Titanic & My Life...

[Swoop]

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

[Scorpygirl]

That is sooooooooo good. Best laugh I have had for a while!!!

[mstriumph]

funniest thing i've read this year!!

[sunhuntin]

lmfao....too clever!!

[Sniper]

Brilliant!!!!

[LXS]

cheers swoop, I needed a good laugh.

[Swoop]

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local
golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"


"I’m a hitman"


"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Remington sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

Do you mind if I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from
here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction
of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.

I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there
with her...... He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to
teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few
minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand
here....."

[phoenixgtr]

Lol. That 1 is brilliant!!