Well the gearbox thing being funny is strange, does it do stand up or is it more of a sitcom type of comedian?
That doesn't factor into my theory at all but the other stuff you describe does.
9500k's isn't a whole lot if that is the actual mileage but I would be thinking that your engine is low on compression.
This could be due to the ring(s) being stuck/seized in it's groove (but then the probably wouldn't go at all) , worn ring(s) or broken,stuck, poked reed petals.
The crash start thing is what sparks my theory, most engines in a worn state will still work ok with a few revs but are pretty hard to start and are hopeless of the bottom.
Just another theory Drider, probably not one you want to comtemplate from the repair point of view but maybe worth investigating.
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