Friday jokes

[YellowDog]

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room.
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!”

[YellowDog]

a thousand words

[YellowDog]

and some more

[YellowDog]

Budget Funerals - lol

[Honest Andy]

Why can't the Avon lady walk fast?

Cos her lipstick...

[Akzle]

total facts oi.
How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

[FJRider]

total facts oi.
How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

And ... at least one to make a joke about it ...

[caspernz]

total facts oi.
How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Well done! Not far wrong either...

[Berries]

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

On KB it only takes one person starting with A for that.



PS, this list was posted on page 2,348.

[flashg]

Come on Akzle you're slipping. What is it you call people who don't use the search function ?

[Virago]

total facts oi.
How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?...

...Perhaps you could make the search function larger for scooterboys, or make newbs have to click through three search page before they can post anything.
...And if they still manage to post shit, their avater is changed to a floppy cock and their username to "too stupid to use the internet"

fuck me billy.
Is the search function broken again.

There is a very good search function up there to the right...

are you fucken alergic to the search box or something there billy??

also, OP, do a fucking search.

stupid question gets stupid answer. and since a two second search (for "which petrol")...

Search some shit. For fuchs ache.

whatever you do, DONT search the forums before posting your inane fucking questions.

feel free to do a fuken search there billy.

pro tip: KB's Search box is in the top right hand corner.

DO A FUKEN SEARCH FOR FUCK SAKE.

oh for fuck sake. SEARCH.

1) do a fuken search.

DO A FUKEN SEARCH.

Do a fucking search,

suggest you a fucking search.

reccomend you a fuken search.

i would highly recommend using the search box there dave..

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...-a-light-bulb?

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...e-a-lightbulb?

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...-a-light-bulb?

[YellowDog]

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

[Akzle]

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...-a-light-bulb?

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...e-a-lightbulb?

https://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/s...-a-light-bulb?

apparently
3 faggots who can't make use of an existing on-topic thread rather than starting a new one

and 1 to try pointing it out ironically, to have it thrown back in their face.

[Swoop]

total facts oi.
How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?

You ignore the fact that changing a lightbulb is a conspiracy.

[YellowDog]

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finklestien looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?”
They cut the cards; Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door.

The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.......