Remember that infamous wind-up thread where Blindspots “wife” made an impassioned plea for KBer’s to ‘talk some sense into this guy please’? That was an interesting thread for me, because the things bought up were all too familiar, and now that the dust has settled, I’m interested to see how other people balance their motorcycling addiction with the needs of partners and family- especially high level racers, who pour vast amounts of money into their sport.
So anyway, heres my story. My wife and kids have definitely made some sacrifices so that I could follow my passion, and from some of the replies on ‘that’ thread it was pretty obvious that they aren’t the only ones. Over the years I’ve done some soul searching on many occasions, but to date I’ve always done what suits me, and MrsB has always done what makes me happy…however she has often extracted revenge by teasing me about how much time I devote to bikes. Sometimes she’s not teasing. Sometimes she gets downright nasty about it, and it’s usually deserved.
When I had a road bike I’d do the odd rally, epic day rides etc, and the wife and kids stayed home. My kids have never been to Akaroa, Queenstown, the glaciers or any of the other places I used to go. The money I spent doing this often meant there wouldn’t be enough for other stuff. Then the bike would need $500+ in tyres, or a service or new brake lines or whatever. Being the person I am, I’m selfish, but I’m not blind. I knew damn well what was going on and I often felt guilty. Shortly before I sold the road bike, it got bad enough that it was affecting my riding. I could see from the replies on the Blindspot thread that quite a few guys/gals could see exactly where ‘his wife’ was coming from, even if they suspected it was a wind up. I found it interesting that even more people clearly had an ‘it’s all about me’ attitude and had never considered their partners/ kids or whatever. Each to their own.
Over the 16 years we’ve been together, several times MrsB has sacrificed what she wanted to keep me happy- possibly because she loves me, probably because a grumpy TonyB is not a nice person to be around, so its easier to keep him happy.
This ‘it’s all about me’ thing is something I’ve struggled with throughout the years. And I’m wondering who else has or has had the same thoughts. That’s the purpose of this rambling rant. Maybe you’ve never thought about it and I’ve just introduced the concept of guilt….sorry
So any way, we’re buying a new house- moving in this week actually. A few weeks back, MrsB made an ‘out of the blue’ offer, proposing that we get an extra $X so that I could buy a bike. At first I wasn’t interested at all. But it gnawed at me. I really do miss the road. I started looking on trademe, but in typical selfish fashion realized that the amount we were talking about wasn’t going to get me anything I would be happy with- it would either be grunty enough but old and therefore expensive to maintain/bring up to standard, or fairly new but gutless. Either way I would get tired of it very quickly. I looked at getting a dual purpose bike, but discounted it for similar reasons. I then came up with the idea of importing a lightly damaged bike out of Japan- a few of the guys I race against in BEARS bring in a Ducati every year and wreck it for parts which they use/sell to fund their racing, so I know its possible to bring in a nice bike for the money I had. Eventually my selfish nature won the battle with my conscience, and I was getting a bike. Even up till a fortnight ago when we finalized the loan, I made sure there would be enough for ‘my bike’.
The old conscience was determined though, and was causing me to have some serious doubts. Then last week, I was talking to a work colleague about it. His kids are all grown up, and he said something that really clicked.
“How old are your kids?” he asked
“4 and nearly 6”
“These are the golden years with your kids. Between now and when they start high school, they look up to you. They want to spend time with you. When they hit about 13, pretty much overnight most kids don’t want to know you anymore”
That did it. I remembered the things on our wish list that I had conveniently forgotten- like some more camping gear, kayaks and other toys that we could all use together. So that’s what we’re doing, our house is 10mins from a surf beach, 5mins from Lyttleton harbour and has 500m high hills behind it. My kids should be very familiar with the sea and the port hills. But since dad is always working on/racing/riding bikes or doing what he wants, visits to these awesome places might happen once a month.
Just incase you’re about to say that I must just allowed a HUGE thumbprint to be placed on my forehead….its not quite all martyrdom and sacrifice on my part. I still have a couple of race bikes and they’re not going anywhere, and they will no doubt continue to be money-pits. Plus, aside from the kayaks and assorted toys there is this…other thing…. I’m probably going to buy…well almost certainly. It looks very much like I’m taking up surfing. I’ve been giving it a go with borrowed/hired boards and wetties. I went out on Friday afternoon and stood up for the first time (fark me what an awesome feeling!). I was at the beach at 6:30am on Saturday and 7am today The cool part is that MrsB will be able to use the board and I know she’ll love it. The kids will sort of be able to too- I can sit them on it in the white water and they’ll glide into shore. And when they get their own boards they will quickly become better at it than I ever will. The cool thing is it doesn’t need a rego, warrant, tyres, oil changes, fuel of any kind, and when we/I use it there are few rules, no tickets, no speed limits and no cops. In summer I’ll be able to use it selfishly while the family is still asleep and get some ‘me’ time, and when I progress and need a more advanced model I’ll only loose a few hundred trading up, not thousands.
So I guess all I’m really doing is replacing an expensive, individual addiction with a far cheaper one that can be shared with my family. Damn surfing had better be good, coz I really do miss the road.
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Originally Posted by janno
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