Random Jokes/explanations/sayings etc.

**onearmedbandit** · 1st November 2005, 16:49

Okay, after viewing The_Dovers profile page, I did a babelfish on his sig. From that I did a search on the net for related text (it has been a busy day at work I tell ya, well maybe for everyone else!! Its good being the boss.) and found some very random pages, including this one.

A lot I've heard of them before, but still many that gave me a laugh. Knock yourselves out.

Just one example:

Originally Posted by that web page I just went to

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and are very expensive to remove.

18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid

Now I know I've got brake fluid at home, and I'm just sure the wife has got some bleach too.

**mstriumph** · 1st November 2005, 16:55

you truly ARE having a slow day, aren't you ...........

**onearmedbandit** · 1st November 2005, 16:57

Actually no, but on the odd bit of downtime I do have I'll log on here. Read all the new posts, was checking out a few profiles when I noticed dovers sig, and it built from there.

**gamgee** · 1st November 2005, 17:01

mmm the break fluid and bleach one sounds cool, might try it, unless someone posts the results first...

**Ixion** · 1st November 2005, 18:26

I never knew that about brake fluid and bleach

**Ixion** · 1st November 2005, 18:37

Well, what a ruddy let down. I just tried it and nothing happened, Thought maybe it was the wrong sort of bleach so I tried two others . Still nothing. Nothing at all.

Mrs Ixion is keen on household cleansers - and now she wants to know what I'm doing with them. She does not seem to find my "Nothing at all, dear" convincing. In fact she has just expressed grave doubts about my sanity and maturity. Ah well, nothing new.

I really think people should be responsible enough to check the veracity of such claims before posting them and getting peoples hopes up, only to be cruelly dshed.

(It as DOT 4 brake fluid. Maybe it needs DOT 5? I don't have any of that)

**TonyB** · 1st November 2005, 18:50

LOL- well I've got two little kids and I still laughed.
Sounds like the bleach and break fluid is a let down....

but there's a nylon duster somewhere....

bugger- MrsB has no hairspray

**Zed** · 1st November 2005, 19:04

Originally Posted by onearmedbandit

Originally Posted by that web page I just went to THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

Hillarious thanks! Good flowing points that at times made me shudder, but on the whole a good read.

**Motu** · 1st November 2005, 20:03

The bleach and brake fluid mix needs a spinning tyre to produce copious smoke - dunno how I know that,just came to me out of the blue....

Pity cars don't have hubcaps anymore - marbles in there make a real bad noise!