sem fiddy pilot
There was a good one in the British parliamentry debating chamber in the early 1900s...
One bloke said to another "You will either die of the pox or on the gallows"
He was replied with "that depends on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles"
Member, sem fiddy appreciation society
Originally Posted by PrincessBandit
Highway Biker
I have the same quote for my bikes and my wife.
"If you fu#k it you own it".
Cheers Corky
Christchurch, New Zealand
Highway Biker
Every time someone politely enquires about my health and well being with a cheery "How are ya?" I try to resist the answer "None the better for you asking". It tends to bring on a rainbow of emotions across their face and telling them "You did ask" doesn't help.
"More and more girls are keen to get a leg over." Katherine Prumm Sunday Star Times, Nov 2, 2008:
Blowin up bikes since ages ago
Harden the fuck up.
"Some people are like clouds, once they fuck off, it's a great day!"
salty dog
"if I want shit from you, I will kick it out......"
"Sorry"
"you will be if you do it again".....
"Nice teeth,"...want me to put em in your wallet...?
My oldest brother used to talk to me like that......
Now I am the Oldest........
Opinions are like arseholes: Everybody has got one, but that doesn't mean you got to air it in public all the time....
DILLIGAF
Take some concrete pills, And harden the fuck up
WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.
SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER
DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!
Should be out riding
"So's your face"
or "take's one to know one"
Used well in intelligent conversation it can really bend people's reality, with an accurate delivery they end up looking like an arse.
Q: "if you were to push your dick between your legs, do you think it would approach your ass?"
A: "erm... i suppose so"
A: "go fuck yourself"
"if i were anything like you i would cut myself daily"
"your entitled to your opinion even though its wrong"
"sorry i only listen to people who have something intelligent to say"
"got a phone? call someone who gives a shit"
"lets not and say we did"
"i used to think like that then i woke up and got a clue"
"i see your lips moving again - might want to see to that"
"if i want your opinion i will seek counseling"
"by the look of your ears its safe to assume that arseholes can fly"
"i used to know someone like you, he topped himself - i think the world is better for it"
"you are a perfect example for sterilization"
You can't save the fallen, direct the lost or motivate the lazy.
Scooter boy
Was out looking for some anchor chain, went into a marine shop...
Q, how can I help?
Me, I need some anchor chain.
Q, How long would you like it?
Me, I'd like to keep it, if thats possible....
"Those who beat their swords into plows will plow for those who dont"
Rest In Peace
Friends used to own a restaurant one night when ordering my steak the waitress asked"How do you want it cooked" I replied "on the grill or hotplate" she nearly wrote it down,then pissed herself.
Took a lawnmower into be fixed after a mate borrowed it and wouldn't run well,told the guy it was running reasonable but not anymore,his reply was never lend your mower,chainsaw or wife out,they both come back fucked.
Hello officer put it on my tab
Don't steal the government hates competition.
Whisky Tango Foxtrot?
I was at a customers fixing a computer, while I was there the woman in charge told another woman that she thought it would be a good idea to change this idea like so, she said to the other woman "does me changing this bother you?". The other woman replied "well it's too late to ask me that now!". The woman in charge said: "are you going to cry? Cause you could use that room over there if you are!"
I almost cracked up laughing, I restrained myself but had a wee chuckle while fixing the PC.
----------------------------------------------------
"If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!"
- George Carlin (RIP)
Don't forget to bring a towel
I said to one of my workmates "I'm gonna buy a 1000cc superbike" and he replied "I'll pencil in your funeral".
$1,101,806
Greatest Cricket sledge...
Hows you wife and my kids?
Wifes fine, kids are retarded!
i'm motarded
when faced with an angry primate looking for a fight at a pub, i replied, "iv'e fucked bigger cunts than you in jail".
he brought the beers for the rest of the night, (i think he wanted to get lucky)
Hardcore Biker
I was at work one day and one of my workmates was fluffing around and being an idiot and doing his impression of Chewbacca from Star Wars, it was driving me nuts! so, I told him to give it a rest and he says to me..... "Why, your mum loves it when I do my Chewbacca noises" and, I said to him...... "its funny that you should use a Star Wars analogy coz, I was talking to my mum about you and I do recall that she described your cock as looking like a shrivelled up Yoda"! Everyone cracked up and I felt quietly pleased with myself for the rest of the day......
Hardcore Biker
sorry,.... I have to fess up. That comeback came to me about 30 minutes later when I had one of those....."damn, thats what I should've said" moments.... still counts tho
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