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Thread: Five things no-one told you about being a biker

  1. #1
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    Five things no-one told you about being a biker

    Shameless copy and paste from http://www.visordown.com/features/5-things-no-one-told-you-about-becoming-a-biker/19227.html
    But it's just so good!

    Whatever the reason you got into biking; because your dad did it, you're an adrenaline seeker, it's cheap transport or you thought it would impress a member of the opposite sex, they're all valid and now, you're a biker. For life.

    When you thought about getting onto two wheels, I bet there were people queuing up to tell you about their uncle's mate's brother who once had a bike and now he's in a wheelchair. Oh well, that didn't stop you, did it?
    But there are certain things that they weren't qualified to tell you, things I bet no other biker told you either. See, it's kind of like a secret code, except the moment you become a biker, these things hit you in the face (sometimes literally).
    Here are 5 things I bet no-one told you about becoming a biker, starting with number one

    You'll become an impatient driver


    There's no doubt that riding a bike has its benefits, especially when it comes to driving a car. Riding a motorcycle teaches you to look out for people who are trying to kill you, you'll see hazards sooner and you'll end up with Ninja-like machine control. So when it comes to driving, you'll put all that to work and be a cut above the rest.However, one of biking's biggest benefits - being able to stick two-fingers up to traffic - has its price. A long queue of traffic will cause a meltdown that even a 3-year old couldn't match. If anyone hesitates at a junction when you're behind them, the expletives flowing from your window will be louder than any car horn. Anyone doing 50mph in an NSL will be able to see your eyeballs in their rear view mirror. If they look at it that is.God help anyone in the passenger seat next to you.Next up, it's the fact you'll be a magnet for unwanted attention.

    Old men will come and talk to you


    Choose your motorcycle wisely. Get a Harley or any other kind of custom and you'll find middle-aged men stare at you and your bike with a dreamy lust before giving you an unwanted compliment. Chances are they'll have no idea what the bike is either.
    Choose a superbike and you'll probably be ok.
    Choose a classic or even worse, a modern classic and you'll become a magnet for old men who have the knack of being able to have a conversation with you, without you needing to add any input. You'll reach for your lid on more than one occasion but not be able to put in on and clear off because they'll ask you a question when you try. You'll be subjected to questions about your bike that you don't know the answer to or even care about.
    The conversation will go something like this: Is that a Triumph? I had a Triumph once (10 minutes of one-way waffle ensues).
    Then when they find out it's Japanese they'll look at you like you just ordered a Piña colada at a stag-do and toddle off, leaving both of you utterly bewildered.
    Next up, it's how people perceive you.

    When you say you're a biker, here's what people will think



    You're a nice guy, you've got something that resembles a career, you take your sport sat down infront of the TV rather than out in the fresh air, your cooking skills don't extend much past the occasional BBQ but you're a dab-hand at DIY.
    However, when you mention to anyone at a party that you've got a motorcycle, the bloke above will pop into their head. Then as you explain that you don't ride a cruiser and you've got a sportsbike they'll just think you're speaking Greek and will re-evaluate you as some sort of mentalist who tries to kill himself every Sunday. It's a no-win.
    And let's not mention your future in-laws. Well actually, why not! They'll think you hang around with a load of bearded outlaws and are a menace to society. The fact you're clean-shaven, called Tony and you work in accounts will only further their deep-rooted suspicion that it's all a front and their daughter is about to marry an outlaw and probably join a cult. Be warned.
    Next up it's about killer insects.

    Bees will scare you

    ...and any other large flying insects for that matter. When you're at a family BBQ and everyone starts going mental the moment a bee or a wasp arrives on the scene, you sit there perfectly calm and wonder what all the fuss is about.
    When you're on a bike, it's a bit different. There you are riding along on a nice sunny day with your visor up, enjoying the countryside and the winding road infront of you. Then you spot it: 50 metres away a large insect looks like its stopped going about its daily business and it's homing in at you instead. Before you can do anything about it, it goes THHHHHWAP! right on your cheek. Close but luckily it didn't get you in the eye. Then you panic; the little bastard's still in your lid. You insert a clumsy leather-clad finger and try and flick whatever it is away but probably end up pissing it off even further. Then you anchor on the brakes and perform the world's fastest lid removal, followed by a little bit of a flappy-armed dance.
    It's ok, we know that any no point were you actually scared.

    You don't just nod to anyone

    When you get a motorcycle, you become part of a club. It's a club no biker really talks about but you're in it now and you're not allowed to leave. Ever. When you first pass your test, you'll nod at anyone and everyone. If you're heading down a road and a dog looks at you the right way, you'll probably nod at him too.
    But this will change. There are no set rules as to how it will change, but you'll develop your own code. You won't nod at scooters, but one day you'll accidently nod at a bloke on maxi-scooter and you'll feel dirty. You won't nod at cruisers, but occasionally you will when you can guarantee they'll nod back. But they never do and you'll think 'Right, sod all cruiser riders, they're tossers'. Until the next time you nod at one.
    You'll be able to pick out what type of bike is approaching you, just from the headlight, and you'll have already made your decision. You probably won't nod at 1200GS riders with matching kit and aluminium panniers or maybe you will but you'll pick out your little exceptions and stick to them. Then you'll work yourself into a complete mess trying to remember who you do and don't nod at and you'll hate yourself when you break your own rule.



  2. #2
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    Bwahahaha! The first one is so true!

    I'm driving the cage this week and all through the trip to work, I was twisting my head around checking my blind spots, putting my indicators on way sooner than I used to and nodding to any bikes I see, as well as being more aware of them and giving way to them (no longer are they 'filthy heathens' but now brothers/sisters or comrades of the 'long black strip') and most of all, zipping into empty spots between cars on the motorway who are obviously not aware that the right lane is for overtaking and the speed limit is 100kph and not 80kph...

  3. #3
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    Are those rims rusty?
    "Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it."
    -Lou Holtz



  4. #4
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    It's like the unwriten bible of motorcycling
    I've spent my money on bikes, booze and babes. The rest I've wasted....

  5. #5
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    Hahaha, that list is classic. It's kinda funny how stereotypes pervade the mind of Joe Public. Any minority group will bring this forth though. If I meet someone new in a social setting the look on their face changes when they find out I'm both a bike rider and a truck driver. The comment starts off as: But you don't look like a biker or a trucker... How I respond kinda depends on how pissed off I get. I prefer: Would you like a bigger shovel?

  6. #6
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    Awesome
    "All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege."

    "Loooordi Looooordi Loooooordi......another round of L's Angel's naughty corner"

  7. #7
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    Number two is so true lol

    -Indy
    Hey, kids! Captain Hero here with Getting Laid Tip 213 - The Backrub Buddy!

    Find a chick who’s just been dumped and comfort her by massaging her shoulders, and soon, she’ll be massaging your prostate.


  8. #8
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    1 ... yes
    2 ... yes
    3 ... I'm not sure
    4 ... yes
    5 ... yes
    Grow older but never grow up

  9. #9
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    Quite amusing but I've got to disagree with the thrust number one. I have gone the other way and now cannot see the point in trying to beat anyone in traffic, anywhere, because it is so utterly pointless compared to the ease with which a bike puts paid to them. And my bike is not even quick.

    The net effect is that I have definitely slowed down when driving but am more observant and far less caught up in "winning" a futile race. So I let people past if they're in a hurry (or just make it easy if they're on a bike).

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spearfish View Post



    Are those rims rusty?
    Didn't you recognise Renegade Masters mum

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigAl View Post
    Didn't you recognise Renegade Masters mum
    Never seen her from that angle.
    Grow older but never grow up

  12. #12
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    Here's my 5.

    1. You will come off your bike.

    2. People will cut you off and then say "Sorry mate I didn't see you"

    3. When you tour on a bike you will get soaked.

    4. If you don't fill up your tank and think "she'll be right" you will run out of gas.

    5. Harley/Triumph and Ducati riders will not wave or nod at you.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muppet View Post
    Here's my 5.

    1. You will come off your bike.

    2. People will cut you off and then say "Sorry mate I didn't see you"

    3. When you tour on a bike you will get soaked.

    4. If you don't fill up your tank and think "she'll be right" you will run out of gas.

    5. Harley/Triumph and Ducati riders will not wave or nod at you.
    I only agree with your number 2 and 3, and I guess I should be expecting number 1 at some point, though it hasn't in the last 20K km. 4, some bikes come with a fuel gauge... and 5, I've only ever encountered non-wavers from the Harley persuasion.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by superman View Post
    I only agree with your number 2 and 3, and I guess I should be expecting number 1 at some point, though it hasn't in the last 20K km. 4, some bikes come with a fuel gauge... and 5, I've only ever encountered non-wavers from the Harley persuasion.
    Just my personal experience. Actually my neighbour has an 848 and waves to me, which is nice.....

  15. #15
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    When I bought my first bike mumble mumble years ago the seller said to me I will now know cold like I never knew cold before. Considering I was a Southland farm boy I thought like that was a big call......... He was right!!!!!

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