jrandom down (again...)

**Ghost Lemur** · 14th October 2004, 12:50

Glad to hear you and bike are ok jr.

Yamahamaman · 14th October 2004, 12:55

Originally Posted by jrandom

One spot of luck was the absence of Highway Patrol officers during the time it took me to crash, recover, get the bike going and get into work. Things could have gotten a lot more expensive very quickly had one happened upon the scene, I suspect.

In my experience, the Highway Patrol take the path of least resistance. In other words, you are more likley to find them travelling in the opposite direction of the peak hour flow of traffic.

**Blakamin** · 14th October 2004, 13:05

Originally Posted by jrandom

One spot of luck was the absence of Highway Patrol officers during the time it took me to crash, recover, get the bike going and get into work. Things could have gotten a lot more expensive very quickly had one happened upon the scene, I suspect.

You coulda been a star in Motorway Patrol!

**jrandom** · 14th October 2004, 13:10

Originally Posted by Blakamin

You coulda been a star in Motorway Patrol!

Wouldn't it have been cool if the in-car cam had caught me flying through the air?

I'd happily pay an $150 infringement notice for the privilege of having a tape of that episode...

**Motoracer** · 14th October 2004, 13:14

Originally Posted by jrandom

Wouldn't it have been cool if the in-car cam had caught me flying through the air?

It would have made a nice avitar.

**Marmoot** · 14th October 2004, 13:15

Originally Posted by jrandom

It just so happened that this morning's event fitted one, which proves nothing

Thank you, Jrandom, for clearing it up; although it would have been much better if it were not mentioned due to irrelevancy and non-causal aspect.
My life is hard enough with all these stereotyping going around (believe me you wouldn't have any clue unless maybe you ever been a white in Arab for a few years?) and it always pisses me off when I get one crossing my way.
I'm just another human and I want to be treated just like everybody else.
I had enough of hearing "f*cken asian driver" all the time and almost no "f*cken poly driver" or "f*cken blonde driver" at all when I well know they are not the only "f*cken drivers" around in this jaffaland, and thus it always brings me question of motivation when someone mention ethnicity unnecessarily in the event of a "f*cken driver" incident.
Face it....whether intentional or not, it does sound a bit unfair, does it?

But in the end, Jrandom, I apologize for my previous comment, especially the last one. I cannot blame that on I was having a bad day today, so I will say it now that I don't have anything else to say except I am sorry, man.

**jrandom** · 14th October 2004, 13:15

Originally Posted by Motoracer

It would have made a nice avitar.

I'm happy with my ego-stroking wheelie photo for the time being, TYVM

**Posh Tourer :P** · 14th October 2004, 13:23

Originally Posted by jrandom

then I'm hobbling up the road to see the nice man at Atomic Wreckers. They have a good turnover of FXR parts.

I wonder why?

Originally Posted by jrandom

Kudos to Shoei, by the way. I didn't feel a thing.

Again.. I wonder why?

**jrandom** · 14th October 2004, 13:27

Originally Posted by Marmoot

Thank you, Jrandom, for clearing it up; although it would have been much better if it were not mentioned due to irrelevancy and non-causal aspect.

Perhaps so. I intended no offense.

Originally Posted by Marmoot

I'm just another human and I want to be treated just like everybody else... I had enough of hearing "f*cken asian driver" all the time...

Funnily enough, I had no such reaction at the time. "F*cking Asian driver" thoughts didn't even cross my mind. It was only after I got into work and thought about it that the point "hmmm... fits the stereotype" ran through my head. FWIW, I was very polite to the guy, ended up spending most of the five minutes or so after the event patting him on the shoulder and reassuring him that I wasn't going to die, he could go now, I'll be fine...

Originally Posted by Marmoot

But in the end, Jrandom, I apologize for my previous comment, especially the last one.

No worries.

**vifferman** · 14th October 2004, 13:33

NW motorway this morning, I'm trucking along, feeling rather out of sorts (hungover, too much blood in my caffeinestream - nobody better mess wid me) just before Newton offramp. Natcherly, I'm on one wheel, just in case someone who knows me sees me, and can't reconcile the image with that on my avatar. Filter (i.e., swerve violently across seven lanes, as a gust of wind catches the airborne front wheel while I'm picking my nose) into middle of second-from-right lane (thereby actually getting into a vaguely legal and proper road position, for once. This unaccustomed state is rather jarring, and jangles my already strung-out nervous system ).

Driver in right-hand lane (a cross-dressing would-be sumo wrestler who ekes out a meagre living as a computer programmer) pulls across in front very shortly thereafter, startled by the reversed view of my stunt-o-rama in his rear mirror. He drops his cigarette in his lap, and scalds his thighs trying to extinguish his smouldering nethers with his coffee. It's a difficult job trying to commute whilst simultaneously trying to do the housework, talk to your agent on the mobile, apply your mascara, and chase the shaver, which has buzzed off in search of hairier pastures. Or carpet. Unfortunately, unlike my goodly self, he is not a multitasker.

Bit of a speed delta: he's doing barely crawling speed, whereas my clothes are still smouldering from travelling at sub-warp velocities. It takes a few precious seconds, as I extract my finger from my nostril and flick the bogey off through someone's open window and into their earhole, and extinguish a remnant flicker of flame on my left elbow with a well-aimed gob of spittle.

Grab some front brake, with both hands, bracing myself with both feet, which were conveniently on the handlebars already, as part of my early (for me) morning stunt practise.

"I'm doing a stoppie! I'm doing a stoppie!" (note my clever new euphemism for momentarily losing control of various body orofices).

Greasy road, front wheel locks. Yeah, I know - you're asking yourself how on earth the wheel could lock up, if the road was greasy.
Well, what happened was when I hauled on the front brake, there was a not-insignificant weight transfer, increasing brake efficiency. My muscular forearms had that brake screeeeaaming for mercy, and the tyre was HOT, melting that greasy road spooge and the very tar holding the road surface together. As the mighty FXR gouged it's way through layers of asphalt, tarmacadam, road spooge, and prehistoric road-kill, the effluvium from the trench lodged in the front wheel, rapidly slowing it. Unfortunately, molten road spooge was also splashing around, and some lubricated my manly grip on the bars.

Superman. Only without the cape. And more ruggedly handsome than that scrawny weakling.

Bike does a forward flip as the pile of effluvium in front of the trench reaches critical mass, and the friction of my nether regions on the tank is counteracted by molten road spooge (MMmmmmm.... road spooge....), I bounce off his boot lid, after executing a masterful triple somersault, with back-flip, and half pike and come to rest, with a final pirouette. I bow gracefully to the applauding spectators, who go wild, and pelt me with flowers, money and underwear (only the female spectators, of course). Nobody drives over me, for which I'm profoundly grateful, as I'm in no mood for pounding some quick road justice into these Neanderthalian 'life-forms' (I use the term in it's loosest, single-cellular sense).

Hobble to side of motorway, scraping off congealed road spooge from my soles, and tripping over the piles of flowers, panties and wads of money, catch breath, curse Transit for putting up pointless barriers and leaving me with about six inches of 'shoulder'. A brief rumble of thunder, as the Biker Gods momentarily dispute my curse, before acquiescing.

Get bike (carrying it bodily on my manly and considerably more than 6-inch shoulders) across three lanes of traffic, back to six-inch shoulder, huff, puff, engine eventually starts, belching clouds of oily smoke and road spooge. A seagull, diving through the cloud at the sight of some prehistoric roadkill becomes momentarily disorientated, and bounces off a car windscreen, shrieking abuse.
Brakes not stuck due to lubrication by hot road spooge, nothing pissing oil, no visible signs of leakage from own orofices. Good. Nurse it over the bridge at no more than 75% above the posted speed limit and into work.
Literally.
Aforementioned road spooge has rendered the front brakes somewhat less than effective, and I take out the front foyer doors, three potted plants, and a geriatric cleaner who is just finishing her shift. Front wheel and forks appear fine; no signs of plants or cleaner DNA . "Have to post to KB about this one..., quick smart, before anyone who was a witness posts an 'alternative' view of the incident".
Blag some Nurofen off the VP's PA, a joint from a fellow worker, and a few tabs from that strange guy who hangs out down the corner. Blessed drugs. My back and knees are killing me. I really must join another cult; all this bestiality is hard on the body. Or was it lifting the mighty Fixxer across the road? Some things are just beyond reason...

I'm going to the pub at lunchtime, as you do. Well,... at least, as I do. Then I'm going to actually have a look at my bike, if my eyeballs are working again by then, and then I'm hobbling up the road to see the nice man at Atomic Wreckers, see if he's got any droogs. They have a good turnover of FXR parts too, from my previous 'indiscretions'.

**jrandom** · 14th October 2004, 13:42

Originally Posted by firestormer

... complete and unabridged...

That deserves a smiley.

Or two.

Well done that man. I *tole* 'em you was good. I tole 'em. Our manuals ain't never gonna be the same.

**Blakamin** · 14th October 2004, 13:51

Originally Posted by firestormer

NW motorway this morning, I'm trucking along, feeling rather out of sorts (hungover, too much blood in my caffeinestream - nobody better mess wid me) just before Newton offramp.

Unbelievably hilarious!!!!!

ROFLMFAO