IT Geeks. Gotta love 'em.

[Drunken Monkey]

Ixion you surprise me with you occupation. From previous posts I thought you were a revolutionary! Bringin it down from the inside hey?

Armchair communist exposed!

But you are right Ixion, would've green blinged ya as well, but I've been doing that too much recently (apparently).

[Pixie]

Also remember that pissing off your IT department is about as stupid as pissing off your payroll department. Pissed off geeks can do all sorts of nasty things to make your working life miserable, corrupt files, delete files, change passwords, randomly remove internet access, and thats without getting really vindictive.

Great work ethics

[Pixie]

How is any financial report going to affect profit in the slightest? Let alone send the company broke. A financial report, if it has anything to do with profit at all, reports the profit that has (or has not) already occured. Bean counters don't contribute to profit in any way (and spare me the flames, I'm one of them) ; they just keep score.

Won't affect profit, but may bugger the share price

[Lou Girardin]

How interesting are the replies and assumptions from the, obviously, IT dweebs on this site.
A/ She never throws her weight around. She made what would be to most of us mere mortals, a simple request.
B/ She had to tell the CFO that it was supposedly impossible. Is she supposed to keep it a secret?
C/ CFO's outrank IT dorks by a magnitude of thousands. That's why there are more IT dorks around.
D/ Security issues had been addressed.

Lias, you deserve all the ill-fortune you seem to enjoy wishing on others.
Try psychotherapy.

Ixion, she just happened to produce more pure profit from her other role last year than anyone has ever in the company. 7 figures.

[Sniper]

Ooopps, account deleted, sorry I can't help then.

[GR81]

VNC is a wonderful thing

[Wolf]

How interesting are the replies and assumptions from the, obviously, IT dweebs on this site.
A/ She never throws her weight around. She made what would be to most of us mere mortals, a simple request.
B/ She had to tell the CFO that it was supposedly impossible. Is she supposed to keep it a secret?
C/ CFO's outrank IT dorks by a magnitude of thousands. That's why there are more IT dorks around.
D/ Security issues had been addressed.

Lias, you deserve all the ill-fortune you seem to enjoy wishing on others.
Try psychotherapy.

Ixion, she just happened to produce more pure profit from her other role last year than anyone has ever in the company. 7 figures.

You're quite right, we're totally worthless, all IT people should just quit their jobs and go off and create their own company somewhere to create software for consumers. Then the CEOs, CFOs and all other room-temperature-IQ TLAs can get on with their important "high ranking" work unhindered by us useless geeks.

[Sniper]

Great work ethics

Its true. You never worked with a pissed off IT? We only do as we are told when there are consequences. Often we have the upper hand. For example, I can quite happily get half a day off by suspending all network activity to the CSR's left computer which seems to house most the porn.

[Ixion]

Armchair communist exposed!

But you are right Ixion, would've green blinged ya as well, but I've been doing that too much recently (apparently).

Nope. Shop floor communist. Served m'time as a job delegate. Before Mr Douglas destroyed the NZ manufacturing sector so that I had to change horses.

No reason for a Communist not to be an account, but. Communists have as much need to watch the money as anyone, just believe it should be more fairly distributed.

Won't affect profit, but may bugger the share price

Possible, though unlikely. Given that there is a CFO AND a head Office, it's likely that the NZ operation is a subsidiary. And the results of a piddly NZ subsidiary are unlikley to swing the share price of a multinational no matter what.

..Ixion, she just happened to produce more pure profit from her other role last year than anyone has ever in the company. 7 figures.

.. her other role..

..corrupt files, delete files, change passwords, randomly remove internet access,

Pussy stuff. All you need are the proxy logs. And a copy of your compnay's web access policy. Done .

Remember chaps, when someone wants something like this, you don't tell them you can't do it. You just point out that it violates corporate policy , and suggest that the user raise a Business Case paper for an exemption. And if you are a subsidiary of a multinational, all those policies will be set overseas. Like they care. And if the user says "What policy ?" - no worry there's bound to be one, corporates have policies to make EVERYTHING impossible. Just express surprise that the user appears unfamiliar with the company Policy Manual ("You do HAVE a manual ?") , and advise that it would against policy for you to advise them on policy ("More than my job's worth, I'm afraid")

. Refer them to the HR department. Which also gets you a brownie point from the latter who will be overjoyed (a) that someone took notice of them ; and (b) to actually have something to do.

Unless of course the requester is a mate, or a hot chick. In which case, of course you just do it there and then, after all it only takes 10 minutes.

[Pixie]

Ooooo They are touchy aren't they?

All these false stereotypes.
Just like taxi drivers,used car salesmen,politicians,real estate sales people,no basis in fact at all.

[Lias]

And verily the lusers read the word of the apostle Simon and they did tremble and speak thusly "There is no god but the BOFH"

Another user rings.

"I need more space" he says

"Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask

"No, on my account, stupid."

Stupid? Uh-Oh..

"I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart in a Weekend Family Matine Feature "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"

I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner and he knows it.

"Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"

"Sure, hang on"

I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice.

"There, you've got *plenty* of space now!"

"How much have I got?" he simps

Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it, then correct me if I don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*!

Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.

"Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"

"Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining power

"No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.."

"Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"

I say nothing. It'll come to him.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghh hhhH!"

[SwanTiger]

If all you IT goons are so snowed under with password changes and shit then what the fuck are you doing on here?

You'll find 99.9% of the time the dickheads in the I.T. industry are the ones with formal qualifications. My opinion may be biased, however I speak truth.

Qualified Persons Attitude: "I'm qualified, I have an ego to boot, I can get any job with my Qualifications"

Un-qualified Persons Attitude: "Fuck, need to prove myself or be fired, took ages to get this job with no qualifications"

[RantyDave]

Ohhhh! Buttons! Buttons! Buttons! Press! Press! Press!

What an astounding piece of trolling. Let me go first!

C/ CFO's outrank IT dorks by a magnitude of thousands.

Au contraire, Rodney. CTO's outrank beancounters by a magnitude of thousands, and for a good reason.

As (ixion?) pointed out all the beancounters really do is keep score. Sure, there's room for improvement and beancounters in large organisations can save several million dollars by shuffling in a more efficient fashion, reorganising debt, arguing with the IRD about classifications of certain activities etc. etc. There is a profession in this, they're called accountants, and the ROI on a good one is exceptional. But they're never going to create anything and in many cases an improvement in one area is basically created by correcting some previous $150k/year dumbass's foulups.

IT dorks on the other hand create stuff. The best thing about the creations of IT dorks is that the manufacturing cost is nil meaning that a single stroke of brilliance, a few weeks of inspired work and several months of hard graft can be turned into millions of dollars, tens of millions of dollars and in some cases billions. This is money that is *literally* created out of thin air.

I guess it's a question of perspective as much as anything. The CFO of a large company outranks the "broken coffee holder" guy significantly. But Larry Page owns my sorry arse and yours as well. Quite possibly literally.

That's why there are more IT dorks around.

There are more IT dorks than lowly beancounters? Yeah, I suppose there are. This is (again) a Microsoft world problem.

D/ Security issues had been addressed.

According to the same dorks you were abusing in the previous paragraph? I hate to rain on your parade, but the collective knowledge of a hundred thousand hackers, crackers, phreaks, script kiddies and blackhats blows the knowledge base of the average MCSE certified IT dork into small, dark and misinformed corner. Their only defence is to do what Mr Microsoft says, and to take every opportunity to not invite trouble. Sadly this usually/always intrudes into actually getting work done.

Yes, it sucks.

Dave

[Lias]

Pussy stuff. All you need are the proxy logs. And a copy of your compnay's web access policy. Done .

Oh I know.. one of my key reponsabilities is internet usage monitoring :-) Its one part of my job I absolutely love lol.

Remember chaps, when someone wants something like this, you don't tell them you can't do it. You just point out that it violates corporate policy , and suggest that the user raise a Business Case paper for an exemption. And if you are a subsidiary of a multinational, all those policies will be set overseas. Like they care. And if the user says "What policy ?" - no worry there's bound to be one, corporates have policies to make EVERYTHING impossible. Just express surprise that the user appears unfamiliar with the company Policy Manual ("You do HAVE a manual ?") , and advise that it would against policy for you to advise them on policy ("More than my job's worth, I'm afraid")

. Refer them to the HR department. Which also gets you a brownie point from the latter who will be overjoyed (a) that someone took notice of them ; and (b) to actually have something to do.

Brother Ixion has been hard at work studying the words of the prophet Simon I see.

Unless of course the requester is a mate, or a hot chick. In which case, of course you just do it there and then, after all it only takes 10 minutes.

Thats a total given.

[Wolf]

..corrupt files, delete files, change passwords, randomly remove internet access,

Pussy stuff. All you need are the proxy logs. And a copy of your compnay's web access policy. Done .

He said "Without getting vindictive" it's only when the luser is a total prick that we break out the proxy logs.

Or when we're just feeling mean.

Or bored with changing passwords.