No need - it was not a good time for any of course but it serves as a fine example of exactly what I was talking about. Life is FULL of semantics... to boldly claim one rule fits all is naive in the extreme

Panic not.

[MotoGirl]

True - tell that to the guy married to a woman with Alzheimers...

You raise a point that I hadn't even considered and being married to someone with a serious injury/disability could have the same effect.

Say, for example, that I got injured to a level where I could not communicate with my hubby, let alone participate in any sexual activities. I'm picking that he would stick by me at the expense of having a normal relationship.

At some point down the line, hubby would most likely want something more than what I could provide. Technically speaking, if he was to seek a physical relationship with someone else that would be cheating. However, is it cheating if I gave him permission to have a sexual relationship with someone else?

[ManDownUnder]

You raise a point ...

Blingo! And respect for that post.

[MsKABC]

Don't take this as an affront - but sadly no - I wish it was that simple. My mother lived that exact story about 5 years ago.


It's very sad indeed. Our neighbour recently had to put her husband into full-time care because he became too violent and her safety was at risk :(

[vifferman]

In all cases the guys credit at least part of their successful marriage to thier extramarital affairs.
Ironically, their marriages are rock solid and their kids secure.
Rock solid? :eek5:
A marriage based on deceit? :crazy:

[Finn]

Say, for example, that I got injured to a level where I could not communicate with my hubby

Ahhhh, the perfect wife.

[ManDownUnder]

So... add into the mix the following... possible situations. Assume he loves her dearly, they have kids they both treasure


She gets HIV through a blood transfusion
MV Accident leaves someone physically or mentally incapacitated
Her libido drops off a cliff for any of a number of psychological, chemical or hormonal reasons
Post Natal Depression
She's sexually assaulted and men/sex or certain circumstances are all just off limits.
... etc etc etc

Keep in mind there are cases out there of each and every one of these out there! These are not hypotheticals.

Still want to view this as a simple "ditch her and do what you can minimise the fallout on her, the kids etc"?

[Mikkel]

IDDQD and IDKFA

The only clues a cheating man will ever need.

[Skyryder]

Since I've been with CB (a.k.a. normajeane) I have never really thought about 'straying', I guess if you get the right partner and treat each other right there's no 'need' as such??

Cheating/straying is a symptom of something wrong with a relationship in most cases imho....

Yep my thoughts too. Why risk the best for second best.


Skyryder

[The Stranger]

Yep my thoughts too. Why risk the best for second best.


Skyryder

Why indeed - though I fear one of you is a liar - or you're both sharing the same woman.

However is it that simple?
What would induce Hugh Grant to cheat on Elizibeth Hurley?
I guess we can conlude she don't swallow, but is this enough to make a guy go elsewhere? Well ladies think about it - if it can happen to her it can happen to you - so get swallowing!

Why would David Beckham screw around on Posh?

On the face of it they have everything - fame, fortune, looks.
Did they really think the grass would be greener on the other side?

Did the guys feel under valued, under appreciated, like they're not winning?
Or a good career move perhaps?

[jrandom]

However, is it cheating if I gave him permission to have a sexual relationship with someone else?

Seems pretty clear to me that 'cheating' doesn't involve situations where one party is mentally disabled and incapable of understanding the situation and/or giving consent, nor does it involve situations where the uninvolved partner has given informed consent.

cheat
v. tr.
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.

Deceive by trickery, deprive by trickery, mislead, fool or elude: neither of the two situations above satisfies that definition.

Surely any reasonable person should be comfortable accepting that 'cheating' cannot simply be defined as 'sex with someone other than the marriage partner'.

[Storm]

However is it that simple?
What would induce Hugh Grant to cheat on Elizibeth Hurley?
I guess we can conlude she don't swallow, but is this enough to make a guy go elsewhere? Well ladies think about it - if it can happen to her it can happen to you - so get swallowing!

Why would David Beckham screw around on Posh?



Hugh Grant- he'd had the best, and just HAD to try the rest

David Beckham- he wanted a woman who actually had more than .001kg of meat on her bones



In a more serious note(in a happy departure from common KB threads), its interesting to see in recent pages this issue has gone from "black and white, no grey possible" to "hmm yeah, might not be such an easy question to answer"

My 2 bob

[doc]

Getting sex doesn't necessarily mean you're getting good sex

Ferk your game girl . Talkin about anyone we know ? :no:

[MotoGirl]

I don't know enough cheaters to form an opinion so: are cheaters generally repeat offenders or do they only do it as a one-off to satisfy a need?

There's a saying along the lines of "the way the relationship is started is how the relationship will end."

[The Stranger]

I don't know enough cheaters to form an opinion so: are cheaters generally repeat offenders or do they only do it as a one-off to satisfy a need?

There's a saying along the lines of "the way the relationship is started is how the relationship will end."

A cheater never changes his spots.

[The Stranger]

Sometimes a guy gets number one prime high quality beef at home .
Yet occasionally he hankers for a tunafish sandwich.

That's all well and good Frosty, it's when you get a hankering for sausage I'll be saying good bye.

[avgas]

Its simple isnt it.
Men are poor losers.
This is why they cheat.

So if you man is cheating on you..........he is obviously unhappy with the hand he was dealt.......aka you have let yourself go.

See its all the womens fault.
I'm glad we had this chat - lets start a group to discuss mens needs.

[avgas]

I don't know enough cheaters to form an opinion so: are cheaters generally repeat offenders or do they only do it as a one-off to satisfy a need?

There's a saying along the lines of "the way the relationship is started is how the relationship will end."

I think your confusing cheaters with nudists.
Also if all relationships end how they start i better start drinking again

[avgas]

you got to know when to hold em
know when to fold em
know when to walk away
know when to run
you got to count your money
when your sitting at the table........

sex ed 101 when it comes to cheating

[jrandom]

you got to count your money
when your sitting at the table...

Uh.

For what it's worth, the lyrics are "You never count your money when you're sitting at the table / there'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done."

[Grahameeboy]

I can honestly say that I have never cheated...I just don't see the point...

[Jantar]

I don't know enough cheaters to form an opinion so: are cheaters generally repeat offenders or do they only do it as a one-off to satisfy a need?

There's a saying along the lines of "the way the relationship is started is how the relationship will end."
That question requires a definition of "who is a cheater?" I have asked before, so I'll ask again: If sex means so little, and isn't a major sign of love, then why would women call it "cheating" when a man goes elsewher for it?

During my first marriage I had two affairs. One after about 6 years, and a second after around ten yeras. Each affair lasted about a year, and I made sure my wife knew about them and the reasons for them. In both cases it was because not only wasn't I getting good sex at home, but other aspects of the marriage were also breaking down. Matters did improve once I convinced my wife to go to a marriage guidence counsellor, but after 17 years of marriage it was finally over. Did those affairs constitute "cheating"


I have now been with my present wife for almost 14 years and felt no need to look elsewhere.

[FROSTY]

That's all well and good Frosty, it's when you get a hankering for sausage I'll be saying good bye.
No dude im not one of the mormen few nor have I developed a taste for sausage. ohh and for the record my lovely wife supplies me all the steak,tunafish or for that matter if I wanted chicken breast I could ever ask for. :devil2:

[Grahameeboy]

That question requires a definition of "who is a cheater?" I have asked before, so I'll ask again: If sex means so little, and isn't a major sign of love, then why would women call it "cheating" when a man goes elsewher for it?

During my first marriage I had two affairs. One after about 6 years, and a second after around ten yeras. Each affair lasted about a year, and I made sure my wife knew about them and the reasons for them. In both cases it was because not only wasn't I getting good sex at home, but other aspects of the marriage were also breaking down. Matters did improve once I convinced my wife to go to a marriage guidence counsellor, but after 17 years of marriage it was finally over. Did those affairs constitute "cheating"


I have now been with my present wife for almost 14 years and felt no need to look elsewhere.

Sorry but that is cheating regardless of the fact you told your Wife at the time...if you are not happy and you cannot sort it out then you leave...

Sex is a 2 way thing...

[Grahameeboy]

No dude im not one of the mormen few nor have I developed a taste for sausage. ohh and for the record my lovely wife supplies me all the steak,tunafish or for that matter if I wanted chicken breast I could ever ask for. :devil2:

Tuna in Brine or Spring Water