Why aren't we dead yet?

[bugjuice]

I've just been given this to send out company wide (kinda part of what I do, spam crap to the company)..

By reading stuff like this, amongst other crap I've sent out, I'm really panicking about how I've actually managed to stay alive this long. I need to wrap some cotton wool around me quick, a paper clip could have my eye out, and then I'll get testicular mushrooms and die within minutes!!!!!

PANDEMIC EQUIPMENT - Preparedness
In line with *******'s pandemic planning preparedness, the following products have been purchased to help contain and minimise the spread of infection across our work place:
* hygienic wipes
* face masks
* surgical gloves

The hygienic wipe packs will be distributed in the next few days across all work areas, for cleaning your telephone headsets, keyboard and mice.

You should clean devices immediately and then on suspicion that the sets may have become infected by any bacteria or annual influenza. More instructions will be issued if the pandemic alert status changes.

Influenza is primarily spread by large and small droplets, ie by close exposure to an infected person who is coughing and sneezing. In particular, the hygienic wipes will be a deterrent against any influenza type germs as the summer draws to a close. Please remember, hand washing and drying is still the most important measure to prevent the spread of any infection.

The face masks and surgical gloves will be retained by the Property and Facilities team and distributed if the pandemic alert status changes. For more information on pandemic planning and preparedness, please refer to the Business Continuity site on the Intranet.

I'm so over flippin 'precautions' and crap like that. I've got enough to do people!!!!

[enigma51]

cause if it does not kill you it makes you stronger!

You are the bug whats the problem

[Riff Raff]

The hygienic wipe packs will be distributed in the next few days across all work areas, for cleaning your telephone headsets, keyboard and mice.

What do you people do with mice that you have to keep wiping them down with hygienic wipes????

[bugjuice]

RR - you not heard of 'clicking the mouse'..??

E51 - yeah, damn right I'm the bug.. still get fuct off with people bugging me about pointless crap..

[nadroj]

Without natural contact with 'baddies' how the hell do we expect to develop our own antibodies to protect ourselves?

[Fishy]

Im feeling sick, and whats causing that terrible itch! maybe im going crazy or does my keyboard and mouse have germs?

[Grahameeboy]

Im feeling sick, and whats causing that terrible itch! maybe im going crazy or does my keyboard and mouse have germs?

didn't your Mum tell you to never fool around...........................stop scratching......

[Fishy]

Got any cream I can borrow? you have some left over don't you?

[Grahameeboy]

Got any cream I can borrow? you have some left over don't you?

Hey those dolls I use are safe you know.........I just get mouth sores from blowing them up.....must buy a pump.......

[Bekki]

Without natural contact with 'baddies' how the hell do we expect to develop our own antibodies to protect ourselves?

Kids whose parents sterilise everything they touch grow up with asthma and allergies... My kids are going to be allowed to play in the mud and eat worms!

Don't know if I'd go this far though! http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=271

[Grahameeboy]

Kids whose parents sterilise everything they touch grow up with asthma and allergies... My kids are going to be allowed to play in the mud and eat worms!

Don't know if I'd go this far though! http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=271

That is interesting....they say that kids who live in Cities tend to get sikc a lot when young and their immune system improves by the time they go to school.....and those kids who live in the Country never get ill cause of all that fresh air.......and mud and worms but when they go to schooll their immune system is a bit low.....and they get ill a lot.....atishu....

[Lou Girardin]

You single guys will have to let the chickens cross the road unaided.

[ManDownUnder]

Sorry buggy - but that's funny...

And this just in... from here
Q - When and for how long is a person able to spread influenza?

A - The contagious period varies, but probably begins the day before symptoms appear and extends for a week.

(note other sources say one to two days before LMAO)

So in short - by the time you're wiping things down - it's probably too late...

Bugger - but then it IS the thought that counts... right?

[Cookie]

Same thing here. I got the masks, gloves, a box of tissues (I guess for drying my eyes from crying for joy when my boss drops dead in front of me with Bird Flu).

In the "Kit" I also have a bottle of "Antiseptic Hand Rub" too. I kid you NOT. The label says it is 70% Ethanol. Have any of you guys got a still?

For a pisstake last week I put the gloves and mask on and sat there with my bottle and tissues beside me for the whole afternoon. It was a bit hot working in latex gloves (in more ways than one I might say), so the next day I dressed my Dilbert doll up with a miniature mask and little rubber gloves.

To top it off I have suggested to the readiness project coordinator that we form a business alliance with Mr Whippy vans. They are a well known brand, mobile and contain refrigeration units so we can cart dead people about in them. Excellent.

[Edit] I also mentioned that the planet will need repopulation so I asked her to put me on the list of "breeding stock". (Didn't mention the vasectomy).

[Ixion]

Kids whose parents sterilise everything they touch grow up with asthma and allergies... My kids are going to be allowed to play in the mud and eat worms!

Don't know if I'd go this far though! http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=271

This is true actually. And worms don't taste all that bad.