My mission is complete!

**Sniper** · 22nd November 2005, 12:48

I feel the need to gloat as I have spent the last 8 months hard at work at achieving my goal! I have got everyone in the office to agree that they are scared of my desk and of the consequenses arising if they even sit in my chair.

To a few of you, this may mean nothing, but to those who work constantly on 5 different tasks at the same time, only to have one person bugger it up or take your stapler from your desk can cause countless nightmares. I have achieved a new high in that noone, not even the company director himself, will attempt to invade or touch anything within my sanctuary!

Many thanks to the BOFH and to a couple of other teachers who helped me achieve this.

(Feel free to move this to PD)

**bugjuice** · 22nd November 2005, 12:50

congrats..
I recently installed barbed wire and employed two great danes to sit next to me at all times. Still doesn't stop my pen from being nicked.
bastards. I'm watching you...

**scumdog** · 22nd November 2005, 12:52

Originally Posted by Sniper

I feel the need to gloat as I have spent the last 8 months hard at work at achieving my goal! I have got everyone in the office to agree that they are scared of my desk and of the consequenses arising if they even sit in my chair.

To a few of you, this may mean nothing, but to those who work constantly on 5 different tasks at the same time, only to have one person bugger it up or take your stapler from your desk can cause countless nightmares. I have achieved a new high in that noone, not even the company director himself, will attempt to invade or touch anything within my sanctuary!

Many thanks to the BOFH and to a couple of other teachers who helped me achieve this.

(Feel free to move this to PD)

What's the secret? The stuff in my office area 'walks' in a blink of an eye, migrates faster than a caribou, I feel it is the poltergiests that lurk in the cells, the spirits of innocent people....

**Colapop** · 22nd November 2005, 12:55

Easiest fix for this situation is - to go to the pub and have a bloody good time! Then you won't give a flying f*ck about your desk or your projects.

In the mean time electrickery is the name of the game... A 9v torch battery and some wire = all sorts of fun.
Well done anyway, ya highly strung bastard! (I said strung not hung)

**Sniper** · 22nd November 2005, 12:59

A small tweaked car battery charger connected to various metal objects on my desk. Those shock pens, lighters, staplers and scissors go a long way too. Deleting a vital file from their computer as well as kicking them off the net every time they are doing something important.

A can of spray glue works wonders on a computer screen and so does electrifing someones chair.

**The Stranger:Me** · 22nd November 2005, 13:01

Originally Posted by scumdog

What's the secret? The stuff in my office area 'walks' in a blink of an eye, migrates faster than a caribou, I feel it is the poltergiests that lurk in the cells, the spirits of innocent people....

It's all those criminals you work with.

**The Stranger:Me** · 22nd November 2005, 13:02

Fark!
You work.?
I want a job like yours!

**scumdog** · 22nd November 2005, 13:03

Originally Posted by CaN

It's all those criminals you work with.

I know - I wish they would keep out of my office though...

**Str8 Jacket** · 22nd November 2005, 13:04

Well on a slightly diifferent note, but kinda not... This morning I had a run in with a physcho work mate of mine who kept taking my phone of my desk for his own personal use, I confronted him today and told him to use his own phone as all the calls he was making were recorded under my name.... he suddenly blew and started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, "Your a farkin bitch, fark you" and then a few more insults including the use of the much hated C word. I kind of found this funny but my boss didn't, he hauled/pushed/shoved the guy into a room, gave him a warning and then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle where he will have no phone priveledges and everyone now thinks (knows) that hes a physchotic paranoid!

**vifferman** · 22nd November 2005, 13:06

Congrats, Stu!
It took me years to achieve that, back in the days when I was a manager. And I know what you mean about having five different taks on the go at once. After one of my co-workers was wrecked by a stroke, I had to take on most of his work. I'd start the day with maybe 5 to 10 taks, but they seemed like 50, due to the constant stream of interruptions. I just about had a breakdown myself, but once I got into the swing of things, I got a real buzz from the adrenaline of having so much to do.

As for having pens go missing, the only way I could stop that happening was by buying a very expensive and distinctive pen (helped that I was the purchasing person!). No-one ever flogged it, till one day I took it home and my wife snabbled it.

**vifferman** · 22nd November 2005, 13:07

Originally Posted by Str8 Jacket

...then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle

I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

**Str8 Jacket** · 22nd November 2005, 13:12

Originally Posted by vifferman

I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

Yeah, im in a dweeboid one myself. The gimp cubicle is the one thats right beside the main door, the kitchen door and the bathroom door. It has no phone and no one talks to the gimp that sits there, yet everyone can see what the gimp is doing on there pc so no surfing the net etc. MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Sniper** · 22nd November 2005, 13:14

Originally Posted by vifferman

As for having pens go missing, the only way I could stop that happening was by buying a very expensive and distinctive pen (helped that I was the purchasing person!). No-one ever flogged it, till one day I took it home and my wife snabbled it.

Yea that was a big problem, but I found out after a while that the shock pen only gets stolen twice before word gets around and the pretty inviting silver pen on the desk is not theirs.

But thanks for the congrats.

**Colapop** · 22nd November 2005, 13:15

Originally Posted by Str8 Jacket

Well on a slightly diifferent note, but kinda not... This morning I had a run in with a physcho work mate of mine who kept taking my phone of my desk for his own personal use, I confronted him today and told him to use his own phone as all the calls he was making were recorded under my name.... he suddenly blew and started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, "Your a farkin bitch, fark you" and then a few more insults including the use of the much hated C word. I kind of found this funny but my boss didn't, he hauled/pushed/shoved the guy into a room, gave him a warning and then promptly moved him to the "gimp" cubicle where he will have no phone priveledges and everyone now thinks (knows) that hes a physchotic paranoid!

Oo, Oo, can play with him? They're my favourite!! I don't have that problem as they're all scared of me for some reason? Physchotic paranoid's are great coz no-one believes them when you mess with them. Like giving him a phone without a cord. Or swapping his keyboard keys around... Ahh there are so many pranks to use in a situation like that.

Originally Posted by Vifferman

I think most of our cubicles (I work in a cubicle farm) are dweeboid ones. I'll have to look for the gimp one.

It's the one with the leather mask and zip suit!