Biggest Bullshit Story (that somebody believed)

[yungatart]

Whilst travelling to New Plymouth (via Taupo/Mt Mesenger) with my 10 y/o granddaughter in the car, she queried the reason for the large piles of rocks and gravel at the side of the road. I told her they were 'seed rocks' for the 'rock farms' in the area. Approaching Mt Messenger she commented on how old that rock farm must be because look at the size of the rocks!

On the return journey, I told her that the sheep in these parts (Awakino Gorge) have their left legs longer than their right legs so that they can walk around the hills without rolling down. Of course, she didn't believe me!

But stated a few k's futher on that she had seen some of those lopsided sheep....gotta love the littlies!

[Rodney007]

nah, thats not bullshit.....

[steelestring]

I tell all trainee chefs that:

The stalks of mint and parsley are poisonous ... so make sure there is none in the pickings!!
It took a guy over 3 hours to pick a bag of mint once... evil... whole kitchen watched and had to keep a straight face.

I get a almost 100 percent hit rate with this... amybe because I have always got my game face on

[Laava]

Sending new recruit in Nat bank to BNZ bank to get some verbal agreement forms! They sent her to another bank, ASB, who filled her in on the joke where she promptly burst into tears and resigned. 1 day in!
Telling people in Egypt when they asked where in NZ we come from, that we live in a little place called barbeque area, just off the main rd!
Telling my Aussie son when he asked what we were having for pudding, sod all! Then having to string him out for ages about Sodall pudding!

[98tls]

Training a guy at work one day i said to him "go to the office and ask for a long weight',he was told sure have a seat,quite awhile later he came out of the office very red faced.

[Fatt Max]

When I was an apprentice sparky, I was told to go to the stores and get a box of short circuits....

Waited for 2 hours.....

What a....well, you can guess

[GurlRacer]

Ha - Long weight...

Dad once told his workmate to ring Palmers (one of their clients at the time) and ask for Teresa Green.... she didn't click til the clerk at the other end was pissing herself. He ran very fast out of that office...

[turtleman]

I once convinced a guy that if you piss on an electric fence it threw off really neat looking green and blue sparks.....

He won't try that again....

[vifferman]

Training a guy at work one day i said to him "go to the office and ask for a long weight',he was told sure have a seat,quite awhile later he came out of the office very red faced.

You sound like a guy I used to work with. My sister worked with him in a hardware store, and he always got the noobs to go and look on the shelves for items like left-handed hammers/screwdrivers, spotted/striped paint, sky hooks, etc. Because she told me all this, I was wise to him when I worked with him in a furniture store, but he was still funny. We had some pine shelving with the knots replaced with plugs of good wood; he told me one day, "They don't waste the knots - they're used elsewhere in the factory as arseholes for rocking horses."

Working on the gummint farm was always a source of ribald humour. One of the guys asked me one day if I had a hanky.
"Yeah, I do. Why?"
"That sheep has a runny nose - blow it would you?"

Electric fences were the best for a laugh. I was working once on the electric fence nearest the shed, which had a brand-new 8000V (but low amp) unit. I turned it off to work on the fence, and some clown turned it on again. Nearly dislocated my shoulder. Probably served me right, as I did the same thing to this lamb that was merrily pushing its way betwen two paddocks, under the bottom wire (bottom two weren't live, so long grass wouldn't short them out). That is, till I temporarily reconnected them.

But the best electric fence incident wasn't a prank. The pump shed was fenced off behind a hot wire so the cows wouldn't rub on the shed. One day, the pump stopped working, and one of my co-workers went to fix it. He had a monkey wrench in his back pocket, and as he bnet down to duck under the wire, the wrench - sticking up like an aerial - contacted the wire. He was convinced one of us kicked him up the butt!

[gatch]

I told some mates that POME (pronounced pom-ee) was the people that came from england on boats, because all they had to eat was pomegranates.

Fools

[tigertim20]

I wont cum in your mouth.

You do realise that the word 'gullible' is not in the dictionary?


Of course you won't. But will you still respect me in the morning?

Oh shit, if was sitting on a chair instead of laying in bed when I read that, I wouldve fallen off with laughter! Bling sent stranger.

[ynot slow]

The good old ring the pub,especially if a new barperson,well bar maid and ask if Michael Hunt is in the bar,she asks a couple of times,replies to me no one here,so I said oh he also goes by Mike,hear her say is Mike Hunt here,and shit load of laughter in background.

The electric fence is one which happened to me,was fixing a ballcock in a trough at dads place,had my girl who was 3yr or so with me,up to elbow in water and my darling slipped,reached up grabbed the wire accross trough and grabbed me.Thank god we were at end of farm,and the unit was not that powerfull,next job was fixing a few earth straps and rid the shorts.Still surprising how quick you can get from kneel to running in a fluent movement.

[marty]

That's an old Porky's gag.

In aviation, there's always a can of Prop Wash to get from stores.

or a long/short/medium weight.

or a sky hook.

or a short fuse.

We once told a newby that when a pilot selects reverse the propellors stop, then wind up backwards. He believed us for ages. Couldn't figure out how we could reverse the plane, but he couldn't see the props stop/change direction

[carverguy]

I worked for a govt agency, they requested unused office supplies to be sent to other offices and to make up a list. I listed excess paper and faxed 40 blank papers to each office. one duh duh faxed back a thnak you.? go figure.

[The Stranger:Me]

Training a guy at work one day i said to him "go to the office and ask for a long weight',he was told sure have a seat,quite awhile later he came out of the office very red faced.

If someone sent me for a long weight I'd get them a sash weight.