What a year it has been. From even before the crash this year has truly tested me as a person in more ways than I could ever have expected. Coming out of an abusive relationship at the start of the year after trying to get out for 2 years, selling my house after a year on the market to be able to get away, major negative equity and loan after loan to pay for it all. To finding that day of freedom and the happiest day of my life without a doubt, riding along the road on the same bike I had been test riding for 9 months with the biggest smile on my face. Then fucking it all up but running off the road.
Through my recovery I have lost a lot of friendships, and the real ones sure have shown through. It has been very isolating and brought on a fight to stop depression settling in. Losing a job and a career of 10 years was something I had hoped to not face, but once again would not change that if I were ever given the chance. Living alone through it all was an incredible test for me, one I would never change given the chance. I learned to go without food for a week, how to get myself off the floor after collapsing and being there for 6 hours, how to handle two large and farking full on dogs whilst not being able to move more than snail’s pace, to splitting my own firewood with 4 vertebrae only freshly healing.
8 months later I am sitting here in bed at 3.40am almost desperate to sleep. 8 Months to the day without a night’s sleep and it brings a whole new meaning to rotting brain. Not the best look when trying to start a new career and engage the brain to work harder than ever before. I can proudly say that I said goodbye to ACC quite some time ago now, even though they were pushing to keep me on their books for a while yet. A new case manager pushed hard to change my mind, but I wanted off, and I wanted to be back on my own two feet and have worked very hard to get there.
Just over a month ago, I got back on my bike. A terribly shaky start and I was throwing up afterwards when my body spat the dummy. I went down to the South Island for 4 days riding just a week later and that has been that hardest thing I can honestly say I have ever done in my life. But now that I achieved that goal that I set for myself I can step back and take it all much easier. Each ride is getting easier, and I am getting more stable on the bike. My mind is focussed as I won’t let it be anything else. And short trips are getting me that road time I need so very much to become a rider again.
To go from where I was to now being engaged to the most remarkable man whome I only meet the first week out of my neck brace, this will be a year to remember.
I have thanked many people in person and on here but I need to do it better. There has been a lot of grief about the donations that Kiwibikers raised for me, and to be honest some of the words said because these were raised for me set me into depression and made me take 10 steps back from where I was. But at the end of the day all you need to know is that the ONLY reason that I am back on a bike of any kind is because of you all and the incredibly generous assistance you have given me. I brought back my written off bike with my credit card (the bike was on full finance with upside down finance on top of that). And have slowly rebuilt it bit by bit with the money that was raised by you all. And it was enough to get it back on the road, at a safe height for me, and allow me to do the only thing I have wanted to do since it happened. Ride. Without these donations I would not even be back on a 250 and would be a long way off from getting there.
I know so many of you have a real issue with the fact this ever happened. And I assure you I never asked for it to happen and it caused me more pain that I could handle at my weakest time. But Kiwibikers are the only reason I have made it to this point and this real point of happiness in my life. I sit here in quiet tears as I think of the generosity involved, and all those who have supported me through every step of the way. Grateful? More than you can ever imagine. Why me? I will never know and you all have your own opinions about that.
But I thank each and every one of you with all of my heart for the help you have given me. For the firewood that was organised, for getting me to a supermarket when I could not walk another step from malnourishment, for calling to ask how I was doing, for your words of strength and support that have been so uplifting, for getting me back on a bike and making me happier than I ever thought possible in my entire life. This will never be forgotten. These are tears of gratitude
Tomorrow morning at 6.30am I ride up to Manfield to attend Karel Pavichs' Prorider course to help me settle into the new style of bike. I’ve done 3000kms in the month and need all the help I can get to be a safer rider. I am so excited to be getting to the course I have done twice before, the very one I was only 2 weeks away from doing when I crashed my R6.
One cannot put in words how I am feeling. Give me all the grief you want to those who have an issue with me, I am strong enough to take it now. But suck it up and just accept that fact that I am thankful for it all.
Love and hugs and thank you from the luckiest girl alive.Pie
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Originally Posted by White trash
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