Real Kiwi Biker Movie?

[Paul in NZ]

I know. It was a serious suggestion. I just added the 'moon' smiley because the post was too short.

I enjoyed your story outline. Always been tempted to dabble in a bit of fiction myself, but I think I need to season my outlook and style with another decade or two of hard knocks; I don't yet possess the chutzpah to presume I can amuse or entertain with my verbose ramblings.

If you do work it up into a novelette, you might like to consider posting to www.kuro5hin.org for comment.

Actually.... Catching it off his current wife that caught it off her lesbian lover could keep everyone going... It's a bit soap opera but... Well, it COULD happen!

Please don't wait a couple of decades for some hard knocks, if you join my accelerated learning program, just as soon as your cheque for $200 clears, I'll arrange for a couple of big beefy blokes to come to your place and beat the crap out of you while reciting shakespeare and wordsworth. I'll throw in a nice certificate (in 3 colours) and everything! (when I say reciting, they will be more chanting shakespeare and wordsworth over and over really)

Oh the stories! You WILL be a sure hit in intensive care !! Whats more, we have a 100% success rate! If you are not happy with your first beating we will just repeat it until you are 100% satisfied! You can't say fairer than that!

While you are interested, you MIGHT like to learn about the other courses we offer!

Not tough enough? Never been in a fight?? For only $500 we can arrange for some nerdy writer wanna be to allow you to actually beat the shit out of him! You can't loose! (man, those chicks will REALLY dig those skinned knuckles.. Call NOW!)

This has been a public interest posting on behalf of www.paulwilleducateyouordie.com

Cheers



(i know but Vickis away on a course and the dog stopped talking to me an hour ago)

[pete376403]

nah!! From a story point of view a veneral disease is not so daft actually!

Leprosy worked in the chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever and a socially repugnant disease would turn it into a redemption saga. (Mind you, incest would do that too but I'm NOT going there. NOT today of all days)

Now we have "Man falls from grace" and is forced to re evaluate his life and values.. Interesting...

It also has the added advantage of leaving him physically capable of riding the bike... So.. What sort of horrid disfuguring disease could someone get that would fit the bill and have some relatively easily researchable symptoms?

????

What about (say) acid burns from laundering triad money that went wrong and.... (how did I get started on this??)

Paul N

His nose has fallen off from doing to much coke in his yuppy dealing days? That'd be ugly and easily researchable, eg
http://www.drugdetection.com/cocaine.html
"Cocaine constricts blood vessels which dry up with repeated exposure. This eventually exposes the cartilage and nasal septum which eventually begins to dissolve. If caught in time, surgery can repair the damage. If not, the user risks the collapse of the nose".
As an added benefit, coke can lead to paranoia, so you could have a few "mad rage" scenes as well.

[jrandom]

Actually.... Catching it off his current wife that caught it off her lesbian lover could keep everyone going... It's a bit soap opera but... Well, it COULD happen!

Yes! Yes! There should be lesbians. All proper stories have lesbians.

[Paul in NZ]

Yes! Yes! There should be lesbians. All proper stories have lesbians.

Jeeze!! Calm down!! What sort do you want (Paul cringes)

Paul N

[pete376403]

Really good looking ones. (Not real lesbians with armpit and leg hair)
Something involving a spa pool would be good... like ' the hero returns home after a long days ride, thoroughly shagged from (among other things) rebuilding the crankshaft on the side of the road, using nothing but a Swiss army knife and a small rock. Coming around the side of the house he espys two nubile maidens cavorting in the spa pool. Etc etc.

[Deano]

I got some interesting footage for you today paul, the really expensive kind

Is that from your spill ?

Can you post it ?

[Paul in NZ]

Really good looking ones. (Not real lesbians with armpit and leg hair)
Something involving a spa pool would be good... like ' the hero returns home after a long days ride, thoroughly shagged from (among other things) rebuilding the crankshaft on the side of the road, using nothing but a Swiss army knife and a small rock. Coming around the side of the house he espys two nubile maidens cavorting in the spa pool. Etc etc.

This was going to be a believable story...

So, lets assume you just repaired your crankshaft with a knife?

Maidens are cavorting, big boofy biker covered in dirt and a lot of grease and in possession of a knife comes around the corner of the house???? On what planet whould that end up with you getting a good bonk??? Not this one I can assure you!

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives... Sounds like a fast way to get the non speaking role in CSI!

Paul N

[vifferman]

First off... Lets say the dude is in the financial sector. Dodgy ex-pat type dude working for a multi national ... What sort of medical condition should he come down with?

Or.. or... he could be working for a multinational software company in D'Auckland, where the unremitting boredom of cubicle hell starts leaching the life outta him, firstly inflicting him with Aaaaaaargh-thritis, then stress-related depression.. As it starts to affect his mental well-being, he confides in management and the HR person, who profess their full support, only to then decide he's a liability, and threaten him with summary dismissal for non-performance of duties.
Nah... On second thoughts, it's too far-fetched to be believable. Either that, or too shockingly mundane and unimpressive to be movie material.
Better stick with the well-hung dude contracting willie rot.

[jrandom]

multinational software company in D'Auckland...

Oi! Did the people ever get back to you about the thing, with the guy? At the place, that time?

PM me or summat.

[pete376403]

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives... Sounds like a fast way to get the non speaking role in CSI!
Paul N

"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives: Shit Happens!"
Angelina Jolie explaining a scar. She might not be a lesbian but if you can get her in the movie...

Oh I didn't realise you want believeable

[riffer]

Even if it did, I am not sure I want to cavort with chicks that are lesbians, into grease, spontaneous bonking and like playing with knives...

Check out a movie called Baise Moi - a bit of an eye-opener for this sort of thing

[Paul in NZ]

Check out a movie called Baise Moi - a bit of an eye-opener for this sort of thing

There are some things I REALLY don't need to know! I already have way too many method of inflicting hurt on myself...

Paul N

[Blakamin]

There are some things I REALLY don't need to know! I already have way too many method of inflicting hurt on myself...

Paul N

Like talking to Bo for too long???... or inviting me around!!

[Ghost Lemur]

"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives: Shit Happens!"
Angelina Jolie explaining a scar. She might not be a lesbian but if you can get her in the movie...

Oh I didn't realise you want believeable

You obviously haven't seen Gigi.

She does some very serious girl on girl in it.

As for Baise Moi, yeah not really a film I'd recommend to you Paul.

Brief synopsis runs like this...

Girl 1 gets graphically gang raped (btw at this point it'd be worth mentioning the two 'stars' and the director are all ex-adult film girls).

Girl2 - kills bastard boyfriend.

Girl 1 and 2 meet and go on rampage killing and fucking and fucking and killing.

Not a lot more to it than that.

cno6 - I take it you are into "arthouse" films? Bit of a fan myself, along with b-grade. Read recently in a paper the same moral-minority organization that had Baise Moi banned from the Film Festival just tried getting the latest French film banned too, only this time failed. Will have to see it, can't remember the name of it though. Best recent film I've seen was Hero with Jet Li. If you haven't seen it I highly HIGHLY recommend it. Oh and for something slightly different, Chinese Odyssey 2002 and a Danish film by the name of Old Men in New Cars.

/OT

[Paul in NZ]

I used to do all the B movie / art house stuff but sometimes rubbish is just rubbish.. I got sick of talentless wankers using shock / porn tactics to prop up dodgy ideas and as soon as you start looking at the holes in the arguments it's.. "But it's art dahrlink, you just don't understand"

Well i usually understood being charged top whack to see the crap!

Now having said that. Those that know me, will back me up when I say my taste in most things is .... odd!

I mean to say! I own a B movie bike after all!

Paul N