I'm getting neutered, when can I ride again?

**Hitcher** · 8th June 2005, 13:59

Originally Posted by vifferman

But (believe it or not) that wasn't the dumbest thing we did, not by a long shot. This was in the days immediately before doing things for 'scientific curiousity' went out the window and scientists had to provide commercial justification for their "mad scientisting". Some of the trials beggared belief...

I remember some interesting stuff that was done in the early 1980s under the aegis of the then MAF (when the F stood for Fisheries) that had research farms and facilities all over the place, staffed by dedicated scientists who had raised doing their own thing to an artform.

Did you ever get to play with an electro-ejaculator? "They don't like it up 'em, Captain Mainwaring, Sir!"...

**phantom** · 8th June 2005, 14:25

in a previous life I used to service the electro-ejaculator that was used on the Livestock Improvement bulls - a beautifully made piece of mahogany about the same size as a big bikies arm with polished brass electrodes down the length of it. Never saw it working but the apprentice boy was threatened with it once or twice

**Oakie** · 8th June 2005, 14:48

Originally Posted by phantom

in a previous life I used to service the electro-ejaculator that was used on the Livestock Improvement bulls - a beautifully made piece of mahogany about the same size as a big bikies arm with polished brass electrodes down the length of it. Never saw it working but the apprentice boy was threatened with it once or twice

Perhaps that's what I need to help me reach my 70 'practice shots'. Nah hang on ... there's plenty of light sockets around home that I can just ...err...plug into.

**TonyB** · 8th June 2005, 15:05

Originally Posted by Oakie

Perhaps that's what I need to help me reach my 70 'practice shots'. Nah hang on ... there's plenty of light sockets around home that I can just ...err...plug into.

I smell sausages!

**Hitcher** · 8th June 2005, 15:28

Originally Posted by phantom

in a previous life I used to service the electro-ejaculator that was used on the Livestock Improvement bulls - a beautifully made piece of mahogany about the same size as a big bikies arm with polished brass electrodes down the length of it. Never saw it working but the apprentice boy was threatened with it once or twice

That's the very thing! A slightly lesser diameter device was used for goats and sheep. Brings tears to one's eyes just imagining...

**vifferman** · 8th June 2005, 15:35

Originally Posted by Hitcher

Did you ever get to play with an electro-ejaculator? "They don't like it up 'em, Captain Mainwaring, Sir!"...

Ha ha ha!!

Yup, I wielded that 'toy'. They certainly didn't like it up 'em.

However, I had some friends who worked on a sheep farm (privately owned) and they recounted with glee tales of the "ram with a fond liking for the 'pleasures' of the Electrojaculator" who lived on the farm! He used to trot up to anybody on the farm in hope of a session with the Lectrick Lassie.

I tells ya, working in the Reproductive Physiology section of MAF gives one a fair host of ribald experiences. Have to stick 'em in a novel one day. Tall tales and true, from the dark ages....

**Biff** · 8th June 2005, 17:36

Forget getting your tubes tied, any woman would think twice about letting this guy anywhere near her, with his mouth.

**Paul in NZ** · 8th June 2005, 18:11

Ooooh! Excellent... Time for my little snippet of info..

Made the appointment (well having a scare after the twins and being told Vicki had a 73% chance of another multiple birth would do that really)

It was at "Family Planning" but it seemed to be run by a group of neo nazi lesbian that were really only interested in how Vicki felt about it all... HELLO I'm the one getting cut here!! They thought she should go on a 'retreat' afterwards... fark me! I wondered if they were going to burn my testicles off with a flaming torch and bury the ashes while dancing naked (shudder) around a bonfire on the full moon or something... Bloody nutters the lot of them (and doubtless cat fanciers)

Anyway.. come the day I was wheeled in and the big green sheet placed over the lads! The big green sheet has a small square hole and one of the witches reached in with her claw and hauled the tackle out.. Hmm.. Had a nasty moment when I though she was just guuna bite them off with her yellow pointy teeth but after a bit of wiggling... There was only one naked bit in the room but boy did I feel... 'exposed'.

Any who. Vicki was invited in for the op some she would have 'closure' or something! I thought the whole coven was in there with me and the doc (900 years old and probably booted out of proper medical practise for collecting jars full of preseved genitalia)

The right side gets done, snip snip, no yuckin furries boyo and I'm thinking this aint all bad when Jack the ripper starts on the other side..

Snip... Ooops!

Ooops is NOT a word you want to hear when a man with a very sharp knife is fondling your goolies.

Next I hear (paying attention by now) my darling wife say.. "Is that supposed to happen?" as a little splattering stream of blood (mine) falls on the sheet in front of my eyes... OMG! I'm trying to sit up now as the toughest nurse slams me back down!

"Oh somethimes" says the gowned one as the coven of aged nurses quickly find a few sutures to close off the little bleeder.. heh heh nothing to worry about!

So off i go home... a little concerned!

Naturally I'm a rough tough southern man and go out and mow the lawn when I get home (shame to waste a day off eh)

Next morning.... fark me dead! I have 2 massive blackboy peaches where I used to have nuts! (this was when i became a fruit)

Ouch!

The blood vessel had bled a little causing some bloody impressive bruising and the lawn mowing caused some very impressive swelling! 3 or 4 days later it was all sweet and we took it for a test drive! No problems ever since!

So...

Go home and do the laying down frozen peas thing and don't be a jerk just cos the injection has not worn off or else your wife could be describing the size and colour of your nuts to her mother and sister and THEY could ask for a look too.. (not bloody likely) Plus my doctor and his nurse were VERY impressed

**250learna** · 8th June 2005, 19:41

Originally Posted by Odin

aaarrrrrrgggggg ...... you make me cringe in pain

I second that, the thought alone makes the hair on the back of my neck stand.
Your a brave man, all the best

**Hitcher** · 8th June 2005, 21:19

Originally Posted by Paul in NZ

Go home and do the laying down frozen peas thing and don't be a jerk just cos the injection has not worn off or else your wife could be describing the size and colour of your nuts to her mother and sister and THEY could ask for a look too.. (not bloody likely) Plus my doctor and his nurse were VERY impressed

All that AND no claw. That man deserves a DB.

**Pixie** · 8th June 2005, 23:06

Originally Posted by Oakie

A question for the men.
The time has come to get me neutered (The big V. ... and no I'm not talking 'Harley'). How long after the op before I can ride again? 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks (heaven forbid!)
I thought it would be damned cool (and add to the telling of the story) to have the op and then ride home again. Trouble is that by the time I get home the anaesthetic may have worn off and I might not be able to lift a leg high enough to get off the bike.

I reckon if I get the op done on a Friday I can justify a weekend lying on the couch watching sport, even if I do have to hold a packet of frozen peas against my nuts for the duration. (Just gotta make sure I look miserable whenever the wife walks past. Shouldn't be hard ... frozen nuts will do that).

Anyhow, can any of you guys out there who have had your man-bits disconnected give me a clue as to how long it'll be before I can happily swing my leg over the seat without squealing? (Feel free to PM me if you don't feel comfortable discussing this for all to see.)

I know someone with cats who would appreciate the testes for cat toys

**Oakie** · 9th June 2005, 09:36

Originally Posted by Pixie

I know someone with cats who would appreciate the testes for cat toys

Hey ... the dangle-berries are staying in their home. They just won't be able to access the front door any more.
They'll just be there for appearances sake ... a bit like the 'ram air system' intakes on ZXR250s. (Bet I'm the first person to compare his scrotum to a part of a bike!)

**MSTRS:Me** · 9th June 2005, 10:20

Originally Posted by Oakie

Hey ... the dangle-berries are staying in their home. They just won't be able to access the front door any more.
They'll just be there for appearances sake ... a bit like the 'ram air system' intakes on ZXR250s. (Bet I'm the first person to compare his scrotum to a part of a bike!)

Other way round?? Some bike parts like a post-op scrotum - all wrinkled up & useless.