This scares the shit out of me

[NighthawkNZ:Me]

I cant help be worried about how I would face up to her parents if something happened to her. Im going to be honest here (and hope she doesn’t read this) but when I go anywhere with her in the car (her driving) Im generally on edge. Her driving scares me. Not because she cant drive, but because of what she misses or what she doesn’t see until its uncomfortably to late for me. Many times I have pointed out something or actually told her to look out because someone has pulled out in front of her and she hasn’t seen it as quick as me. Maybe this is a hang up I have about either not being in control when she is driving or having to predict or see what cars are doing as early as possible to avoid any problems when riding a bike (which is all I know as I have never driven a car before).

...

What am I to do? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

My other half use to be similar... would miss things when she was driving... but now she is riding she is more aware of her surroundings and overall I think made her a better cage driver as well...

I was nervous when she got into riding as well and on one ride riding the to aramoana nearly going in the harbour...I was following and could do nothing but watch... but she made it... she also thought when we pulled up down the road that was going to blow my stack... I just ask calmly what she did wrong, she answered and I said calmy back... well you won't do that again... she said no i won't... btw she never has and is a pretty good rider now.

You best bet is if she wants to ride her own ride... let her... help her, teach her, and be supportive... do the ride right course with her, and any other, get her a mentor as well. Answer her questions as there will be many...
it can be a fun thing, means you will always have a some one to ride with and go places with...

[ViragoVixen]

From a chick's point of view.... she's her own person and ultimately responsible for herself. If she wants to ride you can't pull a double standard. Riding will make her a better driver - it has for me. To help ease your mind (and her family) make sure she goes on a proper course with qualified instructors. They're pretty good at reality checks whilst being supportive. Put her on something like a GN to begin with and let her try. Teaming her up for learner rides with other girls would be good too.

My 2 cents worth.

[kunoichi]

LOL it's not like us girlies don't feel the same way about our male counterparts if they wanna get into racing or geting a bike. But all u can do (as females seem to have got this down to an art) is be supportive but u gota let them fall. And if in doubt, teach her how to fall off her bike properly. Most of the time there is no damage to the rider if they don't hit another car, and i'v skidded my bike out heaps of time to know this for a fact. And i don't think she'll be arguing if u want to be her guardian angel on the road. Mayb after u see how her riding has improved (just from being more cautious because she's on a bike) it'll put ur nerves to rest. But i say good on u for being sensitive enough to care, as long as u don't stifle her.

[Spuds1234]

Man stirred the tea pot faster than I thought

You say:

"babe - I think its great that you want to get your licence and a bike. It's going to take a while and will need some really good advice. What say I sgn us both up to some riding lessons and we do them together?"

after that its all gravy

I think thats the best advice so far.

Mate, you can not - and do not want to - live life for someone else. If she want's to get into bikes that is awesome, if you have any concerns just encourage her to get as much coaching and training as possible (not by you, someone who's not personally involved).

There will be other people out there who have worse observation skills than you girlfriend who have had a long and happy biking career.

Not trying to live her life for her, just concerned about her safety on a bike. Could you look at your partner's parents in the eye if you were the person who got her into a hobbie/lifestyle that killed her?

i beleive her observation and anticipation skills will be enhanced by proper training.I think proper training sets the outlook on riding from the start...

Im going to lump this in with what AD345 said and I think I will organise some proper training for both of us at some stage before, or just after she gets her license.

you need to behonest with her,I believe that you need to tell her that you think that she may be a bit casual in her driving habits, and that it needs to change once she gets on a bike. I dont think you should stop her, she will be nervous once she is on a bike, this will automatically make her much more cautious and aware. One thing I have found from riding bikes is exactly that, it makes you much more aware.
I let my brother ride my other bike after not ridden for 30 years, he was shit scared he wouldnt go over 80 km/h, he was worried about dogs and animals running into the road. yet when he was young you could not stop him from speeding on his old 750 2/stroke kawasaki, how time changes things..
You cannot stop her, you just have to warn her of the dangers, she will do the rest.I wish my wife would ride a bike.

The thing is I dont want to put the idea into her head that she is going to crash because that is exactly what she will do then. I want her to go out there with the attitude that she will have heaps of fun and be as safe as possible if she rides well and wears the right gear.

I'm just totally amazed that sundry of the 'ladies' here haven't screamed.

Allow me, on their behalf. YOU ARROGANT PRICK!

Where did you get the right to PRESUME' the girl can't learn to ride, and maybe even better than you.

I never said I didnt want her to ride, I just said I was scared for her safety

It's not you, nor her parents, of any other arsehole with innate misogynistic feelings which matter here. Here is a PERSON, not a female, who wants to ride.

And Im not stopping her, Im helping her get into bikes dispite my concern for her safety

Would you have the same reservations if it was your little brother wanting to ride? Nope!

Your right I didnt when my brother started riding the first time. After someone nearly killed him while he was riding and he bought a new bike a year or so later I definitely had thoughts along the same vein as this

But the 'little woman' barefoot, pregnant and at the stove, as all good shielas should be, but doesn't want to be, freaks you out, Right?

Thats not even close to my opinion of woman. Im sorry if I led you to think that with my first post

You arrogant prick!
Your entitled to your opinion

Sorry to give you the wrong idea. The last thing I want to do is dictate her life and what she can or cant do, and what she can or cant do well. I believe that all people (of all races and gender) are equal until I meet them and form an opinion on who they are. I dont ever want to control someone's life.

Wait till she stars shopping on trade me and bikers shops, for the cool biker chick gears that are now available in good old kiwi land, spending your money and gaining new ridding skills, the future is not looking bright for you,

She already is.

[Mikkel]

Sorry guys I didnt want to make it seem like I didnt want her to get into riding. I know it came out a bit like that.

The point I was trying to make is that Im worried for her safety. While I had considered that she will have to get better, it is the "before she gets better" that scares me.

I wanted this thread to be more about me, not her. Im scared, not her. She couldnt be more happier and Im definitely not stopping her. Im helping her the best I can. Ive given her gear that fits (near enough that the padding wont twist around in an accident although she still needs to get a helmet), Im teaching the basics of riding off road first of easy bikes to ride. Im trying to remove all road blocks in her way.

This is MY hang up not hers. IM scared for HER. I dont want to pass that on to her incase it stops her doing what she wants to do.

Good on ya mate. The best advice I can give is to try not to worry too much, when it comes to people close to you there will always be some concerns you can not erase. That's natural... you can choose to take that impulse and either turn it into something positive (i.e. appreciate them more because you are more aware of the fact that nothing is permanent) or something negative (i.e. try and limit them because you are unable to handle the pressure).

My partner sort of expected me to crash at some point (very likely if you, like me, enjoy pushing the envelope) but she has never told me to be careful or in any other way expressed any notable concern for my safety. Not because she doesn't worry, because I know she does, but because she knows that I merely doing what I want to do and that I am aware of the risks and potential consequences involved. I very much appreciate that!

[Thani-B]

I agree with VigaroVixen. Point her towards a learner friendly bike, and get some professional training for her. Do them together if it would be the only way to get her to do it. You will worry each time she goes for a ride but you just need to be there to help her get back on the bike if she comes off and to support her if she has a close call. Riding should make her more aware. Good luck!

[Mikkel]

Could you look at your partner's parents in the eye if you were the person who got her into a hobbie/lifestyle that killed her?

Certainly, provided I hadn't pressurised her in getting into it.

[tigertim20]

Sorry guys I didnt want to make it seem like I didnt want her to get into riding. I know it came out a bit like that.

The point I was trying to make is that Im worried for her safety. While I had considered that she will have to get better, it is the "before she gets better" that scares me.

I wanted this thread to be more about me, not her. Im scared, not her. She couldnt be more happier and Im definitely not stopping her. Im helping her the best I can. Ive given her gear that fits (near enough that the padding wont twist around in an accident although she still needs to get a helmet), Im teaching the basics of riding off road first of easy bikes to ride. Im trying to remove all road blocks in her way.

This is MY hang up not hers. IM scared for HER. I dont want to pass that on to her incase it stops her doing what she wants to do.

I understand your concerns, I am teaching my oartner to ride at the momment, first pootle by herself, she binned the bike, minor luckily, a couple bruises including the ego..

What I have found in my experience, and from watching others, is that riding a bike makes you more aware of how much more prone you are to danger than when in a car, and that makes you a better rider and driver all round.

I would say you should tell her straight out that you are concerned, and suggest that you BOTH do some advanced rider training, You will undoubtedly get something out of it too

[PrincessBandit]

Good on you for baring your concerns here. I'm sure your wife would actually be thrilled that you're so worried about her, probably not so enthralled by your observations of her driving! - but you are perfectly entitled to your assessment of her skills.

I am probably in the minority of things being the other way round in our house. It was me who started riding before my husband or son, and my husband was initially skeptical and concerned. However he was supportive and after much discussion of how we would approach it we embarked on the adventure together. I have also been very lucky to have the advice and help of my brother in my learning.

You've been given some pretty sound advice by others already in previous posts so I'm sure you'll find a way to reconcile the conflicting feelings you're having. Good luck, and enjoy it together.

[Spuds1234]

General opinion then seems to be to talk about it with her and get some lessons from someone other than me when she gets her bike and licience.

I was already looking at getting someone to teach her the finer points of riding once she got her licience because lets face it its not easy to teach someone to do something sometimes and I like a smooth sailing relationship. No need to rock the boat as far as Im concerned.

[AD345]

With this:

The thing is I dont want to put the idea into her head that she is going to crash because that is exactly what she will do then. I want her to go out there with the attitude that she will have heaps of fun and be as safe as possible if she rides well and wears the right gear.

Plus this:

Im going to lump this in with what AD345 said and I think I will organise some proper training for both of us at some stage before, or just after she gets her license.

The two of you are going to be just fine

have fun!

[jrandom]

Get her to some trackdays.

Best training she'll ever do.

No point memorising safety tips if she can't control the motorcycle.

[RIPOFF]

dude show her this stuff she will be happy that you genly care abt her well being,Surely she knws how you feel abt her driven already (wt wife hasnt heard her husband complain abt thr driven skills)im one of thos f#*kn back seat drivers.My son jt turnd 15 and is book in for his licences bike and car and we got talkn about who would get it in the neak if he came a cropper on the road so he went to Mum and said you carnt blame anyone ie (Dad) for my choices.still hard tho

[CookMySock]

Stop worrying, and let her have fun. If she doesn't kill herself on a motorbike it will be in a car or on the point of a sharp kitchen knife - you can't save the world.

And stop thinking you are so clever too.. Thats just a lot of elitist bullshit.. Everyone else has skills relevant to their lives, just like you and I do. You can't judge them by their skill levels, nor can they judge you by theirs.

Teach her how to steer and brake, and buy her a defensive driving course (so she can lessen the time on her restricted, wink wink) and watch her develop into a great biker and a better cager to boot.

Good luck!

Steve

[davebullet]

I know what you mean. My ex couldn't observe or make quick judgements and put actions into place. I would worry if she rode a motorcycle. My current partner is the opposite. Decisive and observant. Drives a car and rides a bike with authority.

Forget this man / woman shit. It's about someone who may come a cropper if they don't have the skills to observe and react.

I like Katman's idea. With practice, I'm sure its something she can learn / improve on.