I'm more than happy to speak about my experience. My whanau couldn't afford to support me through Uni (pre student loans and after). More Maori are poor=less access to education even with student loans cos they still have to be paid back. More Maori are from low education or working class households=less role models, less understanding of what it takes to succeed and less expectation that education or professional careers are available. I know that this doesn't only apply to Maori, and it doesn't stop people like me from getting through the system.
Once I got into Uni I experienced something of a culture shock. I was used to having almost daily contact with extended whanau and having a feeling of being actively involved in something bigger than me. Something that was more important than my personal priorities. An example of this would be me dropping everything to assist an extended family member experiencing health problems or having to stop and visit extended family if I was passing through their town. I better have a good excuse if I didn't.
Being away from this was really hard for me. Luckily I had a GS1000 and home was just a fast trip away. I also struggled with the rigidity and individual, competitive focus at uni. This totally blew me away as I knew I was Pakeha (and very happy about it), but I was like a Hillbilly fresh from the boonies. I was raised to be humble (whakaiti) and a weird off-shoot of this was that getting good grades would make me feel like I was being whakahihi (big headed and showing off). Ever cruised through papers or held back in tutorials so your class-mates wouldn't feel belittled? It happened. When with non-Maori I learnt to watch what I said for a whole bunch of reasons. If I spoke of my beliefs about topics like why Maori do things the way we do, I would often end up having an argument I didn't want to have with people that I liked. So it was hard to be myself in a relaxed way. I'd get little oases and recharge myself by being involved with other Maori at Uni and getting home often. If an extended family member died I would be torn between attending the tangi ( often a several day commitment with travel time) and attending to my study.
The courses I studied often contained asumptions that didn't gel with the way I thought the world worked e.g. the professional boundaries of psychology, wellness being measured as an individual's issue without reference to others, the emphasis on the measurable and observable and the minimising of things like traditional belief systems (I think an understanding of both is important and has value. In my work, what I believe isn't half as important as what my client believes). When I was studying, I wasn't just doing it for me. My whanau had an investment in my performance as well. Everything I do reflects on my family. If I fuck up, they have fucked up. That can make it scary to try because failing is so shameful. And I know this one might get an incredulous reaction, but I carry my ancestors with me. I have a responsibility to behave in a way that doesn't discredit them. This produces an interesting tension for me. I don't seriously believe that the ghosts of my Grandparents are standing at my shoulders, but they are. Doesn't make sense eh? Everybody responds to these kinds of presure in different ways and obviously not all Maori feel them, but trust me, get a bunch of Maori together and the large majority will know what these things are like, regardless of background and how traditional their upbringing has been.
I'm probably not providing enough information and it is very subjective, but the best summary I can give is that I really felt like an outsider, probably not just because of my mixed ethnicity but also because of my socio-economic background; and I also had commitments and stressors that non-Maori didn't have . I obviously adapted and survived, and believe that I am the better for it. Those that succeed do have to get through this system or other systems that come out of a "Western" world-view. This world-view dominates because it's very effective at what it does. But I would rather live in a world where there is more room for expression. I really like being a part of things Maori and encourage anyone to obtain an experience of the positive side of things Maori.
These debates use a strange mix of general statements, specific examples, and leaps of logic that are often contrary to other arguments we might make. I know that I will say things like people shouldn't make generalisations, then go ahead and make some of my own. Or get angry about people making "us and them" statements, then do exactly the same thing. I don't know how to resolve this especially with a topic that seems to trigger an emotion-charged self-protection mechanism. These issues don't have a single truth. All aspects of the debate have truth. Those who use resources should pay for them, but a society that cares for others without access to resources is a good society. All of us are paying for things through taxes that we don't derive direct benfit from but I am pretty sure that the whole country will benefit from an ongoing Maori renaisance.
We should all be held accountable to a single set of laws, but we should also be able to express our identities and beliefs if we aren't hurting others. I want to live in a community that encourages and accepts diversity without being threatened. This will mean accepting some things that feel counter-intuitive like admission quotas, and there will be people that will rip the system off (from all ethnic groups). Maori don't have a monopoly on struggle but for what it's worth we have a treaty that hasn't been honored. Statements about this being history and we should all move on, feel like a total invalidation of my experience and who I am. I don't think this is people's intention but that is what it feels like. Nobody sensible wants the clock wound back and many people are getting on with it. It's the only way. But it would be good to have my history and experience validated. Another good one is "It's the law get over it". That's pre-adolescent level reasoning and all of us can think of examples of when the law is an ass. Speeding or Greg Carvel anyone? It's also ok to say "I don't get it but I know that it's real for you", or "I don't get it, but what's it really going to cost me?". I also think that there are shitheads in all groups within NZ, but the Good C***ts out-number the fuckers.
I figure that I have to set an example of being open about an important issue like this and walk the talk. I also appreciate that people on this thread have had the courage to express honest opinions. In saying that, I'm pretty tired of the energy required and I think this will be my last lengthy post in this thread. The OP rum calls. Congratulations to anyone that had the stamina to read this. I hope it made some sense.
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