Bullshit Biker Stories

[Deano]

I have heard a couple of bullshit stories myself (well sounded like bullshit and were told at a party while consuming vast quantities of booze, so they were at least stretched somewhat). Im sure some of you have heard a few good ones - well, now's the time to share - could be good for a laugh.

Guy at a party said he was shagging his missus on his bike doing 160km/h.
(maybe he calls his left hand his missus)

Same guy reckoned that he had come over the crest of a brow doing over 160km/h, sheep standing in the middle of his lane - no time to swerve - he llifted the front wheel and hit it mid engine - cut the sheep in two and carried on - didn't drop the bike

[R6_kid:Me]

i've seen a pic of guy doing a stoppie with a naked lady, legs spread in his lap, back down on the tank, so i could see how the shagging story could be true, maybe at a slightly slower speed.

When i was riding my vespa i took a 50kmh corner at about 75-80kmh, hadnt yet learnt the skill of countersteering (had only been on it for a month), so took the corner way too fast, ended up on the foot path, narrowly missing a power poll, then flying about 3m as my scoot jumped off a raised driveway. Im not sure if it was fun, coz it scared me shitless, but i would really have liked to see it on video from the other side of the road.

Thats about all i've got yet, other than the occasional unintentional powerslide in traffic!!! Now thats good fun.

[jrandom]

i've seen a pic of guy doing a stoppie with a naked lady, legs spread in his lap, back down on the tank, so i could see how the shagging story could be true

Sorry to pop your fantasy bubble, but that picture was photoshopped.

[R6_kid:Me]

enivitable

[FzerozeroT]

Sorry to pop your fantasy bubble, but that picture was photoshopped.

do you have a copy?

if so post it

[FROSTY:Me]

There was a guy I knew once--had no idea how to keep probability in view when telling his taaaaaal tales.
A couple memorable ones were A being able to ride from downtown auckland to hamilton and back in 1.5 hours.
-on a gpz900 ninja. I think his Average speed had to be 290km/h
Same guy caught the bus into town one night -Told us he had to stash his bike because he'd been chased by the cops and diddnt want to get caught.
Um pity was one bloke had a police scanner and heard nothing about a chase. -Worse the mechanic from the bikeshop he'd left his bike at -for damage caused by falling off in a carpark was in the van
ooops -sprung

[Jackrat]

I reckon bikers must be one of the hardest groups to bullshit an get away with it.After all most of us have a pretty good grip on reality seeing as how we really do it for real.
One thing I noticed when I bought my first HD was the amount of possers that would come up to you in pubs an such telling you they used to have one of those,or their mates,cousins,brothers,uncle has one,or they have one themselfs but it's in the shop right now,having new tail light bulbs put in it or some other unlikely excuse.I still get the same thing now with the XS but their age,wrinkles and haunted look,tells me they are probably telling the truth in this case.

[Wenier]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true.

[vifferman]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true.

Wenier, you've obviously spent too much rewatching "American Pie".
But I really loved that line about the flute.

[Wenier]

Wenier, you've obviously spent too much rewatching "American Pie".
But I really loved that line about the flute.

No i havent spent to much time watchin it only seen it 2 times overall and that was a while ago jus had to b a smart arse

[Deano]

well one time at band camp this girl stuck a whole bike up her pussy, im pretty sure that one was true.

Come to think of it - group of KBers at Lifeboat in Eastbourne - a HD rider there said he rode a HD nitro (might have the name wrong...again), but Jimbo750 (I think it was) said it sounded like a type of dildo..so maybe....

I saw on the Jackass movie, one of the guys stuck a car up his ass - a toy car though !!

[pete376403]

A guy who we used to ride with had a really beautiful Dutch girlfriend. Oh, she was soooo pretty. He also worked at a high paying job, the rest of us were all underpaid apprentices, so he had a Honda 750 four while we all rode trailies and so on. Bastard he was. Anyway, on a ride over masterton way, on the long boring straight bits, caught up with this guy to see her reaching round, giving him a hand job. Fuck I was jealous.

[Deano]

A guy who we used to ride with had a really beautiful Dutch girlfriend. Oh, she was soooo pretty. He also worked at a high paying job, the rest of us were all underpaid apprentices, so he had a Honda 750 four while we all rode trailies and so on. Bastard he was. Anyway, on a ride over masterton way, on the long boring straight bits, caught up with this guy to see her reaching round, giving him a hand job. Fuck I was jealous.

Hopefully not during winter....brrrrr..talk about brass monkeys.

[Motu]

Trouble is with bullshitters - sometimes they tell the truth.Used to know one guy who had cronic bullshit stories,and we could always catch him out.Like the time he was chased through New Lynn at 160kph chased by half a doz cops,well we were talking to the local cop about it and nothing was reported that night.One day he rolls up on the only bike I saw him ride,a beat up RD350 - says he's just back from the 6 hour....on the last lap the oil light came on on his CBX (new out at the time) while in the lead,he tried to get to the finish line but seized it.

A few days later I'm in the local Honda shop and see a CBX being stripped down - what's up with that I ask - oh,some guy had the oil light come on on the last lap of the 6 hour and the silly bugger seized it.What was his name?....oh,do tell...well what do ya know - maybe there were two guys with that name,still don't know how he pulled that one off.

[Big Dog]

I have managed the sex on a going bike thing.... But it was on the centre stand. That was hard enough to stay on, and a sport bike requires the male to be either very long or on the back seat.

I have never heard a tall tale from a biker (other than obvious shaggys). I have heard heaps from non bikes that ususally include but are not limited to the time a mate rode from hamilton to Auckland on one wheel, jouneys that require impossible skill or speed.

F*&k a handjob is hard enough to survive ( be warned if you have a duaghter who likes to hitch with a helmet) without trying to finish or balance a another body on a part of the bike just not designed for it.