Norwegian Blue

[riffer]

"Actually, my name's Michael"

"Ah - that's going to cause some confusion - mind if we call you Bruce?"

[MikeL]

BTW I use comedy quite a lot in my ESOL class. I have managed, after lengthy preparation and explanation, to get them to laugh at Fawlty Towers, but the Dead Parrot, as might have been expected, left them totally perplexed.

[SPman]

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

[MD]

Who started this off! Now all us Python fans have to dig out the old tapes and Vids.
But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"

[SPman]

But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"

Nay..thaar wont beleive ya !

.......
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Finest in the district!
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Well, it's so clean, sir!
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese... .

[marty]

............

[RiderInBlack]

But weren't they great "try telling that ta kids these days an thaar wont beleive ya"

I nearly forgot that one. I used to think of it anytime some Old Cu*t start rabbiting on about how luck we were, when in he's day... Now I find the laughs on me because now I'm the "Old Cu*t" and no the kids these days don't beleive me

[MD]

Why doesn't it surprise me that motorcyclists appreciate Monty Python. We must be a warped bunch. Even scarier, some amongst us can come up with links to transcripts! Cheers Marty, good humour never ages.

[modalx]

She turned me into a newt...
...I got better


Young Dinsdale liked to box, but when 'e learned to walk 'e took up puttin' the boot in the groin


So Dinsdale says "I 'ere you've been a naughty boy Clement" and 'e splits me nostrils open, and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out. An' I says "My name's not Clement" an' then 'e lost 'is temper an' nailed my 'ead to a coffee table.
INTERVIEWER: He nailed your head to a coffee table?
At first, yeah


LAD: There's a dead vicar on the landing.
MUM: Ah not another one! I've put 6 out by the bin this week and the dustman won't touch 'em.

[What?]

Holy Grail, witch scene, after the weighing of accused and duck...
Witch: " Fair cop".

And a bit earlier in the same scene...
Arthur: " You have to know these sorts of things when you're a king"

In fact, the whole movie. Not a dull moment in it

[LB]

Ah, MDU: thank you for taking up my suggestion! I suspect I may be late for work today.....have to check out all the sketches on that website......

Not sure what my favourite bit is. there's so many. I like the bits before "Life of Brian" - the tour of Venice "more fucking gondolas", and what about the moose who got mentioned in the credits?

This is good stuff. I'm pleased there's heaps of MP fans out there.

[brit_vtr]

We're Knights of the Round Table,
Of thinking we're capable,
If we get bored with shield and sword
We learn our nine-times table,
It's a cerebral life in Camelot,
We contemplate and plot a lot.

We're Knights of the Round Table,
Although we live a fable,
We're not just bums with Royal Mums
We're men whose brains are able,
We like to je ne sais quoi a lot,
We're a polyglot lot in Camelot.

Though our loyalty's unstable,
And we fold like a card table,
We're not just boys in tin alloys,
Or a King wrapped up in sable,
We think a lot in Camelot--
Therefore, I s'pose, I am a lot.

[marty]

oh oh i came here for an argument

oh, i'm sorry, this is abuse. you want room 12 next door.

oh ok

stupid git

[marty]

St. Victor of Python

"And it came to pass that Saint Victor was taken from this place
to another place. Where he was lain to rest himself amongst sheets
of muslin and velvet.
"And there stroked was he by maidens of the Orient.
"For sixteen days and nights stroked they him, yea verily and
caressed him.
"His hair, ruffled they. And their fingers rubbethed they in oil
of olives, and ranneth them across all parts of his body for as much
as to soothe him.
"And the soles of his feet licked they. And the upper parts of
his thigh did they anoint with the balm of forbidden trees.
"And with the teeth of their mouths, nibbled they the pointed
bits at the top of his ears. Yea verily, and did their tongues
thereof make themselves acquainted with his most secret places.
"For fifteen days and nights did Victor withstand these maidens,
until he cried out, saying:
"'This...is fantastic! Oh...this is *terrific!!*'
"And the Lord did here the cry of Victor. And verily came He down
and slew the maidens. And caused their cottonwool bugs to blow away,
and their Kleenex to be laid waste utterly.
"And Victor, in his anguish, cried out that the Lord was a rotten
bastard.
"So the Lord sent an angel to comfort Victor for the weekend.
"And entered they together the jaccuzzi."

Here endeth the lesson.

[Posh Tourer :P]

What.. Is Your Name?
Lancelot
What.. Is Your Quest?
To find the Holy Grail
What.. Is Your Favourite colour?

.... In fact, that entire scene is great

'Ere!! Thats not a 'orse, thats a man knocking two coconuts together......


And


They fell upon hard times in the forest, and had to eat robins minstrels, and there was much rejoicing....


And

Oh Brave Sir Robin.... (follow the rest of the song - cant remember word for word)


And

hey! I'm not dead!
Yes you are.
No I'm not
Shut up you.
no I... Thunk