Depression...

[Indiana_Jones]

I was told if you use drink as an escape you are an alchomaholic....I used to always use wine and spirits as an escape to make me feel happy. But like slashing wrists it's just a tempory fix not a long term fix...

day in and day out, then one should seek help.

-Indy

[Kittyhawk]

day in and day out, then one should seak help.

-Indy

True..... I know of someone who is getting alot of professional help and lives at home with her mum. Even then she is still harming herself. I worry about her.

[Busy]

Some people dont harm themselves to die, they do it for the pain which to them is like a pleasure. cuts, burns ... they do need help as it can lead to destruction in other parts of life.

[Grahameeboy]

Anyone fancy going for a spin this arvo for a bit of TLC........nice day, bit windy...anyway, let me know

[tide]

yeah I'm keen for a TLC ride

[Coyote]

I haven't had the time to read it yet, but it looks quite interesting. If you know of someone who gets Consumer, ask to take a look. You can get it online too and it appears the report is free to view - here is the link - http://www.consumer.org.nz/topic.asp...nttype=summary

I've always found it funny how the Consumer magazine would only reveal little bits of info on something really really interesting, and to find out more you'd have to subscribe to a whole years worth of issues just to read that one article

[Karma]

like slashing wrists it's just a tempory fix not a long term fix...

Not if you do it properly.

Depression, it's a tricky one really, I think we all get depressed at one point or another, it's just having the ability to mentally give yourself a smack in the face and move on eh.

[Beemer]

I've always found it funny how the Consumer magazine would only reveal little bits of info on something really really interesting, and to find out more you'd have to subscribe to a whole years worth of issues just to read that one article

They usually have them at the public library - although there are often pages missing!

[vifferman]

I was told if you use drink as an escape you are an alchomaholic.....

One of the perverse side-effects of some of the meds I've had is they make me want to drink more Grrrr.... not helpful at all. And effexor has made me fatter (about 10kg) - I feel like eating all the time.
Conversely, when I'm feeling really good (meds or not), the compulsions disappear.

[Toaster]

Or, if you're a wanker, do it the other way round...

great comeback dude, nice.

[Toaster]

Anyone fancy going for a spin this arvo for a bit of TLC........nice day, bit windy...anyway, let me know

"A bit windy" you say??!! I thought I left Wellington for some respite form the wind.... it's blimmin awful up North Auckland today. My poor trees are getting wasted.

Maybe I should get wasted too??!!

[BuFfY]

Yeah all the people that love you and know you will see right through it. Even people who don't know you can see right through it, as I learnt on KB.

People I'd never met before could tell something was up just from reading my posts. KB is your friend, it helped me. Scorpygirl and Buffy were and still are great. It's good to know you can have someone to turn to and you don't have to worry about them laughing in your face or whatever, because it's all behind the screen, or through the phone or whatever. I used to ring/get calls from them all through the night and it was so much easier talking to them as I didn't know the face, but the voice was safe and loving.

Wow.... didn't realise how much it helps!
But a good friend is someone who is there no matter what. And zac, all I ever wanted was to hear you were happy.

Depression, it is something that hits everyone, yet only a small percentage realise that it is there. I think that once it is recognised in a family the other people are more likely to suffer from it... but that is only from my experience

[Kittyhawk]

It's a shame that some people are so set in their ways nothing will change them...

My parents for one say "come on dont be so stupid" I've explained to them the meds, therapy, and support the rest of my rellies and friends give but they still have this in their minds....

They even said on our last phone call "it's all your fault you are like this those specialists have no idea about it and what they are talking about. They dont have families of their own so have no clue how to raise children" (how can people really think like this??)

It's obvious I will never have my parents support - they are who they are and I have to accept that and the fact they wont change for anyone or keep an open mind.

I even had a psychiatriast ring them and try to explain what depression is, and she told me she struggled to communicate!!!

Families...got to love them even if you hate them

[Ixion]

The thing is, if you have never actually experienced it yourself, it really is very very hard to understand.

I attempt to empathise with those who do suffer by a "remember how rotten I felt when $BAD_THING happened. Hm, now try to imagine feeling like that every day even when nothing's really bad". Which sort of gives some insight , but there's always a little voice saying "Yeah, but when $BAD_THING happened, it was bad for a while, but then things brightened up, and when I feel miserable there's always things I can do to cheer myself up, so why don't they". And although I know the answer to that question intellectually, appreciating it at an emotional level is very difficult. Almost all disabilities (blindness, deafness , paraplegia etc) are things that non disabled people cam emulate . For instance you can find out (sort of) what it's like to be blind by spending a couple of days blindfolded (I've done it, it's very scarey). But depression can't be emulated so there is no way to those not affected to experience it (Not necessarily saying that depression is a disability BTW, though in some ways I suppose it is - any way no offence intended by the analogy)

So it's not that people like your parents don't care it's that they really don't have any reference frame to put what you are telling them into context.

[ManDownUnder]

They even said on our last phone call "it's all your fault you are like this those specialists have no idea about it and what they are talking about. They dont have families of their own so have no clue how to raise children" (how can people really think like this??)

It's a "relating" thing which depends on their personal experiences, combined with an expectation of what they think will be best. They won't be onside till they can really walk in your shoes - and sometimes that takes a while... and they must want to do it.

As a number have said on here - if you ain't been there you can't understand. I haven't been there... I think - which kinda confirms to me that I haven't. But in all the reading I've done I can see that it's about as real as a broken leg, but probably slower to heal.

I had a really easy explanation of physical vs mental pain given to me years ago. Picture this - you're 7. Your Mum or Dad (whom you love, look up to and trust very much at that age of course) walks up to you in a foul mood and grabs your hand, marches you to your bedroom as they normally do, but this one time they slam the door on your hand breaking your fingers.

They feel really bad, take you straight to the hospital, get you patched up and apologise....

2 months later - your hand is healed. The physical is gone. But now every time they're mad, and they take your hand and lead you to your bedroom... you would shit yourself.

To get over that, rebuild that trust would take years... years and years.

Imagine now they did it a 2nd time.. 2 years later. Would/could you ever trust them again? The mental scarring is there. It's very real and it takes a lot of committment to get past it - from both sides.

But no matter how good things get (and they could get very very good) the memory will always be there of "that day". There will be an understand of what happened, why it happened, and (importantly) why it can't happen again (note - "can't" is very deliberate - "won't" ain't good enough).

That's mental pain. It takes a while, and it's not an instant, or easy fix, and proof it's healed is hard to furnish. Let's say 30 years later, you're happily married and your wife/husband/trust other gets a little kinky, pretends to be in a bad mood, grabs you by the hand and leads you to the bedroom...

(coming full circle to HK's post)... how could they relate to your reaction when you freak out, resist... and break down in tears? They'd need to walk in your shoes for a bit - and to really do that, they have to empathise - to listen and understand.

Your parents struggle with that it seems... the question is why? Only they can answer that - and again, only if they want to.

In the meantime - rely on those around you that you can draw strength from...