Advice please: Telling someone they need to show more initiative

[MotoGirl]

Well, as most of you are aware, I’m not a very diplomatic person but I’m currently in a position where I want to tell someone to show more initiative. This particular person is a 21-year-old male who’s in his very first job since leaving polytech. He is very, very shy and does not speak unless spoken to.

I’m a bit of a chatterbox in the office (gee, no surprises there!) and my constant chatting effectively forces him to communicate with me. I think he feels comfortable around me whereas the other people seem to intimidate him. This is why I want to drop a flea in his ear about showing more initiative because the other people in the office are starting to notice that he lacks it. I’m one of five people in the company and two of these people are our employers (who spend much of their time working remotely).

Let me give an example of where he lacks initiative. As some background, our office got lightly flooded due to the atrocious weather last weekend. Our young chap was the only person there on Monday/Tuesday. For two days, he was surrounded by a pungent odour that I can only describe as smelling like damp laundry. I got back to work on Wednesday to discover this wretched stench and develop a headache within 30 minutes. I’m quickly told that my workmate had endured two days of headaches and feeling ill due to this. I saw the other company on our floor had dehumidifiers running flat-out so I promptly rang the property manager and asked him to sort something out for us. Problem solved, okay.

Now, our guy is only 21 and I understand that he has no life experience and a lot to learn. I wouldn’t expect him to ring the property manager but when your employer is aware that you’re alone in the office and rings to ask how things are going, would you not expect anyone with brains to say that the floor is flooded and that it’s making your feel unwell? Maybe he could have asked for help or for a name of who he should contact to get it fixed?

This isn’t an isolated situation. Another example (relating to a lack of communication skills) was when we hired out our meeting room and the hardware died while about 10 people were using it. Our young guy (employed as a Sys Admin/Jnr Developer) looked at the server then walked back to his desk, sat down without saying a word, then continued working. We asked him if it was going again and he said “No” then continued working. Naturally, we pressured him for information asking “so what are you doing about it? Does Al [the boss] need to come in?” then we made him phone our boss. Once he ended the phone call, he didn’t say a word about what was happening (that the boss was coming in and would be there in 10 minutes) although we had paying customers sitting there waiting for us to fix it and having no idea what was going on.

I don’t want to be brutal on this guy but his lack of actions is really starting to frustrate the people that work in the office every day. He is kind of delicate and will be easily broken. What is the kindest way to tell this guy to think for himself, act without being asked, and to let people know what’s going on?

[sinfull]

Have you seen the unemployment stats rising ? You are expendable ! Unless you make the boss smile ! And trust me blowing him dosen't work !
Try that ! If it don't work i at least hope it will make you smile at the obvious Piss take !

[Maki]

Tell it to him dead straight. Many people that age would not take a hint, even if it hit him on the head with a sledgehammer. Tell him exactly what you think and what he should do to improve himself. Do it in private in the nicest possible way.

[Mom]

Most 21 year old men/boys are shy, retiring little creatures Motogirl, I am picking this poor kid is absolutely shit scared of you. Pick a time you can sit down and have a reasonably relaxed chat, smoko or something. Go gently with him, tell him you are not going to eat him, but...

Then clearly explain what he needs to be doing to be a team player at work, if he is good at other things stroke his ego and make him feel good, but spell out really clearly where he is not making the grade. Not sure if you have hire/fire power where you are, but make it clear that his lack of getting involved is being noticed and he needs to get his shit together.

[Maki]

Part of the problem may be a poor uppbringing, parents who never let go and never let him take responsibility. If you are pampered all your life and everything comes to you without you having to lift a finger, then your initiative is going to suffer.

[TLDV8]

I’m a bit of a chatterbox in the office (gee, no surprises there!) and my constant chatting effectively forces him to communicate with me.


Our young guy (employed as a Sys Admin/Jnr Developer)

Remind me why the world is in recession. :laugh:

[discotex]

He is kind of delicate and will be easily broken.

Sounds like a classic gen whY geek. Also known as the "what's in it for me?" generation.

At 21 he should know what's expected in a work situation and/or be sucking up as much correct behavior from his peers (in the office) as possible.

You *can* mentor 20% of his type so do try the nice approach. Just explain the deal. Ask them to show they've got it by thinking of a different way to deal with an example situation you've had. Mind you it'll take a few goes over a long time to work so be prepared for the long haul.

On the other hand 80% of his type will either fall to pieces having never been told they were wrong before (welcome to soft old NZ) or even worse not give a shit because the concepts of recession and unemployment are unknown to the under 25s. Think that'll change pretty quick ;)

That's just my experience with people that age in IT...

[KiwiKat]

Well, as most of you are aware, I’m not a very diplomatic person ...

Let me give an example of where he lacks initiative. As some background, our office got lightly flooded due to the atrocious weather last weekend. Our young chap was the only person there on Monday/Tuesday. For two days, he was surrounded by a pungent odour that I can only describe as smelling like damp laundry. I got back to work on Wednesday to discover this wretched stench and develop a headache within 30 minutes. I’m quickly told that my workmate had endured two days of headaches and feeling ill due to this. I saw the other company on our floor had dehumidifiers running flat-out so I promptly rang the property manager and asked him to sort something out for us. Problem solved, okay.

He feels insecure (new at his job and worried he'll look like a wouse if he complains) and is intimidated by all the dominant people around him. He's still a chicken.:baby:


Now, our guy is only 21 ... Our young guy (employed as a Sys Admin/Jnr Developer) looked at the server then walked back to his desk, sat down without saying a word, then continued working. We asked him if it was going again and he said “No” then continued working. Naturally, we pressured him for information asking “so what are you doing about it? Does Al [the boss] need to come in?” then we made him phone our boss. Once he ended the phone call, he didn’t say a word about what was happening (that the boss was coming in and would be there in 10 minutes) although we had paying customers sitting there waiting for us to fix it and having no idea what was going on.
going on?

He needs to know that if he doesn't communicate and be a bit more assertive :Pokey:he's going to screw up a sweet job, possibly career. Find out what his dream / life goal is and let him know his skills and abilities are on an equal. If he feels inferior he will become inferior.

[wbks]

Theres a very appropriate phrase that needs to be used here: "Grow some balls".

[FJRider]

Most 21 year old men/boys are shy, retiring little creatures Motogirl, I am picking this poor kid is absolutely shit scared of you. Pick a time you can sit down and have a reasonably relaxed chat, smoko or something. Go gently with him, tell him you are not going to eat him, but...

Then clearly explain what he needs to be doing to be a team player at work, if he is good at other things stroke his ego and make him feel good, but spell out really clearly where he is not making the grade. Not sure if you have hire/fire power where you are, but make it clear that his lack of getting involved is being noticed and he needs to get his shit together.

What she said ... but he may want you to eat him....

[Mom]

What she said ... but he may want you to eat him....


Yuk! He would be soooooo down the road if that was the case and I had hire/fire power...LOL

Seriously though, some inexperienced/immature/young men can be submissive to a really incapacitating state in the face of an alpha female, and some of them can be down right hostile.

[Zoolander]

No offense intented whatsoever, but if you have to ask this on KB, should you be the one in a position to tell this chap to sharpen up? I would think a situation like this falls under very basic leadership skills. Are you his boss or are you both on a similar level?

Again, no offense intended, just trying to understand the situation.

[sinfull]

As above, what Mom said stroke his ego ! Like a dog kids are, they respond well to praise, badly to repremand ! Find the good bits and wooohoooo him, he will search for other ways to get more of them woohooos ! Slap him down and he will withdraw !

[James Deuce]

Do not stroke his ego. He needs to be politely and firmly put in his place or he will just take the mickey forever more.

Start with a verbal warning. Put it on his record. He's done more than enough to earn one, inclusing being disrespectful to fellow workers and paying customers.

Make him fill in a timesheet in half hour chunks and make sure there is clear proof that he actually did the work he claims he did, like a PO number or job number.

Don't coddle him. It's all he's ever experienced. Rude awakening time. We have a Gen-Y type in our team and we have resorted to constant humiliation and invective to motivate him. Along with him having to own the issues he is given to work on or resolve.

There will be whining. When the whining starts hand him the previously documented written warning.

Don't piss about. He's costing your organisation money.

The conversation should start with clearly outlining your expectations in regard to his achievements. Then you need to clearly lay out the consequences. No one has ever done that for him before, so be prepared for whining.

Do not try to be Mrs Nice-guy.

[MotoGirl]

He needs to know that if he doesn't communicate and be a bit more assertive :Pokey:he's going to screw up a sweet job, possibly career. Find out what his dream / life goal is and let him know his skills and abilities are on an equal. If he feels inferior he will become inferior.


No offense intented whatsoever, but if you have to ask this on KB, should you be the one in a position to tell this chap to sharpen up? I would think a situation like this falls under very basic leadership skills. Are you his boss or are you both on a similar level?

Again, no offense intended, just trying to understand the situation.

I'm not in any authoritive position over this guy, I just want to help him is all. I was 21 when I started working in IT and I had several people give me advice on how to make myself better. I can see this guy needs it and I want to pass on what I know and (hopefully) help make him aware of what this could do to his career.

I have worked with non-assertive people in the past and I have seen them forced to resign because the manager told them they were in the wrong job. This guy has his heart set on being a developer and he has also expressed a desire to travel. We chatted to his tutors when he was at polytech and they were concerned that his shyness etc would make him unemployable.

[sinfull]

Do not stroke his ego. He needs to be politely and firmly put in his place or he will just take the mickey forever more.

Start with a verbal warning. Put it on his record. He's done more than enough to earn one, inclusing being disrespectful to fellow workers and paying customers.

Make him fill in a timesheet in half hour chunks and make sure there is clear proof that he actually did the work he claims he did, like a PO number or job number.

Don't coddle him. It's all he's ever experienced. Rude awakening time. We have a Gen-Y type in our team and we have resorted to constant humiliation and invective to motivate him. Along with him having to own the issues he is given to work on or resolve.

There will be whining. When the whining starts hand him the previously documented written warning.

Don't piss about. He's costing your organisation money.

The conversation should start with clearly outlining your expectations in regard to his achievements. Then you need to clearly lay out the consequences. No one has ever done that for him before, so be prepared for whining.

Do not try to be Mrs Nice-guy.
Is why dogs bite ppl !

[Lonebull]

Most 21 year old men/boys are shy, retiring little creatures Motogirl, I am picking this poor kid is absolutely shit scared of you. Pick a time you can sit down and have a reasonably relaxed chat, smoko or something. Go gently with him, tell him you are not going to eat him, but...

Then clearly explain what he needs to be doing to be a team player at work, if he is good at other things stroke his ego and make him feel good, but spell out really clearly where he is not making the grade. Not sure if you have hire/fire power where you are, but make it clear that his lack of getting involved is being noticed and he needs to get his shit together.

First question you ask is "is this guy worth it"? If he is not then show him the door. If you believe he is then you need to get a little cunning. I agree with some of what Mom says in that there may well be an element of fear or lack of confidence and getting to know him is a great idea. I run a staff of nine and as an employer I have had to get around how to deal with the y-generation. Here is my two cents worth.

I don't know what age you are motogirl but this guys generation is different from when I was growing up and from the x generation.
Most of the y generation come into the work force with a distinct disadvantage. The school system focuses a considerable amount on interpretation of feelings and expression not a lot on the practical elements of living. If you add this to modern parenting styles i.e. freedom of expression and minimal boundaries you start to get the gist. Most of them have little practical common sense (I can back this up with some considerable background experience). The other thing about this generation is that they have no concept of loyalty as you and I may know it. They do not expect to stay in a job for life, they do not even expect to have four or five jobs in a lifetime instead they will go where they can get what they want and they will leave with no feelings of owing you anything for any help they may have had from you on the way.

The point I am trying to make is that appealing to his team spirit and asking him to step up for the good of the team may not work. He may nod and tell you what he thinks you want to hear but in the end he will be in it for himself. The y-generation have been taught they can be whatever they want and that if they want it they should do what they have to to get it. They are also taught that there is always a way around everything, that Nothing is concrete. This is a whole other story.

Thing is you can't put him down for not doing stuff that is outside the way he has been taught to think. My experience with the y-generation tells me that when it comes to practicalities they are, generally speaking, hard work compared to the x-generation. Nothing will make a difference with practicalities except spending time with the guy and nurturing him through.

Best way around the motivation problem is to focus on his career development. When he understands that he will be more desirable as an employee or will earn more if he learns this stuff you will be away.

Start by finding what motivates him. Ask where he would see himself at the end of the year. The Y-generation want everything now, they have not been taught to be patient so talking to him about five years down the track will leave you with a blank stare. Once you know what motivates him then get a project together that he alone is responsible for. Something small to start with that is relevant to his work. Give him a carrot at the end. Whether that is more responsibility or an outing or pay or whatever it is up to you, but you have to back up your desicion with some mentoring, trust and understanding. Mom is dead right when she says be straight. You need to quantify exactly what skills he will gain from the project and where those skills will take him. Be very clear as to what he must do to be successful.

Your guy may well be totally different to the bloke I have described here. This has been a generalisation based on my experience and the experience of some of my peers.

If anything here makes sense to you or you want to talk further then PM me. I have had good success in intergrating different generations into the same team. There may be some simple stuff you can do with the rest of the team to smooth the waters and even give you a hand with helping the young fella along a little.

Hope this helps

[klingon]

A (very good) boss of mine once explained the KKK method for dealing with people of a shy disposition, when you need to tell them to sort themselves out:
Kiss
Kick
Kiss

Which is a very rough way of saying:
- Kiss: Give him some (genuine) praise for something he has done well
- Kick: Tell him in an honest and straightforward manner exactly what the problem is and what he needs to do to fix it
- Kiss: Remind him again what he is doing well

By sandwiching the 'kick' between two 'kisses' it means that you can be quite brutally honest with the criticism, without making him feel like you hate him or that he has messed up beyond repair.

Having seen my boss use this method many times I can vouch that it is very effective when done well!

[James Deuce]

Is why dogs bite ppl !
People aren't dogs. People are a lot easier to get in line when it starts to go wrong.

We have a painfully shy chap at work. Well he WAS painfully shy. His qualifications outdo mine by a couple of degrees and half a dozen trade quals. He's 28 and still lives with Mum & Dad.

He was ineffective to start with because his "shyness" was in reality a lack of real world experience. He's good value now, but he needed to be shown that he could do stuff by himself. Hand holding doesn't do it. "Here's a job chap, let me know when it's done. If you need help, sing out sooner, rather than later."

A couple of events like that and some positive feedback and he's off and running and an effective colleague. He's doing banter now. He used to look like he was going to throw up when people spoke to him. Coddling doesn't work in that situation. Most people really need to be given the opportunity to succeed, using their own resources. A good boss or co-worker can spot that need and provide an outlet.

[T.W.R]

I don’t want to be brutal on this guy but his lack of actions is really starting to frustrate the people that work in the office every day. He is kind of delicate and will be easily broken. What is the kindest way to tell this guy to think for himself, act without being asked, and to let people know what’s going on?

Learn to understand him then get the best out of him

http://honolulu.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teachtip/maslow.htm

http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm

[Slyer]

I'm 20 and I've been working in IT for over a year. I'd like to think I don't share any qualities with this "Gen Y" but I guess I do a bit.
I'm definitely not shy and pretty loyal. Just happy to have a job!

[gatch]

The KKK thing sounds like it may have its merits, other than that I'm not sure, it took one of my good friends 2 life threatening injuries before he broke out of his shell..

You could try forging some documents and getting him enlisted into the Army ?

[SARGE]

Most 21 year old men/boys are shy, retiring little creatures Motogirl, .

bullshit... only the ones mommy neutered :Pokey:

[Slyer]

I think that it's very important that younguns work part time while they go through school, the money is only the incentive but instilling good values like a good days work is the main reason.

They failed that one with me though didn't they? Haha!

[Gremlin]

As lonebull said, 1, is he worth it? If he is, then obviously he lacks real world experience, which, since he is worth it, needs to be imparted, for him to return value to the company.

Hardest part is figuring out how to tell him. He sounds like a gentle sort, so try leading him to come to obvious answers, perhaps see how/if he can. Communication is also a biggy, especially in IT, relationship with client etc (which is what that boardroom thing was).

Being in contract IT, where we look after client networks on their behalf, it took a while to fully master the skill of communication, but its truly essential.

Either speak to him softly, if you feel its your place, or try to lead him through, with as little input as possible, from you. Since its his first job, he may very well simply not understand what he should do/shouldn't do.

Personally, my poor boss found he couldn't tell me things in a subtle way (I just didn't pick up what he was angling for), and found the best approach was to tell me straight up.

Finding the best way of getting the best results is the nature of management :)

[Big Dave]

First:
Here is what I want you to do.
Here is why I want you to do it.
These are the benefits of doing it.
Can I get your agreement to do it this way.

After due diligence:
Do it this way or piss off.

[Max Preload]

He sounds like the sort of twit that has 7,000 'friends' on Farcebook and has never actually met any of them. Good luck! :rofl:

[Zoolander]

I'm not in any authoritive position over this guy, I just want to help him is all. I was 21 when I started working in IT and I had several people give me advice on how to make myself better. I can see this guy needs it and I want to pass on what I know and (hopefully) help make him aware of what this could do to his career.

I have worked with non-assertive people in the past and I have seen them forced to resign because the manager told them they were in the wrong job. This guy has his heart set on being a developer and he has also expressed a desire to travel. We chatted to his tutors when he was at polytech and they were concerned that his shyness etc would make him unemployable.

Personally then, I would leave it for the managers to tell this guy. Its what they're there to do. If you feel he is worth keeping around and developing as an employee, then why not have a word to the boss. Start with something along the lines of "I think so and so has some great potential, he does such and such really well, but I think he is a bit lacking in this department." As a leader they are in a position to set him on the straight and narrow, maybe through regular performance appraisals, setting simple tasks etc.

Some people really dont appreciate being told how to do their job by somebody on the same level as them. Potentially it could do more harm than good, even if you are just trying to help.

[Scouse]

Hows about "hey you Gormless yes I'm talking to you buddy liven your fooking ideas up or you will be out so fast your feet wont touch the floor"

[Scouse]

First:
Here is what I want you to do.
Here is why I want you to do it.
These are the benefits of doing it.
Can I get your agreement to do it this way.

After due diligence:
Do it this way or piss off.Fookin too touchy feely Dave

[Blossom]

I havn't read through the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been said.
I too am the chatty type and work with mostly young guys 14yr through 30yrs. Most of them are terribly intimidated by me so I get where your coming from.
Having said that, it's been my experience that its almost impossible to 'teach' someone to take the inititive. At best you might get them to see the problem but solving it is a whole other skill.
When the need arises and I need to 'talk' to one of the guys about their perfomance I tend to just be myself. I am blunt and some say harsh but at least I am not misunderstood. Clean and clear and all that.
Bottom line is yes I may upset them but I have not caused them harm. There is a job to be done and unfortunately a lot of younger people do have an attitude of "why should I if someone else can do it" and the ever popular "whats the benefit in it for me". Admittedly I do tend to nip that last one in the bud on day one. Shy or not, either he is into his job or he is not.
Hope it works out.

quietly realises shes being bossy again and sneaks out of the thread.

[MotoGirl]

When the need arises and I need to 'talk' to one of the guys about their perfomance I tend to just be myself. I am blunt and some say harsh but at least I am not misunderstood. Clean and clear and all that.
Bottom line is yes I may upset them but I have not caused them harm. There is a job to be done and unfortunately a lot of younger people do have an attitude of "why should I if someone else can do it" and the ever popular "whats the benefit in it for me".

Yes, I don't want to be perceived as a bitch or someone who's just bossy. At the end of the day, though, we are a small company and we all need to watch out for its best interests. For example, the senior staff doing dishes is less cost effective than having the junior do the same job. Unfortunately, Mr I-can-get-away-with-it believes he doesn't have to pull his weight so we wind up carrying him, which effectively costs the company more money.

[skidMark]

Nobody uses thier initiative anymore because nobody asked them to :bleh: