Uncertain future

[Riff Raff]

I stopped riding for 8 years because my man wasn't interested in bikes and thought they were too dangerous for me. When I finally saw the light and ditched him, it didn't take long for me to get back in the saddle. Now I regret all the time I didn't spend on a bike, and having to wait until December before I have my full licence and can buy myself something decent. I won't let any man control me in that way again. Sure, relationships are about compromise, but you can't expect someone to give up something they love on the offchance that they get hurt. In my job I see a lot of death - you never know when you're going to go or how it will happen. Make the most out of life and have as much fun as you can on the way.

[Paul in NZ]

You can continue to be a hardcore biker, or you can give up altogether and always feel that tug in your heart as a bike goes by... Perhaps there is a third way?

Vicki fell pregnant early in our relationship and we were as poor as church mice... We scraped together the dosh for a rooted old house that we spent all our time (10 years) and money on renovating ....

I had a few stuffed old wrecks I'd buy and tinker with and sometimes make some money but often there was no money for rego or tyres so they sat and waited.... It didn't matter 'cos we were busy... I rode a $75 TS250 'Savage' to work for yonks. Christ, I couldn't afford the time or money for a spray can paint job. I loved that bike and wish I'd never sold it... (if anyone has a cheapie let me know, the early one with the 19" front wheel please) I rode that thing miles and was laughed at by the serious bikers, but I went home to love and they all seemed to go home to cold loneliness (although admittedly on very nice bikes)....

When we built this place I blew the TR6C engine and it had to wait while I had other stuff to do like taming the wilderness that was the garden. It's only progressing now....

Talk to the lady and maybe compromise and buy yourself a little project bike, you don't have to have the latest and greatest all the time. Not only will you learn heaps about bikes (and patience) I'll bet you have more fun on something you are not stressing about.... Hopefully you will get to the stage where your lady hads you your helmet and $20 for gas and tells you to go get your head sorted... Vickis done that for me... An at some times of our life that $20 was a significant amount...

Whats more you will teach your kids it IS possible to have fun without the latest label....

Mate... You can have in life ANYTHING you want (if you want it enough)

You just cannot have EVERYTHING you want... Sooner or later you have to choose. And when you do, throw you heart into it and no regrets eh?..

Paul N

[Bonez]

Good points Paul. We all have to make some sacrifices. It's really up to you to decide whether you will be happy not having a m/c. I'm lucky my good lady never made such a statement although she's not that keen on m/cs (an advantage is how I look at it . When things where tight a while back money wise selling the m/cs never entered the equation. Infact the opposite. She insisted I not sell up because the bloke she married had them. God bless she even mentioned I appear happpier after a good run on to things. It's part of my identity if you will and will be in some form or other till the day I push up daisies. Good luck Ant with whatever route you choose.

[FROSTY:Me]

Dude You've had a bunch of really good advise. If motorcycling is a big part of your life then its a hard call.
I must say I have always made it clear that I will NEVER be without a motorbike. There is a cost involved but for me its worth it .
It can involve some lonely nights but there are women out there that understand your passion and support you in it.

[MacD]

As others have said, this can be a very difficult situation. And again, the best solution is probably to be found in compromise. If the issue is to do with safety on bikes, then one option is to follow the route Paul in NZ suggested. Get yourself an older slower bike. Spend time at home working on it. That way the bike doesn't represent a form of escape, but a hobby that your kids can be involved in (I spent hours holding spanners etc for my father/older brothers as a kid). And read Motu's post which shows the other side of riding, about as far as you can get from thrashing a sports bike down the motorway.

[thehollowmen]

I know I might seem a bit like a stranger ... but you've got lots of good friends in the biking community who will understand and support you, whatever descision you make. Don't stress about it too much.

I shouldn't really give advice but it is impartial to the question: Sit down, relax, write a list of pros and cons, ask the wife to do the same. Talk it over and take your time. Despite they may seem to be insignificant to some people, these are big life-altering desicions to you. Plan to have an hour free afterwards. If things get out of hand, back off and talk about it at a later time, and get some immediate stress relief.

As to the children bit... To me that's the scariest part of the question. I guess I'm lucky: my wife told me straight out "if I ever start raving about how my biological clock is ticking and how we need kids, promise me you'll go out and buy me a kitten. I will only really be wanting a kitten" At least I know where I stand there too :love2:

[Blakamin]

I sorta had the same thing said to me very recently... and unfortunately it was the straw that broke the camel.... the bike was only part of the situation in my case. i felt i was being changed into a person i'm not... thats all over now and this week i'm finding a place to live......
Whatever you do, sort it out now so no one gets hurt... I hate the idea of leaving my daughter behind but its the best for everyone in the long run

[Ms Piggy]

thats all over now and this week i'm finding a place to live......

Sorry to hear that Mike.

[Posh Tourer :P]

Remember that relationships are about compromises.... she says - would you stop riding - you dont want to. The middle ground is that you ride differently, make it a more inclusive hobby etc etc... Just because this comes up doesnt mean that you should run away, just make sure you talk it through and try and address her concerns, while making sure she realises why you ride a bike and enjoy it.

Its not a death knell for a happy relationship, nor is it something that you can't work around.

[Blakamin]

Sorry to hear that Mike.

could be worse.... heres my cousins leg

[toads]

I gave up my bike to raise my kids, for obvious reasons it has been impossible to have a bike being a parent of 6, also finances would not allow for any extra vehicles and their associated costs, It never entered my mind to insist upon something that would exclude or inconvinience the family, however, now the bulk of them are grown and the younger three being 10 years old, I can fit bikes into my life again albeit, only on fridays,
some of my kids think I'm being a little reckless, as in bikes are dangerous don't ya know!, but crossing the road is also dangerous, and more people have fatal coronaries on the toilet, than anywhere else, making the humble loo one of the most unsafe places on earth.
You have to work out a compromise, try to show her that her fears are really unjustified, and also see if there is some aspect of bikes she can relate to and enjoy, the raising of kids will interrupt your leisure time anyway, but there's no reason bikes need to be shelved altogether, if we had a track here bucket racing would be right up our alley, the kids would love it!!

[Motu]

I just wrote a long reply...then read it over - shit,it was too depressing,I nearly cried.Do as your lady wishes,sell the bike,get a good job and buy a house - don't let yourself end up like me...

[toads]

I sorta had the same thing said to me very recently... and unfortunately it was the straw that broke the camel.... the bike was only part of the situation in my case. i felt i was being changed into a person i'm not... thats all over now and this week i'm finding a place to live......
Whatever you do, sort it out now so no one gets hurt... I hate the idea of leaving my daughter behind but its the best for everyone in the long run

so sorry to hear about this, I hope you are coping ok, cheers L

[toads]

I just wrote a long reply...then read it over - shit,it was too depressing,I nearly cried.Do as your lady wishes,sell the bike,get a good job and buy a house - don't let yourself end up like me...

Good heavens Motu, what has happened to your usual chipper self??, I hope you're ok up there in boganville, summer is on it's way and all will be well after your next ride ya know!!!

[moko]

I`m always very wary of anyone who tries to change any aspect of someone that they had when those people met.Surely if it was that big a deal then they would have mentioned it on first meeting,not to have done so would hardly have been honest apart from anything else.We`ve been here with another KB poster and in my opinion(though not nescessarily the correct one)we`re back to the "control" thing.If you`d just had a baby,or were about to and that had brought on a few worries then I could understand a few concerns raising their heads,that`s only natural I guess.While you`re both free and have the freedom to do pretty much what you want to do,and believe me mate you`ll look back on those days fondly not too far down the line,then you should be doing just that.There`s such a thing as compromise but even then I`d want a bloody good reason why she`s so set against something she`s always known you love to do.If it comes to,well if you`re a biker you`re a biker and in my skint days I`ve ridden all kinds of absolute shite and had a whale of a time.Once had a Yam RXS100 and used to wear bread bags tied to my feet because i couldn`t afford waterproof boots,had a real hoot on that thing,looked a right dick but what the hell.Thats circumstances mate,someone trying to impose their will on you has only one advantage........you get to see what`s coming down the line if you put up with it.If she`s got a really good reason then meet her in the middle,if not,well let`s just say it wouldn`t be the bike I got shot of.Probably not the most diplomatic answer you`ve had but it`s an honest one.