Suicide stories

[Ixion]

I'm just interested if anyone knows someone who committed suicide. What did they do to kill themselves? Were there signs that they were unhappy or was it something that just happened and the sudden shock was just too much? Did they leave a note?

Quite a few. Some regretable. Some understandable. Some a blessed release. Reasons as varied as the people involved

Indeed.... so have I.

Not a great choice of topic in the least.

Why ? A biker must be able, every day, to look Death fair square in the face, shake his hand, and say "See you on the road". Who better to discuss such a matter.

You have been personally impacted by someone's decision to kill themselves. So have I. The loss still hurts. But that's no reason to hide from the truth and pretend the reality doesn't exist.

I sense a moderator "This makes me personally uncomfortable, so I'm going to delete it" response here. Which is not valid moderation.

[jazbug5]

Ixion- with respect. I think the problem with this is mostly in how the O.P. chose to phrase the question. Suicide and suicidal feelings have been discussed elsewhere before on this forum, and with sensitivity.
The way this was asked was rather flippant, and that's going to get peoples' backs up. If that perception was wrong, then I'm sure he'll be along soon enough to put us right.

Can we resist the urge to bash a mod for having normal human feelings and an opinion, please?

[sunhuntin]

i know one guy who commited suicide... 05 i think it was.
i didnt know him really well as he was more my partners friend than anything else. the tiny amount of time i spent around him, he seemed like a decent guy.
im thinking drugs had a part to play... the club he was formerlly a member of use drugs regularly.

i got a butterfly for scuzzy, cos i did consider him a friend.

[Conquiztador]

I have had many friends who, sadly, have been "successful" in taking their own life. The worst part is "I should have known, the signs were there...". And the "perhaps if I had not been so occupied with my own life and given him/her time then...". Would I have made a difference? I will never know. But that I did not do something is what I always will have to carry with me.

Lately I have had the attempts very close. My ex has tried on several occasions. And only "luck" has made that she has not been "successful". As she is the mother of my children I could not just stand by and watch. The chance that my kids would loose their mother would have changed their life forever. So I have done all I can to keep her alive. Support, talks, financial. You name it. Yes, it becomes a burden. But my kids are worth it. And slowly things are getting better.

The ones I knew who have committed suicide and the ones I know who have tried all have one thing in common: They feel they do not belong, things are too much for them, they can not cope. So with my experience I would say that the best thing you can give someone who you think is at risk is support. Give them time. Listen. Often you do not need to have a solution. To just have someone who is prepared to listen when things are too much is often all that it takes. I am strong, I have never been there. But even so, if I today try to think about who I have that would be prepared to listen to me if I have something I want to air, the options I have are very limited. So for someone who is islolating them selves, they most probably have nobody.

And to vifferman, jeezzz!! I hope that was an poor attempt of being funny. If one of my kids were contemplating suicide there is NOTHING I would not do for him. If you have run out of options, energy or care, then please, get help from outside. Put him in contact with people who can deal with it. Start by folowing the links I provided earlier. As if he "succeeds" your life will change forever for the worse. All the best!!

[jonbuoy]

Well you guys are a barrel of laughs on monday morning!

[Hitcher]

I sense a moderator "This makes me personally uncomfortable, so I'm going to delete it" response here. Which is not valid moderation.

This thread makes this Moderator very "personally uncomfortable". But it doesn't (yet) break or threaten any site rules.

[Ixion]

It is the modern great unspeakable. It should not be. It is always sad, but not always tragic.

I had an uncle some years back. Went for a walk in the bush with a shotgun. I knew he was going to do it. Didn't know the exact time or place, but he'd been in poor health for some years, and only hung on for the sake of his wife. I was fond of the old bastard (still am), and I think it was reciprocated. He'd made it quietly plain that once his wife was gone , he wasn't going to hang around. Once she died (of natural causes) I knew it would be only a matter of time.

I respect his decision. I wouldn't have (and didn't) try to stop him. He was a tough old bugger, knew exactly what he was doing. If I find myself in the same situation I hope I have the balls to follow his example.

[The Lone Rider]

I'm glad to see this has sparked some genuine discussion

[99TLS]

yes i know a few people who have taken the selfish route out of this world and a couple of them werent pretty , and have had the displeasure of being around the families after , not nice indeed ,

[vifferman]

And to vifferman, jeezzz!! I hope that was an poor attempt of being funny. If one of my kids were contemplating suicide there is NOTHING I would not do for him. If you have run out of options, energy or care, then please, get help from outside. Put him in contact with people who can deal with it. Start by folowing the links I provided earlier. As if he "succeeds" your life will change forever for the worse. All the best!!

No, that was not a joke (the bit about killing myself was, although I've had a few vague attempts myself).
I wrote a reply to this, attempting to explain what it's like living with him, and how I'm in no state myself to deal with it, but I deleted it, and my original post, as what difference does it make?
There are no real answers, it's not black and white, no simple "one size fits all cure", so what's the point? :spudwhat:

My uncle killed himself the month my dad died, and his father died a few days later, ostensibly from a motoring 'accident', but given that he wasn't supposed to be driving and was zoned out on valium, you can bet it was no accident.
A friend of our family killed himself after his wife died: he was expecting to be first to die and had no relatives left. He drank about a bottle of whiskey a day until his already poor health gave out. It took a surprisingly long time. Poor bastard had lived through a lot: their four kids had died in WWII after a bomb dropped on their house, he served in the Cameron Highlanders and was evacuated from Dunkirk, and in his last few years both him and his wife were very ill. Compared with him, my son has little to bleat about: he's healthy (apart from mentally), VERY smart, has parents who are fukn saints for putting up with all his shit, and lives in a basically 'free' country, with fresh water, plenty of food, plenty of opportunities. He really needs an attitude adjustment, but we can't give it to him because unlike him (he knows everything), we "don't know shit, so fuck up!"

[Colapop]

Keep trying - everyday. It will drain you and you will feel like there is nogratitude (quite the opposite.) But everyday, try. If "You don't know shit" then "Why don't YOU (your son) explain it to me - rationally."

[0arbreaka]

I work in Auckland hospital and see and deal with alot of patients who have attempted suicide, I figured it came with the job and learnt to deal with seeing various things like that, but yesterday I got one of my biggest shocks when I went into the emergency department to see a colleague and saw one of my old school friends in the observation room(two security guards in attendance) for attempted suicide, from what I heard from the nurse he had tried to commit suicide by inhaling the carbon monoxide from his car, but his mum had found him before it was too late.

[candor]

The "successful" ones often aren't suspected. Like most things its not signposted in neon lights.

Either because they were acting normally, or the clues were very subtle - but people generally aren't attentive to others these days (families or communities imo) and generally are wrapped up in the busy-ness of modern life.

A friends brother at 18. Noone had a clue anything was wrong. Only on reflection. A few small teen type issues - ashamed of his hair colour... will I ever get a girlfriend... will I ever feel the belonging I had at school playing sports etc (just left). Thats from his note. Probably some depression going on but outwardly bright and the life of party.

Add to that lots of family pressure to grow up and get out in the world and make something of himself. Expected to fully support himself thru training and pay high board to Mum (who didn't need it) as a lesson in being "adult". Working a scuzzy job in gap year or two to save for training for round 2-3 mths by then and getting picked on at work by old hags of another culture.

An argument at home... with the conclusion he'd be better off to leave home. Looking for a flat a few days only I think. Overload. Drove several hours away and did the carbon monoxide.

No-one saw it coming. But on reflection - pressures outweighed coping ability. Kiwi expectation that people should just "handle it" - whatever comes their way, was a big contributant I think. Plus just general inconsideration.

As Conquistador said. Listening - very important. Number 1 is to be attentive - IF you care. Not dismissive. "She'll be right" - u / someone can die by that idea! Its like seeing a mole on someone and noticing a small change.
You don't see if not aware and not making bit of an effort to be observant and they may be too busy to have noticed or attended to it.

We can be safety nets. I saw a unhealthy mole on 2 friends lately - told both - one got it looked at last week and it was melanoma and now it's cut out. Other friend brushed off my observation. Same thing goes with mental health. Noticing can make all the difference, sometimes.

[Joni]

I sense a moderator "This makes me personally uncomfortable, so I'm going to delete it" response here. Which is not valid moderation.

Well, as many a time before, you sense wrong dear Ixion.

However to answer your question as to why, what my family have been through, who did it, why and what were the signs leading up to it - has got stuff all to do with KB. And for the record, seeing you need it spelled out, that is my PERSONAL opinion.

[Number One]

Tough topic but agree it should be talked about openly..the problem is we all clam up and don't know how to talk about it...and then there's the attitude "Don't talk about it lest people get ideas" etc.

When I was a college student we apparently had the worst record in NZ at the time for it One year we had 6 suicides...3 of which were within a week of each other, and no they were not all in the same clique or any other obvious grouping. Not ALL druggies, dummies or delinquents...a couple were morbidly curious and talked about death alot and did the whole Goth thing (not that being a goth means you are suicidal btw!) but the others were quite a mixed bag - super intelligents, sporting stars, life of the party etc etc

I too around this time 'attempted'...had been feeling out of control for years leading into it and had been sending out warning signs to those around me however with the climate of death at school it was dismissed by my ma as typcial teenage attention seeking behaviors?! WTF?!!!

Stupidest thing I've ever done, haven't ever contemplated it again (even in some very very dark times) and while it was definately related to overload, pressure and a generally dysfunctional home environment and child/parent relationship I'd have to say in retrospect that hormones played a huge part...sorry to mention the H word but when you are a teenager you can be soooo out of control on these!

My only 2 *personal opinions* on helpful advice would be to never be afraid to confront (gently)someone who you think is in danger let them know you are afraid for them and want to help that was what got through to me in the end and it was coming from a family friend who had tried to get parents to take me seriously but given the attempt had decided to take matters into her own hands...she is an angel and I'm so thankful that I have the life I now have because of her encouragement and support.

....Oh and one bit of advice for parents whose kids might be in trouble..don't dismiss, don't ever tire of trying to reach out and help them, take charge if you have to and DON't FFS tell your teenager (when you find out that they are contemplating or have tried) to "Just get over yourself , that every day you feel like driving off the Rimutakas and ending it all because you are tired, fed up and drained too! AND don't keep throwing it back at them everytime you have an argument...eg: "Spose you gonna go off and kill yourself now are ya?" Really NOT HELPFUL!!!!!!! Still don't forgive her and would definately do better by my boy if he ever was feeling so helpless.

Rant over.