Those of you on the Sportsbike site will know this story. Happened to me last September. Thought I'd pull it out and post it here as a few people have been asking me what the deal is with me and turkeys...(thanks to DMNTD and other members of the Laugh At BarBenders Expense MC).
Had the day off on Friday so decided to do a solo to Ahipara to see some family and maybe even get in a late afternoon surf. Left Auckland @1pm via Scenic Drive to Bethells and onto Kumeu to get onto 16. Stopped at Whangarei for gas before heading up SH1 and rather than going through the Mangamukas and on to Kaitaia, I decided to detour off and go through Broadwood. As some of the Norfies will know, there is some good twist action through there and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. The roads were quiet but there was a lot of loose gravel so I decided to take my time. Anyway, about 10 clicks from Broadwood I entered a sweeping lefty and as I straightened up, there in the middle of the road was a wild turkey. FARK!!!
I was doing about 90ks and already well up on the bird so there wasn’t too much time to react let alone slow down. So, all I could think to do was to speed up and kick it with my right foot as I rode past it.
Unfortunately the bird didn’t see things my way and instead tried to run across me. Of course my kick missed and all I can remember was an impact to the front right side of the bike, a sharp pain on the knuckles of my right hand, a turkey hitting the inside of my outstretched right leg and a bike seriously out of control that I only just managed to stay on and slow down to a stop about 80 metres up the road.
I got off the bike to inspect the damage. My right hand was OK so no problems there. There was blood and shit on the right side of my black Quasi one piece which I wiped off with a towel. The top right side of the fairing was fractured and there were turkey feathers stuck in the cracks. The right indicator had also been ripped off. Could have been worse. Thankfully it wasn’t. But I was keen to make sure the farken bird was dead and find my indicator. So I got on the bike and sped back to the impact area.
As I went to pull on the front brake to stop, you farken guessed it, the lever fell off and I found myself having to do an emergency stop with the rear brake before going into a ditch. Thankfully I managed to stop the bike in time. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to stop the bike from sliding around to my left and then up and over to its left side. FARK!!!I picked the bike up and inspected the second round of damage. Smashed left indicator, clutch lever snapped in half and scratches on the fairing. Could have been worse. Thankfully it wasn’t.
By this stage my blood was boiling and I was farken livid.I certainly wasnt thinking straight. So I turned to where the turkey was lying and thought – ‘IM GONNA EAT YOU MOTHERFARKER!!!” I walked over to the bird and picked it up by the neck while standing on its body then yanked the head out of its body. I didn’t give a shit about the right indicator. I just carried the bird to the bike, threw it on top of my tank bag and rode 20 clicks with just a rear brake, a turkey in the front of my face and farken feathers flying all over the place. (I must have looked like a dick.)
My cousin was laughing his head off when I arrived. I didn’t think anything was particularly funny at the time. But he soon mentioned that turkeys don’t taste very good this time of year because they eat crickets. Whatever I said. Light a fire and burn the motherfarker. Look what he’s done to my bike!
Unfortunately most of Friday and Saturday morning was spent carrying out temporary repairs to the bike and my cousin fielding phone calls from a couple of locals asking what the deal was with the guy on the motorcycle and did he know that turkey didnt taste good this time of year.
And so after some lunch - I headed back to Auckland to get to Mt Eden Motorcycles before they closed. The ride back was great and made me feel a whole lot better. I even left the turkey feathers in the fairing cracks for the insurance assessor. I pulled up at the bike shop just as they were closing. Naturally the boys gave me a hard time over a beer. The turkey jokes were flowing big time. Could have been worse. Thankfully it wasn’t.
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Originally Posted by Duc
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