Advice please?

[HDTboy]

Tis simple, If you're not allowed to ride, then He's not allowed to ride. See how long it takes to change his tune
A better option would be getting him on 2 wheels, you bringing him to the pub?

[mstriumph]

Another ‘voice of experience’ here, for what it’s worth.

Biking is a selfish thing, yes .... so are a lot of other sports [ever hear the term ‘golf-widow’?, fishing-widow?]; and yes, if you value your partnership you will make every effort to involve your partner and bring them in with you.. ... but if they flatly refuse and, knowing the addiction is part of your soul, still try to make YOU conform to what THEY think you should be ...... you should perhaps consider where that could lead.

I believe good partnerships are based on mutual acceptance each of the other as they are - good and bad, ... and it becomes a different sort of relationship when one person feels they have the right and might to change the other to conform to what THEY consider to be appropriate or acceptable.

What you can negotiate/what you are prepared to accept between you has to be your choice and one nobody on this forum is even remotely qualified to make for you .................... it can’t be easy and, as you can see here, we all feel for you.....but it's up to you; good luck..

[enigma51]

Nothing personal chap - I put my marriage WAAAAAYYYYY ahead of any motorcycle...

Im lucky though the wife loves bikes! So im just talking big mate

[tracyprier]

Well I have to say... some very wise folk in this little community of ours (no...really)

Tracy

[jrandom]

I sold my bike several months ago because my wife was unhappy with it. I was riding for three years, and her worries and general unease just got worse over that time. It was hurting our relationship.

So I sold the bike.

Joni has it now.

I'm getting my fix (and getting fit, which doesn't hurt) on pushies these days. Without that, I'd go mental, but it's enough to keep me 'appy. Maybe in another couple of decades, when the kids are gone, I'll be a BAB. In the meantime, it's surprising how much fun riding in the drops on a Trek at 40kph on a quiet country highway can be.

You know, it's still risky on a 'sickle. You can still stuff up. Nobody's perfect. Some are happy with that, some aren't.

Realistically speaking, if Mr K is unhappy with the risk inherent in motorcycling, and he won't try getting one of his own, you're kidding yourself if you think he'll just magically 'come around'.

Don't damage your marriage for the sake of a motorcycle. 'taint worth it.

[vifferman]

Don't damage your marriage for the sake of a motorcycle. 'taint worth it.

Well now - that depends. If the "You can't have a motorcycle" is symptomatic of something else that's wrong, or is just a way of exerting leverage, or it's just plain old jealousy, then maybe there's some cancer underneath that needs dealing to. And if it's really bad, maybe the marriage is inherently ferked, because one party is unwilling to compromise and accept the other party has some individual rights.

Sometimes focussing on the noises you hear rather than digging deeper means even if you give in, the problem doesn't go away.
F'rinstance: the vifferbabe was grumbling about how expensive the bike was. Every time she grumbled, I got pissed off and argued about it, then in the end said I'd sell the thing if it was such a big deal, as our marriage was more important. It turned out that the money wasn't the issue - it was a matter of principle. She merely wanted me to acknowledge that the bike was an expensive toy, not get rid of it.
Maybe Mr K just wants tacit recognition of the danger, expense, or inherent selfishness of biking. :spudwhat:

I don't care any more. I really like my bike, and I enjoy biking, but the hassles of maintenance, keeping my gear up to date and effective, annual tyre changes, etc etc are such that if I get any grumbles, I just say, "Well, I'll sell the bloody thing then!", and because it's our bike, the idea of selling it gets vetoed.

[CPB]

Dear Mr K informed me last night that he doesn't want me riding a bike. It's too dangerous, I will get killed and I should be more responsible.

Any of you people out there have trouble with partners with ideas like these?

Is there a good way to approach this?

I don't want to give up riding...

Bugger, this is never easy...
I'm just fortunate that the gorgeous girl in my life has been riding longer than I have, although previous partners have had some pretty serious issues (and are no longer in the scene)...
As has been said, yep biking has its hazards, but so does driving on the motorway, or crossing the street...it's just a matter of taking appropriate steps to eliminate excessive risk, and assuring those non-riders in your life that you have a legitimate love of riding and are not in a hurry to leave this earthly place...it would be a fantastic opportunity for common ground if he was keen to take up two wheels as well??

[yungatart]

Any chance of getting him as a pillion on the back of a bike so he can see how it really is. Its nice that he is concerned and caring about you but sad that his fear is getting in the way. You could mention the petrol savings....

[jrandom]

Well now - that depends. If the "You can't have a motorcycle" is symptomatic of something else that's wrong...

Yeah. Maybe Keystone19 married the wrong guy.

... just a way of exerting leverage, or it's just plain old jealousy...

Possibly, but this isn't a woman we're talking about, remember. Which probably means that he's just saying what he thinks. It's the rare man who would try and manipulate his way toward some nefarious goal by these means. If he's grumbling about the risks, it probably just means that he's worried about the risks.

maybe the marriage is inherently ferked, because one party is unwilling to compromise and accept the other party has some individual rights.

Walking away is always an option.

Two things I've noticed, though:

1. Most people are too dumb to act in truly rational self-interest.

2. Better the devil you know than a lonely flat with Watties Heat 'n' Eat in the cupboard.

Make of that what you will.

[vifferman]

Possibly, but this isn't a woman we're talking about, remember. Which probably means that he's just saying what he thinks. It's the rare man who would try and manipulate his way toward some nefarious goal by these means. If he's grumbling about the risks, it probably just means that he's worried about the risks.

Yeah.
Good point, one which I'd overlooked. (I don't think things through, remember).

[SPman]

Im lucky!
Mrs eX didnt ride but was a happy pillion (most of the time)
Whenever I went riding - she barely noticed!
I went 12 years without a bike because of kids and no money. When it all turned to shit I bought a bike and I would NEVER form another relationship based on "I dont like it, you or me".........ever!
A biker is a person of a certain mindset, which can seldom be understood by those who don't/won't ride. Partners have a natural concern for each other (I hope). If you really enjoy riding and it means a lot to you - work out the compromises. If that cant be done, then you have some serious issues to contemplate. Good luck!

[Hitcher]

Yeah, he did seem a little more positive a couple of weeks back. I know he has always worried, I guess the idea that I am actually going to get a bigger bike and keep riding might have triggered this off. I think he thought this was a passing phase...

Get him on a learn to ride course. Quickly...

[enigma51]

Keystone I do see it from his part as well. When the wife wanted the scooter I was not sure that I wanted her to be riding with so many stupid drivers out there but I also know that you cant wrap your partner etc in cotton all the time.

I dont want to see my wife get hurt at all and I bet you he is feeling the same. He has just to understand that he cant protect you all the time and yes the bike is not safe but its something you like doing and he should rather make sure that you have the correct gear etc etc like I did for my wife. She hates the fact that I force her to wear protective gear that makes her look like the michellin man on her 50cc but im sorry if she wants to ride a motorbike (Even a scooter) she has to be fully protected. And the same goes for me!

[muzz]

Have to say something here. I gave up riding for a partner it also ment i lost contact with alot of people (ride buddys). I missed the riding and the friendships. Theres more to riding than just a bike. Hence I'm riding again and have meet new friends and caught up with some of the old and my new partner (coming up 8 years) understands this. She has now got her own bike and enjoys the fun we have together riding.
It comes down to doing what you enjoy (in moderation of course) and encouraging your partner to do the same and supporting each others dreams and asperations.
Good luck.

[dawnrazor]

when i first moved in with my girlfriend, she wondered if it would make more sense if i sold the bike and bought a car, to which i reminded her that if i did that she would have nowhere to dry her underwear! (We lived in innercity Dublin and had to keep the bike in the living room beside the radiator) and she reckoned that was a good enough reason to keep it, also the cat liked to sleep on the seat while the engine cooled. Maybe an approach like this might work for you