This scares the shit out of me

[scootnz]

My partner and I were each already riding when we met, but I still have felt occasional fear when he is away on long rides.

You learn to deal with the fear, and it is tempered by the knowledge that you could die in many other ways - I recall several instances of people walking on footpaths and being hit by out of control cars. You would think walking is a safe recreational pursuit. In a strange way that helps me deal with it.

I wish people would read your post properly - there were a few rabid women making assumptions...you already had some good advice amongst all those posts - the rider training is the best suggestion, and a focus on hazard identification on the roads. I'm about to learn to drive a car finally after 12 years riding - I figure my hazard scanning skills will come in handy...just have to learn how to park and reverse.

[Katman]

harden the fuck up... if it is her choice... be a man and tell her

"GREAT my love!!!"

give her ALL YOUR SUPPORT...

or fuck off and find another one (girlfriend)... why the fuck should YOU stop ANYONE from doing something that THEY want to do???

why are YOU so speical?? that only you can ride a bike but not her?????????

Understanding what you're reading isn't a strong point of yours, is it?

[MarkH]

It's funny - reading the replies from people that think you have no right to be concerned about someone getting hurt - like WTF?

I have friends that don't ride and I am loving riding - it doesn't mean I want to push everyone I know into getting bikes. With some friends I would be a bit worried if they got into riding - not everyone has the right skills/attitude for biking. But if someone I knew was keen to get into riding and I had doubts about their skillset for riding bikes then I would strongly recommend that they do an RRRS course and a defensive driving course and go along to the NASS thing on Wednesdays and maybe get a mentor if they would listen to one of them more than me. I would want them to become competent quickly before 'learning the hard way'.

To be honest I would love to have a girlfriend that rides, especially if she could ride as well as or better than me so I didn't have to worry unduly.

[elle-f]

no, i don't think you are being arrogant, I just think you are being....overly sensitive! She is your partner and you cannot take any responsibility for what happens. It may not of course but walking along the street can be fatal as well.

Let her make her own mind up about it. You do it.....

I haven't read all of the posts in this thread it is probably clear - but hell, riding bikes is the best thing ever! (I probably haven't helped)....at least she doesn't want to be a lap dancer in a sleazy joint!

[Dutchee]

My theory on life is when your time is up, you're not going to get away from it.
Doesn't mean, go tempting fate, just it's going to happen sometime.
Don't know if you saw a couple of days after the Air France crash, but someone was meant to be on that flight. They didn't make it, so hence didn't die. I think they were hit by a car and died a day or two after the crash. The timing wasn't quite right for them on the flight, but it wasn't far wrong either.
It's great that you care enough to worry. Take her to a school, buy her all the best gear you can.
When you're out riding with her in time, let her ride her ride and not try to ride yours.
I worry about my husband on every ride, and have had that phone call (just a minor, nothing serious). He's waiting for the day when I have to make that same phone call (we both hope it'll be me that makes the call). So far, I've only phoned to say "broke my clutch cable", "broke my bike", "run out of petrol" and "lost my key", and probably 1001 other calls when I've done the dumbass thing. He didn't need to know when I'd dropped my bike.
I do have to phone him before I leave work, as that way he's got a clue as to when to start worrying.
Oh, get her a bike she's comfortable on, can pick up. I'd recommend a naked one to start with, or even a bigger scooter (not a 50cc, I know how easy they are to dump, I dumped mine often because of the pissy little wheels).
Good luck with the hunt for the new bike & gear and hope you'll have a riding buddy soon
Michelle

[dpex]

So it's wrong to be concerned about someone else's welfare now?

To be concerned for the welfare of another is a perfectly legitimate apprehension. However, to take such 'concern' to the point where the concerned presumes he has a right to interfere in the free thinking and action of the person about whom such concern is expressed, providing that person is not a child is, in fact, rendering such a person to a status of imbecile.

He who lets the world, or his own portion of it, choose his plan of life for him, has no need of any other faculty than the ape-like one of imitation.

Thus the person who, believing he sees a danger to another, and chooses to enforce protective measures, be they physical or the sanction of opinion is, in effect, repudiating the right of the individual to choose his own course and thus rendering that person to a position of ape-like imitation.

If you got your nose out of your socialistic arsehole and into some literature, Katman, a whole new world may just open up to you.

[Katman]

...blah, blah, blah.....

Fuck, you talk some shit.

[dpex]

Just to make it clear. I dont want to stop her. Im helping her in everyway I can. We are going to look at a bike tomorrow morning hopefully.

I just dont want to see her hurt. That is my problem.

Im not going to stop her doing anything. This thread is all about my stupid feelings. She just happens to be the reason for them. I know that and Im not going to stop her from doing anything.

I would feel guilty if she got herself killed is all. Really what I wanted was advice on how to deal with this.

The best advice available is as follows. 1. She is an adult and free to choose her own path. 2. You have no responsibility for any of her choices. 3. You have a responsibility to yourself for your own emotional safety. This last is, perhaps the one upon which you may wish to focus. And, despite the howls I expect to reveal from the following statements, they remain legitimate.

a. Presuming you love this person, her death would cause you significant agony. Can you face that?

b. Should she become involved in a serious crash and ends up in a physical or mental state requiring your extreme attention in both time and money you would, again, suffer serious penalty....should you choose to stay by her side. Can you face that?

Naturally, she is, at this moment, in exactly the same position, but perhaps has never considered it. Have you faced that?

Do you believe she will stay by your side should you become a vegetable resulting from a bike crash?

Do you believe she should stay by your side after such an event?


Have you ever discussed these issues?

However, what would you reactions to the foregoing if she died from choking on a peanut? And what are the chances of that happening.

The fact is, well over 40,000 Kiwis die each year, Very few of them from motorbike accidents and even less from peanut choke.

Perhaps you should caution your good lady to stop breathing thus to minimize her chances of contracting Swine flu, followed by complications and inevitable death.

And, whatever you do, DO NOT, take her on holiday to view the art-works in Israel. She could end up as hamburger from a bomber's bomb.

The point I'm striving to make is; where do you stop protecting yourself from the loss of one whom you love. Answer? Anywhere just short of limiting that person's freedom to act according to his/her freedom of will which, when exercised, is done so in a manner which is not designed to cause harm to another.

[Katman]

...blah, blah, blah......

All I read in the original post was someone concerned for the safety of his partner and asking for advice as to how he could improve her safety.

All I've seen from you is calling him an arrogant prick.

[dpex]

Fuck, you talk some shit.

Yes. Well. I'm not blessed with the brain of a palsied sparrow, so I can easily accept that words beyond the monosyllabic are more than a mild challenge to you ability understand.

I fully accept that all societies must have those who clean the dunnies and those who invent the dunnies. But the cleaners should think carefully before commenting on the designer, or his design.

[_Shrek_]

I'm just totally amazed that sundry of the 'ladies' here haven't screamed.

Allow me, on their behalf. YOU ARROGANT PRICK!

Where did you get the right to PRESUME' the girl can't learn to ride, and maybe even better than you.

It's not you, nor her parents, of any other arsehole with innate mysoginistic feelings which matter here. Here is a PERSON, not a female, who wants to ride.

Would you have the same reservations if it was your little brother wanting to ride? Nope!

But the 'little woman' barefoot, pregnant and at the stove, as all good shielas should be, but doesn't want to be, freaks you out, Right?

You arrogant prick!

I can't believe I'm reading such shit in 2009!

well dpex I thank the Lord you're not a female, you don't know these two as we do & your comments shows that you are a "pc snag" who needs to harden up, we need more like him who are not afraid to ask a Q &
for info she is getting a bike just a matter of when but she is getting lessons

[crazyhorse]

Maybe she needs to be taught by someone whom she fully respects (not saying it wouldn't be you), but I was taught by a really great rider here in HB, and he taught me alot of things outside the square, not just how to ride a bike, but to look out for unexpected things, where to go into corners, how to handle skids etc.

You might be surprised - she may be more attentive on a bike than in the comfort zone of a car. I know some guys that are shocking drivers in cars, but are different on bikes - you've got to give her a chance.

I understand your concerm, but hey, she may find its not really what she wants anyway.

[BigGuy]

Pretty much all I've read from these posts is that this guy obviously cares for his partner - deeply. Like this guy has said, he has no intention of stopping her riding.

Oh - that and the fact the almost everyone thinks your being a prat dpex! Lighten up fella.... no need to get all overly PC.

I would be worried for my wife and daughter also if they chose to ride. It's called being human - it's natural to want to protect the ones you love.

I'm just totally amazed that sundry of the 'ladies' here haven't screamed.

Allow me, on their behalf. YOU ARROGANT PRICK!

Where did you get the right to PRESUME' the girl can't learn to ride, and maybe even better than you.

It's not you, nor her parents, of any other arsehole with innate mysoginistic feelings which matter here. Here is a PERSON, not a female, who wants to ride.

Would you have the same reservations if it was your little brother wanting to ride? Nope!

But the 'little woman' barefoot, pregnant and at the stove, as all good shielas should be, but doesn't want to be, freaks you out, Right?

You arrogant prick!

I can't believe I'm reading such shit in 2009!

[h20boy]

To be concerned for the welfare of another is a perfectly legitimate apprehension. However, to take such 'concern' to the point where the concerned presumes he has a right to interfere in the free thinking and action of the person about whom such concern is expressed, providing that person is not a child is, in fact, rendering such a person to a status of imbecile.

He who lets the world, or his own portion of it, choose his plan of life for him, has no need of any other faculty than the ape-like one of imitation.

Thus the person who, believing he sees a danger to another, and chooses to enforce protective measures, be they physical or the sanction of opinion is, in effect, repudiating the right of the individual to choose his own course and thus rendering that person to a position of ape-like imitation.

If you got your nose out of your socialistic arsehole and into some literature, Katman, a whole new world may just open up to you.

Firstly, Dpex, if you intend to reference someone elses creative thought...at least disclose the real authors name so as not to be a plagiarising arsehole as well as a thread stealing, egotistical wank.

I am in exactly the same position with my partner. I desperately wanted her to get into riding as much as I am so that we could share the experiences. I bought her good gear, I've bought bike to bike comms and anything else I thought might help her get into it...problem is now she has, I'm filled with an all consuming fear of what might happen to her. I'm dealing with it my way but good on you for asking the question...know you are not the only one

[Bounce001]

Get her a bike she will be comfortable on and is able to pick it up if dropped. Get her into a riding course and let her take things at her own pace. When riding together let her go behind you to follow your lines etc. Riding in front of you will make her nervous.

As the headline in the NZ Herald said "Recipe for a Successful Marriage - Separate Motorcycles".