This I have learned

[insomnia01]

Haha scenic masturbation, that's original at least

[Oakie]

Ooh. From the same trip as my 'don't stand and fart' story earlier ...

If push-starting a bike, make sure you can throw your leg right over before dropping the clutch.

Mrs Oakie's bike flooded while we were having a beverage at the Chertsey pub (250 Eliminator at that time). After cranking it over off the starter motor for too long without success I thought I'd try to crash start it. Popped it in gear, in with the clutch and started running. When I judged the time was right I started to throw a leg over and dropped clutch. Unfortunately the leg got stuck on the wee pillion bar or whatever it was. Even more unfortunately the bike started.
Picture me then with the right leg stuck on the back of the seat and hopping along on my left leg trying to keep up with the bike in second gear. I eventually grabbed the clutch again but by then it was too late as the distance of hop required to keep up with the bike had grown to well over a metre which was beyond my capability. Before it all came tumbling down my last thought was that it was Mrs Oakie's bike so instead of bailing I let it fall on me. No damage to the bike or me but a wee rip in the bike pants. Bugger!

One more lesson from that day:

A roughly tar-sealed country pub carpark won't necessarily be hard enough to keep a bike on side stand. Basically the hot sun softened the seal sufficiently that the sidestand went through it and the 400 had a wee lie down.

Ironic that on the trip that was Mrs Oakie's first big trip and was to be a big learning experience for her, it was me who did all the learning over the weekend. Hard to believe too that all those things happened within about 25 hours of each other.

[Zedder]

Ooh. From the same trip as my 'don't stand and fart' story earlier ...

If push-starting a bike, make sure you can throw your leg right over before dropping the clutch.

Mrs Oakie's bike flooded while we were having a beverage at the Chertsey pub (250 Eliminator at that time). After cranking it over off the starter motor for too long without success I thought I'd try to crash start it. Popped it in gear, in with the clutch and started running. When I judged the time was right I started to throw a leg over and dropped clutch. Unfortunately the leg got stuck on the wee pillion bar or whatever it was. Even more unfortunately the bike started.
Picture me then with the right leg stuck on the back of the seat and hopping along on my left leg trying to keep up with the bike in second gear. I eventually grabbed the clutch again but by then it was too late as the distance of hop required to keep up with the bike had grown to well over a metre which was beyond my capability. Before it all came tumbling down my last thought was that it was Mrs Oakie's bike so instead of bailing I let it fall on me. No damage to the bike or me but a wee rip in the bike pants. Bugger!

One more lesson from that day:

A roughly tar-sealed country pub carpark won't necessarily be hard enough to keep a bike on side stand. Basically the hot sun softened the seal sufficiently that the sidestand went through it and the 400 had a wee lie down.

Ironic that on the trip that was Mrs Oakie's first big trip and was to be a big learning experience for her, it was me who did all the learning over the weekend. Hard to believe too that all those things happened within about 25 hours of each other.

Looksury, we used ta live in shoe box in middle o' road.....

[nathanwhite]

Parking in neutral on an incline is never good, but especially if the police are watching

[martybabe]

However desperate you are to relieve your bladder, always check the location of your dangling ear phones. Not only do they act as an oscillating sprinkler in the stream of urine, it is also a rather unpleasant experience relocating pee soaked spongy phones back in your head holes.

A plastic carrier bag may assist with pulling over pants on over a booted foot but using the same technique to pull on a tight helmet is not recommended. Removing the bag through the visor hole is a little tricky and you may end up fairly dead.

[george formby]

Gravity is not constant, either that or my legs randomly change length when I'm trail riding