Today is the day (Far Kit)

[vifferman]

Today is the day when I make an involuntary donation to the Gubmint's Slush Fund, to the tune of $300.
The last donation was a mere $16, and was for a rather stupid breach of the SpeedLimit™ to the tune of 1.5X (i.e., I was doing one-and-a-half times the speed of sound... er... the SpeedLimit™), but because the police-cop was Busy Ticketing Another Miscreant, I was pingèd for a mere eight (8) MPH over the limit, as by the time he went, "Phark! Me pharkin' radar-doofery-whatsit's gorn pharkin' mental!" and attended to it, sanity had grabbèd hold of my juvenile mind and I'd reined in the horsies Whoa, Neddie! Woah, Dobbin! (yeah, there were only a couple).

NowWhereWasI?....

Oh yeah.

The PreviousTransgression was definitely potentially possibly dangerous, except that was back in the days when there was no LTSA, so speeding didn't kill; it was merely naughty.
However, in our LTSA-enlightened days, I narrowly escaped death by passing somewhat vigorously in a passing zone, as Neddie, Dobbin and all their prancing mates had grown up, and were ChampingAtTheBit, FrothingAtTheMouth, and - by the sounds of it - FartingAtTheOtherEnd, and WereMostEagerToPassThePharking4WDWe'dBeenFollowing ForWhatSeemedLikeASquillionMiles.
So when I loosed the reins, and went "Geee Up!", they did, so Mr Plod drilled me in the back with his Miscreant2000 SpeedKills Ray'O'Doom™, and the coffers at the Beehive started drooling at the thought of my hard-earned $300.

Buggrit.

So at luncheontime, it's off down to the NEW ZEALAND POLICE INFRINGEMENT BUREAU, ANY BRANCH OF THE WESTPAC BANK, or PO BOX 6641 WELLINGTON.
Since I know only where ANY BRANCH OF THE WESTPAC BANK is, I guess I'll be going there. Buggrit.

But at least now, I have Learnèd My Lesson, and Am a Changèd Man, and Never Again Will I Kill Things With My Speed.
Amen.

[AMPS]

That's worth a column in the Herald. They might even pay you for it.
Lou

[Blakamin]

Brilliant!... glad you're going to westpac... i dunno how many people PO BOX 6641 wellywood can have in it at one time.... there might have been a queue

[vifferman]

Buy the weigh - how does this Points Thingo work? :spudwhat:

Do they give you one of those loyalty / frequent use cards, and stamp it with the appropriate number of frowny faces every time you are ticketed with a pingable offense?

[vifferman]

That's worth a column in the Herald. They might even pay you for it.
Lou

I tried working for them once, but they did sundrily speak thusly:
"Sod Off. (Please. But be hasty about it.)
We employ only QualifiedJournalists, as only these sage people have the skills to make a total hash of our E-Steamèd Publication."

[jrandom]

Buy the weigh - how does this Points Thingo work?

The points thingo is a wossname in a police database somewhere in Wellytown which has an integer value between zero and, presumably, two to the thirty-second power (minus one) stored against each issued driver license, called 'points'.

Generally, most people never get very close to two to the thirty-second power (minus one), because after the 'points' value reaches one hundred, their license is gently removed from their keeping for three months.

Now, people tend to be confused about the nature of this 'points' value.

You see, it's not really a single integral value. Rather, it's a list of entries, each with a date beside it. The 'points' value is the sum of all entries that have a date within the two years prior to the date the 'points' value is being looked at.

The entries in this list are not actually made until the criminal concerned pays their fine.

So, in the unlikely event that the algorithm described above results in a value rather close to one hundred over a two year period prior to the date concerned, it can be to the advantage of the miscreant in question to delay payment of their fine (thereby accepting further Court costs) until application of the 'last two years' algorithm to their list of 'point and date' entries no longer results in a value close enough to one hundred to mean that entry of the latest in their long series of transgressions would result in a three-month removal of licensing privileges.

[vifferman]

The points thingo is a ...blah blah blah...described above results in a value rather close to one hundred .... blah blah blah... it can be to the advantage of the miscreant in question to delay payment of their fine (thereby accepting further Court costs) until application of the 'last two years' algorithm to their list of 'point and date' entries no longer results in a value close enough to one hundred to mean that entry of the latest in their long series of transgressions would result in a three-month removal of licensing privileges. Blah.

Blah blah.

So, on that basis, one should pay for one's first SpeedKillsOrOtherNaughtiness Loyalty Card as soon as possible, to give oneself as long as possible before the ScaryManOrWomanOfOfficialdom comes to constipate one's Licence or License To Speed And Kill?

Dang.

That's brought my LossOfMiscreantPrivileges 26 days closer then.

Except (of course) I've learned my lesson, and had several of the neddies turned into CatOrDogAndOrOtherCarnivorousPet Food.

[MrMelon]

Look on the bright side.. you could have to pay them $900 (grr)

[vifferman]

Look on the bright side.. you could have to pay them $900 (grr)

I'm sure that now that they know me, where I live, and that I'm Prepared To Kill, I'll be bombarded with all sorts of advertising material, special offers, 2-for-1 deals, and be plagued with people phoning me at dinner time asking me if I'd like special members-only insurance.
So eventually I'll have to set up a direct debit of my salary to their coffers.

[That Guy]

Funny Firestormer, your literature lunacy is hilarioulsy humurous. Always a good giggle of whacky words, scientifically strung tenuously together with thoughtful threads of tangible truths.

Laugh? I nearly....

[vifferman]

All paid, surprisingly painlessly.

The PrettyYoungServingWench/Teller (WTF do they 'tell'?) didn't berate me, didn't suck her breath in between her teeth while shaking her head, didn't "tut-tut", cluck or scold, and didn't take a step back from her semi-armoured counter in fear/disgust of SomeoneWhoIsPreparedToKill.

All in all, it were rather anti-climactic and businesslike, just like the HanderOuterOfTickets was on TheDayTheAllegedCrimeOrIncidentTookPlace (cue threatening and ominous soundtrack).

[thehollowmen]

ok that was a great giggle
sorry to hear about the ticket and hope it gets sorted... better luck next time.

[Coldkiwi]

The entries in this list are not actually made until the criminal concerned pays their fine.

Sorry Sir William, but I understand they closed that loophole a while ago. Someone mentioned it two months ago and it was confirmed by numerous people that it was no longer so and all the people did wail and there was much gnashing of teeth

[vifferman]

Sorry Sir William, but I understand they closed that loophole a while ago. Someone mentioned it two months ago and it was confirmed by numerous people that it was no longer so and all the people did wail and there was much gnashing of teeth

That would be Sir Loin, or Sir Vey, or Sir Pent, or....
Anyway, so when do points go against your name/record/reputation/frequentusercard/account? :spudwave:
(That's a potato waving, which is very odd. Never seen a real one of those in my entire whole life.)

[vifferman]

Funny Firestormer, your literature lunacy is hilarioulsy humurous. Always a good giggle of whacky words, scientifically strung tenuously together with thoughtful threads of tangible truths.

Snot true, I tell you.
But if it were, then you'd give me some reputation points by clicking on the scales thingo (technical term) so that I could say to the Lunacy Testing and Sertification Authority, "See! Someone actually thinks I'm reputable, even if I am PreparedToKill! Give me my money back, you bastidges!"