Learning All The Time - Learning Good Driving Behaviour

[Viking01]

Afternoon,
I must be starting to become a grumpy old b@#$%&* . "What do you mean, starting ?", I hear from a
few of you.

Well, it probably started after having to get two new tyres for the Subaru this morning. I'm sure that
the existing two rear tyres would have been good for another 1,000 kms (and spared the VISA card
some more pain this month), but the VINZ WOF man was having none of it. B@#$%&* !

I had just replaced the front tyres about 3-4 weeks ago. Hum bug ! Well, at least there are now new
tyres all the way around the Subaru. And my dearly beloved should now be marginally safer.

But then, because I had gotten new tyres fitted so quickly, I decided to call in at the supermarket
on the way home. And that is today's story.

I should definitely have gone straight home for a coffee instead, but No, I thought that I'd just "pop
into the supermarket" and "quickly get a few items". Bad move !


Navigating the Supermarket

You know, I think this is possibly one of the main reasons why we have some many poor drivers on
NZ roads.

They learn their 'road craft' in the supermarkets at a young age (watching their parents), and then
take their newly learned 'driving' skills out onto the NZ roads once they get their licence. Assuming
that they have gotten their licence, that is.

Yet another good reason for using driving (and riding) schools, despite what some other people might
tell you. This "learning on the job" sometimes leaves a little to be desired.


Poorly Maintained Trolleys

Why do I always get the trolley with the "wobbly wheel". And no horn. And the indicators don't work.
Supermarket trolley maintenance leaves a lot to be desired.


Staying on The Left

It's fascinating (?) to watch my fellow country man and woman once they get a shopping trolley in
their hands. All concept of 'stay on the left hand side' goes out the window, and it becomes open
season as to what side of the aisle to use.

Actually, maybe that's the problem. There is no centre-line. Note to Self: Contact Pak n' Save and
request painting of centre lines down supermarket aisles.

As for checking whether there is oncoming traffic when you want to overtake (swerve out and cross
this mythical centre line), well, it seems they follow you-know-who's NIKE approach ("Just Do It").

Normally, it seems that the unspoken rule is : Don't look at the oncoming driver - and see the look
of puzzlement and then terror in their eyes as you swerve into their lane and then back into your
own lane again.

But if you must look at them (as you do it), be sure to SMILE. That distracts them, and it somehow
makes it perfectly acceptable to perform your overtaking manoeuvre.


Head Checks

Well, that one is easy. You just need to have yours checked, after having made the decision to go
to the supermarket in the first place and "dice with death" with your fellow shopper.

All right, the dice "with death" part was probably a little over-dramatic, but I'm sure some-one is
going to get killed if they pull out on me again without warning .... use your f@#$%&* indicators !


Check Left and Right before Crossing Intersections

Now, most large supermarkets have a main aisle (at right angle to the produce aisles, separating
one end of the supermarket from the other). They means you will have to cross an intersection
several times during the course of your supermarket visit. Lucky you !

Just forget everything you may have learned about intersections (e.g. "look left / look right for
cross traffic, and only advance out into the intersection if it is safe to do so"). Instead, just
look straight ahead and floor it !

And if there does happen to be some cross-traffic - and you don't have right of way - and someone
else ends up with your trolley up their ...... well, as you-know-who frequently says on this forum,
"sh#$ happens" and that is just plain "bad luck" on their part.


Stopping without Warning / Reversing without Warning

You've aready heard this story before, haven't you ? You already know what I'm going to say ?

Oh well, that has saved me having to write another sentence or three.


Advisory Signs

Now we have already talked about advisory signs in one of the other lessons earlier on in the week.

What signs you say ? A very good question indeed.

Well, when you come into most supermarkets, there is a sign near the entrance that advises parents
not to let their children stand up in their trolley.

If truth be told, they probably don't give a monkeys about your children's safety - they just don't
want to be sued by allowing you to transport your children around their premises in an unsafe vehicle
without a current WOF.

If you were looking for an advisory sign as to a "safe speed" on the corners, you're on your own again.

But it is good practice to slow down prior to corners so that you don't launch your children ........ yes,
you guessed it. Anyway, they'll catch up with you again in the next aisle. And it will help teach them
to sit down and to hold on a little more tightly next time.

And when you suddenly see that bargain that you "can't afford to go past", well, please do go past it
and then pull in to the left at your first safe opportunity. I said "safe opportunity". No, don't just slam
on the brakes and launch ........ oh, never mind. They're your children anyway, not mine. What do I
care ?

Does add a whole new meaning to the term "launch control", though.


Time Slows Down

Have you ever noticed how time seems to slow down once you enter the supermarket ? No ? Yes, I'm
sure you have.

Like when two people who haven't seen each other for ages, and one (or both) stop their trolleys right
in the middle of the aisle and then catch up on the family news. When all you want to do is to slip past.

I always thought I was reasonably proficient with traffic islands and round-abouts, but I obviously still
have much to learn.

And as for choosing which will be "the fastest check-out to take", don't get me started on that one.

But if you do happen to know the secret to that one, please do let me know the answer. I will be
forever in your debt.


The Great Escape

Anyway, having navigated the supermarket itself (without my blood pressure rising to triple digits),
there was just the supermarket carpark to navigate and I could escape.

I did manage to get out of the carpark without incident, and without commenting upon anyone's
heritage. Well, that will teach me for thinking I had gotten off lightly.

Because waiting for me (just down the road on a side road not too far away) was a black BMW X5.
A little bit like the shark in the movie "Jaws" .....

I obviously had my "cloak of invisibility" on, because just as I came up to the side road, he quickly
swung out from the side road into the 'merging' lane and then just floored it.

Well, it was just as well one of us had been watching and had decided to slow down a little. Because
otherwise, we might have given the term "merge with care" a whole new meaning as well.

All I can think is that he must just have come from the nearby Mitre 10 Mega-store and have had a
shopping experience similar to mine.

Anyway, I got home intact (thanks for your concern) and a cup of coffee has never tasted as good.

Thank God, it's Sunday tomorrow. And when I go to church and say a few prayers tomorrow, it will
all be for my own soul. You lot will have to say your own.

Though I definitely do need some more luck ..... better pick some more up when I next go to the
super.....

[Moi]

And as for choosing which will be "the fastest check-out to take", don't get me started on that one...

The Mythbuster's do the check-out queue...

[Gremlin]

Like when two people who haven't seen each other for ages, and one (or both) stop their trolleys right
in the middle of the aisle and then catch up on the family news. When all you want to do is to slip past.

Guess you don't ride gravel roads. Come across many a farmer, both stopped in the road, having a yarn. Occasionally they even seem to get offended when you ask them to move, as if it's their road.

Load the front of the trolley first, then it drifts more easily

[eldog]

Fastest checkout is always the one your not in!

remember, keep your hands inside the car, preferably on the bar provided. That way they get damaged as another 'driver' passes.

but you forgot the fun you can have running down the aisle then jumping onto the trolley as it barrels down the speedway toward another victim and the look on their face as they turn around. Still do it now

[madbikeboy]

1. You drive a Subaru. I'm assuming it's a 4wd? Tyre rotations are your friend. Also, you want to keep all four tyres the same. Your Subaru will thank you.

2. Shopping is woman's work. However, since no woman wants me for anything other than meaningless sex, I do my own shopping. In Auckland, I go to the open all hours type deal, usually when the human soul is at its lowest ebb. Being an insomniac has advantages. I park as far from the trolleys as possible. I set a timer for the approximate time of Europe's The Final Countdown. And then I complete my monthly shop by the end refrain. Jogging is permissible, as are elbows. The Rocky theme also works, although shadow boxing got me in some hot water once in a country far from here.

3. The clue is the type of vehicle. If it's a rich person's car (meaning a BMW or a Merc, or worse, an Audi), they truly think they own the road. But, here's a secret. Most people who own a very recent rich person's car don't. It's owned by a finance company and they juggle credit card balances to pay the monthly.

4. If you can see the driver's face in the dark, it's because the cell phone emits a spotlight towards the user. Just saying.

5. Aisle etiquette is simple. If they're in the way and being an asshole about it, tell them to move. If they're a family of nine asian people arguing over the price of rice, then the route is effectively blocked. This can lead to an overtime jeopardy situation on the Final Countdown. Be warned, there is no easy solve for this without Dame Susan Devoy penning a very mean NZ Herald comment.

I find that momentum helps. That and elbows, and a willingness to tell people to move their fat ass. Works especially well with chicks.

6. WoF guys. I'm not saying they're all fucktards, because they're mostly not. They will often get told to target specific things for a while. But they'll always let the 1994 Toyota Corolla that Nana Irene drives through because it gets driven once a week to the old people's bad smelling diaper store. Never mind the fact that the brake fluid is the original fluid injected on the assembly line. Find a good WoF guy and bring him your vehicle, treat him with respect, and don't blame him because you're too cheap to rotate your tyres. He's the one under your car ensuring the brake fluid isn't making a bid for escape via the cracking rubber lines.

7. Fucking women you meet in a supermarket. This is never a good idea. Although the sex is always good since they know it's a one time deal. People think you need to buy drinks and hit the clubs, wiggle to the music and make fabulous repartee. Instead, I recommend the supermarket. Always smile at the women with bad hair and no make up at 2 am. They're buying ice cream and batteries. I'll let that sink in for a moment. If you want to be a battery replacement, then listen up buttercup. These women are always single, and the bad hair is the clue that they've given up. A few minutes of making them smile often opens.... Doors. This is the important part, Buckweed. Always go back to their place. Otherwise they return. This can be awkward. Ask me how I know.

The dilemma here is the danger factor. The danger factor that the Final Countdown will peter out, and you'll still be in the supermarket. This is very dangerous because it's a small slide to a Minivan full of kids and a wife with permanent bad hair and anger issues and two trolleys for shopping and daylight hours and two hour shops and standing in clusters talking shit with normal people and no more one night stands with women who actually like to fuck.

Give me a moment. Panic attack subsiding.

The fastest queue. At 2 am, the self serve machine allows sub 60 second check outs. Faster if stag becomes duo.

[Akzle]

tl:dr cunt. sumarise that shit.

[madbikeboy]

tl:dr cunt. sumarise that shit.

Someone buy this loser a capital letter. Or a motorcycle. How is it possible to be on a bike site when you don't or can't ride?

[Viking01]

Morning All,

Another busy week almost gone. And thank you for your useful suggestions towards improving my
supermarket shopping experience.

Moi:
-Thanks for the Myth Busters video clip. I'll try and watch it later this afternoon. Though I
half suspect that their "solution" to "the problem" will probably involve blowing something up.


Gremlin:
-Gravel roads - Yes, quite correct. A heavy VFR on road tyres on gravel is not a match made in
heaven. A pity really, given that a number of great areas of NZ are probably easily accessible
only by 4WD or Adventure motorcycle.

-Farmers: Yes, quite understandable. Though my abiding memory of a farmer is one we met when
travelling down near Lake Kaniere in Westland many years ago. We had been travelling down a
fairly isolated road when we passed a farmer sitting on his quad at the side of the road, and
he vigorously waved us down.

"He must have a problem", we thought, so we stopped, turned around and drove back to him.

"What's the problem, mate? Are you OK?. "Oh yes, no problem, mate" was the reply. "It's just
that we hardly ever see any people down this way, so It's always nice to stop and have a chat".
And so, we ended up having a chat on the roadside with a lonely farmer for about 20 minutes.

-Front loading the trolley: Point taken. But while I tend to put the beer and cider in the front
of the trolley (where the weight could improve steering), they are normally one of the last items
purchased. I could vary my normal shopping path down the aisles, but the chance of breakage in
the event of a nose-to-tail or side-on impact is not something I'd want to risk.

And that's another thing about these trolleys: Not only is the steering pretty average, but there's
no ABS.


Eldog:
-Yes, "Keeping your hands within the confines of the vehicle at all times". Very sound advice, for
both drivers and passengers.

And Yes, you probably noticed that I had (deliberately) skirted around the minefield of handsignals
when motorcycling (and using shopping trolleys).


MBB:
A wealth of helpful tips in your post. As always. Thanks.
-Tyre Rotation: Well, I have to say that even if I had rotated the old tyres from the back around
to the front (and almost new tyres to the rear), I feel that even the WOF chap might have picked up
on the switch.

Still, I like your thinking (and it could possibly have saved me from having to shell out on a new
pair of tyres yesterday).

-Shopping is Women's Work: I fear that this comment has been made by some-one who purchases
all his Hayabusa accessories himself online.

Perhaps you meant to say "grocery shopping is women's work" ? I still feel the comment is no less
incendiary (is that the right word?), and I wouldn't like to unnecessarily alienate a portion of our
regular KB audience. Especially since we've only just started to get them hooked on this safety
business.

-Battery and Ice Cream aisles: Thanks for the heads-up. I'll be sure to use my forward observation
skills when browsing down those aisles in future (irrespective of the time of day). The world is
indeed a dangerous place for the naive and unsuspecting.


Akzle:
"TL DR. C&*t. Summarise that s&*t". Ah Akzle, cryptic and enigmatic as always. You don't change.

But what makes you think that I'm going to get involved in what is obviously some long-running
internal Suzuki debate ?

Like me trying to interpose myself between two women having a vigorous verbal argument (perhaps
more commonly known as a "cat fight"). It's just not going to happen.


Anyway, all for now. Do keep those tips rolling in.

Cheers.

[Moi]

Moi:
-Thanks for the Myth Busters video clip. I'll try and watch it later this afternoon. Though I
half suspect that their "solution" to "the problem" will probably involve blowing something up.

Very true, the cement truck is probably their best...

[pritch]

I was going to mention the tyre thing. If the Subaru is AWD, as most are, you're supposed to change all four tyres at the same time otherwise it's bad for the diff(s) or something. No, it wasn't the tyre salesman told me that, it was the manual.

I used to hate going to the supermarket on pension day, all the retired geriatrics clogging up the isles while they gasbag. Now I'm one - and I love it.

[Blackbird]

I used to hate going to the supermarket on pension day, all the retired geriatrics clogging up the isles while they gasbag. Now I'm one - and I love it.

I hate supermarket shopping period! Most of ours consists of a monthly on-line shop with Countdown in Whitianga. They deliver to Coromandel for $6 for orders over $400. Couldn't drive there for that, let alone the time saved

[Viking01]

I was going to mention the tyre thing. If the Subaru is AWD, as most are, you're supposed to change all four tyres at the same time otherwise it's bad for the diff(s) or something. No, it wasn't the tyre salesman told me that, it was the manual.

I used to hate going to the supermarket on pension day, all the retired geriatrics clogging up the isles while they gasbag. Now I'm one - and I love it.

Pritch,
Hi. We're NOT going to start a Subaru thread, but yes, I believe you're right about this tyre rotation and replacement business.
Understand that the difference in tyre diameter should be kept to below 2/32" (for the metrically challenged) for Subaru AWD's.

As it is, our tyres generally get rotated at least once a year, certainly on every oil change. And the tyre pressures checked and
adjusted at least once a fortnight (preferably weekly if the slave remembers).

We live at the top of hills in Lower Hutt, so we do plenty of hill driving. We do tend to cut through tyres much faster than those
driving down on the flat. So between my wife using it as "her car" every day and driving on hills, Firestone in Lower Hutt tend to
know us by sight. If it's not one car, it's the other. Sigh !

[madbikeboy]

Pritch,
Hi. We're NOT going to start a Subaru thread, but yes, I believe you're right about this tyre rotation and replacement business.
Understand that the difference in tyre diameter should be kept to below 2/32" (for the metrically challenged) for Subaru AWD's.

As it is, our tyres generally get rotated at least once a year, certainly on every oil change. And the tyre pressures checked and
adjusted at least once a fortnight (preferably weekly if the slave remembers).

We live at the top of hills in Lower Hutt, so we do plenty of hill driving. We do tend to cut through tyres much faster than those
driving down on the flat. So between my wife using it as "her car" every day and driving on hills, Firestone in Lower Hutt tend to
know us by sight. If it's not one car, it's the other. Sigh !

Subarus can get driveline bind if you run tyres that are even slightly wrong. It prematurely wears more than tyres. People who own four wheel drives and go off-roading sometimes forget to take the truck from 4WD high to 2WD high when back on the black hardtop. After a while, the truck ties itself into knots of varying degrees. Yearly tire rotations aren't often enough.

I have this mental picture of a Viking, living a top a hill with swords held high, and repelling invaders using the Mighty Subaru as a longship, screaming about Valhalla and Elysium as he rides into battle.

[Viking01]

Subarus can get driveline bind if you run tyres that are even slightly wrong. It prematurely wears more than tyres. People who own four wheel drives and go off-roading sometimes forget to take the truck from 4WD high to 2WD high when back on the black hardtop. After a while, the truck ties itself into knots of varying degrees. Yearly tire rotations aren't often enough.

I have this mental picture of a Viking, living a top a hill with swords held high, and repelling invaders using the Mighty Subaru as a longship, screaming about Valhalla and Elysium as he rides into battle.

MBB,
Hi. Yes, you do paint a vivid mental image . But sadly, reality is not quite so vivid.

My father was Danish, and he somehow ended up here in NZ after WW2. He was
the only one of his family that ever left Denmark, so we always referred to him as
a "lost Viking'.

You can possibly imagine that when I went to Denmark back in the mid 1980's
to meet some of the extended Danish family, it ended up being "party central"
(through no effort on my own part). They certainly know how to eat, drink and
have fun.

And you don't even need to be able to speak the language. In fact, after a
decent sized glass or two of Akvavit, all speech becomes difficult. Whatever
language you're trying to communicate in.

We have always contended that the Vikings suffered badly from "bad press".
We think that when they "invaded" (such a horrible word) England and Ireland
around 1000AD, they were really just football players looking to have a good
time.

But after having given the competition a sound thrashing, the locals then got
a little upset and they started stories like "rape" and "pillage" and "chopping off
heads".

Very much like today's news stories about those jihadis in the Middle East.
Fake news is nothing new.


As for 'screaming about Valhalla', well, it's important to make some distinction.

Valhalla was for those Viking warriors who died in battle. But even then, only
half ended there. The other half were chosen and sent to Folkvangr, which was
overseen by the goddess Freya.

I'm still not sure how the selection process was performed, nor what were the
relative benefits of each.

Anyway, if you ended up simply dying of disease or old age, you ended up in Hel.
Plain old Hel. No benefits whatsoever.

So it was important to go out fighting.

The following link has a few more details for those of you interested (or not):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_in_Norse_paganism

Personally, I think that the characteristics described for the soul (trance, sleep,
unconsciousness) - prior to going to any of those end destinations - sound much
more like being due to excessive consumption of Akvavit.

Anyway, that's enough trivia for you today. Though you never know when a
question on Norse mythology might just come up in the next pub quiz.

It would certainly make a change from all those damned rugby questions (that
I can never answer).

[Virago]

I'm more impressed that you actually thought this rambling waffle belonged in General Bike stuff. Start a blog.