I HATE being beaten by a non-working engine!

**gwigs** · 30th August 2009, 13:35

Take one large sledge hammer ."This is your last chance....start you evil piece of shit.......".If it fails to start smash it into oblivion......Ah satisfaction at last..
Have several beers...

**Conquiztador** · 30th August 2009, 15:47

So I took a sixpack to my neighbour and came back with his machinery designed to cut a long grass short. But needed petrol. No worries, put the 5 litre tank in the car and down to the petrol station. Or that was the simple plan.

As I put the key in the ignition the lights came on but nothing happened. After some farting around I realised that my ignition lock was broken. And as it is a Audi we are not talking about some simple fix here.

So there I was. Car dead. A houseful of neighbours grass cutters and no petrol. And six beers less in my fridge.

So only one thing to do: Leathers on, 5 litre tank in backpack and down the road with Shirley. I promised her a day of tender loving care if she took me home w/o any problems a weekend ago. I had not got there yet. So I asked her nicely to take pity on me and do what a nice girl should do.

And she delivered! After taking the long way around and also popping down to the shop for some more beers I am back with petrol, bits to temporarily fix the cars ignition lock, and a smile on my dial. Nothing like blasting away shit from ones head on a sunny day using the backroads!

I now have all I need to keep me happy until tomorrow:
- Beers
- Bits fort the Audi
- Petrol for the cutters
- A warm bike
- And a adrenalin buzz that will keep me going.

Perhaps I should just have started the day with a ride and forgotten re the rest?

**Motu** · 30th August 2009, 16:55

The weedwacker has a diapgrahm carb,copied off Tillotson - same as fitted to Panhead Harley's.Given that little bit of information,I don't think you will have anymore problems with a tiny 2 stroke.

**Ixion** · 30th August 2009, 17:05

I have never understood why small indisutrial engines in lawn mowers and such like must have such inordinately complex carburettors.

The Amal crab is the soul of simplicity. Fuel comes in *here*, fills *this* up, then runs through this hole *here*, the hole being made bigger or smaller by this *needle* partially blocking the hole. And this slidey *thing* partially blocks off the air flow until full throttle. And another slidey things blocks it off even more when cold, for starting. That's it. A five year old could understand it.

Easy to understand , all the bits simply removeable.

My Mikunis are not much more complex. And these simple designs serve very well for engines which are the height of human ingenuity and technological sphistication. And the engines fitted therewith will start with one easy swing of the kickstarter.

Yet a motormower, with an engine that appears to have made no progress since the earliest tinkering efforts of Herr Daimler and M. Bouton, must have a crab riddled with more holes and passages than a swiss cheese, fitted with bits, variously detachable and not, which appear to serve no purpose whatsoever and which requires to be assembled and tuned according to a cabalistic incantation made known only to selected acolytes at StoneHenge on midsummers night under the shelter of a mistletoe bush, whilst naked and daubed with woad.

And even then will not start until the pull ropey thing has been pulled so often that the would be users hands are blistered, his temper incandescent and his mental state reduced to gibbering pathos.

Why, I ask. Just , WHY.

**ducatilover** · 30th August 2009, 17:21

I hate the strombergs on the bmw

Nothing like an uber simple carb. Or mechanical fuel injection, ala audi 5egt

**Motu** · 30th August 2009, 17:59

The Victa carb is a perfect example of WTF? carb design.They work well if you leave them alone - don't even atempt to figure out how they work.

**Conquiztador** · 30th August 2009, 19:15

Originally Posted by Motu

The weedwacker has a diapgrahm carb,copied off Tillotson - same as fitted to Panhead Harley's.Given that little bit of information,I don't think you will have anymore problems with a tiny 2 stroke.

If Mr Bendix had a daughter who had a daughter I would marry her, as if she was something like her granddad she would be so easy to keep happy!!!

**Taz** · 30th August 2009, 20:27

Originally Posted by Big Dave

Not a blade of grass in my grounds. All paved, rocks or shrubbery (we are the knights who say nih nih nih).

More riding time.

W T F do the guinea pigs eat????!!!

**Pussy** · 30th August 2009, 20:31

Originally Posted by Anthrax

W T F do the guinea pigs eat????!!!

They don't have much of an appetite with all that tape wrapped round them....

**Big Dave** · 30th August 2009, 20:31

Originally Posted by Anthrax

W T F do the guinea pigs eat????!!!

Dunno - I've always eaten them before they eat anything.

**Ixion** · 30th August 2009, 20:36

How do they get big enough to eat if they've never eaten anything.

Guinea pig tastes quite good. But the fuss that sisters make afterward, it's not worth it. It's a good thing none of the famous scientists in history had sisters, or we'd all still be living in the Stone Age.

**duckonin** · 30th August 2009, 20:38

When my 2 stokers chainsaws and hedge trimmer run badly or not at all, most times it is the litle gauze in the exhaust that is blocked, a good clean up and away they go again...

**Conquiztador** · 30th August 2009, 20:52

Originally Posted by duckonin

When my 2 stokers chainsaws and hedge trimmer run badly or not at all, most times it is the litle gauze in the exhaust that is blocked, a good clean up and away they go again...

Thanks for that. More shit to dismantle.

**Crisis management** · 31st August 2009, 08:59

Probably not relevant to this but...use decent 2 stroke oil; they hate outboard oil, used sump oil, cheap 2 stroke oil and they love synthetic motorcycle 2 stroke oil. Luckily they run the same ratio as the trail bike and it's always fresh!

Even more off topic, I had a couple of big privet trees to cut down here and after much bragging about macho stuff and several rounds of the lumberjack song was told to get out there and stop talking about it.
You'd think it would be easy wouldn't you, cut tree at bottom, it falls on the ground and then you cut it into little bits, right?
So, cut tree at bottom, it falls over, catches the fork of a bigger tree about half way up the trunk, pivots on the bigger tree and now I have one cut down tree half way up another tree. So, I went from a tree stuck in the ground to a tree stuck 5m up another tree, the boss is not impressed!

In comparison, your weedeater is a small problem.

**Pixie** · 31st August 2009, 11:31

Originally Posted by Ixion

I have never understood why small indisutrial engines in lawn mowers and such like must have such inordinately complex carburettors.

Why, I ask. Just , WHY.

Because the carbs they use (with the exception of lawn mowers) allow the device to work at all angles