Strange Military Instructions & Information

**Sniper** · 22nd February 2006, 08:22

 A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

 "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

 "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Marine Corps training manual

 "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

 "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

 "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual

 "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

 "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

 "You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

 "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance officer

 "Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

 "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

 "If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

 "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

 "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anonymous

 "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

 "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

 "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

 "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan

 "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

 "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

 "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor

 "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

 "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

 "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies."

 "Never trade luck for skill."

 The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and "Oh Shit!"

 "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

 "Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

 "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

 "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

 "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

 "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

 Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

 "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

 "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

 "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,

 "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

 Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

 As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

**Lias** · 22nd February 2006, 08:41

To quote JC.

"Mahrvellllous"

**placidfemme** · 22nd February 2006, 09:08

Originally Posted by Sniper

 "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

I wonder how they figured that one out... lol

**Charlie** · 22nd February 2006, 09:17

Some great quotes/advice Sniper!

**Lou Girardin** · 22nd February 2006, 09:45

So true.

**sAsLEX** · 22nd February 2006, 10:31

Originally Posted by Sniper

 "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

So true, when wandering around ship with nothing to do ensure you have a clipboard and a screwdriver in hand! Then everyone thinks you are busy!

**Sniper** · 22nd February 2006, 10:33

Yep, or look busy anyway you can in the army, I can remember cleaning my boots and ironing my uniform 14 times one Saturday

**Ixion** · 22nd February 2006, 12:04

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

is also very pertinant to motorcyling!

**Colapop** · 22nd February 2006, 13:18

"This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for shooting and so is this one!"

Never had cleaner more shiny boots than when I was in the army. Not as shiny as the guy that used liqud floor shine on his - looked fantastic til it rained!

**spudchucka** · 22nd February 2006, 13:29

Excellent!

**SPORK** · 22nd February 2006, 13:40

Finally, a list like this that I like! Good show!

**Charlie** · 22nd February 2006, 14:08

A lots of these can relate to riding...

 "Never trade luck for skill."

 "Never ride on the same bike with someone braver than you."

 Basic Riding Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the road. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the road can be recognized by the appearance of gravel, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to ride there."