Retarded complaints

[Gremlin]

On the retarded questions front (perhaps it needs its own topic), I had one.

After informing the local bike shop of my departure from my motorcycle whilst riding it, the parts guy asked me, without thinking, did you survive?

I answered quite quickly, with a straight face, no, I died twice.

You could almost hear the inwards groan, as he realised what he had asked, and admitted, you ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer.

[sidecar bob]

I had a client come & say "you replaced my cambelt a few weeks back & now, on the weekend, my car overheated really badly"
"Ok" i say, "tell me how it happened"
She, "well, it was parked in town on Saturday morning for a few hours, & when I came to get in it, the steering wheel & dashboard were so hot i could hardly touch them, & i had to sit there with the windows down for a few minutes before i could even drive off!!"

[Woodman]

We sell amongst other things "Start ya bastard" engine start. I had a genuine complaint from a gentleman about it being on the shelf in the showroom with the filthy language etc etc. He made quite a song and dance about it.

I listened, apologized, did nothing and never saw him again.

[The Stranger:Me]

In IT you pretty much get all the standard ones power cords and switches and the likes were common place but most seem to have cottoned on to this one now days.

A common one in the earlier days of colour printers was running out of colour ink. People seemed to think that ink should last forever, despite the pop up warnings. I suspect that this was cost motivated, but it didn't help when they got my bill too.
Not removing the plastic cover from the ink cartridge caused another call out.

My favourite however is the woman calling me one afternoon to ask why I hadn't fixed her email yet when she had emailed me to tell me her mail wasn't working that morning.

[The Stranger:Me]

We sell amongst other things "Start ya bastard" engine start.

Perhaps you could place a sticker over the "engine start" bit and make big money marketing it to women?

[Laava]

I had a client come & say "you replaced my cambelt a few weeks back & now, on the weekend, my car overheated really badly"
"Ok" i say, "tell me how it happened"
She, "well, it was parked in town on Saturday morning for a few hours, & when I came to get in it, the steering wheel & dashboard were so hot i could hardly touch them, & i had to sit there with the windows down for a few minutes before i could even drive off!!"

Noooooooooooooo!

[slofox]

Me at dairy, grabs lift plus from fridge, big label $1.99. Bring to counter.

Dairy Owner :$2 thanks.
Me: Oh the fridge says $1.99, and I'm paying with eftpos.
DO: $2 take it or leave it.
Me: *walking off* you've displayed a price on your fridge, you're not providing customers with accurate prices and misrepresenting your stock. I guess you can't understand the issue, though that's probably why you're a dairy owner and not doing something else.

I know it was one cent, but I was iffy about wanting a drink and that just set me off. Lol. Such a stupid complaint though.

I did exactly that in a shop in Mount Maunganui - I insisted they eftpos me for the exact amount. They did, too - much to my surprise. I was having one of those days when I was ready to tear someone's throat out...

[Bald Eagle]

Regularly used to visit a dairy that 'rounded up from 9.98 to 10.00 whenever I was paying by eftpos I called them on it every time.

[sidecar bob]

Noooooooooooooo!

I couldnt make shit like that up, but i can go one better.
I had a lady come in complaining of a leak from her car.
I discovered it was coming from the aircond condensation drains.
I explained what it was & how it all worked & that the moisture was from the air.
Upon thinking I had been understood, she looked at me vacantly & said, ok, where is the filler & how often do we need to put water in it?
Oh, and on a differnt note, I had an Asian lady come in & her name was Chitapon, & when you say it, it sounds like shit upon, that tested out my fake serious expression too!!

[Virago]

The appropriate use of Swedish Rounding can cause some farcical situations.

A while back Land Transport decided to solve the issue for Motor Vehicle Registration, by rounding down on the actual invoice. I can't remember the amount for registering a car - let's say it was $183.93 - they rounded it down on the invoice to $183.90.

The boffins in Wellington pointed out that it was illegal - they were adjusting figures that were set by legislation. So LTNZ instructed their agents that they must charge the full amount, regardless of the invoice bottom line.

A Dunedin bloke turns up at NZ Post to register a car for his elderly neighbour. The old fella had given him a cheque as per the invoice bottom line - $183.90.

NZ Post: "Sorry, sir, we can't accept the cheque - it must be for $183.93."

Customer: "But the invoice says $183.90."

NZ Post: "Sorry sir, our hands are tied on the matter."

Customer: "Okay, here's 10 cents to cover the short-fall."

NZ Post: "Sorry, we can't accept that - it would mean you have over-paid."

The customer goes away, and comes back with cash.

NZ Post: "Okay, as you're paying with cash, we can round it down. That will be $183.90, please."

[slofox]

The appropriate use of Swedish Rounding can cause some farcical situations.

A while back Land Transport decided to solve the issue for Motor Vehicle Registration, by rounding down on the actual invoice. I can't remember the amount for registering a car - let's say it was $183.93 - they rounded it down on the invoice to $183.90.

The boffins in Wellington pointed out that it was illegal - they were adjusting figures that were set by legislation. So LTNZ instructed their agents that they must charge the full amount, regardless of the invoice bottom line.

A Dunedin bloke turns up at NZ Post to register a car for his elderly neighbour. The old fella had given him a cheque as per the invoice bottom line - $183.90.

NZ Post: "Sorry, sir, we can't accept the cheque - it must be for $183.93."

Customer: "But the invoice says $183.90."

NZ Post: "Sorry sir, our hands are tied on the matter."

Customer: "Okay, here's 10 cents to cover the short-fall."

NZ Post: "Sorry, we can't accept that - it would mean you have over-paid."

The customer goes away, and comes back with cash.

NZ Post: "Okay, as you're paying with cash, we can round it down. That will be $183.90, please."

Sounds like something out of Dickens' Circumlocution Office...


On the subject of rounding:

The proprietors of one servo in The Tron, a couple of years ago, decided, in their Asiatic wisdom, that they could round any price up to the nearest dollar. So if the pump said $48.53, they charged $49.00...

They were called on this by many people but insisted that they could do what they wanted.

Funnily enough, they are no longer trading...

[superman]

I did exactly that in a shop in Mount Maunganui - I insisted they eftpos me for the exact amount. They did, too - much to my surprise. I was having one of those days when I was ready to tear someone's throat out...

Well I got told to leave and get a lawyer... I'm seriously considering reporting him to the commerce commision since he tempted me with that. What a dick, no one probably ever told him the customers always right... unless the customers being an absolute idiot. But if he wants to breach the fair trading act and bait me in with a false price he's gonna have some fun in court all over 1c and then he's gonna realise he was a bloody retard.

[avgas]

Should have replied.
"And I thought we had intelligent customers...."

[Scuba_Steve]

I remember this one customer we had at DSE who would bring his PC back every couple months 'cause it was "broken" and should be fixed under warranty which would be correct if the PC was actually broken but every single time without fail the reason it was "broken" was it contained so many viruses, adware & malware the PC struggled to do anything. He would NOT get any anti-virus ranting n raving "it's not his responsibility it's a warranty issue". After 6mths of this it was decided to cut losses & refund his money, when he then wanted assistance with a new computer he was polity told to fuck off! we will not be selling him another PC.

[Scuba_Steve]

another from Heralds sideswipe

A daycare received this message from a concerned parent. It reads: "Hi Becky! This is Kaylyn's mum :-]. I have a concern about the snacks you are serving the kids. Today we were in the store and Kaylyn pointed out the type of cookies that you served at the teddy bear picnic. Much to my dismay they weren't a name brand. My husband and I pay very good money for childcare and we expect corners won't be cut in the care of our child. That and we don't want to instill [sic] the sorts of values in her that make her think it's okay to settle for less than the best. This might be hard for you to understand but it means a lot to me."