Crack me up advertising

**mossy1200** · 28th March 2012, 18:28

Honda Nxr 125 4 Stroke
1 Owner from new
Has been run out of oil needs rebuild.
seat ripped.
Has good Chain and sprockets, handle bars, brake and clutch levers, gear box, petrol tank, frame, plastics , exhust, kick start , lights , etc etc...
Has been a well maintained bike up until this incident.

Taken from tard me

How can you claim a bikes been well maintained and has been run out of oil in the same add?
Wonder what the worst bike related advertising might be.

**flyingcrocodile46** · 28th March 2012, 18:43

OK, let me start off by saying this XL is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a dirt bike to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Honda would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to ride down a grass filled ditch in your LBZ baggy gear looking like a spode. It wasn't meant to do 3-foot long pop wheelies in front of your hillbilly friends in your cousin's back yard while everyone drinks Budweiser. No, that's what a 50 is for. If that's the kind of bike you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. This bike has been to hell and back, twice, and has the scars to prove it. So if you can't handle being seen behind the bars of this biblical, fire breathing, dragon slaying hero because it has a few purple hearts, move on.

This bike was engineered by 3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous Nancy boy, contradictory decor in the form of Monster, Red Bull, Spy, Oakley, FMF, and Pro Circuit stickers plastered all over the bike. This bike looks legit because it is.

This brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 600cc to fly down the trail or to outrun the cops and has a 6-speed transmission so you know grandma won't be taking off with it when you're not looking. It's saved my bacon more than once. It's got special blood/gore resistant grippy seat cover. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. (NOTE: I cut myself fighting a streetbiker who looked at me funny and used the first aid kit, a replacement kit is available for an additional $100 and comes with Gentleman's Jack.)

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $1600 but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 25,000 miles on this hellcat from Planet Kickass since purchased in 83'. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then reply to this ad. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my lady, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

**flyingcrocodile46** · 28th March 2012, 18:52

RED I BELIVE 4 FOOT HIGH ""*NINJA* "" GAS AND ELECTRIC - $350 (Santa Fe)

Date: 2012-02-14, 2:12PM MST
Reply to: w879t-2848061397@sale.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Cal me at 5054744059 ask for Cristian it is a red ninja powerd by gas, oil, and electricity great condition but wont turn on i havent used it since like 6 years ago probably need new oil and gas CALL ME FOR PICTURES

**sharp2183** · 28th March 2012, 21:57

Originally Posted by flyingcrocodile46

OK, let me start off by saying this XL is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a dirt bike to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Honda would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to ride down a grass filled ditch in your LBZ baggy gear looking like a spode. It wasn't meant to do 3-foot long pop wheelies in front of your hillbilly friends in your cousin's back yard while everyone drinks Budweiser. No, that's what a 50 is for. If that's the kind of bike you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. This bike has been to hell and back, twice, and has the scars to prove it. So if you can't handle being seen behind the bars of this biblical, fire breathing, dragon slaying hero because it has a few purple hearts, move on.

This bike was engineered by 3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous Nancy boy, contradictory decor in the form of Monster, Red Bull, Spy, Oakley, FMF, and Pro Circuit stickers plastered all over the bike. This bike looks legit because it is.

This brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 600cc to fly down the trail or to outrun the cops and has a 6-speed transmission so you know grandma won't be taking off with it when you're not looking. It's saved my bacon more than once. It's got special blood/gore resistant grippy seat cover. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. (NOTE: I cut myself fighting a streetbiker who looked at me funny and used the first aid kit, a replacement kit is available for an additional $100 and comes with Gentleman's Jack.)

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $1600 but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 25,000 miles on this hellcat from Planet Kickass since purchased in 83'. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then reply to this ad. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my lady, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

Holy shit, I wanna buy that bike just from reading this. I dont even care what it is.

**Zedder** · 29th March 2012, 08:38

That's more like a funny short story than an advert.

**willytheekid** · 29th March 2012, 08:58

Originally Posted by flyingcrocodile46

....don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.[/FONT]

....I didn't know Chuck norris Rode!

That was a bloody brillent advert!

**schrodingers cat** · 29th March 2012, 09:19

Originally Posted by willytheekid

....I didn't know Chuck norris Rode!

http://onlytrailbikes.com/2011/07/16...ide-a-cr500af/

Read it and weep biatch.

"Chuck doesn’t need a helmet, the bike does"

**Zedder** · 29th March 2012, 09:26

Originally Posted by willytheekid

....I didn't know Chuck norris Rode!

That was a bloody brillent advert!

Chuck Norris does feckin' anything he feckin' wants to mate. Have ya Googled "Chuck Norris is so tough jokes?", it's good for a laugh too.

**willytheekid** · 29th March 2012, 09:28

Originally Posted by schrodingers cat

....Read it and weep biatch.
"

...You know they say that Chuck Norris is so tough that when he fell off his bike, he
broke the road!

**HenryDorsetCase** · 29th March 2012, 10:21

This is the best ad I've seen lately

**schrodingers cat** · 29th March 2012, 10:51

Originally Posted by willytheekid

...You know they say that Chuck Norris is so tough that when he fell off his bike, he
broke the road!

Chuck Norris.

Honda

My brain is exploding.

Can
Not
Compute

Gay Norris (there I said it. I know he'll hunt me down)

**willytheekid** · 29th March 2012, 10:58

Originally Posted by schrodingers cat

Chuck Norris.

Honda

My brain is exploding.

Can
Not
Compute

Gay Norris (there I said it. I know he'll hunt me down)

....If he can do this to rocks

WHATS HE GONNA DO TO YOUR BALLS!!

**slofox** · 29th March 2012, 12:01

I like this one...

http://s281.photobucket.com/albums/k...1-GetOutof.mp4

**The Singing Chef** · 29th March 2012, 12:40

Originally Posted by willytheekid

...You know they say that Chuck Norris is so tough that when he fell off his bike, he
broke the road!

Chuck Norris doesn't just fall off a bike, the bike got scared and fell to the ground by itself, unfortunately Chuck was biking through Japan at the time and can be blamed as the cause of the earthquake.