Norwegian Blue

**ManDownUnder** · 24th May 2004, 09:16

ok ok - In defferance to my learned collegue (Lind Blair) who suggested this...

Here's a chance for all you (us..) Python nutters out there to make ourselves known and make an arse (or ass from those in the Americas) out of ourselves...

Favourite Monty Python quotes and triva FRONT and CENTRE!

hmmm - where to start?

Holy Grail - the king talking to his son while standing at the window of the castle
King "One day son - all this will be yours!"
Prince " What... the curtains?"

And of course the knight of NI!

Life of Brian - cameo appearance by Spike Milligan - Juniper berries scene
Spike - a hiterto unknown character appears with absolutley no intro or context within the story "Friends romans countrymen" - exit stage right

ok people - bring it on, I know of at least another 3 python nutters in here... go for it people

MDU

**jrandom** · 24th May 2004, 09:34

Python moments stuck in my head:

"... 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'"

"'e's bleedin' DEMISED!"

"DIIIIIIIINSDALE!"

"Supreme executive authority derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony"

And the end of one of the Flying Circus episodes, season 2 I think, the one with the occasional furry animals throughout the episode randomly exploding into clouds of orange smoke, where the camera pans past a zoo just before the end credits roll.

**jrandom** · 24th May 2004, 09:38

Oh yes, and "Number One, the Larch."

"The... Larch".

"The...

...

Larch."

No idea why I remember that one, or why it cracked me up so hard.

**riffer** · 24th May 2004, 09:42

CROWD OF WOMEN:: [yelling]
JEWISH OFFICIAL:: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
MATTHIAS:: Do I say 'yes'?
STONE HELPER #1:: Yes.
MATTHIAS:: Yes.
OFFICIAL:: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...
CROWD:: Ooooh!
OFFICIAL:: ...you are to be stoned to death.
CROWD:: Ahh!
MATTHIAS:: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'
CROWD:: Oooooh!
OFFICIAL:: Blasphemy!; He's said it again!
CROWD:: Yes! Yes, he did! He did!...
OFFICIAL:: Did you hear him?!
CROWD:: Yes! Yes, we did! We did!...
WOMAN #1:: Really!; [silence]
OFFICIAL:: Are there any women here today?
CROWD:: No. No. No. No...
OFFICIAL:: Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me--; [CULPRIT WOMAN stones MATTHIAS]
MATTHIAS:: Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet!
OFFICIAL:: Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
CROWD:: She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did.
CULPRIT WOMAN:: Sorry. I thought we'd started.
OFFICIAL:: Go to the back.
CULPRIT WOMAN:: Oh, dear.
OFFICIAL:: Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?
MATTHIAS:: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying 'Jehovah'.
CROWD:: Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!...
OFFICIAL:: You're only making it worse for yourself!
MATTHIAS:: Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
CROWD:: Oooooh!...
OFFICIAL:: I'm warning you. If you say 'Jehovah' once more--; [MRS. A. stones OFFICIAL]; Right. Who threw that?; [silence]; Come on. Who threw that?
CROWD:: She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.
OFFICIAL:: Was it you?
MRS. A.:: Yes.
OFFICIAL:: Right!
MRS. A.:: Well, you did say 'Jehovah'.
CROWD:: Ah! Ooooh!...; [CROWD stones MRS. A.]
OFFICIAL:: Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!; Do you understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'Jehovah'.
CROWD:: Ooooooh!...; [CROWD stones OFFICIAL]
WOMAN #1:: Good shot!; [clap clap clap]

**ManDownUnder** · 24th May 2004, 09:51

ooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooo looky what I found!!!!!

http://www.serve.com/bonzai/monty/classics/

Hoooo yeah!

One of my favourite bits... from the Bookshop sketch
C: Yes, well we do have that one.
F: The expurgated version, of course.
C: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
F: The expurgated version.
C: The *expurgated* version of Olsen's "Standard Book Of British
Birds"?
F: Yes. It's the one without the gannet.
C: The one without the gannet? They've all got the gannet -
it's a standard bird, the gannet - it's in all the books.
F: Well I don't like them, long nasty beaks they've got.
C: Well you can't expect them to produce a special edition for
gannet-haters!
F: Well, I'm sorry, I specially want the one without the gannet.
C: All right! {tears out illustration} Anything else?
F: Well, I'm not too keen on robins.
C: Right! Robins - robins... {tears them out} No gannets, no
robins - there's your book!
F: I can't buy that - it's torn!

Brilliant - has me laughing just re-reading it

**James Deuce** · 24th May 2004, 09:54

ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the
behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an
inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By
exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to our outdated imperialist
dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our
society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how
d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the
Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an
autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives
in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We
take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the
week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified
at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the
purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of
the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to
carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive
power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just
because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd
put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here
that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing
me, you saw it didn't you?

**RiderInBlack** · 24th May 2004, 09:57

The Number Thou Shou Count Is Three.
Two is not long enough,
And four is right out of the question. (The Holy Grail)

Or The Black Knight scene

Or the nuns:
Spank me.

And me.

And me.

ME. Me. ME. me. (all the Nuns at once).

**Ghost Lemur** · 24th May 2004, 10:04

The brilliant Black Knight....

ARTHUR: Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
[hah]
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.
[bang]
ARTHUR: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!
ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!
[whop]
BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR: You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs!
Have at you! Come on then.
[whop]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT: All right; we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow
bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you.
I'll bite your legs off!

**Ghost Lemur** · 24th May 2004, 10:07

And the Hysterical French Guard...

ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle
by force!
GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your
bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called
Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt!
GALAHAD: What a strange person.
ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man!
GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother
was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries.
GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

**MikeL** · 24th May 2004, 10:42

"I think he said, 'Blessed are the cheesemakers""
- Life of Brian.

**boris** · 24th May 2004, 11:43

the roman joke name Biggus Dickus

You lucky bastard said to brian after falling of building and crash landing in space ship.

He's not a messiah he's just a naughty boy.. brian mother

**riffer** · 24th May 2004, 12:11

"We've come for yer liver..."

Damn you all. Now I'm going to have to watch some of my large Python collection tonight.

Shit. After the wife watches er and after I watch the first episode of the new series of The Sopranos....

going to be a late night.

**RiderInBlack** · 24th May 2004, 12:38

"I'm a Lumberjack, and I'm OK.."
Usually sung under me breath when my father is really pissing me off (specially this bit "Oh, I wish I was a girlie, just like my dear Papa"). One day Dad will work why I'm smiling when he is trying to argue with me

Was playing a Monty Python tape in the Ute one day, leading to one of my customers thinking I was Cathlic

Of course the song that lead them to ASS-U-ME this was "Every Sperm is sacred" (Meaning Of Life)

And of course there's the Aussie's "Philosophers Song", which I find very handy for those moments when people start taking themselves too seriously (special if they start quoting)

.