Pros and Cons, and DOs and DON'Ts of marriage

[Sheba]

My single piece of advice:

Make sure you can stand up on your own before you decide to lean on someone else.

Never marry someone (or enter a relationship) because you think you need them or they need you. You will end up finding your own independence and not needing them any more.

Only get married when you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet (and so is she) but you want to be together. Then stand side by side, as strong, independent adults, and continue to be together because you want to be together, and because you love each other.

Very wise words. Therefore, don't get married til you're like 40 or something.

[Sheba]

I married for the first (and hopefully only!) time in my 40s and although I wish I'd met him earlier, I am glad I didn't settle for second best and marry the guy I was engaged to in my 20s. I think I was just flattered that anyone would want to marry me and luckily I woke up a month or so later and thought "what the HELL am I doing?" and ended the engagement.

See, wait until you're 40.

[Oakie]

First up, learn "yes dear", you aint got to agree, just learn the fucking words.

Ha ha. That was the first thing I thought off too. It was also the advice I gave my son in law when he married my daughter ... along with a list of 'what women really mean' when they say certain things (like "sure, go ahead" really means "don't you f*cking dare!".

[Cheshire Cat]

I can help you with that.





Don't fucken do it.

Don't be so negative

[YellowDog]

Don't be so negative

Marriage is an easy one to address:

Find the right person for you at the right time of your life.

It is different for everyone.

The first challenge is working out where YOU are at before looking for someone to share it with.

As has already been rightly said, make sure you can stand on your own two feet before looking for someone to lean on.

Good luck.

[The Stranger:Me]

Don't be so negative

I thought it was pretty positive actually.

[Cheshire Cat]

I thought it was pretty positive actually.

Funny guy eh?

[froggyfrenchman]

I just worked on the theory that you should find a great woman that also rides, that way she understands my obsession with spending all avaliable coin and time on building, riding and racing bikes.

It is important to make sure she is too short to ride any of your bikes though, those tires are expensive!

You may think i jest, but 10 years together and 3-4 of them married (whos counting) says this is the way to go.

[Skyryder]

Next to woman, if you excuse the comparison, marriage is the biggest mystery of all.

If you ever get to figure it out one thing is certain: you will regret it.

Been married thirty five years next Feb 2010. It's been been like running the river. Smooth pools with rapids fast approaching, jagged rocks with steep cliffs and gorges with nowhere to go. Exhilerating at times, mundane at others but never ever boring.

I once attended a wedding many years back and after the bride and groom had gone there were a few close family and friends at the end. The subject came up on what makes a successful marriage??

The once answer that I have never forgotten was from an eldely gentlman and his wife, problay long since dead.

"There are only two kinds of marriages and both are like railway crossings. There's the modern new fangled marriage that when the bells start ringing the lights start flashing.............THE BARRIERS COME DOWN.

Then there is the railway crossing with just a single sign. STOP LOOK and LISTEN. Words I've never forgotton and will the the theme for my youngest daughters wedding.

Skyryder

[mossy1200]

Im all spasticated now.

[Bren]

My personal opinion....

A "sane" man will only do it once....

If it works thats all good...

...and if it dont then he aint ever going down that road again!

[Timber020]

Men go into marriage thinking the woman will never change but she does

Women go into marriage thinking the man is going to change but he doesnt.

There are no rules, marriage is contextual.

[EJK]

I don't know how lonely I will be if I live alone

[Beemer]

I just worked on the theory that you should find a great woman that also rides, that way she understands my obsession with spending all avaliable coin and time on building, riding and racing bikes.

It is important to make sure she is too short to ride any of your bikes though, those tires are expensive!

You may think i jest, but 10 years together and 3-4 of them married (whos counting) says this is the way to go.

My husband and I may have the perfect marriage then! We met at a motorcycle rally so he knew I was into bikes. We went to the Big Boys Toys show and I bought a new bike. We had our wedding photos taken with my bike. I bought a new bike on our honeymoon - which had to be cut short as I had tickets to see the Crusty Demons!

I encouraged him to buy a new bike - and he bought two instead! (Both second hand but late model.) Then when we were loaned a Corvette to take to Americarna and loved it so much, I talked him into adding it to our mortgage. We're booked to do Americarna and the Beach Hop next year, so I'd say we're both into the same things!

I can only ride one of his bikes though - I'm only 5'1" so most are way too tall for me!

[vifferman]

I've been with the vifferbabe nearly 33 years now (married for 27), and it's great! She's my best friend, I enjoy her company (most of the time), and I miss her when we're apart. Sure, it's not all plain sailing, there are ups'n'downs, but the good outweighs the bad.
Important things are that you're both prepared to make some compromises, rather than trying to change the things in the other that bug you. If both of you are more about giving than taking, it works, otherwise it will turn into a battle.

Accepting that it's OK to be different and you don't have to agree on everything helps, although you also need some common ground. While we like the same food, have the same colour sense, like doing many of the same things, there are some things that differ. We mostly listen to the same music, but I listen to heavy metal when I'm on my own, and I've never liked pop music like Abba. The vifferbabe's not really that into bikes, but a few years ago she decided to get more involved with my hobby, and started riding with me. Similarly, although being a male I hate shopping the way women like to do it, I will accompany her on some expeditions, to offer advice on clothes etc., but I'm honest if I really don't feel like going, and she's OK with it.

What's very important: Honesty, trust, communication, being prepared to compromise on the minor issues, being prepared to admit when you're wrong (or even being prepared to let go, and say sorry, even if you know you're in the right, just to get past a disagreement), having some interests in common, both of you understanding that men and women ARE fundamentally different in some ways, and building a loving relationship based on these things are what it takes. If either of you are fundamentally selfish, or have major issues of any kind, or even one major belief/value that you can't agree on or aren't prepared to change, then you'll find it very hard going. Marriage should make both partners grow and develop. If either of you can't compromise or let go of things, you're going to struggle.

Most important: keep the fun alive, and find new things to do to keep things fun.